Remember Me
by Anony-Mousy
Summary: Jack emerges from a coma after being critically injured leaving the last five years a total blank. Told mainly from Jack's perspective, the story follows his attempts to put his life back together. Jack/Allie Jack/Sue pairings.
1. Intro

**A/N:** I'd completely forgotten about this story until someone reminded me so I've decided to do a re-write of the intro. I'll add the next chapter a.s.a.p.

**Disclaimer**: The characters, with the exception of those not in the original line-up, don't belong to me, they remain the property of Paxson Entertainment. I'm just having a bit of fun with them.

o-xxx-o

**Remember Me**

o-xxx-o

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jack stared at the diamond solitaire ring as he turned it over and over in his fingers. He'd found it when he'd finally decided to unpack the things that had been forwarded to him from D.C., courtesy of his friend Bobby Manning. Until quite recently, he'd categorically refused to even entertain the fact that his stay in his hometown could be permanent as to do so would be tantamount to giving up, but lately and with her help, he'd grudgingly begun to accept that things would probably never be as they once were and he'd have to leave the job he loved and find a way to manage on an F.B.I disability pension and the money he'd put by. The mere prospect had plunged him into a deep depression and she was the only light in a bleak and uncertain future.

He sighed and closed his eyes as the fatigue he'd lived with for so long washed over him again. The effort involved in the simple task of putting clothes into drawers and the small wardrobe had taken its toll, causing a nagging ache which seemed to encompass his entire body. Swinging his legs carefully up onto the bed, he lay back and stared at the ceiling of the room where he'd spent his childhood... A room which had seemed so much bigger when looked at through a young boy's eyes. He felt trapped, frustrated by his body's inability to complete even the smallest of tasks without feeling pain and needing to rest, while his mind was as active as it had always been and he longed to go for a run, play a game of hockey or even just go to watch a football match.

Reaching across to his bedside table he picked up the bottle, opened it and shaking out two pills swallowed them down. As he waited for the inevitable oblivion to overtake him once more he made his decision... They'd talked about getting a place together to ease the burden on his elderly parents and he'd agreed but he wanted to do things properly. She'd come to him at the hospital and stayed while he was in the coma fighting for his life, talking to him, holding his hand and reading his favourite Alistair MacLean novels and then returned to Wisconsin, moving back in with her own parents to be on hand if he needed her, so when he saw her next he'd ask her to marry him. Beg her, if that's what it took... After all the years of an on/off relationship he'd make Allie his wife, that is if she felt she could cope with living with a man who had been broken into a million pieces both physically and mentally. He felt the ring still in the palm of his hand and closed his fingers around it but as his body started to relax, somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind many questions still remained...

. ~ When had he bought it? Had he already proposed? What had her answer been? ~

If he could only get back the memories of the last five years, day-to-day life would be so much easier to handle.

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Intro and this chapter have been rewritten since it seems that Jack wasn't the only one suffering from amnesia - I forgot all about it too! Hope you enjoy.

o-xxx-o

**Approximately Four Months Earlier**:

Jack walked into the bullpen yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "This had better be good," he grumbled, practically falling into his chair.

"And a good morning to you too, Sparky" Bobby greeted him cheerfully receiving a growl in reply. "Definitely not a morning person are you, mate?"

"This isn't morning it's the middle of the night," He took the coffee that his colleague handed him. "Thanks." After sipping it, he hastily qualified his vote of appreciation with an "I think," grimacing at the taste.

"Heavily leaded… Just the thing to wake you up..."

"What's so important that you had to call me at 5am on a Saturday?" Lucy whined as she and Tara walked in through the door.

Jack threw his hands up in an 'I'm innocent' gesture. "Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. He's the guy you want," he explained pointing in Manning's direction.

"I was in the middle of a great dream too," Tara complained.

"About what..?" The Aussie asked, grinning broadly when she blushed.

"I erm... He was... Never mind..."

"I hope the 'he' was Stan the Man."

"No, actually it wasn't."

"Really..? Tell me more Ms Williams."

"Good morning all," the tall blonde Agent entered the room unintentionally extricating her from an embarrassing situation but receiving only groans and hoots of derision in return for his greeting. "My, aren't we a cheery bunch?"

Last to arrive, the newly promoted Supervisor asked the question that they all needed an answer to. "What's up? And, it had better be good."

"That's what I said." Jack groused, trying hard not to fall asleep at his desk.

"My snitch made contact at 3am this morning."

"Couldn't he at least have waited until daylight? What is he, a vampire?"

D held up a hand for silence. "Easy Luce, I'm sure Agent Manning wouldn't have got us out of bed this early unless it was a matter of life and death." The expression on his face said he'd accept nothing less.

"Not if he wanted to keep breathing." Jack mumbled making everyone smile.

"Which informant..?" Dimitrius continued.

"Hassan. The one who infiltrated that new terrorist cell... He gave me a location, a disused warehouse down by the river and he reckons they're planning something big... and soon. I thought we should go take a look."

Now they were all wide-awake and D donned his Supervisor persona. "Good call... Tara, Lucy and I will co-ordinate from here. Bobby, your intel... your lead. Take Jack and Myles with you and I'll organise an S.O.G back up. Luce, call the Bomb Squad and get them to give the place the once over. If everything looks kosher we'll hit the place at..." he checked his watch. "...10:00 am. I hope no one had any plans for today."

"I was just going shopping," Lucy volunteered. "It'll keep."

"I was planning on spending most of the day in bed." Tara shrugged.

"Continuing that dream?" The Aussie teased, causing her to blush again.

"And I have call to make," Jack sighed miserably, mentally kissing goodbye to the money he'd spent on an airline ticket.

"...Something important?"

"Nah, not really..." he lied hoping that his friend wouldn't pick up on it but failing to convince even himself.

"Must have been something to make you this grumpy, Sparks... Come to think of it, you've been unavailable most weekends lately."

"Yeah I have, haven't I?" He took his cell out of his jacket pocket and walked from the room, leaving the rest of the team staring after him in stunned surprise.

"Do you think everything's okay with his family back in Wisconsin?" Tara asked. "He did say that his mom hadn't been well when we were talking the other day."

"He mentioned that to me too." D concurred. "I offered him some extra time off but he didn't take me up on it."

"First I've heard." The tall Aussie shrugged. "Maybe it's a woman?"

"If it is then he's done one hell of a job keeping it a secret. There's no way he could get something like that past me without using all of his undercover skills." Lucy added.

"And maybe, we should all stop speculating and concentrate on the task in hand." Myles interrupted. "I'm sure if he wanted us to know he would have told us."

o-xxx-o

"I thought you said your source was reliable," Jack complained as he followed behind his colleagues.

"He always has been before." Bobby replied defensively.

"Maybe he got the address wrong?" Myles offered as they made their way to the exit. "Personally, I'll just be glad to shed all this protective gear." The statement was met with murmurs of agreement from their S.O.G compatriots

"Haven't any of you ever had an informant feed you duff gen?"

"Not on a Saturday when I had plans." Jack bit back irritably, pinning his friend with an angry stare.

The taller man slapped him on the back almost knocking him over. "Well look at it this way Sparky, now you'll have the rest of the weekend free to do whatever it was you were going to do."

Jack looked at his watch, "It's too late now." He continued to scan the surrounding area as he walked.

"Sorry, mate."

"Yeah, I know." Jack stopped when something caught his eye. "You go on ahead… I just want to check something out."

"Okey dokey, and then you can buy me lunch to make up for being a pain in the butt all morning."

"In your dreams Crash, in your dreams..." He called over his shoulder. His fellow Agents started up a conversation about the reliability of informants until a loud explosion echoed through the empty building and they all hit the deck

"Sam-31 report..!" Tara's voice crackled through the radio. "Sam-31... Sam-33... Sam-36...report!"

"This is Sam-31."

"What happened? We heard a loud bang." D's calmer tone replaced Tara's frightened one.

"I don't know." He got to his knees looking around frantically. "There was some sort of explosion." Standing he reached down to help Myles to his feet. "You alright, Harvard...?"

"Sam-33... Sam-36... report!"

"This is Sam-33, Tara you don't have to shout."

"Sorry, Sam-36... report. Sam-36... Bobby, we can't raise Jack."

"Did anyone see which way he went?" The rest of the group started to fan out and after a few minutes one of the back-up team spotted him.

"Over there."

"Where... Dammit?"

"Here..." The man used his torch to signal through the slow-settling cloud of dust.

The two Agents exchanged worried glances as they realised they were heading towards the source of the explosion and the colour drained from Bobby's face when he saw his friend lying on the ground, his body twisted unnaturally. Kneeling beside him he touched his shoulder, shaking him gently

"Jack, Jack mate can you hear me?" He blew out a shaky breath when he saw his eyelids flutter. "That's the way. You hang in there, you hear. Help is on the way." He looked to the tall Bostonian for confirmation and received an affirmative nod. "They won't be long. You just hold on."

Jack suddenly grabbed hold of his arm, the strength of his grip making the big man wince. "Call the... Call..." His eyes closed again and he grimaced, sucking in air as the pain took hold and his body surrendered to it.

"Don't do this, don't you give up on me. You have to fight." He turned at the sound of running feet, sighing in relief when he saw the familiar uniforms of the paramedics heading over to them. "Help's here Sparky. You're gonna be okay." He moved to one side to allow the new arrivals access and watched with barely controlled panic as they worked to try to save his best friend; their efficiency and skill commanding his full attention.

"We need to get him out of here or we're going to lose him." The medic monitoring his vital signs warned. "His blood pressure's plummeting… Heartbeat's erratic."

Myles' voice joined the general mêlée. "He has a heart condition... an arrhythmia he takes medication for."

"He's arrested!" Another of the medical team quickly charged the defibrillator.

"We need to get his vest off. These things don't work through Kevlar."

Bobby tried to help but his trembling fingers were more of a hindrance so Myles got down beside him and removed it.

"Clear!" The Aussie watched in horror as they placed the paddles against his chest and his body jerked up from the floor and then fell back down unmoving.

"Nothing... Again..!"

"Clear."

His body jumped a second time.

"Nothing..."

"Come on Sparks, you do this for me and I'll cover your paperwork for a month." He felt a hand on his shoulder but couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Clear."

"I have a pulse but it's weak and thready."

The two colleagues whispered a silent prayer of thanks as they followed the stretcher out to the waiting ambulance and watched as he was loaded in.

"We're taking him to City. Anyone know his name?"

"Hudson, Special Agent Jackson Hudson. He's F.B.I" Myles answered for them.

"Thanks. We need to go... do you think you could..?" He indicated Bobby with a flick of his head and the blonde Agent immediately walked over to him.

"Bobby, they need to get him to the hospital. We'll go by the office and update D and the others. I'm sure they'll all want to be there when he wakes up."

o-xxx-o


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I know some of you have been having trouble reviewing this story but since this chapter is brand new and not a re-up, there shouldn't be any more problems! Enjoy.

o-xxx-o

They'd been in the waiting room for hours and with each one that passed, Bobby had become more and more restless, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.

"You know if you'd walked that distance in a straight line you'd be halfway home to Australia by now." Myles chided.

"This is all, my fault." They were the first words he'd spoken since they'd arrived. "If I hadn't called everyone in then Jack would be safely wherever he was planning to be and not fighting for his life in some cold, sterile, operating theatre. We should never have let him go off alone. What the hell were we thinking?"

The Bostonian had been wrestling with that particular thought since it happened and remained silent but Dimitrius tried to calm him.

"Hindsight is always 20:20 Bobby, you know that. You can't blame yourself."

"Then who do I blame? It was my informant who got us into this mess."

"Do you think he deliberately set us up?" Tara asked incredulously.

"Until today, I would have said 'no' but anyway it was still my call and I trusted him, dammit!" He punched the wall angrily, relishing the pain it brought, feeling he deserved that and a whole lot more.

"Bobby, it's not your fault." Lucy reiterated, flinching when he turned on her.

"Then whose is it?"

"Jack knows better than to wander off alone. He shouldn't have..." Myles began but the Aussie fairly jumped down his throat.

"Then why didn't you volunteer to go with him?"

"Why didn't you?"

The stress was causing tempers to flare so Lucy decided to try and diffuse the situation by deflecting responsibility. "I thought the Bomb Squad gave the place the once-over?"

"They did." D confirmed.

"Then they didn't do their jobs properly either, did they?" Bobby's voice had risen almost to a shout.

"Agent Manning, please calm down." The Supervisor's tone was quiet yet authoritative. "I think we should all..." He stopped abruptly when he caught sight of a member of the surgical team entering the room. "How is he?"

Five sets of eyes settled on the short, stocky man as they waited expectantly for his response.

"Would you all please sit down?"

Exchanging worried glances they did as they were asked, the two women holding hands in an effort to comfort each other.

"First you should know that if it hadn't been for all his protective gear, your colleague wouldn't have survived the blast but it also caused us a few problems.

"There were pieces of shrapnel lodged in his right thigh and one had nicked the femoral artery. The padding was acting as compression but by the time we'd managed to remove it he'd lost a great deal of blood, so much in fact that he went into cardiac arrest. We had to resuscitate twice before we could get it clamped off."

Myles and Bobby looked at each other open-mouthed as the girls stared at him in horror.

"He's okay though, right?"

"We managed to get him back, but..."

"But what..?" The Aussie demanded.

"Bobby." D cautioned again. "Please, let him finish."

"Agent Hudson has suffered an horrendous catalogue of injuries. His left leg was broken in three places. We've pinned and plated it and it should mend correctly but he may be left with a permanent limp. His left arm was fractured and his right shoulder dislocated..."

"Just what is it you're not telling us?"

"...Agent Manning!"

The surgeon shook his head. "That's alright. He's obviously very worried about his colleague."

"Friend... He's my friend."

"I stand corrected." He gave the determined young man an understanding smile. "The main causes of concern are his internal organs. Although they were protected from the flying debris, the concussion from the blast shook him up pretty badly. We've given him a full body scan and, as far as we can ascertain, there's no internal bleeding at present but there is extensive bruising and we'll be monitoring very closely for signs of rupture or organ shutdown. The next 24 to 48 hours will be critical, if he survives that long then we'll reassess."

"If..?" Tara and Lucy whispered together.

"Yes. I'm sorry that I can't be more optimistic. His injuries are very severe and he remains gravely ill."

"Can we see him?" The rotor asked hopefully.

"Not tonight. Go home all of you and get some rest, you can come back tomorrow. Have his family been told?"

"They live in Wisconsin." D informed him. "...but I'll call them first thing."

"Tonight would be better."

The Supervisor swallowed hard, the look on the doctor's face speaking volumes. "I'll do it the minute I get home."

"Good. Then I'll see you in the morning."

Myles stepped forward and offered his hand. "Thank you for everything you and your staff have done."

They all filed past and did the same but Bobby remained stubbornly where he was. "I'm staying."

"No, you're not." Dimitrius stated flatly. "They have enough to deal with here and they don't need you adding to it. You're going home."

At first he looked as though he was going to refuse but suddenly he heaved himself up from the seat and walked out of the door without another word.

"Do you think we should go after him?" Tara asked worriedly.

"No, leave him be. He needs some time alone."

"Could someone give me a ride back to the office so I can pick up my car? Mine seems to have left without me."

"No problem, Myles."

o-xxx-o

Tortured by guilt over his friend it had taken Bobby forever to fall asleep and even now he tossed and turned fretfully as an image of Jack's broken body lying on the ground, haunted his dreams. He could hear sirens in the distance but they didn't seem to be getting any closer so he shouted out, urging them to hurry and woke himself in the process. Sitting up, he tried to get his bearings, his mind confused when he found that he could still hear the wailing until he realised that it was the persistent ringing of the phone beside him. Checking the clock he reached out and picked it up.

"Manning... Hassan if that's you, you b.., drongo, you're in a world of trouble."

"Bobby, its D..."

"D?" He rubbed his eyes to banish some of the tiredness. "What's up, mate? Checking to make sure I'm obeying orders?"

"I just got a call from the hospital. We need to get there."

"Jack? What happened? Is he okay?" He asked frantically groping for the lamp switch.

"They wouldn't tell me anything over the phone. Can you pick up Myles on your way in and I'll collect the girls."

"Sure thing," Scrambling out of bed he grabbed the clothes he'd been wearing earlier and put them on again before taking a quick detour into the bathroom and heading for his car.

They all met up at the hospital entrance and made their way to the CCU waiting room, sitting in the exact same chairs they'd occupied earlier, their faces pale and drawn.

"Did you contact Jack's parents?" Lucy asked the Supervisor to break the oppressive silence.

"I spoke to his father. He's obviously worried but they can't get here."

"You know, I don't get that. They didn't come when he had his heart attack either." Tara observed.

"Well, I can't explain that but according to Sam, Jack's mom has just come out of hospital herself after a serious bout of pneumonia. It's left her very weak and he's afraid to leave in case she has a relapse. He also mentioned that Jack has been commuting backwards and forwards at weekends to spend time with her."

"Wow, I wonder if that's where he was supposed to be going today… I mean, yesterday."

"It would explain why he's been sleepwalking through his cases lately." Myles sighed.

"Then we're all he has." Bobby whispered, the weight of guilt seeming to press down even heavier on his shoulders.

When the surgeon walked in it felt like a déjà vu moment as he looked around at the F.B.I team. "Good morning."

"Is it?" The Aussie asked warily.

"You know, Agent Hudson is very lucky to have such caring colleagues."

Bobby couldn't contain himself. "What happened? Is Sparky okay?"

Grinning, the doctor sat down wearily. "You'll have to explain to me how he came by that nickname one day. As I told you all earlier, we've been monitoring his vital signs very closely and one of our senior nurses noticed a fluctuation in the rhythm of his brain activity..."

"Sorry to interrupt," Lucy waved to attract his attention. "...but is there any chance you could say that again in English?" Myles frowned at her but the man just smiled.

"My apologies... We gave him another scan and found there was some significant swelling to the brain so we had to take him back into surgery. We've removed a piece of skull to relieve the pressure and stemmed a small bleed. Hopefully, that will be enough and, as soon as the swelling subsides, we'll replace it. The scarring will be hidden when his hair grows back."

"Will there be any permanent damage?" Bobby asked, the talk of a brain injury scaring the hell out of him.

"We'll know more if and when he wakes up."

"If..." Tara sniffled experiencing a déjà vu moment of her own.

The man sighed. "I'm afraid that your friend has slipped into a coma."

"No..." The two women grabbed for each other and held on tightly.

"Look, it's not unusual in these cases but you should be aware that the longer he remains comatose, the less chance he has of coming out of it." He got to his feet again. "I'm sorry but all we can do is wait and praying a little might not hurt either." With that he exited the room leaving five stunned people to come to terms with what they'd just heard.

_o-xxx-o_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews! I notice from the comments that there are lots of questions and a little confusion - well, believe it or not, that's the whole idea! :-D Enjoy...

o-xxx-o

The voices came to him in the darkness like cries on the wind. At first they'd been a cacophony of sound, one blending into the next but slowly they'd grown more discernible with the exception of those in hushed tones uttering words he couldn't seem to grasp. However, there were six distinct ones, three male and three female but they all had the same worried edge to them. They came and went, sometimes alone, sometimes in groups of two or three, talking amongst themselves or directly at him. He'd heard his name mentioned occasionally but he was too weary to respond, content to remain in his own world, something telling him that he wasn't ready to visit theirs – not now, not yet...

And anyway, there was only one voice he found he really needed to hear... She came to him after hours when everything was quiet and still, reading the stories he'd loved as a teenager. Stories he could lose himself in. She was here now, the words washing over him. He could feel her hand resting loosely in his and he longed to tighten his grip but that would break the spell and give him away, so instead he imagined himself as a character in the book, travelling through the water in a submarine under the Arctic Sea and being soothed by the rolling waves and the rhythmic thrumming of the engines...

She was gone and he could feel the panic rising inside him. She was his lifeline... a way to keep his tenuous hold on reality without actually having to participate. More voices reached him, urgency in their tone, only none of them was hers. He tried to concentrate on what was being said but they were all talking at the same time and he couldn't make any sense out of it.

He was aware of movements in the shadowed places, intruders in his peaceful sanctuary. He tried desperately to shout out, tell them all to go away, that he only needed her but he couldn't. There was something caught in his throat making it impossible to speak or even breathe. He felt sick, his body convulsing as he wretched violently over and over.

A man's voice practically ordered him to calm down but how could he? Didn't anyone understand he was choking? Didn't they care? And then the obstruction was gone and he was heaving in air, the darkness turning lighter and... Pain... intense, searing pain which seemed to begin at the top of his skull and end at the tips of his toes... Someone was crying out, pleading for help, the sound reverberating in his head until he realised it was his own voice he was hearing... Something cold and wet against his forehead... Hands holding him down... More pain... A pricking sensation in his right arm and the darkness was back…

o-xxx-o

He'd almost reached full consciousness several times but had fought determinedly against it. The last place he wanted to revisit was the one in which he'd found himself before but someone was calling his name and he didn't seem to be able to resist.

"Come on Sparks, I know you can hear me. It's time to wake up."

He knew that voice, the distinctive accent giving it a name and face. "Bobby?" He thought he heard a sniffle but it quickly changed into a throat being cleared.

"Yeah, I'm here mate. Open your eyes for me."

Comforted by the fact that he didn't seem to be in anywhere near as much pain as the last time, he complied and then hastily closed them again, the light dazzling him even though it wasn't particularly bright.

"Are you in pain? Can I get you something?"

"Water"

"Sure, here you go." He picked up a beaker from the side table and angled the straw so he could drink from it.

"Thanks." He whispered hoarsely, his throat still sore from whatever had been stuck in it

"Do you know where you are?"

"Why, don't you? What happened?"

"Humour me, would you mate... Do you know where you are?" He asked again.

Jack screwed up his eyes as he tried to figure it out. It wasn't helping that he seemed to have two separate brains... There was the mushy one that wouldn't co-operate and the aching one that was furiously trying to play catch up while wondering why it was he couldn't seem to move.

"Jack..?"

Okay, it had to be a trick question since he wouldn't have asked if he was at home and in his own bed. Without stirring, he looked around but all he could see were white walls and a white ceiling and there was the faint smell of antiseptic in the air. "Hospital..?" He guessed hopefully, feeling like a contestant in a quiz programme.

"Got it in one..."

"Great, what do I win?"

Bobby grinned down at him but his eyes remained serious and a little sad.

"What happened?" He tried to change the position of his aching right leg and yelped when the pain shot through his body.

"You shouldn't try to move."

"Now you tell me." Things were starting to grow hazy again and he had to fight to stay focussed.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Sorry, no clue..."

"We were searching a warehouse and there was an explosion." The Aussie scanned his friend's face but there was no sign of recognition, just confusion and a flicker of pain. "Don't worry about it. The medicos will tell you more when they come by."

"Okay. Were you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine..."His voice held an edge that Jack's befuddled brain couldn't quite fathom "…You get some rest. I have to go and face another inquisition from them upstairs."

"Perhaps there are some advantages in not being able to remember what happened." He tried to smile but it turned into a grimace as something else started to hurt. "How's Eldridge taking it?"

"Who..?"

Jack looked at him as though he was some kind of idiot. "I thought I was the one with the fuzzy memory. Eldridge... Our Supervisor..."

Bobby stared in disbelief but before he could take it further, Jack asked another question that threw him.

"Where's Allie?"

"Is she here?" He watched his friend's face light up and turned to see her standing at the foot of the bed. "Well, there you go. I'll be back in a minute." Hurrying from the room, he went in search of one of the Medical Team.

o-xxx-o

Bobby walked into the bullpen almost two hours later, the expression on his face setting off alarm bells with the rest of the Team.

"How did the meeting upstairs go?" Myles inquired curiously.

"It went." He sat down heavily in his chair.

"Did you visit Jack?" Tara asked and his expression turned even bleaker.

"Is he okay?" Not receiving a reply Lucy looked to D for help.

"Bobby, is something wrong? He hasn't... He isn't...?"

"He was conscious and talking while I was there."

"Thank the Lord."

"But..."

"But what..." Lucy demanded.

"Partial traumatic memory loss, I believe they called it." The Aussie reported flatly. "The last five years of his life are a complete blank. He thinks Eldridge is still our Supervisor."

"Damn..." Dimitrius cursed under his breath.

"Is there any hope of it ever coming back?"

"They have no idea Myles but chances are he'll never be able to remember everything, there'll always be gaps he can't fill. If I ever catch up with Hassan I'm gonna kill him with my bare hands."

"Bobby… don't start beating yourself up again just be thankful Jack's still alive." The Supervisor cautioned.

"You can be thankful if you want, I'm still stuck on angry."

"He can't remember anything?" Tara spoke her thoughts aloud. "Not the explosion or Garrett..."

"Or Sue..." Lucy added.

"Well maybe that's not such a bad thing. You know what he's been like since... By the way, when did Allie get here?" Bobby asked, remembering the question he'd meant to ask when he'd first got back.

"She's here?" Lucy looked surprised.

"Maybe his parents sent her like last time?" Tara suggested.

"No idea, but it sounds as though she's been at the hospital a while."

"Can we still visit?" D queried. "Or will it be a problem?"

"I checked that. It's okay to go and see him but you're not to talk about anything he won't remember."

"Then how will..?" Lucy began but Bobby interrupted her.

"He has to do it on his own otherwise it could cause more harm than good, apparently. They don't want him stressed or upset in any way."

"In that case ladies and gentlemen we'll need to be careful." D warned. "Keep the topics neutral and whenever possible let Jack take the lead. Understood?"

They all nodded their assent and went back to their work.

o-xxx-o


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews. Here's a shortish chapter for you.

o-xxx-o

**Present Day:**

Jack was woken several hours later by the sound of raised voices and he lay quietly trying to figure out what was going on, although it was proving difficult to piece together as, at first, he could only hear snatches of dialogue.

"You should have spoken to us..." That was his mother, which was surprising in itself since she rarely raised her voice, one of her steely glares was usually sufficient to get her point across.

"Calm down dear, maybe it's for the best." His father...

"How can you say that? He's our son. We should be the ones..."

"Please calm down you know what they told you at the hospital. You should be taking it easy. You're just not strong enough to take care of him on your own and I can't be here all the time. I almost lost both of you and I don't want you ending up in the Emergency Room again."

His mom had been ill? When? Why hadn't they told him? Or was this just another in the catalogue of things that had 'slipped' his mind?

Another female voice joined the conversation... Allie... His mother was arguing with Allie? But she liked her, didn't she? Wanted them to get married...

Instead of fretting his way into another blinding headache, he decided to join them and find out for himself exactly what the disagreement was about. He sat up cautiously and waited for the room to snap back into sharp focus then swung his legs over the side of the bed, unable to suppress a groan of discomfort as he did so. Reaching out for the two canes he needed to support himself when walking more than a couple of feet, he made his way slowly and painfully along the hall and into the living room, pretending not to notice when everyone fell silent as he entered. Sitting down heavily on the sofa, he tried to catch his breath before he spoke.

"What's going on?"

His father attempted to reassure him. "Sorry Son, we didn't mean to disturb you, we were just having a discussion and it got a little heated."

"Please, don't treat me like a child. I'm old enough to tell the difference between a friendly chat and an argument. I know there's a problem so would you tell me what it is? Perhaps I can help?"

"Jack, you know we're not supposed to do that. We don't want you upset."

He sighed in exasperation. "And you think hearing you and mom arguing and not knowing why, will fix that? Please Dad, I need to know. When was mom in hospital and why?"

"Your mother had a very bad bout of pneumonia just before your accident. It was touch and go for a while."

Jack swallowed hard, his voice cracking as he asked his next question. "Did, did I know?"

"Yes. You came home to see her whenever you could."

He looked up at the older man and frowned, running a hand over his pale face. "I don't remember." He apologised miserably.

"That's okay, we understand. She was told she needed to slow down and take it easy for a few months but..."

"She's running herself ragged looking after me. I'm sorry Mom."

"Honey, you have nothing to be sorry for, none of this was your fault... you know that."

"And that's why I've found us a place to move into together." Allie spoke up for the first time since he'd come in. "That way I can take care of you and give your parents a much-needed break."

Jack closed his eyes and leaned back to give himself time to process all the information he'd been given but he knew in his heart what his decision would have to be. What choice did he have? "Can I talk to Mom alone?"

"Of course Son, we'll be right outside."

A quarter-of-an-hour later the door opened and he emerged looking a little watery-eyed as he turned to Allie. "You want to help me pack again?"

"Right now..?"

"Why not..?" Now the decision had been made, he was eager to get started before he had the chance to change his mind.

"Okay." She flashed Sam a brilliant 'I-told-you-so' smile and almost ran to Jack's room, leaving him to struggle along somewhat more sedately behind her.

After a tearful farewell and promises to visit, he made his way determinedly down the front path to the car, his parents watching from the veranda and feeling each torturous step as if it was their own.

"Sam, are you sure we should let him leave?"

He gave his wife an affectionate squeeze. "What else can we do? You know how stubborn he can be once he's made up his mind about something."

"But it isn't right. Maybe we should just tell him?"

"Honey, you know we're not allowed to do that."

"It's still not right."

"No, no it isn't but what good would it do? It'll only cause him more heartache and he already has enough to deal with. Allie will look after him."

They both waved as Jack finally made it into the passenger seat and put on a cheery smile despite the fact that they could see his face was creased with pain and he was breathing heavily with the effort.

"Come inside, I don't want you catching a chill. It'll all work out, you'll see."

"I hope so Sam, I hope so."

o-xxx-o


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I know this is another brief chapter but I hope to have more up later tonight.

o-xxx-o

Lying full-length along the couch with his head on one of the scatter cushions and his leg resting on the coffee table, something he would never have dreamed of doing if Allie were there, Jack arched his back to ease some of the tension. The pain in his right thigh throbbed relentlessly, radiating down the calf all the way to his foot and flexing it as he'd been told, wasn't helping at all. He'd considered going to get his prescription painkillers but the effort involved in standing, let alone walking, would only make it a whole lot worse so, in an attempt to distract himself from the discomfort, he reviewed mentally the last two-and-a-half months of his life...

At first the arrangement had run fairly smoothly and they'd got on well together but over the past few weeks, things had gone seriously downhill and now she often spent nights away at her parents' place. She'd said that she just needed a break from time to time but he was convinced it went far deeper.

A lot of it was down to him, he knew that even if he did try to deny it. About a month ago, the hospital had organised a gruelling physiotherapy regimen which left him exhausted and, more often than not, in absolute agony and that made him short-tempered and uncharacteristically needy. The first problem Allie ignored most of the time but recently she'd started to retaliate and Lord, did she have a temper. In all the years he'd known her he'd never really noticed it before, apart from the odd blow-up that was quickly forgotten, but now... The old adage about never really knowing someone until you've lived with them sprang into his mind and was it ever true of her.

The needy part on the other hand, had started to grate on her nerves. She'd transformed from loving, caring and sympathetic girlfriend into well... he hated to use the word but she was becoming a bit of a bitch... always complaining when he was tired or he asked her to do something for him. He knew she was frustrated by his lack of progress, so was he for that matter, but it wasn't helping. Her continual criticism at his supposed lack of effort was undermining his confidence and determination and consequently, hindering his recovery. He'd asked her several times to join him at one of the sessions so she could see for herself just how hard he was trying but she'd flatly refused, using the excuse that she had to do all the shopping while he was being supervised by someone else as she couldn't leave him alone in the apartment for very long, something that didn't seem to have bothered her lately.

He checked his watch and closed his eyes, reckoning that he had just about enough time to catch a quick nap before she came in, if she came in...

o-xxx-o


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** A little late but here you go!

o-xxx-o

She'd never been gone this long before... Ironically, at first he'd been grateful for the peace and solitude but after five plus days in his own company it was becoming almost oppressive. He'd thought about calling his parents but didn't want to worry them so he'd slept most of the time away, now his stomach refused to let him rest. He'd already been to the kitchen to check the refrigerator and cupboards but apart from a few stale crackers and a jar of coffee there was very little left. He'd even considered phoning out but that was pointless since he'd never be able to make it down the flight of stairs on his own, let alone get to the door in time to answer it. He couldn't believe just how useless he'd become, his frustration with himself compounded by his continued lack of progress. He could hear the doctors' voices chastising him for wanting to run before he could walk… Walk? Hell, he'd settle for being able to hobble more than a few yards without needing to rest, after all it had been months since he was hurt.

The barely controlled anger inside him began to build until he thought he was going to explode and in sheer desperation he lashed out, sweeping everything from the table and onto the floor. The centrepiece crashed down and smashed into three large chunks and a collection of smaller ones but unfortunately for him, the momentum he'd created threw him off balance and he choked back an agonised cry as he fell and landed on his right leg, the hurt bringing tears to his eyes. Taking slow deep breaths he tried to calm himself, hopefully making the pain more manageable but it was a battle he had no chance of winning and so he stayed where he was, silent sobs wracking his body as he prayed Allie would finally decide to come home. And that was where she found him almost two hours later...

"What happened? Can you get up?"

He shook his head miserably. "I don't think so."

Kneeling beside him she stroked away a stray lock of hair and tucked it behind her ear. "Shall we give it a try or do I fetch you a pillow so you can sleep out here?"

"I think I've been down here quite long enough." His tone was accusatory as he braced himself knowing just how badly it was going to hurt but he couldn't complain since he'd brought it on himself by being stupid in the first place.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be..." With a lot of grimacing and the odd curse word she succeeded in getting him up and onto a chair. "Thank you." He gasped out as he tried to get his breath back.

"You're welcome. What happened?"

Not wanting to confess the humiliating details of his childish tantrum he settled for imparting the minimum of information. "I lost my balance and tried to grab the table to stop myself from falling but I must have got hold of the cloth instead. I'm sorry about the mess."

Her first reaction was one of complete exasperation but his total helplessness coupled with the mortified expression unexpectedly melted her heart. Crouching down she took him in her arms and held him close, rather like a mother comforting a distressed child. She stroked his back soothingly. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

"But your mother gave it to us."

"I know but I really didn't like it very much. We can get another."

He sat back and gave her a weary smile. "Thanks. Where were you? I was worried."

The softness in her face disappeared to be replaced by an almost defiant stance as she stood to create more space between them. "My parents' place, where else would I be?"

He'd become very familiar with that particular look and knew that if he pursued his line of questioning she'd only storm off in a huff and he really didn't want her to leave again. "Okay."

"I came back to check on you several times but you were dead to the world, sleepy head." She tousled his hair affectionately and he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she was lying.

"Is there anything you need?" Searching his face, she noticed for the first time just how pale he was. "Are you in pain?"

"Mmm..."

"Why didn't you say? Your right leg again?"

"That and everything else," he confessed miserably. The impact of the fall seemed to have jarred every part of his body.

"Have you been taking your meds?"

"Yes ma'am."

"All of them?"

"Of course, I'm not a complete idiot." He took hold of her wrist as she started to walk away. "I'm sorry. Allie, I wanted to ask you about them. I can understand the painkillers and the sleeping tablets but why do I need the others?"

Luckily, she'd already discussed his asking with the doctors and they'd told her she should tell him when she thought he could handle it. Pulling up a chair she took his hand in hers. "They're for your heart."

"My heart..?" Jack looked at her in alarm. "Why would I..?"

"You had a heart attack about four years ago."

He gasped in shock. "I... What? How? Why?"

"It's okay." She tried to calm him but he was having none of it.

"Like hell it is! A heart attack..? What caused it?"

"You have an irregular heartbeat. An arrhythmia, I think they called it. From what I could gather you'd been having warning symptoms for most of that day and then in the evening you were walking to your car and you had the attack."

"I've only had one?"

"Yes, thank God. It scared the life out of me."

"You were there?"

"No. You were with a work colleague but I flew in from New York as soon as your parents called so that I could take care of you."

"Thank you for that." He shook his head sadly.

"What?"

"You really picked a loser with me, didn't you? I'm a wreck."

She gave him a brilliant smile. "True, but you're my wreck." Leaning forward she kissed him softly on the forehead. "And don't you ever forget it."

"Who was I with that night?"

"Why?"

"I'd like to speak to them. You said I had warning symptoms, maybe they could tell me what to look out for. Was it Bobby?"

"No, it was someone else but they left a while back and anyway, I can tell you what you need to know so there's no need to call anyone. The only real signs you had were intermittent pains in your left shoulder and neck."

He smiled and gave a half-laugh. "It might be a bit difficult to pick them out from all the others I already have."

"Then promise me you'll take your medication."

"Scout's honour" Something flashed into his mind but was gone again before he had the chance to latch on to it. "And Allie..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you for all this, thank you for caring... I don't know how I'd manage without you." He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

"Tired?"

"Yes... and hungry."

"Well, I'm going to fetch the rest of the shopping from the car, take a shower, change and tidy up this lot so why don't we get you comfortable on the bed and you can take nap? When I'm done I'll make us something to eat and come and wake you. Is there anything else you'd like?"

"Yes." He caught her hand again. "Read to me after dinner."

"Jack..." There was disbelief in her tone.

"Please..?"

"You can do that yourself."

"It gives me a headache, you know that."

"Everything gives you a headache." She snapped back more than a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm the one who should apologise. I guess it's not just you who's tired. What would you like me to read?"

"The book you started while I was in the coma."

"You heard that? There were several..." The smile returned to her face. "Can I at least have a clue?"

"It was about an American atomic submarine carrying some V.I.P to the Arctic and there was a saboteur on board."

Allie wracked her brain but drew a blank.

"I think it was an Alistair MacLean novel. You read one and started the second."

"Oh," she snapped her fingers in recognition. "'Ice Station Zebra'... I'll have a look and see if I can find it." She returned about fifteen minutes later shaking her head apologetically. "Sorry, I must have left it in D.C."

"Then how about something else?"

"First let's get you settled so I can get on with what I need to do and organise dinner, if you're still interested after that, I'll see what I can come up with."

"Deal" He screwed up his face as he tried to figure out why he'd used that particular word and why he'd had the urge to do something with his fingers but nothing came to him. His leg was still throbbing viciously so he asked her to fetch his pills, which he swallowed down with a glass of water before attempting to stand, shrugging helplessly. "Sorry, I think I'm going to need a hand."

Two hours later having been suitably fed and watered he sat at the table trying unsuccessfully to suppress a yawn. "I think I'm going to have to take a rain-check on that book after all, I can barely keep my eyes open."

"That's okay. We'll do it another time."

Allie helped him back to the bedroom and waited for him to undress smiling to herself when she saw that he was almost asleep when he hit the pillow. Bending down she kissed the top of his head, made her way back into the bathroom and locked the door, taking the spare sleeping pills' bottle from her pocket, she put it back into an old cosmetics bag. Slipping out of her robe, she smoothed down the black cocktail dress she was wearing underneath and removed the clip from her hair, leaning forward to brush it through before creeping out into the lounge, gathering up her shoes and bag and shutting the front door quietly behind her.

o-xxx-o


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the reviews!

o-xxx-o

What do you do when the future you've dreamed of since you were a child turns out not to be what you imagined? It was the question that had plagued her for weeks and the reason she was sitting fully-clothed at her dressing table barely half-an-hour after dawn had broken. Absently dragging a brush through her hair, her hand froze in mid-air when she moved slightly and caught sight of his reflection in the mirror as he slept in the bed behind her; his face for once free of the pain that weighed him down during the day.

He looked so much younger at times like these. This was _her_ Jack, the one she'd been in love with for almost all her life and the one she wanted back. A soft smile played across his lips and her breath caught as her eyes filled with tears but she quickly swallowed them down. She needed to be strong for what she was about to do, there would be time for tears later. Succumbing to a moment of weakness, she allowed her mind to drift back over some of their history together...

Although they'd been born in the same town they hadn't met until 5th grade and their lives had been intertwined in some way ever since. They'd been each other's first date, first kiss, first love, first everything and from the day of their senior prom it had been assumed by everyone who knew them, especially their parents, that they'd marry, have children and live happily ever after, but it hadn't worked out that way.

There had been long periods of separation starting when they'd been accepted at different universities but as soon as he'd qualified as a lawyer, they'd both returned to Wisconsin and she'd mentally started planning their future together. It had never occurred to her that they wouldn't stay and settle down but one evening he'd taken her out to dinner and dropped the bombshell that he wanted to go into frontline law enforcement and was thinking of moving to D.C. They'd argued and she'd sulked until he'd relented but he wasn't happy, even she could see that, and so she'd let him go.

A few years later she'd decided to follow. They'd dated for a while but by that time he'd applied to join the F.B.I and was very rarely home, what with courses at Quantico and field postings to hone his craft. She'd stuck with it until he'd been posted overseas and she'd heard rumours he was seeing someone else so when she'd been offered a job in New York she'd accepted it without a second thought. They'd met up again when he'd been sent to liaise with another unit at the NY Field Office and their relationship was rekindled for a while but the commute was wearing and expensive and the visits became fewer and fewer, eventually petering out altogether.

Then one day, out of the blue, she'd received a call from her mother to tell her that Jack had had a heart attack and she'd immediately got on a plane to be at his side and help in any way she could. As a consequence, they were back on yet again. There had been one potential hitch though...

It had come in the form of young, attractive blonde woman who she'd never met before. She'd gone back to the hospital after lunch and found them together. They'd been so deep in conversation that they hadn't heard her come in, so she'd stood in the doorway watching and couldn't help but notice they were holding hands. When Jack had finally spotted her he'd broken the contact, flushing a little guiltily and that had immediately set alarm bells ringing in her head.

He'd introduced her as a work colleague but she would have had to have been blind not to see that there was something more between them. She'd smiled sweetly and then proceeded to make it clear that he wasn't available by pulling out the pyjamas she'd bought from his place and asking him which he'd wanted. It had been subtle, maybe too subtle, so she'd followed it with the 'side-trip down Memory Lane' to emphasise her prior claim and even managed to inject a comment about their first date. They'd met again when she'd shown up at the apartment to report some nonsense about a threat. It was clear she hadn't expected to find her actually living there and she'd quickly made her excuses and left. Once he'd returned to work she'd flown back to New York and they'd dated again for a while and then, nothing.

When she'd heard from a mutual friend about his being badly injured in an explosion, she'd thought long and hard before returning to D.C. but whatever it was that had kept them in each other's lives through the years, had worked its spell and drawn her back to him. When she'd found out about his memory loss and discovered he thought they were still a couple, she'd seized on it as one last opportunity to get what she'd always wanted... his ring on her finger. The surgeon saying he'd probably be better off recuperating with his family in Wisconsin had been an absolute godsend.

After they'd moved into the apartment, she'd thrown herself heart and soul into looking after him and making herself indispensable in the hope that he'd finally realise they were meant to be together. She'd even managed to delude herself into believing his recuperation would follow the same path as before and he'd be up and back to his former self in no time, but she'd soon realised that it wasn't going to be that easy.

His left leg, arm and shoulder had healed quite quickly although they still gave him problems from time to time but his right leg, which had caught the shrapnel, just didn't seem to be improving at all. The constant pain was debilitating, making it impossible for him to walk more than a few yards without sticks or her to support him. She'd been able to cope with it for a while but months down the line and with no real progress despite starting physiotherapy the cracks had begun to show. He'd become more and more snappy and despondent and less willing to do things for himself and it had started to grate on her nerves. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been out for the evening just to have fun and felt less like his girlfriend and more his personal slave, expected to be on-call 24/7 and pander to his every whim. She'd exaggerated the situation in her own mind, she knew that now, in the same way she'd accepted she wasn't cut out to be a nursemaid but at the time she'd resented it and him. He was always tired, lacking any energy and she'd been bored... bored... bored.

In an effort to get him moving again so they could start going out as they'd used to, she'd gone online to find some extra exercises that he could do at home to supplement those in his physiotherapy sessions and put together a regime of her own. Had she not been so absorbed in reaching her goal and paid more attention to his needs, she would probably have realised she'd been doing more harm than good…

She'd sit with her schedule and nag him until he did what she asked and if he'd refused then she'd sulked big-time, knowing he'd give in eventually just to appease her. The fact that it had caused him an awful lot of pain and distress hadn't even entered the equation until one evening, having endured both physio and her exercises, he'd tried to stand and collapsed onto the floor in agony. It had taken all of her strength to get him up and into bed and he'd remained there for three days straight, too exhausted to even eat. That had proved to be a reality check and she'd been forced to face up to the possibility he might never fully recover from all his injuries. Could she cope with a husband or partner that was less than a hundred percent for the rest of her life? The answer was simple... No. She was far too selfish and lacking in patience. And a life without parties and dancing, staying at home like a dutiful wife while her friends went out on the town was unconscionable.

By coincidence, she'd been invited out the following weekend. Some old friends were going into the city with the intention of hitting every bar and club in the place but when they'd offered to take her along she'd declined straight away. Where would be the harm, though? The only problem would be leaving him alone, again... and that was when the idea had come to her. If he could sleep the clock around with no ill effects then what would be wrong with him sleeping that entire weekend away? It might actually be good for him. Of course, there was always the chance he'd waken and need something but with the help of a few sleeping pills...

When she'd returned on the Monday morning he'd still been in bed, unmoving with his eyes firmly closed and she'd panicked. What if she'd given him too many? What if she'd..? She'd touched his neck to check his pulse almost sobbing with relief when she'd felt it throbbing beneath her fingers. It had been slow but steady and it was at that moment she'd realised just what she'd done.

Staring into the mirror now, the full horror at her actions hit her once more. He hadn't deserved that, it had been a complete betrayal of his trust, not to mention a felony. He'd almost died all those months ago, should have died according to the medical team who had worked on him, but he'd fought long and hard to stay in this world. He was still fighting now, day-in and day-out, but rather than help him she'd pushed and pushed until he'd reached the limit of his endurance and then instead of comforting him, she drugged him, slunk away, got smashed out of her head and woken up in bed with someone whose name she couldn't remember, if she'd ever bothered to ask it in the first place. Just what kind of person was she?

Hearing a sound behind her she turned to check that he was still sleeping and then on impulse got up and walked to the side of the bed. Looking at him now she felt as though she was really seeing him for the first time in months.

His face was pale and the drawn lines told her he was in pain again even as he slept. The smile she'd seen earlier had vanished and she could feel his sadness, almost touch it, and that hurt because at last she understood that a lot of it was because of her. Tears were threatening once more and she bent forward to stroke the hair back from his face but her hand hovered above him as she fought against it. She couldn't risk waking him, not now. Crossing back to the dressing table she picked up the remaining items of make-up and other paraphernalia and zipped them into the vanity case that sat beside her on the floor.

What do you do when the future you've dreamed of since you were a child turns out not to be what you imagined?

You pack your clothes a few at a time in the hope he won't notice. You write a letter to the man you know will have a place in your heart until you breathe your last and another to his family apologising for letting both them and their son down. A third for your own parents, explaining what you are about to do and your reasons for doing it, being careful to leave out the parts that would shock them to the core and hope that one day they'll forgive you.

You collect up your things, moving quietly so you won't wake him and give him the chance to beg you to change your mind, because you know that if he did you wouldn't be able to say no and it would begin all over again. Picking up the rest of your bags you head for the door, closing it softly behind you.

You get into your car and drive to the airport, stopping along the way to drop off the remaining envelopes before the recipients are up and about and then board the plane to return to your life in New York where you resume the part you were born to play. The successful Advertising Exec with her party lifestyle and only herself to worry about. You'll fit back in perfectly with your vacuous friends who don't care who you are or what you've done as long as you keep up with the latest fashion trend and wear the correct designer labels. They'll admire you for your charitable gestures without realising that that's all they are... gestures. A way of showing you're human without having to be hands on... but every morning when you look into the mirror you'll imagine you see his sleeping reflection behind you and you'll know... you'll know...

o-xxx-o


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thank you once again for all the reviews - it's nice to know you're enjoying the story. And for all you 'where's Sue' people... Sorry! :-D

o-xxx-o

Sitting quietly in the half-light three days later, Jack still couldn't believe he'd been oblivious to what was happening around him. Was he that wrapped up in himself he'd been blind to the fact that she was struggling? He guessed he had since all the signs must have been there and as a trained observer, he should have picked up on them ...Or, was it just that he'd put all of his trust in her, believing she'd understood what he was going through and loved him enough to deal with it? ...But then again, that was the Allie he'd known five years or more ago. So many things must have happened since then that he couldn't remember and he wondered now if that had been the reason for her argument with his mother on the day they'd left.

He should have at least noticed when her clothes started to vanish from the wardrobes but he hadn't, nor had he suspected when the cupboards and freezer had suddenly been filled to capacity instead of holding enough food for only a few days. One of his hopes and aspirations had been to return to his beloved F.B.I job, if only behind a desk, but if he hadn't twigged something was wrong at home then how could he possibly trust himself at work?

At first when he'd realised she'd left, he'd been heartbroken but that emotion had been superseded first by anger and now despair. How did she expect him to manage alone? His parents couldn't help. His father had called after they'd received their letter to see if he was alright but the shock had been too much for his mother's fragile health and she'd been ordered back to bed by her doctor.

Allie's parents had offered to take him in, more out of guilt than a genuine desire to help he suspected, but he'd turned them down on principle and that had left him stuck in a first floor apartment filled with reminders of one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He was just thankful now that he hadn't asked her to marry him as he'd originally intended.

Someone was knocking on the door again. There had been a host of unsolicited visitors since she'd left and he suspected most were friends of his mother, although he'd never opened the door to find out. He knew he should be grateful for their concern but he couldn't bear even the thought of all those sympathetic looks, sighs and head-shakes and he certainly didn't want them to start taking sides. The town was small and people would already be talking and he didn't want to add fuel to the flames. Allie's parents didn't deserve that and for that matter neither did she, despite everything. He remained where he was determinedly ignoring this latest interruption and waiting for them to go away… They always did in the end.

This particular caller however, was proving far more persistent, the knocking getting gradually louder and more forceful until he thought the door would open on its own just to save itself from further abuse.

"Come on Sparky, open the door. I know you're in there and I didn't come all this way just to admire the paintwork!"

Bobby? It couldn't be...

"Look mate, my flight back isn't until Tuesday. If you don't open up, I'll be forced to spend the next few days camped out in the hallway."

A hint of a smile graced Jack's lips. "Okay, okay, I'm coming."

When the door eventually opened, the Aussie let out an exasperated sigh. "About time... What did you do, take the scenic route?" The laughter died on his lips and he wished that he could have taken the words back as he watched his friend struggle to the sofa and sit down, breathing heavily. "Sorry Jack didn't think."

"That's okay. What are you doing here?"

"I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said I just happened to be in the neighbourhood?"

"I don't suppose I would."

Even though they'd known one another for years, the taller man suddenly felt awkward. "Do you mind if I open the curtains? It's still daylight out there, you know."

Jack just shrugged and Bobby walked to the window, taking a few minutes to look around before sitting down and trying to make himself comfortable, all-the-while checking out his friend and not believing how much he'd changed since he'd last seen him.

He looked pale and frighteningly frail, the pallor of his skin standing out in stark contrast to his dark, unshaven stubble and uncombed hair. Had he not known better, he would have sworn it had been years and not months since their last meeting, the lines of pain, now seemingly etched into his features, making him look so much older. He was snapped out of his introspection when he realised he'd been spoken to.

"Sorry mate, jet-lag." It was the first thing to come into his head and totally ludicrous he knew but Jack let it slide.

"I asked what you were doing here."

All during the flight he'd tried to think up what he'd hoped were plausible reasons for his visit but the shock of seeing the state of his friend had knocked them clean out of his head so he decided just to be honest. "Your mom called me."

A look of pure annoyance greeted his reply but Bobby put up a hand to appease him. "Look Sparky, she's worried sick about you, literally, and now I'm here I can see why. She just thought you might like to see a friendly face, that's all."

"She told you about Allie?"

"Not all the gory details... just that she'd shot through." The hurt on the other man's face had the anger he'd felt when he'd been told, resurfacing with a vengeance. "Don't mate, she's not worth it."

"She was all I had left." The words were spoken so softly it took Bobby a minute to process what had been said and then he blew out a shaky breath and shook his head.

"You're wrong about that." Leaning over the side of the chair he picked up his flight bag and rummaged around inside. "I come bearing gifts." He pulled out a collection of multi-coloured envelopes and passed them across. "There's one from D and Donna and the kids made a special card for you ...One from Lucy and believe it or not, a note from Myles. Oh and Tara sent along one of her fuzzy, cuddly things as well, so you wouldn't forget us ...And the ladies asked me to give you a hug but a guy has to draw the line somewhere." He looked up when he heard what sounded like a strangled sob. "Aw come on Sparky, buck up mate or you'll have me blubbering as well."

"When I didn't hear from anyone I thought you'd all given up on me."

"Never happen. They wanted to write before but they didn't know where."

"I don't understand."

"D was calling your parents regularly for updates and then a few months ago they told us you'd moved out. Your mom said Allie would contact us with the new address and phone number but she never did. We even tried your cell but Allie answered and said you were sleeping and couldn't be disturbed. After that, it was always switched off."

Jack leaned back and closed his eyes wondering how the hell all this could have been going on without him realising. He should have known that they wouldn't just forget about him.

"You okay, mate?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just..."

Sensing his friend was feeling a little overwhelmed, he stood up. "Got anything to eat in this place? I'm starving."

"It's nice to know that some people don't change." He waved a hand towards the kitchen. "Help yourself."

Bobby poked around for a while to give him some time and then returned to find him staring into space as though he were miles away. "Coffee's on… Aren't you going to open your cards?"

"Later, if that's okay." He was afraid when he did he might break down completely and he needed to be alone if that happened. "I thought you were hungry?"

The Aussie cringed, remembering what he'd found in the cupboards. "I'll never be _that_ hungry. Too much rabbit food can be dangerous to a guy's health, it's no wonder you're wasting away. I don't suppose they've heard of take-out this far out in the sticks?"

Jack tried to look offended but couldn't quite pull it off. "There's a pizza place down the road a couple of blocks. They might deliver but it'll probably be quicker to pick it up in case they're busy re-saw-dusting the floor or it could even be the horse's day off."

Bobby grinned. "Ah, now there's the old Hudson sense of humour! I knew it had to be buried in there somewhere. How about beer? Can't have pizza without beer, it's unconstitutional."

"The store's a few doors down from the takeaway. It should still be open."

"Well, maybe there's hope for this town after all. Why don't I mosey along and see what I can muster up while you have a shower and tidy yourself up a bit? Got a key I can use? By the time you make it to the door, the grub'll be stone cold."

"Very funny. There should be one on the table over there."

"Found it. I'll be back before you know it." He watched as Jack got to his feet and shook his head, disgusted with himself. "Sorry, wasn't thinking... again. Do you need a hand to get to the bathroom or anything?"

"No, I can manage but could you dig out some clean clothes and put them on the bed for me?"

"No problem-o."

Jack had to admit that Bobby had a point about junk food. Although he hadn't managed to finish his share of the pizza he did feel a little better but that combined with the small glass of beer he'd had was making him sleepy and affecting his concentration. "Sorry, but I think I'm going to have to call it a night."

Bobby looked at his watch. "Geez Sparky, it's only 10 o'clock, you must be getting old."

"Yeah right, nothing to do with lack of a full night's sleep."

"Fair point... Okay, if you'll just show me where I can find a pillow and a blanket, I'll crash on the floor here."

"We're not that uncivilised. The sofa pulls out into a bed but you might have to sleep corner to corner."

"I can live with that."

"There are blankets and spare pillows in the linen closet. You have the stereo or TV, if you want."

"I don't want to disturb you."

"You won't but on the off-chance you do wake me up, I can take a couple of sleeping pills."

Bobby looked appalled. "Painkillers and sleeping pills..? You don't want to go that route mate. It's the road to addiction hell."

In reply, Jack smiled sadly and tapped his right thigh. "Sometimes there's no choice. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, sleep well."

"You too... And Bobby, it really is good to see you."

o-xxx-o

When Jack emerged from the bedroom the next morning, Bobby was sitting in one of the armchairs drinking coffee. "Good morning Sparky."

"Morning" He made his way stiffly and painfully to the sofa and sat down. "Sleep okay?"

"Of course... You know me, I can sleep anywhere. How about you..?"

"Fine," yawning, he rubbed his eyes tiredly betraying himself.

The Aussie knew he was lying anyway, he'd heard him moving around several times during the night, even considered going to check on him but thought it better not to intrude. However, looking at him now, he wished he had. Getting to his feet he walked towards the kitchen. "Coffee..?"

"Please." Taking a sip or two he grimaced at the taste. "...Something else that hasn't changed."

"Too true... First cup has to be heavily leaded, sets you up for the rest of the day."

They made small talk while Jack ate a bowl of cereal and Bobby finished off the leftover pizza and then the conversation turned more serious. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"I was thinking about the laundry."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. You can't stay here on your own Sparks."

"I know that."

"Then what's the plan?"

"Don't have one." He shrugged his shoulders despondently. "Mom and dad can't take me in and I can't afford this place on my own, so..."

"So..?" Bobby prompted.

"Allie's parents offered me a room... maybe I should reconsider and accept."

"Whoa, no way are you going to do that."

"Then what do you suggest, a convalescent home or some such?" He shuddered at the mere prospect of moving into one of those places.

"Sparky mate, I thought you'd never ask. You're coming back to D.C. with me on Tuesday."

"Bobby, I can't just..."

"Give me one good reason why not."

"Well I... There's this place for a start."

"Is it rented, leased, what?"

"I have no idea. Allie arranged it all."

"Why am I not surprised?" The sour look on Jack's face told him he was on shaky ground so he changed tack. "Okay, since her parents offered to help, they can sort it out. Next..?"

"My parents..."

"I've already spoken to them and they're happy for you to go back provided you call them regularly to let them know how you're doing. Next?"

"You're forgetting one important thing, I'll have nowhere to live and the money I'm getting from the F.B.I at the moment isn't going to be enough to rent a shoebox in D.C."

"That's not a problem either."

"No Bobby, absolutely not..! I have it on very good authority that sharing a place with me is hell on earth and I value your friendship far too much to move in with you."

"Well, as it happens, I don't fancy the thought of you cramping my style either and besides with you playing the sympathy card, I wouldn't stand a chance with the fairer sex. You can move back into your old apartment. I know it's on the second floor but at least there's a lift and we'll all take turns to baby-sit."

Jack chose to ignore that particular remark. "Not going to work. I haven't paid the utility bills and fees for months. They've probably changed the locks and impounded my stuff by now."

"Wrong again. It's all been taken care of."

"What? How..?"

"Like I said Sparky, the whole Unit plus Stan the man and a few others wanted to do something but we didn't know where you were so we had a whip round instead and we've got everything covered for the next six months or more."

"Why would you..? I mean, I..." He put a hand over his mouth and swallowed hard.

"Because, despite the fact you deserted us, you're still one of the team and we stick by each other no matter what. You would have done the same thing if it had been one of us. So, it's all settled then."

Not able to find his voice Jack just nodded before getting to his feet and returning to the bedroom, the door closing behind him.

Wiping his face with his hands, Bobby breathed a sigh of relief, took out his cell and made a series of calls and when Jack eventually came back he pretended not to notice his red and slightly swollen eyes.

"Okay, I've spoken to your parents. I called Allie's people, they're happy to clean up their daughter's mess and I've made arrangements with the airline so all that's left is to get you packed. Have I missed anything?"

Jack quickly cleared his throat. "My doctor... We'll have to contact the hospital and they'll probably want to give me the once-over to check I'm fit to travel and give me a certificate and my notes."

"Looks like I've got my work cut out for me then. Have to get you looking halfway decent or you'll be stuck out here in cow country for the rest of your life. Allie didn't leave any of her make-up behind by any chance, did she?"

A cushion hitting him squarely in the jaw was the only reply he received.

o-xxx-o


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I hope everyone had a nice Easter Break. Here's another chapter for you.

o-xxx-o

"Well, I wasn't expecting that," Myles remarked unhappily when Bobby returned after helping Jack to the bedroom.

"I don't think any of us were." D replied quietly.

"Is he asleep?" Lucy asked as she sank onto the couch, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Out like a light." He plonked himself down in the remaining free chair and ran his fingers through his hair. "I did warn you."

"I know but we just..." Tara couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"I had one hell of a time convincing his doctors to let him leave the hospital after his check-up let alone the State. In the end I had to sign a stack of forms taking full responsibility for anything that might happen and the airline people weren't exactly thrilled either."

"What happened to him? It's like he's not our Jack anymore."

"Yes he is and don't you forget it!" Bobby's anger evaporated as quickly as it had come. "Sorry. Luce."

"I'm the one who should be sorry. It was a stupid thing to say."

"You asked what happened. Short answer... The explosion screwed him up physically and Allie did the rest. Now it's up to us to get him back on his feet."

"If that's even possible..." Myles had made the comment more to himself than the room but he still garnered a host of dirty looks. "Hey, I'm just going by what I see and if you were being honest you'd admit you're all thinking the same thing. I'm not saying I don't want to help, I'm just not sure we can."

"We have to try. We owe him that much." Bobby was getting more and more agitated and D decided to shush him.

"You're going to wake him if you don't keep it down. What went wrong with Allie?"

"I don't know the details, Sparky won't talk about it but she left him a note and shot through."

Dimitrius shook his head sadly. "And he still can't remember anything about the last five years?"

"Nothing I've noticed..."

"Then we stick with our original plan. Take it in turns to check on him and make sure he has everything he needs. Provide transport for doctor's appointments et cetera and we keep the conversation general."

"I think that's all we can do, mate. That and pray for a miracle."

o-xxx-o

The system the rotor devised for them had been working pretty well all-in-all, with herself doing the breakfast shift and Tara and D covering lunchtime while Myles slotted in as back-up whenever needed, which left Bobby to keep him company most evenings. Donna and the kids had dropped by whenever possible and it was at those times Jack really seemed to pick up, talking baseball, football and all the other sports on the school curriculum.

Having a set routine also seemed to be helping a lot and he'd even started to gain a little weight but one morning, a few weeks after his return to D.C., Lucy entered the bullpen with a worried frown on her face and crossed directly to Bobby's desk.

"Hey Luce, what's up?"

"Did you see Jack last night?"

"...Of course. We watched the game on TV."

"Did he seem alright to you?" Lucy persisted.

"I guess, a bit vague sometimes but I just put it down to tiredness. Why, is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure. He seemed really odd this morning... kind of spaced out."

"Maybe he's been hitting the sleeping pills again. I warned him that taking them with the painkillers was a dodgy combination."

"Maybe..." The rotor agreed but something was telling her that wasn't it.

"Tell you what... I've got a meeting with a certain F.B.I Agent wannabe later this morning, I'll check on my way back."

"Okay, thanks."

"Anytime sheila, you only have to ask." He winked and gave her a cheeky grin.

"Just don't take Howie with you. One conversation with him could put anyone into a coma." Myles warned and they all laughed.

Glancing at the clock on the wall above the door, Bobby stood reluctantly and grabbed his jacket. "If I'm not back in an hour, someone give me a call to say that I'm needed urgently."

"What's it worth?" Tara asked hopefully.

"My sanity"

"Too late..." Three voices exclaimed simultaneously.

"Ha-ha... Oh..." He stopped and pulled out his cell.

"Howie's obviously impatient for your company."

Bobby checked the caller ID. "Wrong as always, Myles. Sparky, what's up, mate? Do you need something?" He thought he heard his name but then there was only silence. "Speak to me Jack, are you okay? Jack..?" He glanced at the Supervisor, an alarmed expression on his face.

"Go, and take Myles with you. I'll keep your appointment with Howie."

"Thanks D, I owe you."

"And I intend to collect."

"You coming"

"Right behind you..." A few minutes later they were speeding through the city traffic.

"You know, you shouldn't be using the siren. We're not even sure there's anything wrong."

"You mean people often call you and don't say anything?"

"No, but..."

"...But nothing, Harvard. If you're worried about getting into trouble then cover your ears, that way you can say you didn't know it was on."

"Somehow I don't think they'd believe me." Myles suddenly shot forward in his seat as Bobby hit the brake and then leaned back rubbing his neck. "I think I have whiplash."

"So, sue me." The Aussie tossed him the keys and ran towards the entrance. "Lock up would you... and you might want to turn off that siren..."

By the time he'd re-parked, the lift was already on its way up which left him with the stairs. He finally caught up with his colleague outside the door to Jack's apartment and leaned against the wall to catch his breath.

"If I'd known you were that out of shape I'd have taken the stairs myself."

"I was perfectly fine until I got in the car with you. I probably would have been better off taking your meeting with Howie."

"I'll remember that the next time." He knocked on the door again, something they always did as a courtesy, but not receiving a reply he used the key to let them in. "Jack? Jack, where are you, mate? Is everything okay?"

"You check the kitchen. I'll take the bedroom." A few minutes later Myles shouted for the Aussie to join him. "Bobby, he's in here."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't think so." He snapped on the light and walked round to the side of the bed but Bobby practically shoved him out of the way and knelt down by the unmoving form on the floor.

"Sparky, you okay mate?" Touching the side of his neck, he breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. "You know, you're really going to have to stop doing this to me or I'll be having a heart attack."

"Bobby?"

"He's alive but he's burning up. We need the paramedics fast."

Once again they found themselves sitting in a very familiar waiting room and they looked up when the rest of the team began to file through the door.

"What happened?"

Both Agents shrugged. "We don't know D. When we got there he was unconscious on the bedroom floor. Myles called the paramedics and he'd started to come round just before they arrived but he wasn't making a lot of sense. He's running one hell of a temperature..."

"I knew something was wrong... I just knew it." Lucy whispered tearfully.

"Then maybe you should have..." The Bostonian was thankfully distracted before he could continue with his tirade when a doctor entered the room. They recognised him immediately as the one who had treated Jack the last time he was there. "How is he?"

He sat down on the nearest free chair before speaking, making them all feel apprehensive. "Mr Hudson is running a dangerously high fever which we believe is being caused by a serious infection."

"That right leg again," Bobby sighed.

"Quite so..."

"And..?"

"We've carried out all the usual scans but they've proven inconclusive so as soon as we have him stabilised, we'll be taking him to theatre to explore more thoroughly."

They all stared at him not believing that their friend would have to endure surgery yet again but the doctor wasn't finished.

"There is something that you should be aware of..." No one responded so he took a breath and carried on. "We're very concerned that the leg isn't healing properly. By this time your colleague should be able to get around, albeit with some discomfort, but there seems to have been very little or no improvement at all."

"And..." Bobby prompted a little more impatiently.

"Depending on what we find, we may have to amputate."

"No!" The Aussie looked horrified and once again the guilt he'd tried hard to suppress threatened to overwhelm him.

"It may be the only way to save his life."

Bobby shook his head and blew out a breath. "If you do that it'll kill him."

"I think that's an exaggeration. Medically it..."

The tall man's guilt turned to anger. "That's because you don't know him. To you he's just another person to be cut open and fixed no matter what the cost." He advanced on the man but D and Myles held him back.

"You have my word that we'll try all other options first. I just thought I should prepare you for the worst."

"Thank you." D spoke for them all as the doctor turned and left the room.

"It'll kill him..." Bobby repeated softly as he walked towards the exit and out into the fresh air.

After they'd both left, the remainder of the team sat in silence for a while and then D suggested they find the restaurant and have something to eat. They all agreed and followed him but thirty minutes later the food remained untouched on their plates although they'd each consumed at least three coffees.

"Well that was pointless," Myles observed. "Shall we go before they clear us away along with the plates?"

"Why not"

Just after Bobby returned the doctor walked in again and a group of pale faces eyed him warily. "Mr Hudson is in Recovery and we're giving him antibiotics via IV."

"What did you find?" Myles asked as the others seemed to have been rendered incapable of speech.

"As we suspected there was a serious infection in the thigh which was caused by some residual debris from the original blast."

"I thought that was all taken care of at the time?"

"So did we but we found some fragments of cloth from his clothing that were inadvertently overlooked."

"You mean this is all, your fault." Bobby jumped from his seat towering over the smaller man but again D stepped in to restrain him.

"Of course, now I remember you. You're the impetuous friend." He smiled indulgently, standing his ground. "Had they been made of metal our scanners would have picked them up immediately but unfortunately they weren't and if you remember, the patient had a whole host of life-threatening injuries that needed to be dealt with. Regrettably the fragments were so small they were missed."

"Why did it take so long for them to have an effect, it's been months?" D asked curiously.

"Because it wasn't the actual material that caused the reaction, it was the dyes involved in the manufacture and they take far longer to invade the bloodstream. We've fully excised and washed out the infected area with saline solution and repaired the damage. Now we just have to wait for the fever to break and hopefully your colleague should be fine."

"You mean you didn't have to... to..." Tara couldn't even bear to put the question into words.

"No. This method was far more complicated and he was under the anaesthetic longer than we'd like considering his underlying heart problem but he came through it well and in one piece."

"Thank God." Lucy spoke for the first time.

"Amen to that." Myles agreed and Bobby got to his feet again and offered the man his hand.

"Look Doc, I'm sorry about before. Thank you again for what you've done."

"That's alright. You're not the first stroppy customer I've had to face and you certainly won't be the last."

"When can we see him?" Tara interrupted.

"Come back tomorrow or the day after but call before you visit. The desk will be able to tell you if it's okay."

"What about his memory?" Lucy asked hopefully.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do about that, it's out of our hands. The original rule stands though... He has to remember events on his own or it could still do more harm than good to his recovery.

o-xxx-o


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** My goodness, you're an impatient lot! :-D Thank you for all the lovely reviews!

o-xxx-o

He'd been conscious for a while although his eyes remained firmly closed. It hadn't taken him long to work out where he was but he'd half convinced himself that if he kept them shut, it would all be a bad dream. Someone was moving close by so he lay perfectly still, taking slow shallow breaths in the hope that they'd think he was still out of it and go away.

"I know you're awake, Mr Hudson, so you might as well open those baby blues of yours and join us in the land of the living."

In spite of his best efforts, he couldn't keep his mouth from turning up at the corners. "I'm happy where I am, thank you and they're brown." His voice was scratchy from lack of use and the dryness in his throat.

"And you expect me to take your word for that, do you? I'm Sarah by the way. I'll be your primary care nurse while you're here."

"Jack." He ran his tongue over his lips to try to moisten them.

"Well Jack, if you want some water you're going to have to open your eyes."

Knowing that he'd lost this particular skirmish he reluctantly complied and found himself looking up into the cheery, plump face of an African-American woman who was probably in her late forties to early fifties.

"My, they really are brown, aren't they? A person could drown in those. I bet all you have to do is flutter your lovely, long lashes and the women fall at your feet." As she watched his expression changed from one of amusement to sadness. "Sorry, sometimes I talk too much."

"That's okay." Jack turned his head slightly and was hit by a sudden wave of dizziness.

"Uh-oh, I know that look. Hold on a moment." She disappeared from his line of sight and returned with a disposable bowl which she put on his chest and then supported his head as he threw up. "Better?"

"No. I knew I should have stayed where I was."

"Don't worry, it's the combination of fever and the anaesthetic... it'll get you every time. Here, drink this." She gave him a sip or two of water.

"Thanks."

"I'll just go and let them know you're awake, I won't be but a minute."

"Before you go, I think I'm going to..."

She held the bowl steady while he vomited again. "I'll bring something back for that at the same time. Breathe slowly and deeply and try to go back to sleep."

"Not a problem." Even though he still felt nauseous, his body was completely relaxed and free of pain for the first time in months. As his eyes drifted shut, Sarah cranked up the head of the bed a few inches so he wouldn't choke if he was sick again and then took the opportunity to study her new charge.

He was a little too thin for her taste but having read through his medical notes she could understand why. Nevertheless he was still extremely good looking, especially when he smiled. She wondered if it was a requirement to becoming an F.B.I Agent. Some of his colleagues had been to visit while he'd been unconscious and the tall Australian wasn't too shabby either, even though she had no idea what he was saying half the time. Tearing herself away she went to the desk to call his doctor.

o-xxx-o

He'd drifted in and out of wakefulness for the last few days, his mind filled with dreams and visions of faces he didn't recognise, but thankfully the nausea appeared to have abated at last and some of the more recent events were coming back to him. He could vaguely remember being wheeled along a corridor. There were doctors discussing his condition and the procedures they needed to carry out. He was sure they'd mentioned... Alarmed he reached down and felt his right leg.

"It's okay Sparks, it's still there."

"Bobby?"

His friend gave him a beaming grin. "About time mate, you had us all worried for a while."

"How long have I been here?"

"Almost a week..."

"What happened?"

"Didn't the doctors fill you in?"

"Yes but I was hoping you'd tell me in a language I actually speak."

His visitor grew serious as he told him about finding him on the bedroom floor and getting him to the hospital.

"Thanks for that."

"You're welcome. Look, I have to go but I'm sure the others will be in to see you later and in the meantime, you try and get some more rest, you hear. It's good to have you back, by the way."

"It's good to still be here and in one piece."

It seemed every time he opened his eyes there was someone new sitting at his bedside, not that he was complaining. After the lonely few months he'd spent in Wisconsin, it was a welcome distraction. This time however he thought he was alone until he heard a faint sound from the doorway and looked over to see a small girl standing watching him.

"Hi," he gave her a welcoming smile. "Are you lost?"

The child continued to stare but didn't respond to the question and not knowing what else to do, he reached for the buzzer to summon help but before he could press it Sarah appeared, an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry, I only turned my back for a moment and she was gone. I hope she didn't disturb you."

"No, it's fine, really."

Bending down she turned the girl to face her and began gesturing with her hands and fingers. Jack recognised it immediately as ASL.

"She's deaf?"

"Yes, since she was two. She's my granddaughter."

The youngster stamped her foot and began signing furiously, making him smile. Sarah looked across in surprise.

"You know sign language?"

"I guess I do. Well, enough to know she was telling you off, anyway."

"When did you learn?"

Jack thought about it for a moment then shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea."

"Perhaps you know a deaf person, maybe a relative?"

"Not that I can recall."

"Well, don't you trouble your head about it"

"Why would I remember how to sign but not where I learned?"

"The brain is a very complicated thing. Let's see how good you are." She returned her attention to her granddaughter. "**Tell him your name sweetheart and see if he gets it**."

"**Ok. My name S-A-L-L-Y. Who you**?"

Jack smiled broadly and replied in both sign and spoken word. "**Hello S-A-L-L-Y. I'm J-A-C-K**."

The little girl jumped up and down, signing rapidly.

"Sorry, that was too fast for me."

"She's excited because she has a new person to talk to and she wants to know if she can come back and visit."

"**A-N-Y-T-I-M-E**. Just make sure she knows that she'll need to talk slowly."

After they'd gone he lay back and tried to figure out when, how and why he'd learned ASL but sighed in frustration when nothing sprang to mind. It was something he'd have to ask Bobby about next time he came in. The lure of sleep was beckoning once more and he allowed himself to succumb.

o-xxx-o

It was early evening by the time Bobby arrived and seeing that Jack's eyes were closed, he made his way across the room as quietly as he could and sitting on the chair began searching through the bedside locker.

Jack raised one eyelid, smiling to himself. "If you're looking for the grapes, you finished them off last time you were here."

"Geez Sparks, you might at least have the decency to let a guy know you're awake! Keep doing things like that and you'll have me in a bed next to you."

"Note to self... don't ever do that again."

"Very funny, and there I was feeling guilty about eating you out of house and home. You're looking a whole lot better than the last time I saw you."

"I feel better and thank you for what you did."

"It was Myles who called the Paramedics, not me."

"That's not what I meant." He tapped his leg by way of explanation.

"You know about that?"

"Uh-huh. It's surprising the things people talk about when they think you're asleep."

"Mmm... maybe I'll have to try that sometime."

"I'm not guaranteeing it'll all be good. Can you give me a hand here?"

The Aussie helped him get into a more comfortable position.

"Thanks. So, what's going down and keeping everyone away..?"

They chatted for a while about paperwork and general subjects but it wasn't until Jack caught sight of Sarah in the doorway, tapping her watch and signing **fifteen **that he remembered what he'd wanted to ask.

"Bobby?"

"Mmm..."

"When did I learn to sign?"

Taken by surprise at the question, he checked to make sure that he'd heard correctly. "Sorry mate, what was that?"

"Signing... When did I learn it? Was it a course or something?"

Bobby countered with a question of his own. "How do you know you can?"

"Sarah, my nurse... her granddaughter's deaf. I saw her using ASL and it came as a complete surprise that I could understand it."

"Really..?" He sat up straighter in his chair.

"So, is it just me or can you?"

"A little... The whole team can, well except for Myles, but you and Lucy are streets ahead of us."

"Why would we need to?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you that stuff... Doctor's orders" He tried to make his getaway but Jack grabbed his arm, holding it firmly to stop him from leaving.

"Please, Crash. I've been having all these crazy dreams lately and now this."

"Okay, okay, just let go of my... Did you just call me Crash?"

Jack gave him a confused stare. "Why wouldn't I? It is your well-earned nickname, after all."

"Yes but you haven't used it since you came out of the coma."

"I must have."

"Sorry mate but you haven't."

Leaning back against his pillows again, he relinquished his grip on his friend. "Crash, I need to know..."

"Alright but if I get into trouble, I'm taking you down with me. What does signing mean to you?"

Jack sighed in frustration but decide to play along in the hope of learning something useful. "It's a way of communicating with the deaf but I don't know any, do I?"

The Aussie remained silent for a moment, considering his options, but the desperation on his friend's face won him over. "Yes, you do, quite a few actually, but one in particular. She used to work with us." He watched the other man closely, his concern growing when he saw his distress.

"I don't... I just can't remember..."

It was at that moment that Sarah re-entered the room. "I gave you a few extra minutes but visiting time is well and truly over, I'm afraid. Are you okay Jack? Not feeling sick again?"

He mustered up a faint smile. "I'm fine, just a little tired."

"All the more reason for your friend here to leave..." She looked up at the tall man who had gotten to his feet when she came in. "You can finish this tomorrow."

"Yes, Ma'am" He stole a worried glance in Jack's direction. "Sparks?"

"I'm okay. I'll see you tomorrow. And Crash..."

"What?"

"Thanks."

o-xxx-o

Bobby had hardly slept for worrying that he might have done more harm than good in telling Jack at least some, of what he'd wanted to know, so when D had been forced to drop out of visiting at lunchtime, he'd immediately volunteered to take his place. Walking into the hospital room, he was relieved to see that a lot of the monitors had been removed and Jack was sitting, propped up in bed.

"Crash, I wasn't expecting to see you 'til later."

"I know but D got called away and I did promise to bring you some fresh grapes." He waved the bag in the air and noticed his friend didn't seem exactly thrilled. "I prefer mine trampled by barefooted lovelies and in a bottle too but I don't think they'd appreciate it if I got you drunk." Not receiving so much as a smile, he sat down in his usual place. "You feeling okay, you seem a bit down?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"Whoa, I'd be careful if I were you, you could finish up back in CCU." He detected an annoyed snort and relented a little. "Okay I'll bite, thinking about what?"

"The crazy dream I kept having."

"Don't forget you had one hell of a fever, it could just have been some kind of hallucination or something."

"I don't think so. I had it once before, back in Wisconsin."

"Would it help to talk about it?"

"First you have to promise that you won't send for the men in white coats. I told Allie about it and she thought I'd gone stark raving mad."

"Try me, what have you got to lose?"

"My freedom..? Okay here goes..." He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure where I am but there's a dog wearing sunglasses and doing Elvis impersonations." He waited for the inevitable laughter and was astonished when it didn't happen. "Go on, you can say it. I know you want to."

"Well, you're a bit muddled but..."

"You mean it's real?" He interrupted incredulously.

"Like I said, it's a bit muddled, mate."

Jack immediately relaxed relieved beyond belief that it seemed he wasn't going out of his mind after all. His eyes suddenly snapped open when he remembered something. "No wait, it was you doing the Elvis impersonation, the dog was cracking bad jokes... That doesn't make sense..." He almost screamed with frustration. "Would you please help me out here?"

"Against the rules Sparky, you know that."

"Dammit Crash, what do you want me to do? Beg?"

"You have to remember these things on your own otherwise they'd be meaningless, like a story you've heard or something. Try focussing on one thing at a time. Start with the dog."

Jack closed his eyes again and exhaled slowly.

"Say it as you think it. It doesn't matter how stupid it sounds."

"Green sunglasses... Roof... Golden Lab..."

"Good. Now try to look further afield... What do you see?"

"A desk... Myles... He's talking to the dog."

"That's right, keep going..."

"We're in the bullpen..." He screwed up his eyes and winced.

"Jack, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Pain," he managed to hiss through gritted teeth, his hands gripping the sides of the bed so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

Bobby shot out of the chair. "I'll get someone just hold on, mate." Dashing outside, he spotted Sarah talking to another nurse and shouted out to her a little more loudly than he'd intended. "Jack needs help, now."

She came at the rush but when he tried to follow her into the room, she put a hand against his chest to stop him. "Sorry, you'll have to wait out here."

Leaning against the wall, his panic grew when two doctors came running down the corridor They stayed about ten minutes, although to him it seemed like an eternity, then left again and a little after that, Sarah came out to join him.

"Don't you worry honey, he's fine."

"He didn't look fine."

"The doctors have given him some additional pain relief and something to help him sleep."

"What happened?"

"Muscle spasm... It's similar to cramp but five times more painful since it also involves the nerves around the injury."

Bobby grimaced at the mere thought of it. "Has it happened before?"

"No but it's not unusual in these cases and unfortunately, it will happen again... The severity will decrease as the leg heals."

"Can I see him?"

"Not now and he'll probably sleep for the rest of the day, so tell your people not to come back until tomorrow. Oh, I almost forgot, he asked me to give you a message though I hope it didn't mean what I think it did."

"What message?"

"He told me to tell you 'sue'. Not a word that hospitals like to hear, I might add."

Bobby grinned happily. "Don't worry sheila, it's not what you're thinking. Sue is a person. She used to work with us."

"Well I'm sure the doctors will be happy to hear that and the name's Sarah not Sheila."

"Not as happy as I am." He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Sarah sheila, you're a sweetheart. Take care of him for me."

The woman looked on in wonderment as he fairly floated down the corridor, one hand touching her face where he'd kissed it. When he was completely out of sight she shook herself sensible again and returned to her post at Jack's bedside.

o-xxx-o


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Questions, questions, so many questions and so few answers! ;-D Thank you again for continuing to read and review!

o-xxx-o

The Unit Supervisor looked up from his work when a preoccupied and rather subdued Agent Manning walked into the bullpen after lunch the next day. "Everything okay..?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

The rest of the team eyed each other warily.

"No reason. Is Jack okay?"

"He's fine."

"Then why do you look as though someone just ran over your puppy?" Myles joined in the cross-examination as the Aussie slumped down into his chair.

"I think we have a problem. No, scratch that, I think _I_ have a problem."

"Actually you have several. Which one are we focussing on today?" When he didn't rise to the bait, it confirmed that something was definitely wrong.

"Does this have anything to do with your visit to the hospital?" D asked worriedly.

"Yeah"

Tara put down the Rubik's cube she'd been turning over and over in her hand. "Did Jack remember anything else? When you said he'd remembered Sue, I thought..."

"That's the problem. He doesn't exactly remember her, just the name."

"But you said..."

"Well, I was wrong." He sounded a little irritated.

"Then it's a good thing we decided not to call her." Dimitrius stated relieved and then saw the expression on his colleague's face. "Please tell me that you didn't."

"I could do that but I'd be lying."

"Bobby!"

"I know, I know. I was just so stoked when he... Sorry Guys."

"I think you'd better call her back and tell her the truth."

"I'd love to D but..." He looked at his watch. "She's probably in mid-air by now and her phone will be switched off."

"Bobby Manning, sometimes you can be a complete idiot!"

"Thanks Myles, now tell me something I don't know. Still, maybe it won't be all bad... If Sparky actually sees her then..."

"She'll wave a magic wand, all his memories will return and they'll fly off together on a magic carpet. I know she looks like a fairy tale princess but sadly Koala Boy, this isn't a Disney movie. Its real life and people get hurt."

"You really know how to make a bloke feel lousy, don't you Harvard?"

"There's always a chance it could happen... well, not the magic carpet but the rest." Tara offered.

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then no harm, no foul. At least I tried." Bobby snapped back.

"And just where do Thomas' feelings come into this? How do you think she's going to feel if he doesn't remember her?"

"Or, if he does?" D added quietly.

"Good point." Myles agreed. "As I recall, they weren't exactly best pals when she left."

"And, as far as I know, they haven't spoken since." The rotor added.

"Bobby," Dimitrius used his best authoritative voice. "You have to warn her before she sees him."

"Assuming she'll want to see him when she finds out the truth."

The Aussie stared at the blonde Agent across the desk and then turned to his Supervisor. "Look, I promised to pick her up from the airport and I don't want to arrive looking like an F.B.I Agent, so is it alright if I head off? I'll make up the time later."

D nodded. "And Bobby..."

"Yeah..?"

"Make sure that you tell her everything before she sees him." He waved a pencil threateningly in the tall man's direction. "And that's not a request."

o-xxx-o

The job had taken her all over the country and she'd lost count of how many flights she'd made but even now she still wasn't completely comfortable with it and not having Levi this time around was making it worse. Her plane had landed early so she decided to get a coffee in the cafeteria while she waited to be picked up. Sighing, she absently stirred her as-yet untouched beverage while wondering why she'd let herself be talked into coming in the first place.

Bobby had called to say that Jack had remembered her and his enthusiasm had been infectious but now she thought about it, he hadn't actually told her what he'd remembered and that was worrying but, at the same time, she was anxious to see how he was doing. She'd known he'd returned to D.C. and that he was back in hospital even before Lucy had called to tell her but her friend's graphic description of what had befallen him had chilled her to the bone. Had he remembered everything? Somehow she doubted that or he would have called her himself. And, if he'd only remembered parts of what had happened between them, which were they? She was seriously contemplating returning to the desk and trying to exchange her ticket so she could go back straight away but the vibration of her BlackBerry precluded the idea.

"This is Sue."

"Hey stranger, where are you? I see you got here early."

"So did you. I'm in the cafeteria on the main concourse. I'll come and find you."

"No, stay there and I'll come to you. We need to talk."

She frowned when he cut off the call and watched the entranceway, waving when he came in. As he approached the table she stood and gave him a hug which he willingly returned.

"Sue you look great. It's good to see you again."

"You, too"

Bobby sat down opposite her, suddenly feeling a little awkward. "I think I'll get myself one of those." He pointed to her coffee cup. "Be right back."

"Okay," she waited apprehensively until he sat down again and then decided to come straight to the point. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not exactly..."

"Is Jack okay?"

"He's good..."

Reaching across the table she touched his arm to get him to face her. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Bobby blew out a breath and gave her an apologetic smile. "I... erm..."

A niggling doubt was forming in her mind and she pushed him for an answer. "You said Jack remembered me."

"I did."

"I'm sensing a 'but'. How much does he remember?" For a moment she thought her worst fears were about to be confirmed.

"He remembered your name and that's why I called but..." He inhaled deeply. "That's all he remembered." The last few words came out in a rush.

"Bobby! Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Would you have come if I had?"

Sue considered the question "...Probably not."

The big man shrugged. "That's what I thought."

The genuine sadness on his face had her swallowing down her annoyance. "Then why am I here?"

"I thought perhaps if he saw you..."

"His memories would come flooding back and we'd all live happily ever after?"

"Now you're starting to scare me, you sounded just like Myles."

"Well, we never agreed on much but in this case..."

Bobby took her hand in his. "Sue, I know I'm asking a lot but Sparky is my best friend and I'd do anything to help him. You know what happened was my fault."

"Your fault..?"

"Yeah, my snitch, my bust and I almost got him killed."

"You're not the first to do that." She blanched at the memory.

"True," he gave her a rueful smile. "But you only managed to get him shot in the shoulder..."

"And Levi almost died."

"And you would have done anything to save him just as I'd try anything to help Jack. If you'd seen how I found him in Wisconsin, you'd understand."

"I thought Allie was taking care of him?"

"How did you know..? Oh Luce, of course..." He'd answered his own question and she didn't feel the need to contradict him. "She shot through... left him high and dry." A momentary anger flashed into his eyes.

"Oh..." Sue glanced away so he couldn't see the tears that pricked at the backs of hers and when she turned to look at him again, she'd made up her mind. "You'd better fill me in on what's happened and what I can and can't talk about."

Bobby gave her the same story he'd told the rest of the team. "There are still a few hours of visiting time if you'd like to see him this evening or you could wait until tomorrow if you want?"

Her first instinct had been to wait but she knew if she did then it would just make it all the harder. "I'll go now."

"Okay." He gave her one of his cheeky, boyish grins but when it wasn't reciprocated he brought his hand to his chest and signed '**sorry**'.

Sue sighed. "That's okay," but it wasn't and they both knew it.

"Where's Levi?"

"I left him at home with a friend. He doesn't like to fly on his days off." It was a feeble joke but it served to alleviate some of the tension between them.

o-xxx-o

The sound of footsteps in the corridor had Jack looking up from the newspaper article he'd been trying to struggle through. His concentration wasn't up to much and he found that if he read for too long it still gave him a headache. Usually he could tell who was coming by the rhythm of their shoes on the floor but this time he found he hadn't a clue. Putting the paper to one side he glanced over when someone entered, his face brightening at the sight of a tall, pretty, blonde woman hovering in the doorway.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself," he noticed she seemed a little nervous. "Are you looking for someone?"

"Not anymore."

His smile faltered when he saw a fleeting sadness cross her face. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Afraid she was going to bolt he indicated the chair by his bed. "Please stay a while."

She hesitated for a moment and then stepped all the way inside and sat down, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. A gesture he found vaguely familiar.

"Could you tell me your name?"

Not trusting her voice, she resorted to signing. "S-U-E."

"Oh, s**orry**, I remembered the name but not the face."

"And how to sign" She gave him a faint smile. "Bobby called. He hoped that maybe if you saw me..."

"I really am sorry. Have you come far?"

"...New York."

"That's quite a way." For some inexplicable reason he found himself looking around the floor.

"Did you lose something?"

"This might sound crazy but I was expecting to see a dog." He looked at her somewhat confused and she decided to use the same line she had on Bobby earlier.

"I left him at home. He doesn't like to fly on his day off." She'd hoped for a smile but was pleasantly surprised when he laughed. It must have been aloud because he looked over to the door and when she followed his gaze she saw a short, plumpish woman leaning against the wall watching them curiously.

"It's okay she's a colleague from New York."

The woman smiled and left them alone again.

"**Who..**?"

"My nurse... S-A-R-A-H."

"You have your own nurse?"

"Of course," he gave her a smug grin and she rolled her eyes. Some things just never changed.

They chatted for a while longer about the hospital and her job and then she felt her BlackBerry vibrate in her pocket letting her know it was time to leave. Pushing back her chair, she got to her feet. "I'm afraid I have to go."

The happiness on his face instantly turned to disappointment. "Visiting isn't over yet."

"I know but I haven't eaten since breakfast and I still have to find somewhere to stay."

"There's no need to go to a lot of expense, you can use my place."

"Jack, I can't do that."

"…Why not? It's the least I can do after you've come all this way to see me. It's not like I can take you out to dinner to thank you."

Sue considered his offer for a minute but the sincerity of his expression made it impossible for her to refuse. "Okay then, **thank you**."

"Any time... Do you know where I live?"

"Why, don't you?"

"Very funny"

"**Sorry**, couldn't resist. Yes I know and anyway, Bobby's waiting outside."

"That's good." She bent down to pick up her bag and jumped when he touched her arm. "Sorry..."

"No problem."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I know we worked together but were we friends?"

A lump unexpectedly formed in her throat and she quickly cleared it. "Yes, we were friends."

"I'm glad. If you can spare the time while you're here could you come and visit again?" His face lit up once more when she nodded. "And Sue, there's one other thing..."

"What's that?"

"A favour, if it's not too much trouble. I have a friend in New York who I've been worried about. Is there any way you could check on her for me? I need to know she's okay and I can't really ask the others."

A knot formed in the pit of her stomach when she realised she already knew the answer to her next question. "**Who**..?"

"Her name's Allie. I'll write it down for you along with her work address."

When she'd gone Jack laid back, closed his eyes and sighed deeply, knowing instinctively he'd asked the wrong thing of her but not why. He'd watched the sparkle fade from her eyes and now he wondered if she would ever come back and see him again. He hoped so. There was just something about her that made him smile both inside and out.

o-xxx-o

When Bobby found her she was leaning against the wall outside the ward with her eyes tightly closed as she tried to fend off the tears that were threatening once more. He touched her shoulder gently and she gave him a sad smile.

"Are you okay?"

"No, not really"

"He didn't remember you, did he?" When she shook her head he immediately apologised, finally grasping what Myles had been trying to tell him. "I'm sorry Sue I didn't mean you to get hurt. Are you ready to go?"

"Mm hmm" He put an arm around her shoulder and led her towards the exit.

"...Where to, my lady?"

She thought about going to a hotel after all, but they really were far too expensive in the city and she didn't feel like company, so that only left one option. "Jack said I could use his place."

"Rightie-o, chez Hudson, it is."

o-xxx-o

After he'd gone, Sue had a quick look around the apartment and was pleasantly surprised to see that, for the most part, it was exactly as she remembered. Somewhere deep inside she still had the urge to run back to New York but that was what the wonderful Allie had done and she had no desire to follow in those footsteps. There was also the added complication that Bobby had let the cat out of the bag and told the rest of the team she was in D.C. She'd run out on them once before not three months after promising to stay and she couldn't do it again although she wasn't sure what her reception would be if and when she did walk back into the bullpen; she'd already chickened out on her last visit. It had taken Lucy almost three months to even begin to forgive her for leaving and she was her best friend, though in hindsight that was probably the reason it had taken her so long. No, it was time to face them again and hope they'd accept her belated apology.

After fixing herself a snack she watched the news on TV but couldn't find anything else to interest her so she settled on a shower and an early night. Feeling too tired to worry about sorting out the spare room she picked up her bag and walked into Jack's, turned on the light and froze. The sight of the two walking sticks leaning against the bedside table and the array of pill bottles, clean bandages and other medication laid out on the top, bringing home to her just what he must have been going through all these months. The tears she'd been fighting all day finally spilled over when she realised that the rug she was standing on was probably where they'd found him after he collapsed. Throwing herself onto the bed she grabbed his pillow, hugging it tightly and cried herself to sleep.

o-xxx-o


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** As it's Yannick's birthday today, I thought I'd post another chapter to celebrate. It's a little shorter than usual but if you're really nice to me, I may have another ready to go by the end of the day. Enjoy. :-D

o-xxx-o

After having lunch with Lucy and Tara the next day, Sue had felt a whole lot better. The dreaded inquisition into why she'd left so suddenly hadn't materialised and it appeared from the occasional glances her friends were exchanging, they'd come to some sort of agreement as to what they would and wouldn't ask. She walked with them back to the Hoover Building and after a little cajoling, agreed to go inside for a few minutes. That had been hours ago and now she stood and stretched her back after spending most of the afternoon lip-reading surveillance tapes of a suspected arms' dealer.

"Sue, thank you." D gave her a warm hug. "We really miss you around here."

"I'll second that." Tara waved her hand in the air.

"Third" All eyes turned to the Bostonian. "What? I'm just agreeing with the majority, is that a problem?"

"...More of a shock." Lucy corrected and Myles huffed.

"It's bad enough being one person short but two? Any help has got to be welcomed."

Sue smiled and shook her head. "Thank you Myles, I think..."

They all said their goodbyes with promises to call but when she walked out into the hallway Bobby followed and took hold of her arm to stop her.

"Did I miss something?"

"No, I need to ask a favour."

"Another one..?" She scolded but couldn't suppress a smile.

"Same one, really..."

"Bobby..."

"I know, I know, but..."

"What?"

"Could you pop in and see Sparky on your way home?"

"It's not exactly on my way and I was planning to visit before I leave on Thursday."

"Look Sue, I saw him this morning and he's, I don't know... kind of down."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks he upset you yesterday and he doesn't know why."

"Oh."

"And you definitely weren't happy when I found you in the corridor."

"It was just seeing him like that and his not remembering me, that's all."

"Sue, I'm a guy and naturally clueless when it comes to peoples' feelings but even I know it had to be more than that."

"I'll clear it up."

"What was it?" He persisted.

"He asked me to do something for him when I went back to New York."

Bobby sighed. "Did this something by any chance involve Allie?"

"Yes, but please don't tell him I told you. He asked me to check on her."

"Sparky sometimes... Are you going to?"

"I promised I'd make sure she was okay and I will but for his sake not hers, though I doubt she'll even see me."

"You're quite a woman Sue Thomas, you know that?"

"**Thank you**."

"So, will you go to the hospital today?" Not getting an immediate response he gave her his best pleading, puppy-dog expression but it was nowhere near as good as Jack's, nevertheless she capitulated.

"I'll go."

"Thanks, I owe you."

"Then you can start repaying me by buying dinner tonight and while we eat you can fill me in on what happened in Wisconsin."

"I thought I already had."

"Yes, but I want to know everything you didn't tell the rest of the team."

"Sue darlin', you know me too well." He gave her a cheeky wink. "Pick you up about 7:30?"

"D-E-A-L."

o-xxx-o

Early on Thursday morning, Sue stood hands-on-hips surveying the apartment for one last time and smiling with satisfaction at what she saw. Everything was back as it should be. The bed-linen had been stripped, washed and put away; the furniture was dust-free and she'd been through the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator checking the dates on all the food. There was only one more thing to do and that was going to be the hardest of all... She had to say goodbye to Jack... again.

Walking into the hospital she tried to stay upbeat but she knew by the time she got back to New York, she'd be an emotional wreck and she was really glad that Levi would be there waiting for her. As she passed the nurses' station, Sarah came out to greet her.

"Can we talk before you go in?"

"Is something wrong?"

She led her into a vacant room and they sat down.

"Is Jack sick again?"

"No, nothing like that"

"Then what is it?" The realisation that the woman was genuinely unhappy was scaring her.

"The doctors have just been round and he's going to be discharged next week."

Sue let out a relieved sigh. "But that's good, isn't it?"

"Normally I'd say yes but they're not going to allow him to go back to his apartment."

"Why not..?"

"They say he mustn't be left on his own, which is true of course, but..."

"He wouldn't be alone," Sue argued. "The guys will still be there to look after him and make sure he has everything he needs."

"Believe me, we tried to convince them of that but they're concerned something might happen when they're not there, the way it did before. Your friends can't be with him 24/7, they have their own lives and as you know, in your profession things don't always happen to schedule. If Jack has a fall or God forbid, gets another infection, they won't be able to save his leg a third time."

Sue's eyes filled with tears. "So what are they going to do?"

"Arrange for him to be transferred to a Nursing or Convalescent Home."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"The closest one with a vacancy is over seventy miles away."

"But that would mean..."

"He'll be away from everyone who cares about him. It's much too far to travel in a lunch hour or after work and if I know Jack, the separation will do more harm than good but they're not going to listen to a lowly nurse. Tell you what, why don't you go and see if you can cheer him up and I'll rustle up a cup of coffee?"

"I don't think my visiting him will help. I've come to say goodbye. I fly back to New York this evening."

The older woman shook her head sadly. "It's just not his day, is it?" Getting to her feet she straightened her uniform and walked to the door.

She'd given them half-an-hour to themselves before making her way down the corridor carrying two cups on a tray and now she was standing in the doorway unobserved as she watched them. Jack was propped up against his pillows but she couldn't see his face as Sue was sitting on the bed, holding his hand and talking to him quietly, obscuring her view. After a few minutes she stood and gave him a hug and Sarah took that as her cue to leave them alone to say their goodbyes. She waited patiently at the desk for Sue to come back.

"Do you still have time for that coffee?"

"Sorry? Yes, of course."

It didn't take a trained psychiatrist to recognise just how upset the young woman was and after they'd settled she decided to ask something she'd wanted to know almost since they'd first met. "Can I ask you something? You can tell me to mind my own business if you like."

Sue managed a small smile. "Depends on what it is."

"Jack... he's much more to you than a work colleague, isn't he?"

She nodded miserably. "**He was**."

"I thought so. There's just something magical between the two of you."

"Not anymore." She quickly brushed away a stray tear. "He doesn't remember us... me."

Sarah gave Sue's arm a comforting squeeze and then touched her own temple. "Not here maybe, but here..." She moved her hand and placed it over her heart. "I think he does."

"Really..?"

"I've watched the two of you together. He's different when he's with you, more like himself. He doesn't hide behind a façade the way he does with the others."

Sue tried to disagree but Sarah pre-empted her. "Not even his friend Bobby Manning gets to see what you see."

"Bobby!" She shot up from her seat. "I have to go. He's waiting to take me to the airport."

After her initial surprise, the other woman got to her feet. "You take care of yourself young lady and call him from time to time. He's going to need someone he can really talk to."

"I will... and thank you." Impetuously she gathered the woman into her arms for a hug. "Look after him and make sure he doesn't get too depressed." She rummaged in her purse and pulled out a business card. "Call me when you find out where they're sending him."

When she'd gone, Sarah studied the writing on the card, smiling and shaking her head in wonder. If this woman could achieve so much despite being deaf then maybe the future wasn't so bleak for her granddaughter after all. It was just a pity they hadn't had the chance to meet.

o-xxx-o


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** The third chapter, as promised. :-D

o-xxx-o

**One Week Later:**

Jack made a half-hearted attempt at a smile when Bobby entered his soon-to-be ex hospital room but failed dismally. He'd been sitting on the bed for a while contemplating what lay ahead and deep inside, he knew the doctors were right but it didn't make it any easier. It was almost like being put out to pasture; an old work horse no one had the heart to put down. A touch melodramatic perhaps, but that was how he felt.

"Ready to go, Sparks..?"

"I suppose so."

"In that case..." He went back into the corridor and returned with a wheelchair. "Your carriage a-waits..."

"Oh no, I'm not using that thing."

"Then what do you suggest, bearing in mind I have absolutely no intention of carrying you?"

Jack's shoulders slumped. "I have no choice, do I?"

When he was seated, Bobby carefully placed his bag on his lap and wheeled him outside. "You really think you could have walked that far, mate?" He asked as they made their way to the nurses' station.

Not long ago he would have made it in a few seconds but now it looked like a full-blown marathon course. "I guess not."

When they reached the desk, Sarah came over to say goodbye again. "Don't forget, you promised to keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. You've got my number, right?"

"Sarah, I've always had your number."

She waggled a finger in his direction in admonishment then looked up at his friend. "This guy is a bad influence on you."

"Always has been. Say goodbye to Sally for me."

"Ooh, that reminds me." She disappeared from view and returned a few minutes later with a brightly coloured envelope. "She sent you a good luck card. Made it herself..."

Jack swallowed hard unexpectedly touched by the gesture. "Thank her for me." His voice cracked and he quickly cleared his throat in an effort to disguise it.

"I will. You take care now and don't let this guy lead you astray."

"Sarah sweetheart, I'm hurt."

"You will be if I see him in here again. I'm holding you personally responsible."

The comment was closer to the mark than she realised but he gave her a broad grin, taking it in the spirit it was meant. "Thank you for everything you've done."

"It's my job."

"If you say so"

Once they were safely in the car, the Aussie pulled out into the traffic and the first half of the journey was completed in silence. "You okay, mate?"

"Fine thanks." He'd been staring out of the window and trying to memorise everything he saw, especially when they reached the more familiar spots. It was a weird thing to do, after all he was only going to VA and it wasn't as though he wouldn't be back, but just in case...

He'd been so deep in thought he hadn't even noticed they were outside his apartment building until Bobby pulled over and turned off the engine. "What are we doing here? I thought we were heading for Virginia."

"Well unless you plan on wearing the same sweat pants, T-shirt and underwear for the duration, I thought you might want to stop off and pick up some fresh clothes."

"Good point."

"I thought so." He removed the wheelchair from the trunk and came back to help him out of the vehicle.

"Where did you get that?"

"Don't worry Sparky, I didn't pinch it. It's on loan until you can stand on your own two feet without falling over."

He wheeled him into the elevator and when they reached the front door, he knocked before going inside. Jack was about to ask him why he'd done it when the rest of the team emerged from the kitchen to welcome him home. It was then that he saw the banner and balloons around the lounge and he finally managed a proper smile.

"Thank you."

They stayed to chat for a while then D grabbed his jacket. "I hate to break this up people but we have to get back to the office." They all groaned but made ready to leave. "Bobby, we'll see you there later."

"Yes, Sir"

After they'd gone Jack waited patiently for his chauffeur to announce that it was time for them to go as well but when he didn't, he reluctantly broached the subject himself. "Shouldn't we be leaving too?"

"Change of plan, mate." He walked behind him and started to push the chair towards the bedroom.

"I don't understand."

"Let's get you comfortable and then I'll fill you in."

"I'm staying here?" He queried, feeling a little more hopeful but at the same time, knowing it wasn't actually possible.

"You are."

"But I thought..."

Bobby took him to the bathroom and waited for him to change into a pair of clean pyjamas before helping him into bed. "Look Sparks, we could all see you didn't want to go to that place so we put our heads together and came up with a different plan."

"What plan?"

"We've arranged for someone to move in and look after you right here until you're fit enough to be left on your own."

"Crash, home help like that costs a fortune. There's no way I can afford it and neither can you."

"Don't you worry your head about that... I have it on the best authority that this guy we've hired doesn't charge much, just bed and board and the odd meal or two."

"No, you can't..."

"Not me." He raised his hands in horror. "Do I look like a nursemaid to you? This guy is far more suited to the job and, unless I'm very much mistaken, he's just arrived so if you'll excuse me."

Unable to hear what was going on, Jack waited anxiously to see what his friend had let him in for but found himself totally baffled when Bobby was the only one to come through the door when it opened again a few minutes later.

"So, what do you think of your new nurse?"

"I don't... What?"

The Aussie lowered his gaze to the floor and Jack's followed, peering over the edge of the bed and snorting in surprise. Sitting patiently at his feet was a Golden Labrador, a white plastic case with a red cross painted on it clamped firmly in his jaw.

"The regular sized bag was a bit too big so I'm afraid we had to get the children's version but on the plus side, it means we can trust you not to cut yourself on the scissors."

"And I thought I was the one who'd lost their mind. A dog..?"

"This isn't just any dog mate, he's Levi..."

"The wonder dog" Jack finished for him without actually understanding what or why he'd said it.

"You see, it's still all in there somewhere Sparky but I'm sure you've already guessed that there are certain chores around the place he won't be able to handle so he's brought along a helper of his own." He bent down and retrieved the toy medical kit from the dog's mouth. "Go get Sue."

When she put her head round the door Jack's face immediately lit up and Bobby knew that, for once, he'd done the right thing.

"Is it safe to come in?"

"As safe as it gets."

"Hi."

"Hi, it's good to see you again."

"And you..."

"But why would you..? I mean it's not that I'm not grateful, far from it, but..."

"I had some vacation time coming and this seemed to be the cheapest hotel in the city. It's close to the sights, with free bed and board... What more could a girl ask?"

"I'm afraid the room service isn't up to much." Jack feigned an apology as he got into the spirit of the conversation.

"That's okay. I've always preferred self-catering anyway." She gave him one of her 'I've made up my mind so it's no use arguing' smiles.

"Then welcome to my humble abode and thank you." For some reason his voice kept betraying him today and again he was forced to clear his throat.

Levi barked loudly, feeling a little left out.

"And you too, Levi." He glanced in Sue's direction to confirm he had the name right and the Lab barked again.

"He says he's happy to help."

Jack put out a hand to give him a scratch and Levi licked it affectionately. "Thanks boy, I needed that. I just wish I could remember you and your mistress."

"Come on Buddy. Let's get you fed."

After she'd gone Bobby's face turned serious. "You've got a second chance here Sparky, don't blow it."

"Sorry?"

"I mean, don't drive her away like you did Allie."

"Are you and she..?"

"Nah, I'm not that lucky."

"Okay," he nodded aware that once again he'd missed something. "So, how is this going to work?"

"Sue and Levi will live in and take care of the day-to-day stuff as well as meds and meals and to give her a break, something she's definitely going to need by the way, I'll take over while she walks Levi, shops and does whatever else it is women do in their spare time."

"Why is she doing this?"

"Because she's a kind and caring person, so don't go upsetting her or your next carer will be Myles. And now I have to go"

"Bobby thanks for all of this..."

"Don't thank me, it was her idea."

He lay back and closed his eyes breathing out a relieved sigh as he finally started to relax. This was what he needed more than anything else. To be in his own home and surrounded by people who cared but there was still a niggling doubt in the back of his mind. He'd thought the same thing when he'd moved in with Allie and it had all gone horribly wrong. What was to prevent it happening again? Silently he made a vow to himself not to take anything for granted and not to become too attached to this woman. For all he knew she could have a boyfriend in New York and once the novelty wore off, or things got too difficult, she could realise she'd made a terrible mistake and shoot through on him as well. He must have dozed off because he was startled by a knock on the door. "Come in."

When nothing happened he laughed at his own stupidity and was just wondering how in the world they were going to communicate when she walked in with a smile on her face and once more he felt his mood lift.

"Are you comfortable? Is there anything you need?"

"Come and talk to me for a while?"

"Okay, we need to sort a few things out anyway."

"That sounds ominous."

"Not really, just a few practicalities."

He patted the space beside him and was slightly disappointed when she perched on the very edge of the bed. "What practicalities?"

"Things like just now. If I knock then I'm not going to hear your reply so if you're undressed or need some privacy, we'll have to find a way so I know not to come in."

"Well if I'm in bed it won't matter and if I'm in the bathroom, I'll shut this door and lock the one that leads into the hallway. I can always change in there or under the covers."

"I used to do that when I was a child."

"Why?"

"Because I grew up with three older, very curious, boys," she blushed slightly and he laughed.

"Uh-huh. And what if I need you?"

"That's easy, call Levi and he'll come and find me but you'll have to keep the bedroom door slightly open. He's not very good with handles and he definitely can't pick locks."

"Not a problem," he was convinced he'd smiled more in the last twenty minutes than he had all the time he was in Wisconsin. "And my meds..?"

"Sarah gave me a schedule and a whole list of tips. I'm sure we'll be able to make this work and your doctor will be by in a couple of days, so hopefully you'll be allowed up."

"Sue, I have no idea why you're doing this but **thank you**." He tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn and she jumped to her feet.

"You're tired, so why don't you try to get some sleep? Your first tablets aren't due for another couple of hours. I'm going to unpack and I'll use the other door to get into the bathroom so I don't disturb you."

"You won't." She gave him a hand to slide further down the bed and then rearranged his pillows until he was comfortable. "Sleep well."

When he closed his eyes she walked to the window and shut the curtains. "Stay with him, Levi."

o-xxx-o


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** It's lovely to know you're still reading and enjoying my story - thank you for that.

o-xxx-o

Not really sure what to expect, Sue had checked on him after half-an-hour and decided it was time to do so again. Slipping quietly, she hoped, through the door she walked to the side of the bed and seeing his eyes were still closed, turned to leave him in peace.

"I'm not asleep."

Levi tapped her leg to let her know she was being spoken to and this time when she looked he smiled up at her.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry I tried not to make a noise."

"No, it wasn't you. I must have turned in my sleep and my leg complained."

"Sorry I didn't get much of that. I can't see your lips properly. Is it okay if I open the curtains?"

He signed a '**yes**'.

"Close your eyes." She pulled them back and he blinked several times to accustom himself to the light and when she returned to his side he gave her the abbreviated version.

"I said don't worry, I was already awake."

"That's alright then." Her face brightened visibly. "Can I get you anything?"

"A drink would be good." He pushed himself up into a sitting position, grimacing when his leg objected in the only way it could.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're sure? I can't give you any medication for another twenty minutes or so."

"I think I'll survive that long." He gave her a reassuring smile.

"In that case I can offer you water, coffee or orange juice. Oh, I have cranberry juice too."

"With a cookie to go..?" He screwed up his face and scratched his head in bewilderment. "I have no clue why I said that."

Sue just stared at him and he flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry, I've been doing that a lot lately. I even started keeping notes to see if I could make any sense of it all."

"Do you want to add that one to the list?"

"You don't think it's stupid?" He studied her face intently. "You understood that, didn't you?"

She evaded the question by distracting him with one of her own. "Where's your notepad?"

"...In my hospital bag."

"I'll get it for you." His comment had taken her completely by surprise and she hung around in the lounge until she'd managed to bury the feelings that had almost betrayed her. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Scribbling it down, he closed the pad.

"Are there any other pearls of wisdom in there?"

"No," he quickly slipped it into the drawer as though he didn't want her to see. "Just random garbage... I'm thinking of having it published 'The Diary of a Madman'."

"Already been done, it was a really bad movie. So, have you decided what you want to drink?"

"Coffee would be good." He winced again as he tried to change position and Sue looked at the clock.

"I'll bring your meds back with me. Levi, stay."

o-xxx-o

All-in-all, the arrangement had worked very well so far and the few snags that had cropped up were easily dealt with. His doctor had called in a couple of days earlier and had been happy enough to allow him out of bed for a few hours each day but this particular one wasn't turning out quite so well.

He'd been here before and had known what to expect but he was still having difficulty in coping. The problem was the extra strong painkillers he'd been given when he was in the hospital had dissipated from his system and since they couldn't be taken without constant medical supervision, he'd been downgraded to the usual run-of-the-mill prescribed medication. What he was going through was almost like withdrawal with varying degrees of good and bad days. The best meant the pain gradually disappeared over time, the mediocre that it was there but bearable and on the bad ones they hardly had any affect at all and unfortunately, today was one of those and it was making him decidedly cranky.

It seemed that no matter whether he sat with his right leg up on the sofa, resting on the coffee table or with his foot on the floor, there was no tolerably comfortable position to be found. When Levi had accidentally bumped him while searching for his bunny, he'd cursed loudly and shouted at the poor animal and the dog had immediately gone scurrying to his mistress' side. To make matters worse, when she'd come in to find out what had happened he'd yelled at her as well.

He watched miserably as she led the Lab into the kitchen and closed the door before sitting down in the chair opposite him. "I'm **sorry, **I just..." He used his hand to massage his thigh. "Is Levi okay?"

Sue nodded. "He will be."

Jack cleared his throat and gave up even trying to ease the pain. "Are _you_ okay? I didn't mean to yell."

"Speaking, singing, yelling... They're all the same to me."

"Yes, but..."

"Is it bad?"

"It's a bit like toothache, you know? Really bad toothache," he corrected forcing a smile which instantly turned into another grimace.

Coming over, she sat beside him. "I wish there was something I could do to help."

"Thanks." He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I think I might go and lie down for a while."

"Okay," she handed him one of his canes and helped him to his feet. "Ready?"

"..As I'll ever be" They made their way very slowly to the bedroom and she eased him down onto the bed making him as comfortable as she could. Seeing how pale his face was, she could tell that he was still in a lot of pain.

"I'll get you a glass of water and you should take one of your sleeping tablets and try to rest."

Under normal circumstances he would have declined but right at that moment oblivion seemed like a welcoming place to be. "Thanks."

As the pill began to take effect he experienced a déjà vu moment, imagining himself back in Wisconsin. This was how it had started to go downhill with Allie and now he was wondering if Sue would be there when he woke up or if he would be alone again. Luckily before he could get too depressed about it, the darkness claimed him.

o-xxx-o

Lying quietly some time later he tried to get a grip on reality. For some reason drug-induced sleep always left him dazed and disorientated on waking. It was how he'd finally figured out what Allie had been doing to him. But no, he didn't want to go there... not again, so he forced his mind in another direction. Perhaps if he had someone to talk to he could focus on that? He called for Levi but when the dog didn't appear he thought his worst nightmare had come true. What if he'd driven her away as well? He wouldn't blame her for a moment if she'd packed up and left after what had happened earlier. She'd said she was okay with it but what if she was just being nice? Visions of nursing homes with stark white walls, filled with strangers started appearing in his mind and then a movement beside him gave him hope. "Sue..?"

He opened his eyes to see Bobby bending over him. "You're not Sue."

"Very good Sparky, nothing wrong with your observational skills is there? And just for the record, I'm not Levi either."

"I know that, he's much better looking. Where is Sue?"

"She's taken Levi to the park, said she needed some fresh air so I'm in charge for a while."

"She's coming back?"

"Of course, why wouldn't she be?"

"No reason."

"Okay," he eyed his friend suspiciously but chose not to push. "She said you're having a bit of a bad day. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Not unless you can figure out how I can have a shower without you holding my hand."

"Already sorted mate, if you'd care to join me..." He waited for Jack to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed, noticing that it took him far longer than usual. "You are struggling, aren't you?"

"Apparently there's nothing wrong with your observational skills either. Okay, ready."

Bobby hauled him to his feet and supported him as he made his way to the bathroom. "There you go."

When Jack looked he saw that a plastic chair had been placed inside the shower tray so he could sit down. "Thank you."

"It was Sue's idea, not mine."

"Most of the good ones are."

"You did say you wanted a cold shower, right?" His friend asked as he fiddled with the controls.

"Okay, okay. I take it back." He put up his hands in surrender.

"Give me a shout when you're done, I'll be in the bedroom."

"Can you lock the other door first?"

"Why's that?"

"...Because I don't want Sue walking in on me when she gets back."

"Good point. That really would frighten her away."

"Ha-ha."

o-xxx-o

He could feel soft, cool fingers gently stroking the hair back from his forehead and lay there savouring the moment. It had been so long since anyone had shown him any real affection and even though he knew she was only doing it because she thought he was asleep, he didn't want it to end. All-too-soon the hand moved to his arm rubbing it a little more vigorously until he gave in and opened his eyes.

"At last..."

"What time is it?"

"Just after 7"

"Am. or pm"

"Pm"

If Bobby had come over at lunchtime then that meant... He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so long."

"**No problem**."

"I'll probably regret it later though. Sue..." He pulled her down beside him. "Talking of regrets, I really am sorry about earlier. I should never have shouted at you."

"It doesn't matter. You were in pain and if it made it easier... Just promise me one thing?"

"What's that?"

"The next time, shout at me and not Levi, he doesn't understand."

"Don't worry, I promise not to shout at either of you in the future. Cross my heart." He made the sign on his chest with his index finger.

"And I promise I won't hold you to that." She teased. "Now, are you hungry?"

Surprisingly, he was.

"What would you like?"

"Pizza..." He asked hopefully and she shook her head. "What? You were the one who asked what I wanted."

"Okay, pizza it is."

He cheered up instantly. "The takeaway number is programmed into the phone... on 4."

"Why am I not surprised? Unfortunately it doesn't really help me much."

"**Sorry **didn't think... Too much sleep does that to me. There should be a menu in the kitchen drawer."

"I'll be right back." She returned about ten minutes later. "It's on the way."

"You didn't even ask me what I wanted." He whined sulkily and then stared in shock when she told him what she'd ordered. "How did you..? We've shared pizza before, haven't we?"

"Once or twice"

He shook his head exasperated with himself. "Sorry."

"I forgive you."

The word jogged his memory. "Sue, while we're waiting, may I ask you something."

"Sure." He hesitated and she looked at him quizzically. "What is it?"

"I don't want to upset you."

"Go ahead."

"Did you manage to check on Allie while you were in New York?"

Again he saw the fleeting sadness in her eyes. "I went to see her in my lunch break but she had an appointment that day." She elected to be vague about it, not wanting to tell him that she'd spotted her leaving with some guy who'd had his hands all over her.

"So you didn't speak to her?"

"I called her later in the week. As far as I could tell without hearing her voice, she seemed fine. She asked if I knew how you were and if you'd remembered anything." It was his turn to have a sad moment. "But before I could tell her she said she had to go and put the phone down. I didn't have the chance to try again."

"Thanks anyway."

"If you want I could..."

"Forget it." He jumped in before she could complete the offer, the expression on his face telling her that he'd read between the lines and then his mood changed again. "D-O-O-R."

"Do you want to get up and eat in the kitchen or would you rather have a bedroom picnic?"

For the moment his leg was quiescent and he didn't want to risk putting any unnecessary strain on it. "Bedroom picnic…"

o-xxx-o

He'd been uncharacteristically subdued during the meal and after clearing away, she set up her laptop in the kitchen and settled down to catch up on her mail and give him some space. She couldn't blame him for being upset, after all he had no idea that he hadn't seen Allie for almost three years before the explosion, as far as he was concerned they'd only broken up when she'd left him in Wisconsin. She'd been relieved when he hadn't taken her up on the offer to check on the woman again. She wasn't sure she could ever forgive her for leading him on and then dumping him the way she had. He hadn't deserved that. She was so engrossed in an email from Amanda that she didn't notice Levi beside her until he put his paw on her knee and started to tug at her jumper.

"What is it, Boy? Is it Jack?" She knew she'd guessed correctly when the dog went to the door. "It's okay, I've got it. You stay here."

When she walked into the bedroom her heart skipped a beat. She could see his chest heaving; one of his hands was clutching the bedcovers while the other was above his head and gripping the headboard. There was sweat on his brow and his face was contorted with pain. For a moment she was rooted to the spot, terrified he was having another heart attack and then a voice sounded in her head, telling her he needed help and it stirred her into action, almost propelling her to his side.

"Jack! What is it? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Muscle spasm, right leg..." He ground out through clenched teeth. "God, it hurts."

Despite feeling as though she wanted to cry, she actually calmed down a little. This was one of the things on the list Sarah had given her and she'd memorised exactly what had to be done. This she could handle.

"It's okay." She whispered soothingly. "Just take slow, deep breaths." Peeling back the cover, she took hold of his right foot and ankle. "This is going to hurt, I'm afraid."

"It can't be worse than... Geez, I think I spoke to soon."

Sue focussed her attention on what she was doing rather than his reaction to it, the agony on his face hurting her almost as much his leg was him. As gently as she could she held the ankle while turning his foot from side-to-side, then rotating it clockwise before flexing his toes, repeating the actions over and over, and as a kinesiology minor it wasn't hard for her to tell when the muscles started to respond. Resting his heel on her palm, she bent and straightened his knee several times and smiled in relief when he loosened his death-grip on the duvet. "Better?"

"Thank you." He blew out several shaky breaths, his face telling her he was still in pain but it was nowhere near as intense.

"You're welcome." She sniffled back her tears and a lump formed in her throat when she saw him hastily wipe a hand across his eyes and down his face. "Can you turn over onto your left side for me?"

"I guess so."

"Now I'm going to lift your right leg so that I can slip a pillow between your knees. It will relieve some of the pressure."

"Okay."

"I'm afraid I can't give you anything for at least another hour."

"I know. Could you stay and talk to me for a while? It will help take my mind off this."

She gave him tender smile. "I have a better idea." On an impulse, she leaned down and kissed him on the top of the head. "I'll be back."

When she walked outside the shock hit her like a body blow and fearing her legs would give way underneath her, she quickly leaned against the wall and took some slow steadying breaths of her own. Levi was at her side in a flash and the contact had an immediate comforting effect. She bent to give him an affectionate scratch. "Thanks Buddy."

"I told you I wouldn't be long." She smiled and sat down carefully, trying not to disturb him too much but he still winced. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay, where did you go?"

"I had to find something." She lifted her legs up onto the bed, stretching them out in front of her and leaned back against the headboard. "Close your eyes."

He did as he was asked hearing the rustle of pages being turned and then she began to read to him. He recognised the story instantly and assumed she must have found the book when she was tidying up. Letting the words wash over him, he felt the tension in his body begin to ease as he let his imagination take over once more. He was on board the submarine again as they tried to find a hole in the ice pack so they could surface. He smiled when she inadvertently mispronounced something technical and his eyes snapped open. He must have moved because she stopped mid-sentence and looked down at him worriedly.

"Jack?" He wore a startled expression and she felt a pang of fear. "Are you alright?"

"It was you. I thought it was Allie but it was you. That's why she wouldn't..."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"All those nights in the hospital after everyone had gone. It was you who read to me. You were my lifeline."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she could barely speak so she just nodded to confirm it. He searched her face as though he was trying to remember something but whatever it was eluded him so with a sigh, he closed his eyes once more. "Please don't stop."

Sue picked up the book but the words were swimming on the page. Reaching to her left she grabbed a tissue from the box on the bedside table, wiped her eyes and tried again and towards the end of the paragraph she felt his hand slide into her free one, his fingers closing around it and holding on.

o-xxx-o


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews, they've made my week! Here's another chapter for you... enjoy!

o-xxx-o

When Sue returned after taking Levi for his lunchtime walk the next day, she was surprised to find Bobby alone in the lounge. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Not feeling particularly reassured by his reply she probed further. "Where's Jack?"

"He's lying down. I gather he had another bad night?"

"Muscle spasm..."

"Now I get it. He had one while I was visiting him in the hospital, scared the hell out of me."

"Me too"

"Are _you _okay?"

"Just a little tired." For some as yet undisclosed reason the Aussie didn't seem to be his usual buoyant self. "Why so glum?"

"There were a couple of calls while you were out."

"Who from..?" She removed her jacket and released Levi's leash before sitting down and making herself comfortable.

"The first was the hospital. They want him in for a check-up."

"That doesn't sound too alarming."

"Not to you and me but I think with all the setbacks he's had, he's worried they might find something else wrong."

"Oh..."

"It sounds as though it's going to be a complete work-up as well. They want him checked in and settled by 6pm on Sunday, they'll do a whole battery of tests on Monday and he'll get the results some time on Tuesday, so it looks like you'll have a couple of nights to yourself. You could go out on the town." He grinned wickedly and gave her a wink. "You know what they say, all work and no play..."

"Keeps Sue out of trouble." She finished for him. "You said there were two calls?"

"The other one was for you." Noting the frown on her face he added "...They couldn't get you on your cell."

Taking it out of her jeans' pocket she noticed the battery was dead. "I forgot to charge it last night."

"Not really surprising under the circumstances."

"Who was it?"

"A young lady called Anita Whitwell… Said she was your assistant in New York."

"That's right."

"She wanted to know when you'd be back. Apparently there are rumblings from above."

Sue sighed. "I guessed as much, we knew when I came that I couldn't stay forever. I've just about used up all my compassionate leave, not to mention my vacation time for the next year."

"Compassionate leave..?" Bobby queried curiously.

"Long story" she gave Levi an affectionate scratch taking her eyes off her visitor and forestalling any further conversation and when she looked in his direction again, he obligingly changed the subject.

"I think that call upset him even more than the first one."

"I'll talk to him."

Bobby stood and put on his coat. "I have to go do some work before they fire me. I'll pick you up on Sunday at about 5pm and drive you to the hospital." He walked to the door and then turned to face her. "You will come in and say goodbye before you leave, right? No running out on us like you did the last time."

"I promise. And thank you for not asking questions."

"I figure you have your reasons." He shrugged. "Lucy will be popping by this evening and Tara has tomorrow covered so I'll see you in a couple of days."

After he'd gone she sank back down onto the chair. "Oh Levi, how could I forget to charge my phone when I knew she'd be calling?" The dog put his head on her leg and whimpered. "I know Boy, I don't want to leave him either but we'll have to and very soon."

Both Friday evening and Saturday had passed quietly with neither of them wanting to bring up the subject of her departure but no matter what he'd tried, short of resorting to sleeping pills again, Jack hadn't been able to get to sleep. The worry over what was to come in the next few days combined with the thought of Sue's leaving making it impossible for him to relax. In an effort to calm him, she'd read to him for most of that evening and well into the night, pausing only to get herself a glass of water, but when she'd reached the last few chapters he'd made her stop. She'd asked why and he'd said he wasn't ready for it to be over just yet and she hadn't needed him to explain that he'd meant far more than just the book.

Bobby had arrived early to collect them and the journey was made in silence with Sue stealing glances in his direction every so often to find him staring intently out of the car window as he tried to take in everything that was going on around him. Sensing her gaze he reached across and took her hand, his eyes never leaving the street, as he held it between them on the seat.

They'd stayed with him at the hospital for an hour after he was settled into his room but when Bobby suggested they come back the next day Jack declined.

"There's no point. All the tests, scans and drugs they'll be giving me will probably wipe me out and I'm sure you can both find something better to do than watch me sleep."

Sue could think of nothing else she'd like to do more. "We could still come and sit with you in case you wake up." She argued hopefully.

"No… but thank you for the offer"

"If you're sure, mate"

"I am." As they got up to leave he caught hold of her arm. "Crash, could you give us a minute?"

"No problem. I'll wait outside."

"Thanks."

When they were alone, she sat down on the edge of the bed. "Is there something that you need?"

"Could you be here on Tuesday when I get the verdict? If it's bad news then I'd rather have someone with me." He paused for a moment. "I'd rather have _you_ with me." He corrected.

"You only had to ask."

"Thank you." He gave her a sad smile.

"Will you let me know what time?"

"I'll have someone call you." She started to get up again but he held onto her hand, a part of him not wanting her to go.

"You'll be fine." He looked so forlorn that she pulled him into her arms and held him close. "You'll be fine." She repeated softly in his ear, her warm breath against his skin comforting him a little. Levi insinuated himself between them and barked softly.

"What did he say?"

"He was just agreeing with me and he said he'd be here too, if they'll let him in."

"Thanks Buddy."

"You get some sleep and try not to worry. You'll be home before you know it. I'll see you soon."

After she'd gone he lay back and closed his eyes but he already knew it was going to be a long and lonely night.

o-xxx-o

Sue had spent the rest of Sunday and most of Monday finding things to do to occupy herself but by the evening she'd simply run out of ideas. Sitting on the couch she used the remote to turn on the television, switching it off again when her BlackBerry vibrated and Levi came over to tell her about it.

"This is Sue."

"Sue, it's Bobby, I just called to see how you're doing."

"Okay I guess, I'm just worried about Jack."

"Join the club. Did you get your cleaning done?"

She didn't have to be able to hear his voice to know he was teasing. "Twice over," she sighed. "What are you up to?"

"Trying to find something to watch on TV and failing dismally."

"Me too... Have you eaten?"

"Nah, haven't got round to it."

"Well they say misery loves company, so why don't you come over and I'll cook you dinner?"

He'd heard all about Sue's culinary skills from Jack after their undercover assignment as man and wife and didn't hesitate. "You know, that's definitely not the worst offer I've had today."

The way he'd phrased it reminded her of another time and another place and she hastily cleared her throat to disguise the sob that threatened to escape. "Give me about an hour to get things organised."

"Will do and can I put in a request?"

"Depends what it is."

"Sparky kept raving on about some ice cream dessert you made with Oreo cookies and I've been dying to find out if it's really as good as he said."

"I'll see what I can do."

"In that case, I'll be there about 7:30-8-00 o'clock."

"See you then and if you want beer you'll need to bring some with you."

o-xxx-o

As they entered the doctor's office on Tuesday afternoon, he stood to greet them. "Mr Hudson." He reached down and shook his hand. "And Ms Thomas... It's nice to see you again, although I'm not quite sure why you're here?"

"I asked her to come." Jack explained.

"Jack finally remembered me... Well sort of... He remembered my name and that he used to work with me." She clarified hastily to prevent any misunderstandings. "I'm here for moral support."

"I see. Very well then and where's Levi?"

"He's in the car with Agent Manning."

"Oh yes... the impulsive young man with the Australian accent and short fuse."

"That'd be him." Jack confirmed. "You two already know each other?"

"Doctor Jardine was the one who arranged it so I could come in after hours and visit you."

"Then I owe you more than one debt of gratitude."

The older man retook his seat behind the desk and returned his attention to the file he'd been reading when they'd entered, flicking through the pages of test results and shaking his head. Jack and Sue exchanged anxious glances and she automatically reached for his hand, holding it tightly while they waited for him to speak.

"You know Mr Hudson, if I hadn't seen all this with my own eyes, I would never have believed it possible."

Jack eyed him warily. "That bad..?"

"No, no... On the contrary, far, from it"

They both let out the breaths that they'd been holding.

"When I think of the mess you were in when you were rushed into the ER that day and again when you developed the infection, it's nothing short of miraculous that you're here at all. I'll be honest now and say I didn't give you more than a ten-percent chance of survival." He shook his head again. "It's a good job I'm not a betting man or I'd have lost a bundle." He waited while Jack filled in some of the things Sue hadn't understood and when she smiled he continued...

"Let's start at the top shall we? The cranial scan..." He touched the top of his head in case she hadn't understood. "..Shows no sign of any further bleeding and the brain has returned to normal..."

"Well, almost." Jack corrected a little sadly.

"Ah, the memory... Still no go?"

"Very little and most of what I do remember doesn't make any sense."

"Well I'm afraid that after all this time, if you haven't regained your memories..." He left the sentence unfinished.

"I know, I suppose I'll just have to live with it." He tightened his grip on Sue's hand and the doctor smiled knowingly.

"Miracles have been known to happen. You're living proof of that."

"But I shouldn't hold my breath?"

The older man shrugged. "Your right shoulder is back where it should be but there is a chance it could dislocate again if placed under too much stress. It's just one of those things I'm afraid." Not receiving any sort of comment, he carried on with his report. "The other arm... The bones have knitted together perfectly so there are no concerns there.

"The most worrying aspect of the blast concussion was the bruising to virtually all of your internal organs but again they've recovered very nicely. You'll still have the arrhythmia to contend with but if it becomes necessary, there are surgical procedures we can perform. For now though, the tablets are doing an excellent job so we'll continue with those."

"Thank God," Sue whispered.

"Indeed, Ms Thomas... Indeed. Now your legs... "

Jack took a shaky breath and Sue squeezed his hand reassuringly, earning herself a flicker of a smile.

"The left one... Again, the bones combined with the pins we inserted have healed well, although there will be a residual ache for a while and the possibility of a limp after vigorous exercise but it's nothing to worry about. A night's rest and a couple of painkillers should do the trick. And now to that troublesome right thigh..." He paused to take a sip of water and Sue could feel Jack's fingers trembling nervously in hers.

"As you are no doubt aware, we did a whole slew of tests yesterday and you'll be pleased to hear that all signs of the infection have gone. What's more, the wound itself is healing very nicely. It will take time for it to repair itself completely but I would say you are definitely out of the woods and on the fairway."

"**What**?"

"**Golf term**"

"Oh..."

"It means your f... friend, is no longer in any danger of serious complications."

Sue sniffled and offered up a silent prayer as Jack tried to keep control of his own emotions. "Thank you."

"I see from the questionnaire you filled in you've had at least one serious muscle spasm since you left us."

"Yes but Sue managed to sort it out for me." He stated proudly while absently caressing the back of her hand with his thumb and bringing another smile to the doctor's otherwise serious features.

"How did you manage that, Ms Thomas? It must have been quite a frightening thing to witness."

"It was but I did as Sarah, his nurse, instructed and when the tension started to ease, I had him turn onto his left side and put a pillow between his knees." She waited nervously for his reaction.

"Excellent. How may I ask, did you know to do that?"

"I minored in kinesiology and thought about pursuing it as a career at one time, so I'd studied up on the subject."

"It seems that you're a very lucky man, Agent Hudson."

"I know that, Sir."

"Anyway, now we have to concentrate on the next step, so to speak. I want you to start doing some upper body work to strengthen the muscles in your arms and shoulders so we can get you up on crutches and make you more mobile. Then we can set up some physiotherapy sessions for those legs and hopefully get you standing on your own two feet." Jack paled visibly as he spoke, a look of dread creeping into his eyes.

"I know it will be difficult and sometimes very painful but it still shouldn't be as bad as the last time. The doctors in, Wisconsin, was it? They really should have run the tests we did before giving the go-ahead on that... However, I caution you, you mustn't be tempted into pushing yourself too hard or too fast. Actions like that will hinder rather than aid your recovery and could cause permanent damage."

Jack couldn't help but think of Allie and how she'd driven him almost to breaking point. His hand tightened around Sue's without him realising what he was doing, causing her to wince.

"Mr Hudson?" Jardine frowned worriedly.

"Jack?" Using her free hand, she squeezed his left knee in an attempt to get his attention. "Jack, you're hurting me."

"What? Sorry." He loosened his grip immediately.

"Are you okay?"

Breaking out of his maudlin thoughts he looked at them both apologetically. "Sorry... I'm fine, just revisiting a bad memory."

The doctor assumed he was referring to the previous physiotherapy and sought to reassure him. "I'm not saying there won't be days when it'll be hard and you'll want to give up, but that's where this young lady can help."

Sue's face fell and she nibbled on her bottom lip. "I'm sure everyone will pitch in."

Jardine's frown deepened. "I'm sure they will. Anyway, I'll get all this set up and hospital admin will be in touch with dates and times." He closed the file and tapped it on the desk to straighten the papers inside. "In the meantime, you're free to go." He stood and shook both their hands again but as they moved to the door, he pulled Sue aside.

"You know he's going to need you in the next few months. I understand it must be hard with him not remembering but there's definitely still a bond between you whether he realises it or not."

Tears formed in her eyes. "I have to go back to New York. I can't put it off any longer or I'll lose my job and I can't afford that."

"I understand my dear just don't lose touch with him. You can help by being at the end of the phone when he needs to talk."

"Thank you." Impulsively, she gave him a hug. "...For everything."

He watched as she pushed the wheelchair down the corridor and permitted himself another small smile. It was days like these and people like them who made the long hours he put in seem worthwhile.

o-xxx-o


	17. Chapter 17

When they arrived home, Jack had excused himself and gone straight to bed. The relief at the all-clear combined with the lingering effects of the drugs he'd been given and the prodding and poking he'd received making him so drowsy that, despite his best efforts, he'd fallen asleep in the car on the drive back to his apartment. Wednesday had also gone by in a haze although he vaguely recalled Sue checking on him with drinks and his essential meds but on the Thursday he'd been disappointed to find she'd handed over her responsibilities to the rest of the team while she completed a few chores of her own and visited with Amanda and Jennifer, not returning until after he'd retired. Although he didn't want to admit to it, somewhere deep inside he knew they'd reached those last few chapters.

A little before 11a.m. on Friday he emerged from the bedroom to see her coming in through the front door. "Hi."

"Good morning. Feeling better?"

"Much, thank you." Well it was half true... He was definitely better physically but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach and when she took off her jacket and hung it over the back of the chair instead of putting it away as she usually did, it grew ten times worse. "Are you going out again?"

"No... We are."

"We..?"

"That's right. Levi tells me we've been cooped up indoors much too long and we need some fresh air. D has loaned me a Bureau car for the day, so all we need is for you to get dressed and we'll be on our way."

He looked at her dubiously. "Sue, I don't think I can."

"Then you'd better explain to Levi but I can tell you now, he's going to be very disappointed." She called the Lab to her side and he sat there waiting patiently.

One look at Sue's face and the dog's soulful eyes and he knew he'd lost. "Alright, I'll give it a try."

"Good." She gave him one of her brightest smiles. "You have thirty minutes to get yourself organised."

Although he hated it with a passion and couldn't wait for the day he'd be able to get about on crutches, he had to concede that using the wheelchair made things a whole lot simpler for her and since it was lightweight and collapsible she could easily manage on her own. They'd driven down to the river, left the car in the parking lot and now she was pushing him along the path with Levi trotting happily beside them.

"This looks like a good place."

Jack raised his hand and signed 'yes'. This was the only drawback; with her walking behind him she couldn't see his lips when he spoke.

They stopped by a grassy bank with very little slope to it. There was a tree over to one side which would afford them some shelter, should they need it, and ducks and other wildfowl were swimming on the water close by. Sue put on the brake and walked round in front of him.

"Do you want to stay in the chair or would you prefer the grass?"

"The grass would be good."

"Just give me a minute." Unhooking one of the two bulky bags from off the handle, she pulled out a travel blanket and spread it on the ground, her hands going to her hips and shaking her head in exasperation when the Lab plonked himself down right in the middle of it. "Levi!"

Jack couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't encourage him! Levi off, it's not for you." The dog grudgingly stood up again and eventually found himself a spot in the shade. "Thank you."

Returning to Jack's side, she helped him stand, waited for him to get his balance and handed him one of his sticks. Positioning herself so that he could use her for support, she slowly dropped to her knees, taking him down with her until he was sitting safely on the blanket.

"**Thank you**."

"**Welcome**." She retrieved the other bag and put it to one side before folding the wheelchair away and sitting next to him.

"What's in that one?"

"You can't spend an afternoon by the river without a picnic." His face lit up. "Your painkillers and sunglasses are in the side pocket if you need them."

Jack shook his head in amazement. "You've thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I hope so. Are you comfortable there?"

"Yes, thanks." Leaning back on his forearms and elbows, he allowed the sun to warm his face and battered body. The heat having an immediate soothing affect and making him feel more relaxed.

"You rest while I take Levi for his walk. You'll be okay here?"

"I'll be fine. Just don't forget where you parked me."

"I could never do that." Their eyes met for a moment and then Levi nudged her leg. "He wouldn't let me." Jack just smiled. "We won't be too long, I hope."

After she'd gone, he let his mind wander. He'd had serious misgivings when she'd suggested going out but she'd been right... He needed this. Needed to be outside in the fresh air instead of cooped up within the confines of four walls, no matter how safe and secure they were. He'd read somewhere about people in prison and long-term care becoming institutionalised and now he could appreciate why. He'd be the first to admit that he'd been apprehensive about reconnecting with the world around him. Things he would normally have taken in his stride were now daunting. Even simple tasks like crossing a road. The speed of the traffic and the amount of cars would make it impossible for him at the present time.

His thoughts drifted back to Sue... These were the problems she encountered every day. He couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like not to be able to hear anything around him. Even now, the light breeze was rustling the leaves in the trees. He could hear the splashing of the water as the birds played and called to one another. Then there were the faint sounds of laughter and the rumble of distant traffic, all playing in his ears. Things she'd never heard and never would and yet she was never sorry for herself. She never resented it or complained, just got on with her life, living it to the fullest. A life she'd temporarily left behind to take care of him and he couldn't begin to fathom why she'd done it.

Oh, he knew that they'd worked together and by her own admission they were friends but even Allie who had purported to love him, hadn't been willing to give up everything this way. There had to be more to it...

When he'd asked Bobby, he'd merely said that it was the kind of person she was and the whole team appeared to care about her, even Myles. But if she'd been happy here in D.C., why had she left? From the bits and pieces of overheard conversations he'd been able to put together, it seemed her transfer had taken everyone by surprise. It had been sudden and they'd all been devastated by it. Had he been upset too? The general consensus was that he had but something had been wrong between them and now he found himself wondering if he'd been the reason for her hasty departure. The comment Bobby had made about him having a second chance and not blowing it certainly suggested that but what had been so terrible it could drive her all the way to New York?

New York... A city he used to love but now it had become his nemesis... The place that stole away every woman he really cared about.

He blew out a breath. No, he couldn't go there. Sue was a friend and that was all and he'd vowed right at the start not to get too attached and yet somehow, from time to time, she managed to get through his defences and it was getting harder and harder to rebuild them. The sound of children playing broke into his thoughts and he gave himself a mental shake. It was far too nice a day to fret over things he couldn't change. Opening his eyes he watched the birds on the water and then his attention was drawn to a family as they made their way past him, laughing, joking and generally having fun together.

Not that long ago his job had been all he needed out of life, everything else could wait, there would be plenty of time ahead for other things but almost dying in that warehouse and again in the hospital had brought home to him that time was something he couldn't rely on. He wanted a wife and eventually, hopefully, children. Someone to love and who would love him in return... To share his life, his hopes and dreams... Someone to care for... Someone... He was jolted back to reality when Levi came running over, dumping his Frisbee on his lap and licking his hand in greeting. He automatically added a dog to his wish list.

"I was going to say 'we're back' but I think Levi did it so much better."

Jack found it impossible to keep the smile from his face as he looked up at her, shielding his eyes from the sun. "You can lick my hand too if you want."

She gave him an in-your-dreams glare and then returned his smile. "Everything, okay?"

"Everything's great, and so am I."

"That's good to know." She relieved him of the discarded toy and Levi was instantly on alert. "Oh no Buddy, no more games for a while. I'm all Frisbeed out."

The dog took the hint and returned to his spot under the tree while she sat down next to Jack once more. "Hungry?"

"Starving..." Their eyes met and held for a few seconds and then she busied herself ferreting around in the larger of the two bags she'd brought and produced another slightly smaller blanket which she spread out in front of them, covering it with an assortment of airtight containers, plastic cutlery, plates and tumblers as well as a separate polythene bag with Levi's bits and pieces inside.

"You want to explain to me how you managed to get all that in there?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Magic, of course"

"Oh, so you're a witch?"

"I like to think of myself more as the Good Fairy but I suppose a White Witch would do."

"Don't you have to be able to wiggle your nose for that? The woman in the TV show always did."

"'Bewitched'! I loved that series when I was growing up! I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours trying to get the twitch right but I never could." She tried again but failed, pouting when he laughed. "Okay Mr Clever F.B.I Agent, let's see you do it."

By the time they finally gave up, there were tears of laughter streaming down their faces then Jack's turned serious.

"Are you alright? You didn't hurt yourself?"

He reached over and took her hand. "I'm okay. It's just been so long since I had anything to laugh about."

"I know." He leaned in closer but she immediately edged back, putting more space between them. "Sandwich..?"

"Please."

When they'd eaten and everything had been put away she noticed he was trying not to yawn. "Tired?"

"A little," he admitted reluctantly. "…Must be the fresh air."

"Do you want to go?"

"No. Not yet."

"Then why don't you have a nap here?"

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not..."

He leaned back on his elbows. ""I don't suppose you have a pillow hidden in that bag anywhere?"

"No, but..." Picking up the second blanket she shook it out to remove the crumbs, rolled it into a bolster shape and put it behind him. "How's, that?"

Laying down he put his head on it. "Magic"

He watched for a while as she fed the leftover bread to the ducks and scolded Levi every so often for chasing them but when his eyelids began to droop he didn't fight, closing them and letting the sun and the sound of her laughter lull him to sleep.

He'd spent every moment while they'd been travelling back and forth to the hospital, committing all kinds of scenes to memory but the one in front of him now had banished all the rest to the back of his mind. When he'd woken, he'd been face-to-face with Sue who was lying beside him, her blonde hair splayed out over their makeshift headrest and a small smile playing across her lips as she slept. This was the sight he'd been searching for; the one that would sustain him through all the trials to come. This would be his inspiration, an image to conjure up in his darker moments... All-to-soon it was over as she stirred, stretched and opened her eyes, the tender expression on her face, stealing his breath away...

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Playing with Levi really did wear me out. I must be out of practice. Did you sleep okay?"

She hadn't moved and he found himself wishing time would somehow stand still. "Like the d... Like a baby."

"I'm glad." Propping herself up on one elbow, she used her free hand to brush a stray leaf from his hair and it took all of his willpower not to pull her into his arms and hold on tight. "Are you ready to go home now?"

His head and heart were screaming 'No, I want to stay like this forever' but he still heard the word 'yes' come out of his mouth. Then, as she tried to stand, he reached out and took hold of her arm. "Wait, how long 'til sunset?"

"About an hour"

"If you're not too cold, can we stay?"

"I'm not too cold."

Surprisingly for the time of year, as the sun began to drop the temperature fell with it and he saw her shiver. "I'm sorry, would you rather leave?"

"No, it's okay. I have a better idea but you'll need to sit up first."

"Yes, ma'am"

Reaching behind them she grabbed the blanket, unrolled it and draped it round their shoulders. "Is that warmer?"

"Mm hmm..." He nodded barely able to speak as she snuggled closer to him and they sat together silently watching the sky turn various hues of pink, yellow, orange and red. By mutual yet unspoken consent, as the last vestiges of the sun disappeared from the sky, they separated and she used the same procedure as when they'd arrived to get him to his feet, into the wheelchair and the car.

Back in the apartment Sue spent almost an hour in the kitchen washing up and storing everything away and then went to join both him and Levi in the lounge to catch up on the day's news on TV. As the credits rolled Jack stretched and pushed himself up onto his feet.

"I think I'm going to have a shower and call it a night."

"Okay," she stood along with him.

"Thank you for today. I had a great time."

"Don't thank me, it was Levi's idea, remember?" The sparkle in her eyes told him she was teasing.

"Right" He gave her a soft smile but when she moved to help him he declined. "I've got it. Thank you."

Sue stared after him, surprised by his sudden change of mood and as he reached the door he held onto the frame and turned to her again, his face a mask of sadness. "This is goodbye, isn't it? When do you leave?"

There seemed no point in trying to soften the blow. "Tomorrow lunchtime... My flight's at three."

He nodded. "Okay. Good night."

"Good night." She watched miserably until he'd walked slowly to the bedroom, completely closing the door instead of leaving it ajar and then called Levi to her for a hug.

o-xxx-o

Jack didn't emerge the next day until a few minutes before Bobby was due to pick her up and when he did, he looked exhausted. She'd already returned the car to the Bureau, said her goodbyes and walked back to give Levi some last minute exercise. She looked up when he entered the room.

"Hey."

"Sorry, I overslept." He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"That's okay."

"All packed?" It was a stupid question since he could see her bags by the door.

"Yes, just waiting for Bobby."

"Good, good..." He had the appearance of a man at war with himself. "Sue..." He moved to close the gap between them and she met him halfway, "I want you to know... That is, I..." Geez, why was he so bad at this emotion stuff and why couldn't he shake the feeling that he'd been here before? He tried again.

"I want you to know that..." He took a breath "I want to thank you for everything you've done, it's meant so much to me and I really wish that you weren't leaving. I'm going to miss you... a lot and... And God I wish I could remember you, remember us... There was an 'us' wasn't there? I can feel it here." He touched the left side of his chest with his hand. "There had to have been for you to come all this way and put your life on hold for me."

"Jack..."

"I know. I know... You can't tell me and maybe that's a good thing... Think how disappointed I'd be if you said there was never anything between us but friendship." He took a second to steady himself then gathered her into his arms holding her against him, his eyes tightly closed and his face screwed up as he fought the urge to beg her to stay. She jumped and he quickly let go, worried he'd gone too far. "Sorry, I just..."

"My BlackBerry" She explained, removing it from her pocket. "...Bobby's on his way up."

"Okay. Sue, I..." He stopped and sighed in frustration. "D-O-O-R"

She rubbed his arm soothingly and went to answer it as Levi stood up wagging his tail excitedly and the Aussie bent down to ruffle his coat when he came in. "Levi, my man..." Looking up, he gave Sue a grin. "All ready to go? Morning, Sparky..."

"Crash" Not convinced his legs would support him much longer, he sank down onto the nearest chair.

"You okay, mate? I hear our Sue had you running laps round the park yesterday." He winked at the irate woman to show he was joking.

"Then your sources are wrong, again." The minute he'd spoken he regretted what he'd said but decided to finish in the hope it would smooth things over. "Sue and Levi were doing laps, I was guarding the camp." If his choice of words had hurt then his friend didn't show it.

"Sensible man" He picked up her bags. "I'll take these down to the car and wait for you."

"Thank you." When he'd gone she crouched down in front of the chair. "Jack..." He didn't look at her so she used a single finger to tilt his chin so that she could see his face. "You're going to be fine. You know that, don't you?"

"I guess." He shrugged noncommittally.

"You are. And if you ever need someone to talk to, any time day or night, I've put both my numbers into your phone's memory. They're on 4 and 5."

"But that was the pizza shop and Chinese takeaway." He protested but couldn't suppress a fleeting smile.

Sue shook her head. "Looks like I've just saved you from cholesterol poisoning as well." She straightened up again. "Bobby's waiting. I have to go."

"I know."

"Promise me you'll do as your doctor and the physios say and don't try to run before you can walk."

"I promise. You will come back and visit, sometime?"

"When, I can."

He looked at her miserably, swallowing over and over. "I can't say goodbye."

"You never could." Her hand immediately went to her mouth, his expression telling her she'd said the words out loud.

"It's okay. I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Hear what? I have to go." She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, called Levi and with one last glance over her shoulder, slipped out of the apartment closing the door quietly behind her.

o-xxx-o


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: Thank you again for reviewing and/or reading my story. Enjoy!

o-xxx-o

Bobby was unusually quiet during the first part of the journey to the airport and Sue felt a little guilty that she hadn't at least tried to start a conversation but she'd been too preoccupied with her own thoughts. "He didn't mean it."

"What?" The Aussie feigned ignorance but pulled over to the side of the road so they could talk.

"What he said about your sources. He was upset and it was a poor choice of words." The firm set of his jaw told her he didn't believe her. "He doesn't blame you. He never has, not even in his darker moments."

"I blame me." The words had an angry edge to them but it was lost on her. They'd been through this so many times before but no matter what she said it seemed he didn't want to listen, so she remained silent and let him vent. "I shouldn't have called the team in until I'd checked and double-checked, that way Sparky would have been safely on his way to Wisconsin to see his parents and not in that damned warehouse."

"Wisconsin?"

"Yeah, well I guess that's where he was going. His mum's been ill."

"Oh..."

"If he'd just mentioned it then I wouldn't have included him in the taskforce."

"And how do you think he'd have felt about that?"

"Hacked off..." He almost smiled. "But at least he would have been out of harm's way."

"Then someone else would have got hurt, maybe even you."

"I wish..."

"No, don't do this, not again. Jack and I have both read the reports and if anyone was to blame it was the Bomb Squad but they're not infallible, none of us are. Jack shouldn't have gone off alone either, he knows that. His mind was elsewhere when it should have been on the job. It was his fault too and you could even include me in that..."

He frowned. "I don't understand. How could it be your fault?"

"All I'm saying is, don't let guilt destroy a wonderful friendship. He needs you by his side right now. He's forgiven you and now it's time to forgive yourself, that way you can both heal together."

Bobby gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"You're welcome."

"You've performed miracles with him, you know?"

"I only..."

"Don't try to deny it. When I first saw him in Wisconsin, I barely recognised him. The Sparky I knew had disappeared and I honestly thought we'd lost him for good but somehow you've put him back together, one piece at a time, and now he's almost his old self again. Except for this morning, that is."

"Like I said, he was upset and that _was_ down to me but I have to go back to New York. I don't have a choice."

"I know that, Sue. I'm just worried that when you're gone he'll..."

She touched his arm to reassure him. "He'll be okay and I'm only a phone-call away. You'll keep in touch, won't you? Let me know how he's doing and if there are any problems?"

"Of course but you didn't answer my question."

She looked at her watch. "We need to get going."

"Okay," he shook his head, turned the key in the ignition and re-joined the flow of traffic.

o-xxx-o

Stopping the car in the dropping off zone, Bobby got out and helped with her bags. "You're sure you don't want me to come in and wait with you?"

"There's no point. I have to get Levi sorted and to do that I have to check in, so..."

"Okay, you take care, you hear?" She gave him an old-fashioned look. "You know what I mean. And if anyone gives you any trouble about all this then have them call me, I'll soon set them straight."

"I already have an older brother called Bobby, thank you. I don't need another."

"Really, I never knew that."

"And you remember what I told you." She pulled him into a hug which he returned ten-fold. "Be good."

"Where's the fun in that?" He took her by surprise giving her a quick peck on the cheek and then stooped down to make a fuss of Levi for a few seconds. "Look after her Boy. She's one in a billion."

With her cases checked in and Levi safely in the hands of the airline, Sue had made a beeline for the nearest coffee shop and now she was sitting alone at a secluded table in the corner by the window with her back to the wall, and wondering if it wouldn't have been better if she had taken Bobby up on his offer to stay. On further reflection though, she knew it wouldn't. She didn't feel much like talking and he would have made it his mission in life to make her laugh. She didn't want that, she wanted to be miserable because she knew Jack would be. In fact, he would probably still be sitting exactly where she'd left him over an hour-and-a-half ago

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a woman going from table to table collecting for some charity or other and as she drew closer, Sue couldn't help but smile when she saw it was for helper dogs. Luckily she had some change in her jacket pocket, so she slipped her hand inside to retrieve it and was surprised to find something else there as well. It felt like an envelope with something solid at one end.

The young female collector had reached her table and gave her a grateful smile when she posted the coins into the appropriate slot. "Thank you."

"It's a very good cause."

"I think so."

Sue knew she could easily continue the conversation indefinitely if she mentioned Levi but she was impatient to know what it was she'd found, so she smiled at the woman again and then busied herself with her coffee until she'd moved on. Putting her hand back into her pocket, she pulled out the mystery package which was as she'd guessed... an envelope. A white one with her name on it and the handwriting was unmistakeably Jack's.

Opening it with great care she tipped out a bright, shiny new door key which she immediately slipped into the front of her flight bag for safe keeping. Investigating further she found several sheets of paper inside also written in his hand. She checked her watch and was pleased to see that she still had a spare half-hour, so she took them out, unfolding them carefully.

_Dearest Sue, _

_I wasn't able to sleep tonight so instead I'm sitting here writing down everything I want to say to you. I know that if I try to tell you face-to-face, I'll just babble the way I always do when talking about personal stuff, so if this is less than coherent, I hope you'll forgive me._

_I want you to know just how much your being here, meant to me. There were so many times after I came out of hospital that you were the only reason I had to wake up in the morning. Your smile was like sunshine after the rain, especially after a bad night, and whenever it all seemed too hard and I felt like giving up, the thought I might disappoint you hurt far more than the physical pain of getting out of bed. Just knowing you and Levi were there made it all far more bearable somehow. And even before I knew it was you, the nights you spent reading to me in the hospital gave me something to hold on to. You really were my life-line. I fought because of you and I've reached the point I'm at today because of you and I thank you for that._

_I know I won't be able to say goodbye tomorrow, it's too final and I don't want you to leave but I understand why you must. You have a life in New York with a job you love and no doubt many other commitments. For all I know you could have a boyfriend or fiancé waiting for you and although I still have no idea why you put it all on hold for me, I thank God that you did._

_Sorry, I know I'm rambling so I'll just finish by saying that if you want or need anything, call me and I'll do everything in my power to help or if you just need someone to talk to, I'll listen. And please remember, if you ever decide to return to D.C. for a day, a week, or forever, the Hudson Hotel will be open and there'll always be room for you here in the apartment and in my heart, should you want it._

_Take good care of yourself and Levi. Be safe, Be Happy and God Bless You Always._

_Yours_

_Jack_

Sniffling, Sue swiped away the tears that had fallen without her being aware of them. She refolded the letter, slipping it back into its envelope to protect it and then looked around to see if she'd drawn any unwelcome attention to herself but was surprised to find that many of the previously occupied tables were vacant. She looked at the clock on the wall and jumped up from her chair, slopping her untouched coffee when she accidentally knocked the table. Snatching up her bag she practically ran to the departure gate. If she didn't hurry Levi would arrive in New York alone.

The flight time from D.C. to N.Y. only every varied by a few minutes but today it seemed interminable. She knew full-well that it was actually on schedule but she was impatient to reread what Jack had written and for that she needed the privacy of her own home. Fidgeting around, she tried to get comfortable but couldn't seem to sit still until the passenger in the seat next to hers pinned her with a death glare and she forced herself to lean back and relax. Closing her eyes, she spent the rest of the journey replaying in her mind all the events of the day before. She was so engrossed in her daydream that she missed the seatbelt sign coming on and jumped violently when someone touched her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to startle you but you need to fasten your seatbelt. We'll be coming in to land very shortly."

Sue gave the flight attendant an apologetic look. "**Thank you**." She spoke and signed at the same time, a dodge that had gotten her out of many an awkward or embarrassing situation.

"Oh I'm sorry, I knew we had a deaf passenger on board but I didn't realise it was you."

"No problem. I should have been paying attention."

o-xxx-o

When she arrived back at her apartment, she practically had to force her way in, since all the mail had piled up behind the door. Bending down, she started to pick it up but stopped when Levi pushed his way past her and walked over it to get to his favourite spot.

"Good idea, Buddy." Dropping the envelopes she already had in her hand, she did likewise. "We'll sort it out later... much later."

Making her way to the bedroom, she tossed her bags into the corner and removed the only letter she was currently interested in, from her pocket. By now she was desperate to read it again but instead she put it down on the bedside cabinet and picked up the phone. She needed to call Jack first to let him know they were back but she decided not to mention having found it... For some strange reason she felt that what had been written down should stay that way and not be spoken aloud, not yet anyway, and she knew discussing it would make him uncomfortable and she didn't want that.

"Jack Hudson."

"Jack, it's Sue... I just called to let you know we've arrived back safe and sound. I didn't want you to worry."

"Thank you."

"Are you okay?" She frowned at his abrupt response.

"I'm fine."

"I didn't wake you?"

"No. D, Donna and the kids are here."

"Oh, say 'hi' for me."

"I will."

"Look, I don't want to hold you up, I just wanted to let you know I'm here."

"You could never hold me up. Well, not in that way."

Sue smiled to herself reassured that he was probably just uncomfortable with getting too personal in front of others. "Talk to you soon."

"Promise..?"

"Cross my heart. And remember what you promised me."

"I will. Later?"

"Later."

After replacing the receiver she swung her legs onto the bed and picked up the letter once again, reading it several more times before returning it carefully to the envelope. Then, getting to her feet, she crossed the room to the wardrobe, opened the door and removed a leather case that was about the same size as jewellery box. With trembling fingers she flipped the catch and slipped the letter inside to join the dozen or so others already nestled there. All were addressed to her and in the same handwriting as the latest addition.

When she turned Levi was lying on the quilt watching her and her first instinct was to shoo him off but she changed her mind. She didn't want to be alone and the dog's company was far better than none at all. "Okay, you can stay there... but just this one time."

She lay back and got comfortable again and Levi pushed his head under her hand. "I know Boy, I miss him too."

o-xxx-o


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** Thank you again for all the reviews; they definitely encourage me to write more. So that this chapter doesn't get too confusing, here's a repeat of the coding...

**Signing in bold**

~ ~ = Unspoken thoughts

Enjoy!

o-xxx-o

Jack lay in bed staring at the ceiling, his head telling him he needed to get up, showered and dressed for his fourth full physio session but his body was refusing to co-operate. He hadn't expected the benefits to be immediate but it seemed he was making very little headway at all and it was disheartening. Regaining enough strength in his upper body to use the crutches as relatively easily as he had, had given him a boost and therein lay the problem. 'Don't try to run before you can walk.' He heard her voice in his mind again and knew she was right, as always. He'd been so encouraged that he'd thought it would be all downhill from there but it wasn't. It was proving to be an uphill slog and he wasn't winning, or he didn't feel as though he was and it didn't help that his friends appeared to be deserting him. No, not fair... They were still there when he needed them, despite their recent heavy case load and being short-handed, except that was, when it came to his physiotherapy appointments.

Bobby had been with him for his initial assessment and first full session but the usually tough Aussie hadn't been able to hack it. Deep inside, he understood why... It was painful... No, scratch that... It was very painful to go through and watching every wince and hearing every groan was like a knife being twisted into an already festering wound and no amount of reassurances from him could make his friend forgive himself for what had happened. Sue had told him as much during one of their many phone-calls.

Tara had taken his place for the second but that had been awful. Every time he'd hurt she'd sniffled and worried one of her furry critters and when he'd stumbled, she'd yelped and burst into tears. He'd spent the entire journey home trying to ignore his aching body and comfort her and when she'd finally gone he'd had absolutely no strength left and slept the clock round.

Myles had been his companion last week and that had proven to be a different kind of ordeal. His coaching from the touchline and 'no pain, no gain' approach, had left him in a bad mood for days and he'd taken it out on anyone and everyone. The constant stream of what the Bostonian considered encouragement and Jack classed as abuse, still echoed in his subconscious... 'You can do better than that.' 'Put more effort into it.' 'You'll never get back on your feet that way.' If he'd gotten a report card at the end of the session, it no doubt would have read, 'Must try harder.' It had reminded him of Allie and her constant pushing and nagging and it was having the opposite effect on him to what was obviously intended. It was nibbling away at his self-confidence and even worse, he knew it was Myles who would be picking him up again today. Closing his eyes, he conjured up his favourite image. It was a blessing that it wasn't an actual photograph because if it had been, it would be dog-eared and worn out by now.

Imagining her beside him, her warm, gentle smile lifted his spirits yet left him feeling lonely. He missed her, more than he'd ever thought possible, and ironically it was the only thing that was keeping him going. If she couldn't come to him then he would get himself fit enough to go to her. That was his new goal... To be able to fly to New York and knock on her door one day in the not too distant future.

He tried to sit up but it seemed as though every part of him that had been injured ached, with the exception of his head, so he took his painkillers out of the drawer along with his heart medication, swallowed a couple down with some water and lay still for a few minutes before trying again. He sighed dejectedly... It was going to be a long day.

He'd only just struggled into sweatpants and a t-shirt before hearing a tap on the door and that was strange in itself because Myles never knocked, he just walked right in. His argument being, that since he was expected and he was never early or late, it hardly seemed necessary to waste both time and energy announcing his arrival before coming in. Blowing out a breath, Jack turned towards the door when it opened. "Luce..?"

"Hi. Sorry, I know you were expecting Myles but there's a bit of a flap on at work and he had to go with Bobby so I'm afraid you'll have to put up with me instead."

"Okay." He hoped he sounded more cheerful than he felt. When it came to pain and suffering, Lucy was even less able to deal than Tara.

"Ready?"

Not wanting to appear ungrateful he just smiled. "Could you get my crutches for me?"

"Sure. Anything else..?"

"No, I'm good."

"Then we'd better get a shuffle on." Noticing Jack's raised eyebrow she realised what she'd said. "Sorry, I meant we'd better go or we'll be late."

o-xxx-o

"Mr Hudson, are you going to do as I asked or stay there all day?" The physio's voice resounded in his head like a drill sergeant. He was standing between two parallel bars, his hands holding them in a vice-like grip.

"You're not going to fall, I won't let you, but I need you to move. Left leg first and then the right... One step at a time to the end and then, turn."

Jack stared at him angrily. It was easy for _him_ to bark orders he didn't have to go through the torture of carrying them out.

"And don't give me attitude. Move"

"Okay, okay." He took a step with his left leg and let out a relieved sigh. ~ Well, that wasn't too bad, a little wobbly maybe, but... ~ then he repeated it with his right and gasped out loud. Now, that wasn't so good and it wasn't helping that Lucy appeared to have been taking lessons from Tara. Every time he winced so did she and the fact she was looking through her fingers as though it was a horror movie, was making it a hundred times worse. After he'd taken a few more shaky and pain-filled steps, the physio noticed her discomfort and, ignoring Jack completely, crossed to her side.

"I know it's hard to watch, especially with the fuss he's making, but it's for his own good. Why don't you go and get yourself a coffee and come back in about twenty minutes?"

Lucy glanced at Jack who nodded his consent, so she picked up her purse and left. The young man returned his attention to his patient once more.

"She needed a break. It must be tough for her."

~ Tough for her? What about me? ~

"And now perhaps we can get down to some real work. Are you ready, Mr Hudson?"

. ~ No! ~ "Yes, I guess, and it's Jack."

"Aaron." They shook hands. "Good grip. I see the upper body work is paying off. I'm impressed, having read through your notes I wasn't expecting this much strength. How did it happen?"

"What?"

"This..." he indicated Jack's torso with a sweep of his hand.

"Oh. Wrong place, wrong time... I got caught in an explosion."

"That's gotta hurt... Okay, let's get started."

With a lot of grunting, groaning, heavy breathing and the odd curse word, Jack made it to the end of the run.

"Good. Now turn around and we'll come back the other way."

~ We, We? Why don't you come and do this while I stand on the side-lines and give orders? ~ He sighed. "Okay but you'll have to give me a minute." He attempted to find a comfortable position to rest in but stumbled again, grabbing hold of the beam to stop himself from falling. "Ouch..."

"You okay?"

~ What do you care? ~ "Fine." He hissed through gritted teeth.

"Good. Just rest there for a few minutes. That young woman..."

"Lucy?"

"Lucy... pretty name. Are you and she..?"

"No. She's a work colleague and a friend."

"Good... good... You don't by any chance know if she's seeing anyone?"

"No idea. Why don't you ask her?" Despite his discomfort he couldn't suppress a smile.

"I might just do that." He turned at the sound of the door being opened and stared in surprise, but since Jack had his back to it, he couldn't see what was going on. "That's a first."

"What?"

Aaron shook his head in disbelief. "I've been out with a few dogs but that's the first time I've ever had a beautiful woman turn into one."

"Excuse me?" He tried to look over his shoulder but almost lost his balance in the process and thought better of it. All set to try and defend Lucy's honour, he felt a warm, leathery tongue on his hand and looked down in stunned surprise. "Levi? What are you doing here?"

"Is he yours?"

"No, he belongs to another friend and ex work colleague."

"This friend wouldn't be tall, blonde and very attractive, by any chance?"

"She would."

Aaron beckoned for her to come in and returned his attention to Jack, regarding him a little enviously. "You are a very lucky man, Jack Hudson. I'm surprised you get any work done at all surrounded by so many beautiful women. Tell me, where do you work, and can I get a job there?"

"It all depends... Hoover Building"

"The Hoover Building, but isn't that..? You're a Fed?"

"Afraid, so"

"O-kay... Then I guess I'd better watch what I say around here." He laughed nervously. "By the way, dogs aren't allowed in this unit."

"Two-legged or four-legged?"

"Both." This time his laughter was more natural.

"Levi here is a service dog."

"You mean he's F.B.I too?" His tone held a note of incredulity.

"He is, but he's also a hearing dog."

By this time Sue had joined them but before Jack could ask what she was doing there, Aaron started to sign to her.

"**Welcome**."

"**Thank you. You sign**?"

"**Helps work**"

Sue nodded and turned to Jack giving him a brilliant smile. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself..."

"You speak?" Aaron queried.

"And read lips."

"Thank goodness, my ASL is a little rusty. I'm Aaron, the resident physiotherapist. Welcome to my torture chamber."

Jack leaned against one of the bars so he could free a hand. "A-A-R-O-N."

"**Thank you**. I'm Sue and this is Levi." The dog put out a paw and Aaron shook it.

"I'm pleased to meet you both. What happened to the other one?"

"Lucy? She went back to work."

"Darn the luck."

"What?"

"He's interested." Jack interjected.

"Really..?"

"Do you know her?"

"She's my best friend." Jack pouted. "My best, female, friend..." She rolled her eyes and shook her head when he nodded his approval.

"Is there any way you could put in a good word for me?"

"I might."

Jack cleared his throat loudly. "I hate to break up a riveting episode of 'Love Island' but could we please get on with this? My aches are starting to ache."

"Okay, okay... Would you like to take a seat, Sue? The Fed here needs my attention."

Accomplishing his task had been a painful experience but when he'd looked to Sue for encouragement there had been no winces and she hadn't looked away. Their eyes had met and locked and he could see that she was willing him on and he drew his strength from her. When he finally made it to the end, she jumped up and gave him a congratulatory hug, making him feel as though he could do it all over again, at least in his mind.

"Whoa! If that's what you get for making it a few yards, I wonder what your reward will be when you can walk out of that door under your own steam."

"Someday I hope to find out."

"A kiss..." Sue gave them both a saucy smile and they exchanged lewd glances "...from Levi."

Aaron gave Jack a sympathetic shrug. "Well technically you still have five minutes left but somehow I think at this point, being with Sue will do you far, more good so you can take any early mark. You've done really well today Jack, but don't get complacent."

"I wouldn't dream of it." The physio handed him a towel.

"Sue, a word before you go"

"Sure."

When they were ready to leave, Aaron took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Sue, it was a real pleasure to meet you."

"Hey!"

"I thought you said she was just a friend?"

Sue gave him a hurt look.

"I didn't say 'just'... I said, a friend."

"Methinks, he does protest too much." The physio gave her a sly wink and Levi barked.

"Not you too, Buddy. No fair ganging up on me."

o-xxx-o

The downtown traffic was horrendous and it took all of her concentration to manoeuvre through it, making conversation impossible, so Jack chose to keep his questions to himself until they arrived back at the apartment. When they finally made it through the front door, he leaned back against it, closing his eyes and blowing out a breath.

"Tired?"

"Mm... but in a good way"

"Come on."

He let her help him to the couch and flopped down onto it, moaning in relief.

"Would you rather lie down for a while?"

"No, I'm good here, thanks."

She took off her jacket and removed Levi's leash and the dog immediately crossed to his side.

"Hey Buddy, it's good to see you too."

"You did incredibly well today."

"Thanks. You thought I wouldn't?"

"Not really... I just heard that you..."

"Were struggling a little," he finished for her.

"Something like, that."

"Yeah well, what with Bobby's guilt trips, Tara's sympathetic winces and Lucy horrified looks..."

"I heard Myles went with you the last time."

"Don't even go there. It's a memory I'm trying to repress."

"That bad?" she gave him a sympathetic look.

"Worse." Jack settled himself a little more comfortably, resting his right leg across the coffee table and Sue grabbed a cushion and slid it underneath earning herself a grateful smile.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little but that's okay. Give it another few hours and everything will ache." He let out a humourless laugh. "So?"

"Coffee..?"

"Please."

When she eventually sat down, he finished the question he'd started earlier. "So, are you going to tell me what brings you back to D.C.? Not that I'm complaining."

"Work..."

"Oh, okay..." He hoped his disappointment didn't show on his face. "…I remember. You said the job with Counter-Terrorism took you all over the country."

"It does." She sighed.

"What? You must see lots of interesting places."

"I mostly see the inside of aeroplanes and Field Offices, very little else."

"And today it's D.C.'s turn?"

"Something, like that" She sipped her coffee and Jack frowned, inexplicably feeling as though he was being used.

"You need a place to stay." It was part statement, part query.

"If you don't mind?" she regarded him uncertainly, confusing him even more.

"Of course not... Though the room service hasn't improved much..."

"That's okay. I still prefer self-catering."

"We can order takeout. I certainly don't expect you to cook for me and if it's only for a couple of days..." It was a roundabout way of finding out what he wanted to know but it served its purpose.

"Actually, it could be a while longer."

"Really..?" His face brightened visibly and she felt herself relax a little. "How long..?"

"Three months..." Sue screwed up her eyes and nibbled nervously on her fingernail as she waited for his response.

He stared at her incredulously. "What?"

"If it's too long, I can find someone else to stay with."

"No!" The word came out a little too sharply. "**Sorry**, I mean, it's fine, I have no problem with that."

"Good." She gave him one of her light-up-the-room smiles.

"Can I ask why?"

"Why what..?"

"Why so long?"

"It's all Levi's fault."

"Really..?" His eyes widened and he gave her a knowing smile. "Do tell..."

"Well, he was worried about you. How you were coping and whether you were okay. I tried to convince him you were fine because you'd told me so whenever we spoke on the phone but he wouldn't believe me and he hated being so far away that he couldn't visit and see for himself..."

"Uh-huh."

"And then there was this memo doing the rounds of the various offices. It was a request for a temp in D.C. because one unit was seriously understaffed and it turned out to be ours... yours. And Levi pointed out it wouldn't be fair not to help out our friends and so..." She tailed off, cringing and worrying her bottom lip.

"Here you both are."

"Exactly"

"Well it was very kind of Levi to think of the team that way."

"Wasn't it though?"

He gave her a warm smile. "And I've missed you both as well, very, very much."

Sue jumped up from her seat. "I'll go and get my things out of the car."

o-xxx-o


	20. Chapter 20

Staring at her computer screen, Sue was trying to make sense of the surveillance video she was watching but her mind was elsewhere, so-much-so that Levi startled her when he pawed her knee. "What is it, Boy?" She looked up to see Bobby standing in the bullpen doorway. "Oh hi, did you need something?"

"Welcome back." He grinned mischievously. "Where were you?"

Having been stuck inside all day, she was a little confused by the question. "Excuse me?"

"When I came in... You were miles away and nobody should look that unhappy on a Friday afternoon."

"**Sorry**."

Crossing the room he perched on the edge of Jack's, now Sue's, desk and looked at her with concern. "What's up?"

"I'm just tired."

"I'm not surprised, you've been working your a... socks off since you got here, is Jack okay?"

The question was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

"He's not, is he?"

"No, he's..."

Bobby raised a finger to shush her when he heard approaching footsteps and male voices outside in the corridor but they passed by on their way to the elevator. "Since there's no one around, why don't we grab a coffee in the cafeteria?"

She tapped the pile of folders and disks stacked up beside her. "I have too much work."

"And you'll do it all-the better with a drink and sandwich inside you. I'll even buy."

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" She stood up and switched off her monitor. "Coffee, Levi?"

The Lab barked enthusiastically.

"I think that makes it unanimous." Bobby got to his feet again. "After you, Madame..."

o-xxx-o

She'd chosen a seat outside in the hope the fresh air and sunshine would revive her a little and by the time she had Levi settled, Bobby had returned carrying a tray.

"Here we go and I have an ice-cream for you too, Buddy." Un-wrapping it, he put it on the spare saucer and placed it on the ground in front of the excited dog then sat down opposite her. "So, what's wrong with Sparky? I thought he was doing okay."

"He was until last week's physiotherapy session."

"What happened?"

"I don't really know, I wasn't there and no one would face me long enough to explain. It was the day I got called to join the Surveillance Team."

"That would be last Tuesday."

She nodded. "When I arrived back at the Unit to pick him up, there were medical staff everywhere and Aaron, his physio, was pacing up and down. It wasn't until I got closer that I saw Jack on the floor and he looked like he was in agony."

"Geez, the poor guy just can't get a break, can he? So what did happen?"

"No one seems to be exactly sure and Aaron swears he only took his eyes off him for a moment. He must have stumbled or tripped or something..."

"Tell me it's not his leg. His surgeon said if he damaged it any more they wouldn't be able to..."

Sue laid a hand on his arm. "No, it wasn't his leg."

"Thank God."

"Amen to that. Apparently, he put his right arm out to try and save himself but..."

"He dislocated his shoulder again?" The Aussie interrupted worriedly.

"At first they thought so but he was lucky, just badly strained ligaments. They kept him in overnight as a precaution in case the fall was caused by something more serious and then let him come home. His arm's in a sling and he's not allowed to use it for a couple of weeks."

"I'm probably being really dense here but I don't see the problem." He looked at her in confusion.

"It means no more physio for a while and he can't use crutches to get around. It's driving him crazy."

"I hadn't thought of that." Sue sniffled and he frowned. "There's more, isn't there?"

"It's like this setback was the final straw for him and he's given up. He just sits in bed all day and only gets up to visit the bathroom."

"I suppose you should be grateful for small mercies."

She had to smile at that.

"Perhaps the rest will do him good?"

"He's sleeping too much and surviving on painkillers and sleeping pills and with all the extra work we've got, I can't be with him as much as I'd like."

"It's Wisconsin all over again." The Aussie sighed.

"I know and it scares me. I've tried to persuade him to get up to eat or watch a DVD. I even suggested Scrabble and promised to let him win but he's just not interested."

"I wish I had some ideas that would help but I'm fresh out." He shrugged hopelessly.

"That's okay. I'm going to try to talk to him tonight. That was what I was thinking about when you caught me in the bullpen."

"Sounds more like you need to read him the riot act and speaking of the bullpen, I think we'd better get back before they send out a search party. Drink up."

They'd hoped to slip back inside unobserved but were thwarted when Myles announced their arrival to all and sundry.

"So you haven't gone home after all. We were beginning to wonder if you were only working a half day, unlike the rest of us."

"We went for coffee."

"I thought that was what that brown liquid was in the glass jug over there."

"And a sandwich," Bobby added irritably. "Or do you have a problem with that as well?"

"Not me, Koala Boy, but our illustrious Supervisor might, he's been trying to get you on your cell for the past fifteen minutes."

"I turned it off during that last interview, must have forgotten to switch it back on."

"And what's your excuse, Thomas?"

"I left mine on the desk," she confessed a little sheepishly. "Why, what's going on?"

"Short version... We have the A-DA breathing down our necks about the Beschwami trial which was originally Jack's baby and the Special-Agent-in-Charge wants to know why we haven't made any significant progress in the latest alleged arms dealing racket."

"Well maybe if we had more staff and more cooperation from upstairs we..."

"Bobby..." The Bostonian cautioned.

"What?"

"Behind you"

In the doorway, D was shaking hands with his immediate Superior and then he strode determinedly into the room. "I hope no one has any plans for this evening because we've been ordered to go through all the evidence from both our major cases again."

His announcement was greeted with a series of groans and mumbled complaints.

"Not interested people. I had a dinner date with Donna but unfortunately the F.B.I isn't a democracy, we do as we're told."

"They say jump and we ask how high." Lucy quipped.

"Precisely... I need you all in the conference room with your notes and files."

"D, Sue's been working without a proper break for hours and she needs to get back to Jack." Bobby protested.

"Sorry, no can do."

"Jack's a big boy, I'm sure he can amuse himself for a few more hours."

"What would you know about it, Harvard? Seen him lately?"

"No. Have you?"

Sue stepped in to separate them. "I'm sure Myles is right."

Both men exchanged stunned looks but, for once, refrained from comment.

"Dimitrius, I need to make a quick call."

"Very quick," the Supervisor punctuated the statement by pointing his pen in her direction. "...The rest of you, with me now."

o-xxx-o

It was past 10:00 by the time she finally made it back home and she wasn't at all surprised to find the apartment in darkness when she opened the door. Holding the carrier from the Chinese takeaway between her teeth, she managed to free a hand to turn on the light and walked straight to the kitchen, staring in astonishment at the chaos she found there. It looked as though half the contents from the cupboard and refrigerator were either residing on the table or strewn across the countertop. Clearing a space with her arm, she put down everything she was carrying and headed for the bedroom to confront the culprit and unlike the rest of the rooms his light was on.

"Sorry I'm late." His lack of response irked her but she pushed on. "What happened in the kitchen?"

"I was hungry." He sounded like a petulant teen but all she could do was read his words and not his tone.

"And you couldn't wait until I got back with dinner?"

"You were late... again."

"I know that's why I called."

"I didn't hear the phone."

Under normal circumstances she would have brushed off his attitude but she was tired and hungry and he was being childish. "I left a message."

"...Didn't see it."

"You could have cleared up in the kitchen when you'd finished."

"With one arm in a sling and a cane in the other hand, I don't think so."

"It didn't stop you making the mess in the first place." She took a breath. "I bought Chinese."

"Not hungry."

"But you just said you were."

"No, I said I was hungry four hours ago. Where were you?"

"Work"

"It couldn't have waited until Monday?"

"No, D was..."

"Why did you even bother coming home?"

"Excuse me?"

"You can't tell me that you wouldn't rather be out enjoying yourself than stuck inside with me."

"Jack, please don't..."

"Don't what?" He interrupted her again. "I've hardly seen you in the past week. It's clear you don't want to be here so why don't you just go back to your friends?"

"Jack it was work that's all and now I'm tired and I need food. As soon as I've eaten I'll come back and spend some time with you."

"Don't bother. I might as well be in Wisconsin, nothing's changed."

"What?"

"This is the way it went down, there as well. Same old same-o, I should have known better." He turned away.

"You're forgetting one thing... I'm not Allie and I never will be. I would never abandon someone that I lo... care about, no matter how tough things get." She turned her back on him and walked out into the hallway, pulling the door to behind her.

"Sue, wait..."

o-xxx-o

After she'd gone he sat quietly, feeling numb inside as he tried to figure out where his sudden rush of anger had come from. Thinking straight was proving difficult because his head was muzzy and his mind disorientated and then he understood what the problem was... the combination of painkillers he hadn't really needed and sleeping pills again. Bobby had warned him they were the route to damnation and he'd been right. He couldn't even recall how many he'd taken or how often. Had he wanted to kill himself? Surely not..? He would never do that. He dismissed the idea as soon as it entered his head. Then what had he been trying to do? Hide? Escape from the hell he'd found himself in, yet again? That was possible.

Why had he taken it out on Sue of all people? She'd given up everything unlike Allie who... and he had his answer... It wasn't Sue he'd railed at, it was Allie. She'd come to him in his nightmares, taunting him, making it clear that she considered him to be a lost cause and would rather be with her friends than anywhere near him. He was damaged and used up, so she'd left him on his own for hours and when he'd woken this evening, after another drug-induced sleep and heard someone come in, in his confused state he'd thought it was her and he'd taken out all the pain, hurt and rejection he'd felt on the only person in his life he was able to truly rely on.

He'd hoped that after she'd eaten, she would come back but she hadn't and now he could hear the shower running. She'd said she was tired and that was as much his fault as work. He just couldn't seem to get himself together; this last setback had left him in a depression he couldn't climb out of.

What if she'd chosen to do as he'd suggested, realising she was better off in New York as Allie had? What then? He didn't want to even begin to imagine a life without her. She was still his reason to go on and if that was taken away from him...

The running water had ceased, yet still she didn't come and all sorts of possibilities played in his head. She could have decided he wasn't worth bothering with or she could be packing to leave like... No! He was doing it again. Sue wasn't like Allie, she'd said so and he had to believe her, he had to.

Something was wrong... His hands had started to shake and he held the left one out in front of him, willing it to stop, but perversely the tremors started to spread until his whole body was trembling and he felt afraid, something he wasn't used to and didn't know how to deal with. He was Special Agent Jack Hudson, always in control no matter what the situation, always... His breathing was becoming more and more erratic and he knew he needed help so he called for Levi, but when he didn't appear immediately he thought his worst nightmare had come true and she'd left. He called louder and let out a shuddering sigh when the dog appeared in the doorway. "Levi... Get... Sue..."

Once again his imagination ran riot. ~ What if she wouldn't come? What if she'd finally had enough of waiting on him hand and foot? What if..? His world seemed to be filled with uncertainties and it was making everything a whole lot worse. His body was still trembling uncontrollably even as his eyes remained transfixed on the door until she stepped inside eyeing him warily.

She'd made up her mind before she got to his room that this time she wasn't going to take any nonsense but she was shocked by what she'd found. "Jack?"

"I'm sorry Sue, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean any of what I said. Don't leave me, please... I don't know what I'd do if you left."

Moving closer, she searched his face. He looked miserable, terrified and desperate. "Jack, it's okay."

"No, it isn't, I..."

She sat down on the bed beside him and stroked his good arm. "You're shaking."

"I know. I can't seem to stop. Sue, I don't think I can do this anymore." His voice was strained and he was having trouble speaking coherently.

"You don't think you can do what?"

"I'm so tired of hurting. No matter how hard I try, something always goes wrong and I can't..." His eyes closed as he tried to get some sort of control and when he opened them again they were filled with unshed tears.

"It's okay." She gathered him into her arms being careful not to jar his shoulder. "It's going to be alright."

Her left hand slid around him, pulling him even closer and he rested on her shoulder. She could feel his chest heaving against her as he let out a succession of gut-wrenching sobs. It was heart-breaking to see him that way but at the same time, she felt relieved. This was what he'd needed to do for so long.

"It's okay," she repeated softly. "Let it all out. Don't try to fight it, just let it all go." Using her right hand she cradled his head against her, holding it there for a while then moving down to stroke his back as she rocked him back and forth.

It was a long time before they separated and when she looked into his eyes, he seemed completely lost. She gave him a soft, reassuring smile and used her fingertips to wipe the remaining tears from his face. He looked exhausted so she eased him away from her and lowered him down onto the bed again. "Sleep now."

When she changed position to ease the strain on her back, he grabbed hold of her arm. "It's alright, I'm not going anywhere. Just close your eyes."

He did as he was asked and she brushed the damp hair away from his forehead, trailing her fingers down his cheek until she saw him begin to relax. She remained at his side and waited for him to fall asleep.

o-xxx-o

As soon as she was reasonably sure there was no risk of disturbing him, Sue got up slowly and carefully, covered him with the duvet and gave him a tender kiss on the forehead. Signing to Levi to stay by his side she returned to her own room and slid under the covers, dimming the lamp without turning it off. She had some big decisions to make before she could allow herself some much needed sleep.

Their relationship had changed in the past few hours. The emotional distance between them that kept her safe had been breached but she couldn't regret her decision. He'd needed her and she couldn't simply stand back and watch him fall apart, she cared too much for that. This was Jack... The man who had gone to bat for her almost from the moment they'd first met and it was because of him she was the person that she was today. He was the one who had stood by her no matter what mistakes she'd made. He'd protected and comforted her. Made her laugh when she was down, loved her... And yet, he wasn't really her Jack at all, not anymore; this was a different Jack Hudson...

Oh, he looked the same, smelled the same but there was something missing and that something was her. It was hard to deal with on a day-to-day basis because her feelings for him hadn't changed, if anything they'd grown even stronger, but she'd kept them hidden for so long now and if anything was going to happen between them in the future, they'd have to stay that way. Could she live with him like that for the rest of her life? If he wanted her in his life as it was now. Or, come to that, would she be strong enough to walk away again if she found she couldn't?

She didn't want a life without him in it, she'd tried that when she'd left for New York but nothing had been right until... No, she couldn't do that again, so if he only wanted her as a friend then she'd find a way to live with it. The only thing she wouldn't be able to handle was if he ever found someone else, that would be impossible and she'd have to say goodbye.

For now, she had a little over six weeks left in D.C. and she'd take it one day at a time, letting him set the pace. She already knew what she wanted and the rest was up to him. She couldn't tell him about the nature of their relationship or the years he'd forgotten... If she did, she'd never be sure if he'd stayed with her because he thought he should or because he really wanted to. Closing her eyes, she offered up a 'thank you' for what had happened tonight and prayed it would finally bring him some sort of closure and she asked God to give her the strength to help him through and make him whole again, before she turned out the light and lay wondering just what the next day would bring.

o-xxx-o


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Sorry that I've taken so long to update, real life has been getting in the way. This is just a short one but as someone left a review commenting that the chapters I'd been posting were too long, it shouldn't be a problem! I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know you're still out there and haven't given up on me and I may well have another chapter for you either this evening or tomorrow. Thank you for your patience.

o-xxx-o

She'd resolutely refused to open her eyes even though she'd been awake for quite some time. Not having the slightest idea what to expect from him was making her nervous and the comfort of her own bed seemed far more appealing at that moment than facing another day. Would he still be moody and depressed or would the total meltdown he'd experienced the night before have helped him get through the difficult patch he'd been going through? She was hoping and praying it would be the latter

She'd been so exasperated with him lately... His attitude and irritability combined with the frustration of work making her wonder if she'd made the right decision in returning to D.C. at all but when he'd literally broken down in her arms, all the doubts had evaporated and for the first time, she'd truly grasped the sheer intensity of what he was going through. Rewarding herself with another half-hour's lie-in, she snuggled down further under the covers and tried to turn over but someone had other plans and she felt the duvet being tugged off again. Smiling to herself, Sue pulled it back and before long she was involved in an all-out tug-of-war with Levi but worried the material would rip under the strain, she grudgingly capitulated and stared in disgust at the Golden Lab.

"Okay, okay, you win. I'm up." He pulled them again. "Does Jack want me?" When the dog didn't move she shrugged. "Guess not. Do you need to go out?" As she watched, his tail began to wag furiously and he looked towards the door. "Alright..." She sighed resignedly. "You know you can be a real party pooper sometimes. Just let me get dressed."

o-xxx-o

Wanting to make sure that she was fully fit for what was to come, she had taken the long way to the park, allowing the breeze to blow away the remaining cobwebs of sleep as her companion frolicked and chased the birds and squirrels until he was worn out. Then returning to the apartment, she walked directly to the main bedroom, smiling softly when she saw that Jack hadn't moved an inch while they'd been gone and appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Deciding it would be better to let him waken in his own time, she made her way to the kitchen to feed Levi and make a light breakfast for herself.

Having eaten and cleared everything away again, she found herself with nothing more to do around the apartment so she set up her laptop on the table and popped one of the surveillance disks she'd brought home with her into the slot, in the hope she'd find something useful on it.

o-xxx-o

While she worked, Jack had stirred and was lying quietly, feeling just as apprehensive as she was. Unlike most of the things that had been going on around him recently, the events of the night before were crystal clear in his mind and coming to terms with what had happened was proving difficult. If anyone had asked, there would be no way he could describe how he was feeling. There was an emptiness inside him but strangely it wasn't unpleasant as such, just different...

Last night he'd experienced so many emotions... Anger, rejection, remorse, fear and despair being just a few... There had been a raging storm inside him, quite literally... Thunder, lightning and a huge deluge of... what? Self-pity..? Pain..? Frustration..? Anger with everyone and everything around him, even with God himself for that matter... And a selfish jealousy that the lives of all his friends and colleagues went on as normal while his had come to a grinding halt. And now it was spent, there was nothing left but exhaustion both physical and mental and yet somewhere deep inside there was still a spark, a voice telling him not to give up... to try one more time... but he couldn't do it alone... He needed something more... Needed to feel that there was a real reason to put himself through it all again... Not his job or playing the sports he loved but something he could touch and feel. Something to hold on to...

He needed someone to really care, someone to love him and pick him up when he stumbled but more importantly, someone to care about. He'd been here before and built barriers to protect himself from even the possibility of being hurt, especially after what had happened with Allie, but last night a small crack had appeared and when she'd held him...

She'd told him to let it all out and she'd been right about that too. It was time to draw a line and stop fretting over the things he couldn't do and memories he'd lost. Time to concentrate on a future that he was lucky to have and be thankful for it.

So what if he couldn't chase down bad guys the way he used to, he could still help put them away. Conduct interviews, co-ordinate things from the bullpen and maybe one day if he was really lucky, he'd be able to go out into the field again. And did it really matter that he couldn't recall past cases? There were files, weren't there? The hardest things he'd have to face would be returning to the torture of physio and not being able to remember the personal stuff of the past five years, especially between himself and Sue, but she was here now and for the next six weeks and he wasn't going to waste another minute of the time he had left with her.

Feeling more positive than he had in a very long time, Jack shuffled up the bed and into a sitting position before calling Levi. The apprehensive, empty feeling he'd woken with having been replaced by nervous anticipation and a little trepidation thrown in for good measure.

o-xxx-o


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the reviews. Here's that second chapter for you. Enjoy!

o-xxx-o

An hour later he was settled in the lounge, dressed in clean sweatpants and a brown t-shirt, his feet were bare and his shoulder was safely protected in its sling and resting on the couch arm. Levi was sitting nearby and he had to admit that after showering and shaving as best he could, he was beginning to feel almost human again.

Sue appeared beside him and bent down to give the sleepy canine a scratch, her own apprehension obvious in her behaviour towards him. "You must be hungry. Can I get you something to eat?"

He knew it was up to him to break the tension between them but he wasn't sure how. "Is there any of that Chinese left?"

She wrinkled her nose. "For breakfast..?"

"Well technically, it's more like lunch."

"True but I think your first proper meal in over twenty-four hours, should at least be a healthy one." His face fell and, worried he might fall back into his mood of the past few days, she immediately offered a compromise to soften the blow. "Tell you what, you have something more sensible now and we'll order out tonight."

D-E-A-L, he signed awkwardly with his left hand.

"Good." Sue started towards the kitchen but he took hold of her wrist as she walked by and pulled her down beside him. He seemed a little uneasy so she sat patiently and waited to see what he wanted.

"Sue..." He hesitated for a moment. "I know I've had to say this far too often lately but I'm really sorry about yesterday. I had no right to speak to you that way. I behaved like a selfish idiot."

"You'll get no argument from me."

"Thanks." He gave her a tentative smile. "I don't know why it happened... too much time to think, I guess. It's just that sometimes I feel as though I was supposed to die in that explosion and because I didn't, I'm being punished with... I mean..." He drew in a shuddering breath. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I didn't mean the things I said, I'm sorry..."

"Jack..."

"And I think..." he pressed on before she could reply, wanting to get everything said. "I think I owe you an apology for what happened later as well."

"No..." This time she did interrupt. "No Jack, don't ever apologise for that. You needed to get it all out, it was eating you up inside. I'm just thankful it was me you turned to."

"It had to be you. I couldn't have... not with anyone else."

"I know." Their eyes met but unlike all the other times neither of them looked away.

"Tell me something, Sue Thomas. Just why is it you're so good to me, even when I don't deserve it?"

She didn't reply but the expression on her face spoke volumes and his eyes automatically strayed to her lips.

"Do you have any idea how badly I want to kiss you right now? May I... Kiss you?"

She was caught in a moment of indecision but her heart made the choice for her as her head nodded almost imperceptibly.

Very slowly he closed the gap between them, pausing to look at her face once more. It was only intended to be a kiss of gratitude but for some inexplicable reason his heart was racing and his fingers had started to tremble again, only this time the feeling was more surprising than frightening.

Placing the palm of his hand against her cheek he brushed his thumb across her lips as he moistened his own with the tip of his tongue and then closing his eyes he captured her mouth in a tender kiss that stole what was left of his breath; the feelings travelling the entire length of his body and stirring something inside him.

Shaken by his reaction he moved away to lean back against the cushions, sighing deeply and when he opened his eyes again, his gaze locked with hers, her smile invoking a warmth that seemed to touch his very soul, chasing away the cold that had held him in its clutches for so long and bringing him to the edge of tears once more.

Desperate to hold on to the feeling, he used his good arm to ease her down until her head rested against his chest but when her cool fingers slid under the edge of his t-shirt as though they belonged there, he jumped at the touch and she quickly withdrew them and tried to wriggle out of his embrace.

"No stay there for a while, I..." He struggled for the right words, suddenly open and vulnerable but he knew he had to find a way to express what he felt. It seemed right somehow, just as being held in her arms as he cried had seemed right the night before.

She saw his chest heave as he drew in a calming breath. "Jack, talk to me."

Her soft, gentle tone was his undoing and everything poured out of his mouth in a rush. "I need you to touch me." The words came haltingly and filled with an emotion that was visible on his face. "I need to feel something other than pain and despair. I want to feel alive again. I want it so badly it hurts... I ..." Not able to continue, he waited nervously for her response, watching as her eyes filled with tears which she rapidly blinked away before nodding and settling herself against him again, her hand resting on his stomach once more and the fingers caressing the bare skin until he covered them with his own to hold them still. Resting his head on the back of the couch, he shut his eyes and allowed her closeness to work its magic on him, healing him from the inside out.

She was almost asleep when a strange vibration under her palm startled her and she looked up at him in confusion thinking he must have spoken. "What?"

"Sorry."

"What?" She asked again, frowning at the grin on his face.

Jack's laughter bubbled over and it took him several minutes to get himself under control enough to answer her question. "My stomach's grumbling."

She shook her head in disbelief but started to laugh along with him. "That's a great way to ruin a perfect moment, Hudson."

"Sorry," he apologised again. "You should just be thankful you can't hear it. It must be at least a six on the Richter Scale."

Sue arched an eyebrow quizzically and made the 'R' sign.

"R-I-C-H-T-E-R The scale they use to measure earthquakes."

"Oh." She patted his midriff reassuringly. "In that case you'd better let me up so that I can feed you before the neighbours start taking refuge under their dining tables."

Reluctantly he let her go, watching as she crossed the room to the door and then turned to face him.

"**Okay you**?"

He nodded and signed. "**Thank you**."

"**Welcome**."

"Sue..."

Levi, who was following close behind her in the hope of picking up a few scraps for himself, nudged her leg to draw her attention back to Jack.

"Sorry, did you need something?"

"My sleeping pills..."

Her smile faded in an instant to be replaced by a frown. "Jack, I don't..."

"They're in the drawer of the bedside table. Could you get rid of them for me?"

The request had taken her by surprise and she needed to make sure he'd said what she'd read. "Did you say, get rid of them?"

"**Yes**," he spoke and signed to make sure she understood.

"What if you can't sleep?"

"Then I'll count sheep. Sue, they mess me up too much. Take me to dark places that I don't want to visit anymore."

"Okay, I'll flush them or something."

"Thank you." While he waited for her to fix him something to eat, he lay back and contemplated what he hoped would be a brighter future.

o-xxx-o


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** Wow, 195 reviews! If you'd be kind enough to push the total to 200, I'll say thank you with an extra chapter later this evening! Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles on top? :-D

o-xxx-o

Nestled in the big armchair with her feet pulled up underneath her, Sue ploughed through the notes she'd written on their current case. Unable to pin down the main man who they'd dubbed 'Navarone', courtesy of Myles, they'd chosen to pursue a different angle, chasing down the financing instead but nothing added up and after the fifth read-through the words had begun to blur on the page. Peering over the top of her notepad, she cast another sneaky glance in his direction as he sat on the couch watching TV.

She was constantly amazed at how far he'd come since he'd hit rock bottom a little over a month ago. The sling was gone and the shoulder healed sufficiently for him to return to physiotherapy and he was moving around the apartment as though he was born to use crutches. He looked much better, as well... His complexion had a healthy glow instead of the sickly white pallor and he'd discarded his sweats in favour of jeans and t-shirt. His face was clean-shaven, hair brushed, making him look ten years younger.

Unsurprisingly, there had been a few stumbles along the way but rather than let them get him down, with her help he'd picked himself up and tried even harder and now Jack Hudson was definitely back in the building, well almost... Apart from the odd flash which he conscientiously wrote down to peruse later, the memories of the recent past still eluded him and she could see he was frustrated by it.

Sensing her eyes on him, Jack looked over and gave her a soft smile before returning to his programme and she quickly lowered her gaze to the papers she was holding but it strayed back to him almost immediately. There was something that she needed to ask him but she wasn't sure what his reaction would be.

He waved a hand in her direction, snapping her out of her trance. "Is something wrong? I haven't sprouted horns or, grown an extra head, have I?"

"Excuse me?"

"You've been staring at me for the past five minutes."

"Sorry." She mumbled her apology, feeling her cheeks start to burn.

"It's okay, I was just teasing." He confessed, giving her a cheeky wink and her heart skipped when the old familiar sparkle she loved appeared in his eyes, she saw it so rarely these days. Raising one eyebrow he studied her face. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"How did you know?"

"...Because I know you." He patted the cushion beside him inviting her over and, not needing to be asked twice, Sue dropped her notepad to the floor, untangled her legs and crossed the room to join him.

Jack shook his head in wonderment. There she was a Senior F.B.I Analyst who had seen things most people would baulk at and done things they wouldn't have had the courage to try even if they were hearing and not deaf, yet sometimes she seemed so childlike and innocent it made him want to hide her away... Wrap her in cotton-wool and protect her with every ounce of his remaining strength. She sat down and snuggled into him and his arm went round her unbidden.

Since the first time he'd seen her hovering in the doorway of his hospital room, he'd felt a connection with her and had known instinctively that there had to have been something special between them, although he'd never spoken about it, and over the past few months the feeling had grown even stronger and he was sure that she felt it too. It was something he was desperate to explore and see where it led but he'd held back.

His future was much too uncertain. He was surviving on a small disability/sickness allowance and the charity of friends but if he was incredibly lucky and she was willing to share a life with him, he wanted it to be a secure one. On the other hand though, her time in D.C. was almost up and the spectre of her leaving his life to return to her own, hung precariously over his head. He needed to let her know that he cared without actually confessing he'd fallen completely and deeply in love with her. She was being unnaturally quiet and he decided to prompt her. "So?"

She nibbled nervously on her bottom lip, making him feel uneasy, "So"

Mustering a smile, he took her hand in his and held it. "What do you want to tell me?"

"Nothing..."

"Okay, then what do you want to ask me?" His expression turned more serious as he braced himself for bad news but when she finally spoke it wasn't anything like, what he'd been expecting.

"You know its Bobby's birthday on Friday?"

"Yes." He confirmed somewhat perplexed.

"I wasn't sure you'd remembered."

"Well, since he's more than five-years-old, although he doesn't always act like it, that memory was quite safe."

"**Sorry... **The team have been talking and..."

"Don't tell me, they're throwing him a surprise party and you'd like to go."

"Not..."

"Sue..." He squeezed the hand he was holding. "You don't have to ask my permission. I'm not going to stop you from going out and enjoying yourself and I promise I won't throw myself out of the window just because you've left me on my own. And you got rid of the sleeping pills, so..." He'd meant it as a joke but the memories were far too raw and the laughter didn't come.

"I know that and anyway, I'm no good at parties, remember? It's usually too dark and there are too many lips to read."

"Now that, I didn't remember," he whispered sadly.

The conversation had taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line and their light banter had turned to melancholy. "Why don't I get some coffee?"

"No, stay... It's Bobby's birthday and..."

"He kind-of made it clear that he doesn't want a party or anything, because it hasn't been a year he wants to celebrate."

"He's still beating himself up, isn't he?" Sue nodded. "And that's why he hasn't been over to visit."

"Yes."

"Damn..."

"Anyway, we put our heads together and we thought we'd go out to dinner instead. Make it a social occasion for the Team as a whole."

"Ah gotcha, and if it just happens to be on the same day as his birthday..."

"Exactly" She was worrying her bottom lip again.

"There's more, isn't there?"

"Mmm... Tara's bringing Stanley. Donna will be there with D and I was hoping that maybe..."

"Sue, I don't..." he looked at her doubtfully "Have you mentioned this to the others?"

"No, I wanted to check with you, first and I thought it might be a nice surprise for them, but if you don't feel up to it..." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, I just thought..."

Reaching over he used the pad of his thumb to brush away the lone teardrop that had managed to escape. "You thought what?" he asked softly.

"It might be a good way for you and Bobby to... I mean, you've done so well and I hoped that if he could see things weren't as bad as he imagined he'd stop torturing himself and you two could..." She came to an abrupt halt making the sign for 'friends' as she stood up. "I'll get that coffee."

After she'd gone he muted the television and mulled over what she'd said. He hadn't been on an evening out since that day and at first the prospect had seemed too daunting but on reflection he had to admit she had a point. Things between himself and Bobby had been strained almost to breaking point and he did miss having the Aussie around and come to that he missed the rest of them as well. Sue did her best to keep him updated with their goings-on but it wasn't the same as experiencing things first hand, seeing their faces and reactions and then there was Sue, herself... He'd let her down so many times over the past few months and he wasn't about to do it again. He looked up when she walked back into the room carrying two mugs which she put down onto the coffee table before resuming her place beside him, but this time he noticed she left a respectful distance between them.

Touching her arm he gave her a small smile. "Okay, I'll go."

"You will?" Her face lit up.

He nodded and his smile widened. "On two conditions..."

Narrowing her eyes, she regarded him with suspicion. "And they are?"

"One, you have to promise to make sure I don't bump into anyone or anything and fall on my face or make an idiot of myself by saying the wrong thing."

She considered his request for a moment. "The second part could prove a little tricky but I'll try. I'm not Super Girl, you know."

"No, more like Wonder Woman." Her eyebrows arched in surprise. "I've called you that before, haven't I?"

She nodded and her eyes filled again but this time they were happy tears which she sniffled back. "And the second..?"

"What?" He asked somewhat distracted.

"You said there were two conditions."

"Oh sorry, I was just... Never mind," he shook his head to clear it. "The second..."

"Jack?"

Taking a breath he started over. "The second condition is... I go as your date and not just a member of the team." He waited nervously for her reply.

D-E-A-L.

The space between them evaporated when his hand slid behind her head to guide her mouth to his in the briefest and gentlest of touches but when his entire being cried out for more he didn't resist and the second kiss was loving and lingered for quite a while, his body shuddering when he pulled away and her tongue snaked out to lick her lips. Exhaling slowly, he leaned back, taking her with him and holding her in his arms.

o-xxx-o


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you... especially Gemmakins for actually being the 200th review. A little later than forecast but I had to do a rewrite because I wasn't really happy with it. Anyway, enjoy!

o-xxx-o

"Alright, you got me here now when do we eat?" Bobby demanded, rearranging his napkin and cutlery for what seemed like the hundredth time.

The restaurant in Georgetown that they'd chosen was more intimate than some of the main D.C. ones and they were all seated round a circular table which had been specially prepared for them with extra candles for illumination. There were a half-dozen or so smaller tables nearby and more a few stairs up and to the back of them.

"I thought Sue was coming," Donna commented a little uneasily.

"Me too, I spoke to her before we left work and... Oh..." Lucy took her cell from her purse. "She's just parking up."

"About time," Myles sighed. "If I have to look at that Aussie scowl for much longer, I'll lose my appetite completely."

A few minutes later Sue appeared at the table and when the head waiter approached, she nodded in his direction and he scurried off again.

"What was that all about?" The Bostonian queried but didn't receive an answer as everyone's attention was turned to Levi who was walking towards Bobby with a shiny bag in his jaw.

"I know you said no presents but he felt guilty about showing up without one." Sue explained.

"Thanks mate, since it's you, I'll let you off." He checked the tag. "And look, he's even put all your names on it." He shook his head, disbelievingly and while he thanked them, the waiter reappeared and shuffled the chairs around slightly so he could slot in another one.

"I hope you don't mind but I brought someone with me."

"Well that's a relief I thought for a minute your canine companion was going to be joining us, although his table manners are probably better than yours, Koala Boy."

"Thanks." Bobby muttered but Myles hadn't finished.

"Please tell me it's not another of those reprobates you have a habit of dating. Let's see, there was Scott Mundeen then Tony Capono and..."

"That's enough Myles," D interrupted him. "Any friend of Sue's is more than welcome to join us."

Sue signed to Levi who dutifully trotted off towards the entrance.

"So, is this a date?" Lucy asked excitedly.

"Yes," she blushed but before the rotor could question her further, Tara, who was facing the door, squealed and shot out of her seat.

"Jack!" She launched herself at him and it took all his strength and a lot of willpower to keep his feet as she enveloped him in a hug. Afraid that he might actually fall, he looked to Sue for help.

"Tara, I think he needs to breathe."

"Oh, sorry," She apologised looking suitably contrite and letting him go.

"That's okay." All his apprehension had disappeared in that instant and now he was standing in the aisle, grinning like an idiot.

Sue helped him into the vacant seat next to Bobby and the waiter took care of his crutches while she guided Levi into a corner so he wouldn't get in the way then took her place between Jack and Lucy. The two other women immediately got up and gave him a hug of greeting and the men shook his hand warmly.

After they were all settled again Bobby turned to the man next to him. "It's good to see you, mate."

"You too, Crash, happy birthday, by the way."

"It's getting better all the time." He cleared his throat. "Now can we order? A man could starve to death around here."

They all laughed and picked up their menus to study them and while they waited for the first course Lucy gave Sue a gentle nudge.

"I did hear right earlier on? You said Jack was your date?"

"I did."

"Well it's about time! I thought you two were never going to get together." She frowned as a cloud of sadness scudded across her friend's face. "Sue, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"No, I don't think ..."

"Please Luce, not now."

"Okay." She made a big show of looking around the restaurant. "I wonder where our food's got to."

o-xxx-o

Lucy watched the couple throughout the meal and was amazed that, despite having no memory of her, there was still something almost palpable between them. The way he signed without being asked when she missed some part of the conversation and when the talk inevitably turned to work related matters and he looked lost and a little sad, Sue would lean over and whisper in his ear or squeeze his arm reassuringly, bringing the smile back to his face. Once he'd even lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it and she'd almost cried, she was so pleased for them.

Jack raised an eyebrow in her direction and she felt her cheeks flush. Embarrassed at being caught, she hastily returned her attention to the general conversation which once again centred on their current case but this time Donna intervened.

"Since Jack has been out of the loop for a while and Dimitrius very rarely discusses F.B.I business with me, could we please declare a moratorium on shop-talk and stick to subjects we can all join in with."

Sue gave her a grateful thumbs-up and D apologised to his wife.

"We'd better do as she asks guys, or I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"And we wouldn't want that, would we? He'll only be cranky on Monday morning." Tara sighed.

"I'm never cranky!"

He was saved from further torment when their desserts arrived and for the rest of the evening the topics of discussion were of a more general nature, their laughter causing smiles among the other patrons.

o-xxx-o

It was getting late and Sue could tell Jack was flagging although he tried his best to hide it. Discreetly, she touched him on the arm "**Okay you**?"

He gave her a '**so-so**' sign.

"H-O-M-E"

This time he nodded and she tried to come up with a plausible excuse to leave without making it look as though he was breaking up the party. Outside there was a sudden flash of lightning and she felt the table vibrate a few minutes later as a clap of thunder rent the air and made everyone jump. Looking Heavenward, she whispered a silent 'thank you'.

"Sorry to break this up but I think that's my cue." She folded her napkin and put it on her plate then stood and smoothed down her skirt. "Levi doesn't like thunderstorms. He gets overly excited and starts jumping on the furniture and he'll probably get us all thrown out if we stay." She nodded to the waiter who went to retrieve Jack's crutches.

"Look Guys, I know I've been like a bear with a sore head lately..." Bobby took a quick swig of his beer. "But I want to thank you for tonight, it's been really good."

"Even without the loud music and disco ball..?" Myles queried.

"Well a disco ball would have been the icing on the cake but..." He shrugged, shuffling from foot-to-foot and looking a little self-conscious. Sue jumped to his rescue.

"You're welcome and **Happy Birthday**." She spoke and signed the last part.

"Hear, hear..." Their glasses were raised in a toast and when Jack stood unaided they gave a loud cheer.

They'd taken it in turns to say goodbye but when Bobby got to his feet again, they turned away to give him some privacy.

"Thanks for coming Sparks, it really meant a lot."

"That's okay."

Impulsively he pulled the shorter man into a hug. "It's good to have you back, mate. I've missed you."

"Me, too... don't be a stranger."

"Tell you what... The big game is on TV tomorrow. The build-up starts around 3pm, maybe I could come over? It'd be like old times."

Jack looked to Sue.

"No problem. Lucy and I can hit the Mall. I haven't been shoe shopping for ages."

Hearing her name, the rotor got up to join them. "You did say **shoe** and not **sausage**, right?"

They both laughed as the two men exchanged baffled glances and then Jack made the universal sign for 'crazy'.

"I saw that!"

"**Sorry**." Holding on to the back of his chair with one hand, he used the other to tug her closer, kissing her soundly and eliciting another cheer from the group at the table.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Bobby asked when the hubbub had died down.

"You'll supply the chips and dip?"

"Of course," he grinned broadly.

Another thunderclap even louder than the last startled everyone and Levi began to fidget anxiously at Sue's feet. "Okay Boy... Jack, we need to get him home. Luce, I'll see you tomorrow, we can meet for lunch first."

"What time?"

"1:30 at the cafe by the fountain?"

"I'll be there."

After they'd gone the remainder of the group ordered coffee and Tara was the first to speak. "Wow... That was... He's... Wow!"

"The change _is_ astonishing." Myles agreed.

"Now I know why you call Sue 'Wonder Woman.' She's certainly performed m... miracles there." Stanley observed.

"It's funny... Most of the time, you wouldn't even know anything had happened to him. The only things that gave him away were the blank stares when we talked about stuff that had happened in the past few years." Lucy added.

"Talking of remembering," Myles interjected. "Don't I recall you coming into the bullpen a few days ago and bragging about the tickets you'd scored for the game tomorrow? Grandstand view. Cost a small fortune?"

"Yeah, I know but watching it on TV can be good too. No-one shouting in your ear or pouring beer down the back of your neck..."

"You know something, Bobby Manning?" Tara reached over and squeezed his arm. "Sometimes you can be really sweet."

"Aw shucks, thanks darlin'"

"Bobby Manning and sweet, not words I would have put in the same sentence." The Bostonian quipped. "So, what are you going to do with the tickets?"

"One of them belongs to Carson in Counter-Terrorism but if you don't mind having him for company, you're welcome to the other one."

"What's the catch?"

"There isn't one although I could probably come up with something. You want it or not?"

"I think I'd be willing to take it off your hands, for the right price of course."

"Just bring me back a program. It's taken me a while but I'm beginning to realise that there are some things more important than money in this world."

"Ticket for the game, $300... Souvenirs, $100... Giving it all up to spend time with a friend..."

"Priceless." A chorus of voices finished what D had started and the occupants of the nearby tables applauded.

Bobby turned to them and bowed flicking up his collar and lapsing into his Elvis routine. "Thank you. Thank you very much."

o-xxx-o


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** Not a particularly long chapter this time but fair warning... The next could require coffee and sandwiches! :-D

o-xxx-o

Wanting to give Jack and Bobby as much time together as possible, Sue and Lucy had made a day of it, starting with lunch, shopping and dinner followed by a movie at Montrose. Letting herself back into the apartment, she turned on the light and kicked off her shoes, sighing in relief as she wiggled her toes after freeing them from their prison. Levi padded over to greet her and she bent to ruffle his coat.

"Hi Buddy, are you the only one up? Sorry I'm late Boy but Lucy decided she wanted to chat over a late night cup of hot chocolate. Well actually, it was more like an interrogation, but I've had the training and she didn't get anything out of me that we didn't want her to know. Our secret's still safe."

The dog sat patiently at her feet listening to every word and wagging his tail furiously.

"Time for bed, Buddy... I'll have a shower in the morning, that way I won't disturb Jack."

o-xxx-o

It was still dark when she opened her eyes again, the clock showing 3:25am. Uncertain of what had woken her, she sat up and looked towards Levi's bed which was just visible by the faint moonlight filtering through the curtains. The dog was in his usual position although he opened one eye when she climbed out from under the duvet.

"It's okay Buddy, go back to sleep. I'm just going to get a glass of water."

Pulling a robe over her pyjamas, she opened the door as carefully as she could so it wouldn't make a noise and made her way to the kitchen. Deciding against switching on the overhead light, she opened the refrigerator door and used the glow of the small bulb to see by, her body creating eerie shadows on the wall as she moved about. Removing a glass from the drainer, she rinsed it under the tap and then filled it from the bottle in the door. It wasn't until she was halfway back to her room that she noticed him sitting on the couch.

"Jack?"

Out of habit she turned on the light so she could see his face, apologising when he squinted at the sudden brightness and tried to shield his eyes. "Sorry," she immediately used the dimmer to notch it down to a more acceptable level and sat beside him, pulling one leg up underneath her so she could face him and sipping her water. "Is something wrong?"

"Couldn't sleep"

Taking another quick drink, she put the glass down on the table. "Are you feeling okay?" There was a niggling worry in her mind that the last two days might have been too much for him and when he didn't reply, her concern grew. "Are you in pain?" She touched his arm to get him to look at her.

"No, I'm fine."

He looked unhappy and determined to get to the cause, she thought over the day's events.

"I'm sorry I was so late back."

"No problem."

"What time did Bobby leave?"

"About half-an-hour after the game"

A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Your team didn't lose, did they?"

"No, actually they won."

"That's good. Then why so sad..?"

"Bobby asked me to give you a message from D. He needs to see you in his office first thing on Monday morning."

"Oh..." Now she understood. "Jack, we knew I couldn't stay forever." He didn't reply, just stared blindly ahead. "Do you want to talk?"

"Not really."

"Okay." Getting slowly to her feet, she finished off the now-tepid water. "I'll say good night then."

"Good night. Could you turn off the light as you go past?"

"Sure." She popped back into the kitchen then stole a quick glance in his direction before doing as he asked and plunging the room into darkness once more. Almost to the bedroom door she stopped, did an about-face and returned to his side, sitting down and snuggling into him and after a few minutes she felt his arms go round her and his mouth brush the top of her head.

Just as the first light of dawn broke over the city, he stirred and moved her away. "I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay."

"Good night."

"Good night."

o-xxx-o

She was tired, it was obvious from the way the images kept blurring before her eyes making it impossible to read what was being said, not that she didn't know it by heart anyway, but she'd hoped...

This case was the only thing keeping her in D.C. and the lack of any sort of progress was the cause of the problems D was having with the powers-that-be. He'd managed to fend off their complaints up until now but judging by Bobby's message, time had all but run out and she had to admit she could see their point. Her being directly involved in the proceedings hadn't yielded any real results whereas back in New York, she could have been doing more useful things. Levi touched her knee to let her know they had company and she plastered on her brightest smile before turning in his direction.

"Morning..."

"Hi." Jack poured himself a glass of orange juice and peered over her shoulder. "You're at it early."

"Couldn't sleep and since its Sunday, I was sort-of hoping for a miracle."

"Sorry?"

"I thought if I could just find something... anything to stop this case from being put onto the back burner or passed to a different department then it might give D the ammunition he needs to keep me here for a while longer."

"The arms thing..?"

"Yes."

"Can I help?"

Sue studied his face. He was tired, she could see that and still upset about last night, something he clearly didn't want to talk about but on the plus side, his hair was tousled in just the way she liked it. A wave of protectiveness washed over her. "No, that's okay. You go and sit down and I'll make you some breakfast."

A sudden flash of anger lit his eyes. "Sue, I've lost my recent memories... I'm not brain dead. You'll find I'm more than capable of reading through a few files." Slamming his empty glass down onto the countertop, he turned and stormed away leaving her staring after him wide-eyed.

After giving him time to calm down, she followed him into the lounge where he stood looking out of the window. Walking up behind him, she rubbed his back soothingly before sliding her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply... You just look so tired. I'm sorry." She kissed the back of his neck and his shoulder.

Relenting a little, Jack gathered her into his arms. "I'm sorry too, it's just that sometimes I feel that I've become the sum of my injuries and people forget I have a mind. It's just frustrating, you know?"

Sue nodded sadly, realising that she was treating him in a way she hated being treated herself, although in this case, her intentions had been good. "I know." She remained in his embrace for a few minutes longer and then pulled away. "So, is that offer of help still open?"

"Of course, though the price has gone up..."

"To what..?"

"This." He lowered his head and covered her mouth with his, kissing her slowly and deeply.

"Mmm... Now that's a price I don't mind paying. Would you care to join me in my office, Agent Hudson?"

"My pleasure, Ms Thomas"

o-xxx-o


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Here's that longer chapter I promised you but there is a catch... Last update for a few weeks as I'm off on holiday but don't let that stop you reviewing cos I'll be back! In the meantime, enjoy!

o-xxx-o

Having rearranged her files and laptop so he could sit beside her, she handed him a sheet of paper for notes but he refused it. "What?"

"Stickies"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't put together an evidence board without stickies."

"You don't have a board."

He crossed his arms stubbornly and Sue rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll get you some stickies." Disappearing out of the door, she returned a few minutes later and plonked them down in front of him.

"Thank you." He acknowledged with a mock bow and smug smile. Shaking her head, she settled back down on her chair.

"Ready, now?"

"Fire away."

"Well, at first we were targeting the main man, who we've christened 'Navarone'."

"Very clever... Myles..?"

"Myles," she confirmed.

"Thought so... I knew we'd find something that we agreed on one day."

"Sorry?"

"Navarone... Guns of... Good book, Alistair MacLean..."

"Jack, will you be serious."

"**Sorry**. So what do we know about Navarone?"

"Nothing"

"Good start." Pulling a stickie off the pad, he drew a question mark on it and put it at the furthest point from him on the table.

"Then Myles came up with the idea of chasing the money instead."

"He would. What money?"

"This is where it gets a bit complicated."

"I'm listening."

"We know that there's a bank account which is being used as a slush fund, although the bulk of the money is transferred to an untraceable one, off-shore and that's used to buy weapons, Semtex and other things that could be used in a terror attack."

"Which is why you're involved."

"Yes, but there's no single source that we can track down... There is a chain of shops which, despite extensive investigations into their finances, suppliers etc. appears to be completely legit. They sell mainly high-end electrical equipment... televisions, DVD recorders, stereos, kitchen appliances... that sort of stuff." She smiled to herself when she saw he was taking notes.

"There are currently three outlets we're surveilling on a permanent basis and two more we check on from time to time. The customer goes in, picks out his TV or whatever, pays, collects or arranges for delivery and then leaves."

"Cash or card..?"

"Both but it's the ones that pay by debit card we're interested in."

"Okay."

"The money comes out of their account in the usual way but a couple of days later, there's another and then maybe a third and very occasionally a fourth withdrawal. It depends on how soon after the first bogus one the card is cancelled by the owner. Some people check their statements religiously while others don't bother and there are a lot who fall into that group."

"Surely they could all just report the fraudulent withdrawals to their bank?" Jack offered.

"A lot of them do but..."

"Is there any correlation between those who do and those who don't?"

"A tenuous one... Those that have been reported have been for small amounts anywhere between $50 and $250 but those that haven't, range from $1,000 all the way up to $10,000."

"...A bit steep for a TV."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"And you know all this because..?"

"Once it was brought to our attention, Tara worked her magic and we've been able to see just how much goes into the slush fund account, how much is transferred and from what source."

"And none of the larger amounts have been reported?"

"No. Although, most of the cards have been cancelled…"

"The card owners haven't lost any more money after that?"

"No, except two and they visited one of the other stores we're watching after they were changed."

Jack gave her an old-fashioned look and she just shrugged. "I guess some people never learn."

"Do the extra withdrawals show up in the company accounts?"

"No."

"And have the known victims been interviewed?"

"All of them but they deny any knowledge of illegal weapons or donations to terror organisations and they check out clean," she added anticipating his next question.

"Anything else in common..?"

"Yes and this is the odd part... The people who have lost the smaller amounts come from all walks of life and are of different eth... eth... E-T-H-N-I-C-I-T-I-E-S... Sorry, I always have trouble with that word."

"Eth-ni-cities" Jack divided it into syllables for her, stressing each one.

"Those."

He smiled warmly. "And the others..?"

"...Are all Middle Eastern."

"Interesting... Anything else I should know?"

"One more thing... A counter assistant from one of our suspect stores was run over and killed on his way home about a week ago and when Myles and Bobby checked out his 'place' they found a lot of new stuff. I-pod, computer, games console but they looked as though they were for personal use. I have a list and some photographs." She searched through her stack of papers. "Here."

"Thanks. Do you have any more surveillance disks other than the one you were watching when I came in?"

"I'll get them for you. Why, do you have an idea?"

"No but I'm working on it."

Sue looked up at the clock. "Gosh, I didn't realise it had gotten so late. If I don't hurry and get ready I'll miss church."

Returning from the bedroom twenty minutes later she found him pouring over her notes. "Here are the disks... You'll be okay until we get back?"

"I'll be fine." He was so involved in what he was doing that she had to stoop and hold her head at an awkward angle so she could see his lips.

"See you later then."

"Yeah, bye..."

She'd barely reached the hallway before Levi pawed her leg to let her know he was speaking again. "Sorry, I missed that."

"I said. Don't I get a kiss before you go?"

"Of course you do. Levi, kiss Jack for me." The dog crossed to his side and licked his hand.

"Gee, thanks."

"Welcome. You're going to make me late." She leaned in to give him a quick peck on the cheek but at the last second, he turned so she caught him full on the lips instead. "No fair, now I'll have to redo my lipstick."

"Then I'd better make it worth your while." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her so passionately that she staggered backwards when he let her go.

"Wow."

o-xxx-o

Coming home after the Service, she found him in exactly the same place as when she'd left. The only discernible difference being the pile of stickies had dwindled to almost nothing and there was barely an inch of table to be seen. She touched him lightly on the back, startling him which in turn made her jump.

"Sorry, you're back early."

"It's been two hours."

"Really?" he glanced at the clock for confirmation.

"Have you been sitting there all this time? You should take a break."

"I'm okay." He grimaced as he tried to straighten up, belying his last statement.

"Sure you are. Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Jack..." Had she been taking lessons from his mother? She was an expert at making his name sound like a reprimand.

"Okay, okay." He stood up, sliding his arms into his crutches and walking stiffly to the lounge while she looked on disapprovingly.

"I'll feed Levi then a sandwich and some coffee? Maybe even a fresh muffin?" She waved the bag at him and his stomach responded with a growl making him feel a bit like Pavlov's dog.

"Sounds good... smells even better."

"I won't be long."

After they'd finished eating, Jack pushed himself up and headed back to the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe when she spoke to him.

"Jack, you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do."

"You haven't had your coffee yet."

"I'll drink it out here."

Sighing, she collected up the empty plates and while she washed them he thumbed through the files again.

"You know, you keep very good notes." He complimented her when she turned.

"You can thank my Training Agent for that. He always insisted that taking legible notes was an important part of case work."

"Then it couldn't have been Bobby. Have you ever tried making sense of anything he's written? And I think I can eliminate Myles... too concise and no flowery prose, which leaves Dimitrius..." His smile faded at the expression on her face.

"It wasn't D."

"Then who..? Oh, I'm **sorry**, I had no idea."

"That's okay." The words came out a little brokenly and she hastily cleared her throat. "Any luck?"

"...One or two theories, but nothing that would stand up in court."

"Welcome to my world. I'll get that coffee." After emptying the jug and cleaning out the filter to make some fresh, she reached up into the cupboard and found that they were almost out. "Oh..."

"What?"

She waved the container in front of him. "I'll have to go and buy some. Need anything?"

"No thanks."

o-xxx-o

She watched him worriedly from the doorway, his head was resting on his hands and he was using his fingers to massage his temples. Not wanting to risk startling him again, she spoke to Levi first to announce her arrival and then walked up behind him using her thumbs to gently knead the muscles in his neck and between his shoulder-blades and feeling the tension there. He moved his head slightly so she could see his lips.

"That feels good." Leaning back, he rested his head against her.

"You're tired."

"A little," he acknowledged but she immediately corrected him.

"More than a little..."

"I'm okay."

Moving to his side, she searched his face "and, you have a headache."

"You're sure you're not a witch?" He gave her a faint smile.

"I don't have to be, it's written all over your face."

"Would you be a sweetheart and get me a couple of aspirin."

"You need to lie down."

"Sue," he covered the hand she had resting on his shoulder with his own. "What I need is for you to stay in D.C. and if that means putting up with an aching head for a while, then I'll live with it."

She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off.

"O-kay..?"

It was one of his ways of ending a discussion so she reluctantly agreed, getting them for him and pouring a glass of water to wash them down.

"**Thank you**."

Not wanting him to see how concerned she was Sue busied herself making the coffee, almost spilling it when a piece of scrunched up paper hit her on the back of the hand. She spun to face him, her frown instantly replaced with a scowl.

Jack grinned at her sheepishly, "**Sorry**, I didn't know how else to get your attention."

"You could have just waited until I turned round."

"I'll try that next time, promise."

Shaking her head, she couldn't hide a smile. "Was there something you wanted?"

"Another look at your beautiful face..?"

"Jack..." There was that tone again.

"Do you have a transcript for this disk?"

"I thought they were all tucked inside the sleeves."

He looked again. "Not this one."

"That's odd." Taking it from him she checked both the case and the disk. "It's not numbered either. Where did you find it?"

"Inside the laptop case"

"It must have gotten away somehow. Just let me finish this and I'll take a look."

"No rush."

o-xxx-o

She watched the screen silently for a few minutes, the content jogging her memory. It was a disk she'd been trying to transcribe when he'd had his second muscle spasm and she realised she must have put it there for safe keeping and then forgotten about it.

"Sue..?"

"They're talking about the weather. Now the customer is saying he's just been to one of their other stores. 'They sent me here... said you could offer me a better deal'. The guy behind the counter asked what he was looking for and he said, 'a 65" L... L... I didn't get that."

"LCD," Jack offered.

"Yes, that was it... A 65" flat screen, LCD TV. Why would anyone want a television that big?"

"To watch sport," Jack replied a little too quickly, earning himself a bemused stare. "It's a guy thing."

"Uh-huh..." She returned to the video. "Something about HD..."

"High definition"

"You seem to know an awful lot about this."

"A guy can dream."

She shook her head again. "He says he can do one for $2,100. Wow!"

"That's at least 1,000 bucks off list price."

"Ouch! And they're still making a profit?"

"Apparently, so…"

"The customer says he'll take it."

"So would I." This time she merely quirked an eyebrow. "...If I had the money. Is he paying by cash or card?"

"Card."

"We'll have to check when the banks open on Monday to see if his card has been cancelled as well."

Sue smiled at the word 'we' but let it pass. She hadn't seen him this interested in anything since he'd left hospital and she wasn't about to risk spoiling it. "The assistant said it would take him a few minutes to sort out and would he like it delivered but he says he'll take it with him."

"Can you play that last part again?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." He ejected the disk and put in another and then a third.

"Jack, what is it?"

"Do you have any disks from run-of-the-mill transactions?"

She flipped through the pile and handed him one.

"Look..."

"What?"

"After all these he sends for someone to fetch the goods for him, probably from a store room but..." He switched disks again. "...With these, he deals with it himself and goes into the back room."

"Maybe they store them in two different places?"

"Yes but why? Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"The cheaper ones aren't legitimate stock."

"You mean they could be stolen?"

"That would be my guess."

"But the payments are all going into their normal business account."

He paused for a moment to think. "Get Tara to check the details. Make sure that the stock numbers match the goods. And you'll need to get on to Metro and see if they've had any reports of thefts or lorry loads of electrical appliances going missing."

"Anything else..?" She batted her eyelashes at him as she sat taking notes and he gave her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, for a moment it felt like I was part of the team again."

"You always have been." She reassured him, stroking his back. "However, there's a glitch."

"What?"

"The additional charges are coming out of the accounts much later, which means, they'd need the PIN as well as the card details and probably the security number."

"The last two are relatively simple. If they're copying or cloning the front of the card with some sort of device, it would be easy to adapt it to do the back as well."

"And the PIN..? That's unique to the owner. There's no way they could... No, wait..."

"What is it?"

"One of the purchasers was complaining that the card reader wasn't at an angle like those in the big stores, it was flat on the counter. The assistant gave him some excuse about it being due for repair."

"...Which means the number could have been picked up by a hidden camera as it was being entered. I'll bet you anything you like that A} that particular card didn't get any unexpected charges and B) The owners almost fell over themselves to give you those surveillance videos so you wouldn't go looking for them."

She nodded and signed '**yes**'. "One more thing... When they found out they were being ripped off, why didn't they just report it to the bank and try to get their money back like the others?"

"They must have known in advance that the stuff they were buying wasn't on the up-and-up..."

"And they were afraid that if they did, they'd be arrested."

He touched his nose and pointed at her as though she'd just guessed the correct answer in a game of charades. "And, that's what these people were relying on."

Sue quickly scanned down her notepad. "Two more loose-ends..."

"Shoot." Jack was on Cloud Nine. Another of his doubts had been laid to rest, the one about his mind's ability to think clearly enough to return to some sort of F.B.I work. In fact, if he'd been able to walk unaided, he probably would have been strutting around the room right now he was so proud of himself.

"Why were the main targets all from the Middle East?"

"To slow down the investigation"

"Sorry?"

"If the Bureau focussed on Caucasians, Afro-American or virtually any other ethnicity..." he gave her a grin "…Then no problem but if they start rousting people from that particular part of the world, there'd be cries of persecution, racial profiling, violation of civil rights..."

"Or, all of the above... You have no idea how many lawsuits we've been threatened with recently."

"I can guess."

"That could also mean 'Navarone' isn't Middle Eastern at all."

"I'll stick my neck out here and say he's anything but. The second loose-end..?"

"This guy," she used her index finger to tap the photograph of the shop assistant. "Coincidence..?"

"Don't believe in them."

"Me either."

"He must have been in on the scam, though I doubt he knew where the money was really going..."

"Maybe he got greedy and wanted in on the action?"

Jack stared at the photograph and then picked up the inventory of the search. "I think... he was probably responsible for the smaller amounts, judging by this list and what you found in his, his..."

"Hovel..?" Sue offered.

"That's the word." He cringed making her smile.

"You didn't have to search the place. I swear I can still smell the mouldy pizza that was under the bed. So you think he was using his ill-gotten gains to pay for a few small luxuries, it's just a pity that a cleaner wasn't one of them. And the bosses found out and had him killed before he could be caught..."

"...And turn them in to save his own neck. There's something else you should consider... This might not just be a local problem it could stretch across forty-eight States."

"I've built up a few contacts in the other Field Offices. I'll phone around on Monday, discreetly of course."

"Good idea. You know something Thomas, we make a great team."

"We always did."

Jack sighed wistfully. "I can believe that." Their eyes met and he leaned in to give her a tenderly loving kiss.

"That was nice."

"I can do better."

Sue watched mesmerised as his beautiful brown eyes darkened until they were almost coal black, sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine, her excitement mounting at the first touch of his mouth on hers. His tongue traced along the line of her lips which she parted willingly so that he could slip it inside to dance with her own...

Reluctantly relinquishing their contact to take in some air, he drew in a shaky breath and rested his forehead against hers for a moment. "How was that?"

Speech eluded her. He was still breathing heavily, his gaze intense and not sure she could trust herself to stop if he tried to take it further, she decided to put some distance between them until they'd both calmed down. "You should get up and move around a little while I tidy up in here."

Understanding what she really meant, he straightened and stretched his back again. "Do you think it will be enough?"

"Excuse me?"

"The progress on the case... Do you think there's enough there to keep it open?"

"Oh," she felt herself blush furiously. "I thought you meant... I hope so."

Giving her a knowing smile, he stood slowly, covering his mouth as he yawned.

"You need to take a nap."

"Yes ma'am." He couldn't argue with that, he was far too tired. Making his way slowly into the lounge, he flopped down onto the couch and by the time she'd packed everything up he was almost asleep.

"Jack, you should be in bed."

"I'm comfortable here." The truth was he didn't have the energy to move again.

"Then at least lie down." She helped him lift his legs onto the seat and slid a cushion under his head.

"What about you? As I recall, you didn't get much sleep last night either and you were up before me this morning."

She had to admit that she was tired too. "Okay, move over."

"Sorry?"

"You'll need to make some room."

Not quite believing his luck, he did as he was asked and she lay down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder and chest. "Just promise you won't let me fall."

Using a single finger he tilted her chin. "I would never do that." He vowed reverently kissing her nose before closing his eyes. Keeping to his word even as he slept, if she so much as stirred, his arms tightened around her protectively, holding her against him.

o-xxx-o


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** I have returned, fresh from my wanderings in the beautiful Rhine Valley and back at my computer again! Here's a long-awaited new chapter for you and when you've read it please take a moment to let me know that you're all still out there and reading! ;-)

o-xxx-o

'If you want to make God laugh then tell Him your plans.' It was an expression she'd used often but never had it seemed more apt than today...

Sue sat alone at a corner table in the airport coffee shop, staring outside as she waited for yet another delayed flight to be called. The rain was lashing down onto the tarmac, the height the drops reached when they rebounded emphasising just how hard it was falling. Her view was becoming more and more obscured as the raindrops ran down the toughened glass, combining together to form rivulets resembling a waterfall. No, perhaps He wasn't laughing after all, maybe it was the Angels crying for her the way she wanted to cry but dare not, because if she started then she wouldn't be able to stop. She'd known full-well that this could happen, feared it even, and now she chastised herself for allowing things to go so far and becoming so deeply entangled... again. Raising the plasticized container to her lips she took a sip of her drink, the scolding hot liquid burning her tongue but she didn't care.

Everything had seemed so simple just a month ago when she and Jack had worked seamlessly together at his kitchen table in a concerted effort to keep her in D.C. a while longer and it _had_ worked but only as a base to return to periodically after chasing halfway around the country.

They'd both been ecstatic when the powers-that-be had permitted her to stay but it had been short-lived. Rather than sitting at Jack's desk and ringing around and yes, she still thought of it as his desk even now as did the others, they'd decided that it would be better if she visited each relevant Field Office in turn and briefed them personally on what to look out for. She'd practically pleaded with D to intervene telling him that it would be far more expeditious for herself and Jack to share the load and contact them by phone but he'd refused to even entertain the idea and that had upset her.

While he'd sympathised with their situation he'd also pointed out that as Supervisor, he had to follow the rules and since Jack was still on disability with no clear indication that he'd ever be fit enough to return to his position with the Unit, he felt he wasn't able to sanction the idea. His refusal, although with hind-sight she could see his point-of-view, had reawakened the resentment and annoyance she'd almost succeeded in burying from a few days earlier and it was all she could do not to turn the discussion into a full-blown argument but she knew that she had to keep her cool and not risk saying something that might come back to bite both herself and Jack at a later date.

It had all begun when she'd gone into the office on the Monday morning after their brainstorming session. Dimitrius had asked her to brief the rest of the Team on what she'd come up with and they'd all been surprised by the turn the case had taken but not wanting to claim all the credit for herself, she'd gone to great lengths to stress Jack's part in it and how much he'd contributed. Rather than being impressed as she'd hoped, they'd just regarded her with disbelief. Myles had practically laughed in her face. Tara had made some comment about how she was sure that he'd tried to help and even Bobby had been sceptical until she'd pulled the wad of stickies out of her case and handed them around. The sight of his handwriting had finally convinced them and they'd all mumbled their apologies and asked her not to tell him of their doubts about his abilities... As if she would have anyway. She knew just how their lack of faith would have hurt him and he'd come too far and fought too hard to have it all taken away by his colleagues. Little did she realise then that she would be the one to hurt him to the point where she was sure he'd never forgive her.

Glancing across the concourse she checked the board, sighing in frustration when she saw that her departure time had been put back yet again, leaving her with over an hour to kill. Taking another tentative sip of what passed for coffee in this particular establishment, she returned to her musings.

She'd visited over a dozen Field Offices, barely having time to stop and catch her breath when she did manage to get back to D.C. It was obvious that he wasn't happy about her flitting here, there and everywhere, and come to that neither was she, but it was part of her job and they'd both grudgingly accepted it. Levi, however, had been another story. He'd never been a good flyer and the constant jumping from place to place had taken its toll on him, so-much-so that apart from the odd occasion, she'd taken to leaving him with Jack. She'd missed his company but it had been for the best and they had done a great job of looking after one another.

Leaving Nebraska on a particularly bumpy flight, she'd come to accept that no matter how senior her position or how good the pay, she hated her job and the time she'd spent back in the bullpen had only served to reinforce that realisation. She'd also reached the conclusion that she didn't want to return to New York at all and yet here she was waiting for her flight to be called.

Outside, the rain seemed heavier and the sky even darker... if that was possible... In fact it had gotten so bad that she could see her own reflection in the window pane. She stared transfixed as, inexplicably, her face seemed to morph into Allie's but she understood why it had happened. She'd sworn to him that she was nothing like his ex-girlfriend, that she would never leave someone she loved especially while they still needed her but she had. Okay, the circumstances were different and he could manage pretty well on his own now but she was still literally following in the other woman's footsteps. Then again, what choice did she have?

Absently, she stirred her now-tepid beverage and looked around, seeing the unhappy and disgruntled faces of her fellow passengers and trying not to read their colourful language as their patience started to wear thin, not helped by the fact that some of the children were getting fractious while others ran here and there getting in the way and knocking things over and she found herself wondering if Levi was okay. She thought about asking the airline people to let him loose for a while but then there would have been all the hassle of getting him reloaded which would probably cause further delays so reluctantly she discarded the idea and turned her gaze back to the window.

She'd made a few decisions during that rather scary flight and had made up her mind that when she finally got back to Washington, she'd ask D if he'd be prepared to have her rejoin the Team permanently and if he agreed then she'd put in a transfer request. She'd already had it partly written in her mind and it was just a case of committing it to paper at the appropriate time. The job she had now with all its travelling that had seemed so exciting at the beginning, had lost all its appeal and she didn't want to be so far away from all her friends. There were other things that she wanted as well, the most important of which was a proper home and that had to be wherever Jack was. It didn't matter that he couldn't remember their past together, what they had now was just as special and she wasn't prepared to lose it again... And then... the phone-call that changed everything...

She'd had one more stop to make, a brief one in Indiana on her way back or at least that was what it was supposed to have been but the meeting had dragged on so long that she'd missed her connection and had to stay overnight. She'd called from the hotel so that neither he nor Levi would worry and, after a brief round of commiserations and apologies, he'd told her that he'd had some great news. D had been so impressed with his contribution to the 'Navarone' case that he'd arranged things with the Team to allow him to consult on current cases from time-to-time as a sort of sounding board. There wouldn't be any pay in it as it would be completely unofficial but it would give him the chance to ease back into the swing of things and see if he could still hack it. If he could then as soon as he was deemed fit enough by both his doctors and those at the Bureau, he would return to work on a part-time basis at first and then maybe full-time later.

She'd been thrilled for him. This was what he'd wanted more than anything else in the world... To be able to return to the job that he loved and finally get his life back but it left no place for her. She'd tried hard to mask her disappointment but he'd still picked up on it and she'd shrugged it off by saying that she was tired and they'd celebrate when she got back. They'd said their goodbyes and she'd switched off her blackberry, thrown herself on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

They had celebrated as she'd promised and he'd told her over and over that he owed it all to her, that he couldn't have done it without her and then she'd dropped the bombshell that she'd be returning to New York...

She could still see his every expression in her mind's eye. The shock, the hurt, the sadness... She'd wittered on giving him all sorts of reasons to convince him that it was the right thing to do. Everyone but the real one, that was. She couldn't even recall now just what she'd said but it was something along the lines of him not really needing her anymore so she was free to return to her own life. That she'd missed it and her friends and was looking forward to going back. The words were unimportant but his reaction wasn't. The hurt had given way to pain and he'd lashed out, comparing her to Allie once more and she'd taken it all without flinching. Not because his words didn't hurt but because she was emotionally dead inside. She felt as though her life had spun in a vicious circle, she'd been here before and so had he and she found herself almost envying the fact that he couldn't remember. It was why she'd left D.C so suddenly two-and-a-half years earlier, after originally deciding to stay…

They'd tried to carry on as normal but his heartfelt speech in the corridor and the things he hadn't said in words but were written all over his face had come between them somehow. The 'no-fraternisation' policy had made it impossible to have a relationship even though they'd finally admitted that they'd both wanted one, so they'd made a conscious effort to bury their feelings again, keeping each other at arm's length. As a consequence, the rapport they'd always shared had virtually disappeared leading to misunderstandings and disagreements that had begun to affect the whole Unit and then one day she'd returned to the bullpen early to find him alone at his desk. Taken completely off-guard, he'd had no chance to hide what he was feeling and the misery and hurt in his expressive brown eyes had been too much for her. Without a word she'd walked away, called the New York office to see if the job was still available and taken it on the spot and now here she was again. The only discernible difference was that the last time she'd left him hurting but this time he was angry and confused. Maybe it was better that way? At least if he hated her it might give him closure enough to move on.

There was a flurry of activity around her with people collecting cases and rounding up children which meant that her flight had been called at last. Getting to her feet she stretched and took a deep breath, hooking her bag over her shoulder and drawing herself up to full height. Walking resolutely to the gate, she showed the attendant her boarding pass and made her way onto the aeroplane, sitting down and staring out of the window once more. She felt a sudden wave of empathy with the other woman who had done exactly the same thing, wondering now if Allie had felt as badly as she did but despite Jack's observations to the contrary, they were nothing alike. When Allie had returned to New York, she'd immediately picked up where she'd left off, even dating freely again but Sue knew that life would never be quite the same for her. Her hopes of husband, home and family had faded away when she'd walked out of his life. There was no one out there that could even begin to take his place, her heart belonged to Jack Hudson and it always would.

A sudden flash of lightning made the person next to her jump but she barely even acknowledged it, as she closed her eyes and drifted into a fitful sleep.

o-xxx-o


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the reviews! From your comments it looks as though I might have to start issuing 'tissue' warnings but none should be needed this time - enjoy!

o-xxx-o

"I don't get it." Bobby declared in a voice loud enough to carry from the kitchen into the lounge where Jack was sitting on the couch and looking Heavenward.

"What's to get? You put the coffee in the filter basket, add water and let the machine do the rest. It's not rocket science." He called back, deliberately misunderstanding. It had been a little over two weeks since she'd left and the man had been trying to push him into a discussion ever since, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he didn't want to talk about it.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." The Aussie countered stubbornly from the doorway, frowning when he saw Jack grimacing and massaging down his left thigh and calf. "Leg playing up again..?"

"Aches like the devil."

"Hydrotherapy thing not working out for you..?"

"No, it's great. Unfortunately, today's session was more out of the pool than in."

"Well look on the bright side, at least it's not the right one this time." Receiving a death glare for his attempt at humour, he pressed on. "Perhaps you should have a word with that Physio of yours, get him to ease up on you a bit."

"Like that's gonna happen. He'll probably make me work twice as hard for complaining."

"Pain killers?"

"Please."

"Be right back."

Once they'd settled down, Bobby tried yet again. "I still don't get it."

Knowing that he wasn't going to have any peace until his visitor found out exactly what he wanted to know Jack surrendered wearily, stretching his leg across the coffee table in the hope of getting some relief from at least one gnawing pain while the other looked at him expectantly. "There's nothing to get. She came. She took care of me just as she would any other friend and then she left."

"You didn't have an argument or do anything to drive her away?"

"No!"

"Sorry, just asking... She must have given you some reason."

"I already told you," he sighed in exasperation really not wanting to go over it all again and finally grasping why Special Agent Bobby Manning was so good at interrogating suspects – dogged determination and sheer persistence. "She said that now I was able to fend for myself, she was free to return to her own life and friends in New York. End of story..." or so he'd hoped.

"Nah Mate, sorry but I'm not buying it. I have a couple of friends of my own in that office and word on the grapevine is that she hasn't been the same since she got back off sick leave."

"Sick leave?" Jack sat up a little straighter in his seat, the thought that Sue might be ill alarming him despite his feigned indifference.

"I thought you knew. I guess Lucy forgot to tell you."

"She seems to be avoiding me lately."

"Oh, okay... The flight she went back on ran into some rough weather and when it landed it skidded off the runway."

"Is she okay?" He kept his tone even masking the barely concealed panic he felt inside.

"Do you care?"

"Bobby!"

Reckoning that his friend was in enough physical pain he relented, not wanting to add mental anguish to the mix. "She's fine, just a bit banged up but she's not sure she'll ever be able to get Levi onto a plane again."

"You've spoken to her?"

"No, Lucy passed on the news to everyone."

"Except me"

"Maybe she didn't want to worry you?"

"More likely, she blames me for Sue's sudden departure."

~ Just like the last time ~ Bobby thought but managed to catch the words before they actually left his mouth. "So, come on Sparks... You must have some idea why she left."

Jack massaged his leg again. "Do we have to do this right now?"

"I think so. You look worn out and downright miserable and if it's affecting you this badly, we need to try and fix it."

"What makes you think it _can_ be fixed?"

"That's an easy one. It's obvious to anyone with even half a brain that you two are crazy about each other and belong together."

"Which is why, you picked up on it."

"You can mock all you like, but I haven't heard you deny it. So, I repeat my question... Why do _you_ think she left?"

"Why do they all leave? Seems like, when it comes to relationships I'm pure poison."

"You're admitting that there was a relationship then?"

Realising he'd been trapped and too despondent to put up a fight, he let out a shuddering sigh. "Yeah, I thought so but then I thought the same about Kristen and Jessica, not to mention Allie. They probably all meet up on a regular basis to congratulate each other on their lucky escapes."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Why? Do you know something I don't?" When the Aussie couldn't meet his gaze it only served to confirm his suspicions. "Don't tell me, something else I've forgotten. Come on spill..."

"You just told me not to," he hedged.

"Crash..!"

"Look, you know we're not supposed to..."

Jack interrupted him angrily. "...For God's sake! I think I'm long past the point where knowing would do me any harm and I'm fed up of always feeling like I'm stuck outside the candy store with my nose pressed up against the glass looking in!"

Bobby stared at him in surprise. "I've never heard that one before."

"I have. I just can't..." Shaking his head he let out a frustrated growl. "Spit it out will you."

"Okay, but remember, you asked for it." He drew in a steadying breath. "Kristen died a few years back – drug overdose. Jessica is probably locked up in the Tower of London for treason or something and Allie..." He shrugged. "Who knows?"

"I really know how to pick them, don't I?"

"You're not alone there. Remember Darcy?"

"Who..?"

"D.C.'s very own Lois Lane... Darcy D'Angelo. Intrepid female reporter who spent most of her time making us look bad in the newspapers and who I had a thing for. Shot through on me when she got a job offer in L.A."

"Were you in love with her?"

"What?" For the first time he noticed the confusion on the other man's face and gave himself a mental slap. "I did it again, didn't I? Yeah, I loved her. Offered to give up everything and go with her but she turned me down flat." The pain was still visible in his eyes when he spoke.

"And yet you want me to..."

"Whoa, Darcy was nothing like Sue, more like Allie now I come to think of it." He finished his coffee in one gulp. "Hold on, we're supposed to be discussing your love-life not mine. Didn't she give you any clue that she was thinking of leaving before it happened?"

"Who, Allie..?" The continuous ache in his leg kept distracting him and he was finding it hard to keep up.

"No, you drongo... Sue."

"Sorry..." He rubbed his eyes and face tiredly. "...None. In fact we were..." He broke off not willing to share the more personal details even with his best friend.

"So, what did she say?"

"I don't know. She called from Indiana to tell me she'd been delayed and had to stay the night. She seemed pretty upset so I thought I'd cheer her up with the good news about my working with the Team again. I was sure she'd be as pleased as I was but thinking about it now, there was something in her voice. Anyway, we celebrated when she got back and that's when she announced she'd be returning to New York."

"And, then?"

"She left."

"I don't get it."

"You already said that."

"The impression she gave was that she didn't want to go back. In fact, D was all set to offer her a permanent place with us."

"I had no idea."

"It would have been great too." He sounded disappointed. "Sue and Levi back in the bullpen and the possibility of you returning. It would have been like old times, except..." He finished abruptly.

"Except what..?"

"Bobby Manning, for a crack F.B.I Agent you can be a total Galah sometimes."

Jack stared at him. "You've only just realised that?"

The Aussie didn't react to his friend's taunt. "She did it for you, Mate."

"Excuse me?"

"That's why she left."

"You've lost me."

"Look, its simple when you think about it. If she came back to the Unit and you two... then there'd be no place for you when you were fit to return. And, if you did come back to your old post then you couldn't..."

"Couldn't what?" Jack asked completely perplexed.

"Come on Sparks, the 'no-frat' rule. You must remember that. And, come to think of it, even if there was nothing going on with the two of you and the powers-that-be found out you'd been sharing an apartment for the last six or seven months on and off, it could easily be misconstrued and come back to bite you."

The light finally dawned. "I hadn't even thought of that."

"Well she obviously did."

"And you really think that's why she left?"

"If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on it." He wiggled his eyebrows, grinning sardonically. "Sue knew how much getting back to work meant to you and you couldn't both be in the same Unit and have a relationship, so I guess she did what she thought was best and removed herself from the equation."

Lost for words, Jack could only stare at him dumbfounded.

"She must care about you an awful lot, Mate... You okay?"

"Why couldn't she have spoken to me first?" It was meant to be a rhetorical question but Bobby answered him anyway.

"Like I said, she knew how important your job was to you."

"Not as important as her." Jack stated sadly, trying to come to terms with what she'd done and why she'd done it.

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

"Then do something about it. Go after her."

Jack tapped his legs and pointed to his crutches.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem. The airlines these days are geared up to cope with old crocks."

"Thanks. And when I get to New York?"

"They have cabs there. You know... yellow cars with signs on top that take passengers. Grab one, give the driver the address and Bob's your uncle."

"One problem... She lives on the fourth floor and there are no elevators in the building."

"Ahh... Hold on... You wanna tell me how you know that? Have you been there before?"

"I..."

Bobby watched as a look of pained concentration marred his features. "Jack?"

"Sorry, I was just... Nothing, never mind..." How could he even begin to explain that he'd had a sudden vision of a front door and a bowl of peaches and cream without sounding completely demented? "I guess I must have, haven't I?"

"No idea, Mate. If you have, then you never mentioned it to me or anyone else in the office for that matter."

Jack shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, I've just got this feeling that..."

Seeing he was getting upset, Bobby decided to move the conversation on. "You definitely need to talk to her. You could try calling."

He shook his head 'no'. "I'm hopeless at saying what I feel. I'd probably make a hash of it. No, I guess I'll just have to resign myself to the fact that it was never meant to be."

"Remember, only stupid people do stupid things and that's something you're not. Do nothing and you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"Then what do _you _suggest?"

"Well let's see... You can't visit. You won't call... How about writing to her? Put it all down on paper and mail it."

"And if she doesn't respond?"

"Then at least you gave it a go. Come on Sparky, what have you got to lose?"

o-xxx-o

Jack lay in bed staring into the darkness, In spite of feeling exhausted both physically and mentally sleep eluded him and he couldn't even blame it on his leg which had stopped hurting some time ago. No, the talk earlier just kept playing over and over in his head and he knew that Bobby was right. Sue had nursed him back into life but it would be a lonely and empty one without her to share it. Giving up on even the pretence of resting he sat up, turned on the lamp and went in search of a pen and writing paper.

Four hours and several false starts later, he'd managed to get everything he wanted to say written down but when he read it through, it seemed messy and overly sentimental and he was seriously considering ripping it up and starting over. Somewhere inside he recalled something he'd been told years ago, he wasn't sure who by... They'd said that letters like these should only ever be written once because that way the words came straight from the heart. Too much over-analysing and correcting only left behind sentences that were grammatically sound but had no soul.

He read it again, still not sure that it would be enough to convince her to reconsider. His whole future hung on this one chance... Lying back and closing his eyes, he was almost ready to admit defeat when, out of the blue, an idea came to him.

Grabbing the remaining blank sheets of paper, he re-wrote it almost word for word but split it into two sections and then got up to find a larger envelope. Sliding open the drawer of his bedside table, he took out the notebook that held all the flashes of memory that he'd studiously recorded along with his innermost thoughts, hopes and dreams, sandwiched it between the two halves and slid the whole lot inside, sealing it before he had the chance to change his mind. He'd give it to Tara or Bobby to post in the morning, or no... D was picking him up to go into the bullpen for a few hours tomorrow so he'd send it through the F.B.I internal mail service, that way he could be sure it would reach its destination safely.

The challenge of facing up to his feelings and writing everything down had taken its toll on him emotionally and now he could barely keep his eyes open, so after turning out the light again, he slid down under the covers conjuring up his favourite memory and was asleep in seconds.

o-xxx-o


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: **Thank you again everyone for continuing to read and review. The first part of this chapter is mainly for the reviewer who had a 'problem' with part of my story. Hope this explains my reasoning. ;-)

o-xxx-o

**One Month Later:**

When Sue walked into her New York office Levi immediately jumped up to greet her, smothering her in doggie kisses as she crouched down to pet him and almost knocking her over in the process. "Levi, it's good to see you too, I've missed you." She'd been gone for over two weeks this time visiting Field Offices on the West Coast and giving him the once-over she was a little disappointed to see that his coat needed a good brush and he looked as though he'd been fed a few too many treats. Maybe she was just being pernickety though, after all Anita had offered to look after him and she was grateful but all the same... She glanced up to see her dark-haired assistant watching their reunion with amusement. "Hi."

"Welcome back."

"Thank you." She resisted the urge to sign as the young woman had never made any attempt to learn ASL or shown any interest in doing so. "It's good to be back."

"Really..?" Anita looked at her doubtfully.

"Well, it's good to have my feet on solid ground anyway."

"How was California?"

"Wet."

"Oh... Did you get to any of the nightclubs?"

"They're not really geared up for people like me, I'm afraid. I can't hear the music although I can feel the vibrations and I can't read lips in the dark, so..." She trailed off when she realised that the young woman had totally lost interest in the conversation and tried to stand up but Levi was having none of it. "Okay, okay, a few minutes more and then I have to do some work. Did he behave himself while I was away?"

"He was great. A bit mopey at first but he soon got over it. In fact, if you want to go away again..."

"I didn't exactly 'want' to go this time."

"It is part of your job though. I'd kill to be able to travel around the country the way you do instead of being stuck here."

"You'd soon get fed up with it."

"Not me."

Sue just smiled and having finally escaped her canine companion after promising more cuddles later, she made her way across the room, hung up her jacket and sat down at her desk, unconsciously running her hands over everything in front of her in an effort to re-familiarise herself with her surroundings. Levi nudged her to let her know she was being spoken to. "Sorry, did you need something?"

"Not really, I was just asking why you didn't take him with you this time."

Sue sighed. "I wanted to but after what happened on the flight back from D.C., it wouldn't have been fair."

"But since he's a service dog, you could have kept him with you in the cabin."

"I know but he's never been a good flyer, it makes him nervous and besides it was a very long trip. If we'd run into any turbulence... You remember I warned you that if there was a thunderstorm, he'd jump all over the furniture?"

"Yes."

"Well turbulence causes an even worse reaction and it's difficult to keep him under control."

"Can't blame him for that, I react pretty badly myself."

"Yes but with a plane full of anxious travellers, the last thing the cabin crew need is 60lbs of hyperactive dog barking and causing a disturbance and since you never know when you'll run into a problem its easier to stow him, if only as a courtesy to the other passengers. It's not ideal and I hate doing it which is why, whenever I can, I prefer to leave him with friends I can trust to take care of him, like Lucy and Jack..." She broke off hurriedly and made a big show of booting up her computer and rearranging the items on her desk, as just mentioning his name had brought a lump to her throat. Levi nudged her again.

"And me, I hope."

"Excuse me?"

"The trusted friends... I hope they include me."

"You can look after him anytime." Sue hoped that would be enough to satisfy the younger woman. Although she'd been her assistant almost from the first and was okay at the job, well most of the time, she'd never really thought of her as anything but a work colleague and one that could be very annoying on occasion. She had a tendency to talk too much and that often kept her from her own work as she had to concentrate on her lips and even after all this time, she still didn't always remember to face her when she spoke. "Anything here I should know about?"

"Same old stuff. Oh, I brought your mail from home. It's in the top right-hand drawer with the latest case files."

Sue's first thought had been 'why?' but not wanting to get into another long discussion she settled for a simple. "Thanks." Quickly flicking through it, she found nothing that really appealed, in fact it was mainly bills and junk mail. Her desk lamp flashed signalling an incoming call. "Sue Thomas. Yes... yes... I'll be right there." She tossed the envelopes back where they'd come from. "Saved by the bell, I'm needed upstairs."

"Will you be long?"

"No idea." Levi stood to follow her. "Come on then, Buddy, but you'll have to be good."

"I can't imagine him ever being anything else."

"That depends on his flea medication." She grinned, remembering the day that he'd relieved himself on Myles' pant leg.

"Sorry?"

"Long story... I'll explain later."

o-xxx-o

When Anita returned from lunch she found Sue searching through her desk. Levi was snoozing in the corner so she tapped her on the shoulder, making her jump.

"Did you lose something?"

"My stapler..." She was beginning to think that Bobby had paid a visit while she'd been away. If anything like that ever went missing in the Hoover Building, he was usually the culprit.

"Bottom drawer, I put it there for safe-keeping."

"Oh, thanks. I haven't checked there yet." Taking it out, she waved it in the younger woman's direction to let her know she'd found it but as she went to close the drawer again she noticed a bulky, brown padded envelope which had got pushed to the back and drew in a sharp breath when she recognised the handwriting.

"Something wrong..? Oh!" Anita put a hand to her mouth to smother an embarrassed, giggle. "I didn't realise that was still in there. It came in the internal mail from D.C."

"When..?" There was an unusual edge to her tone and the girl raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Let's see... It must have arrived while you were at Quantico, so I'd say about a month." The look her superior was giving her put her on the defensive and she immediately tried to justify her actions but only succeeded in making things a whole lot worse. "At first I thought it might be something important like a surveillance tape for you to look at but when I opened it, it seemed more personal... I'm sure I told you it was there but maybe you didn't see me." She finished satisfied that she'd gotten herself out of trouble.

This was one of the reasons that Sue had never taken to her. If anything went wrong or she forgot to pass on a message, she always blamed it on her being deaf and never took any responsibility for her own mistakes.

"I put it in there..."

"For safe-keeping," Sue finished for her, sighing and shaking her head.

"Did I do something wrong again? I was only trying to help."

She wanted to take hold of her and try to shake some sense into her but what was the point? The last time they'd had a run in the girl had sulked for a week and had practically every member of the clerical staff in the building thinking that she worked for the 'Wicked Witch of the West' and she didn't want to go through that again. "It doesn't matter. Forget it."

"Okay." She grabbed a pile of folders from her desk. "I have to go make copies of these. Need anything before I leave?"

"No, thanks..." She stared after her in disbelief as she fairly skipped out of the door seemingly without a care in the world. The fact that she'd screwed up yet again, already forgotten.

o-xxx-o

The day had seemed interminable and when she at last made it back to her apartment, she closed the door and slid the security bolts into place, shutting out the rest of the world. All she wanted now was a long, hot bath filled with bubbles and scented oils to ease away the tensions of the day. Levi brought her back to Earth with a thud when he reappeared at her side carrying his food bowl. It was a trick that Jack had taught him, although that was probably the wrong word. It was more of an assist since he couldn't always bend to pick it up from the floor and this simple act saved him from trying but Levi had learned to use it to his own advantage.

"Okay, you win. Let's get you fed first and then I'm going to run that bath."

She'd hoped that the extra pampering would relax her but her thoughts kept straying back to the envelope that now sat safely in her case. She'd even tried to talk herself into believing that he was just returning the odds and ends that she'd forgotten but a sixth sense was telling her that it was something else.

Towelling herself dry and slipping on her robe, she made her way to the kitchen and fixed herself a sandwich, not sure she'd be able to manage anything else and then on impulse, she poured a glass of milk and returned to the bedroom. Levi came to join her on the bed and she petted him for a while before picking up the package that she'd brought in with her, the annoyance she'd felt earlier resurfacing when she saw it had been opened and she found herself wondering just how much Anita had seen.

The first part of the letter was an apology for his behaviour and for losing his temper. He didn't owe her any apologies for that, she'd earned every word. He went on to thank her again for all her help saying that he probably wouldn't even be here today, if it wasn't for her and that he would always be in her debt. It ended with a request that she read the notebook he'd enclosed before going on to the second part.

She found herself uncertain of whether to do what he asked, After all, everything inside would be highly personal but it had to be important to him otherwise he would never have parted with it and she owed him that much and far more.

The cover was soft, brown leather and she was almost certain that she hadn't seen it before but when she opened it another smaller one fell out onto her lap and this one she was familiar with... It was just a run-of-the-mill scribble pad that could be bought anywhere. The one she'd fetched from his hospital bag when she'd first arrived to take care of him. The one he had hidden away in his bedside table.

Taking a sip from her glass, she opened it up and was soon engrossed in what she found there. It contained a collection of fragmented scenes and phrases which might have appeared meaningless and confusing to him but not to her. Most she understood...

Levi and the Elvis impersonations... Ice skating around a fountain... There was a note about a poetry reading followed by a series of exclamation and question marks as though he couldn't quite believe it. Flags of the World in the shape of silk scarves... A rubber chicken... All of which she could have explained to him if only she'd been allowed. And there were other references that she could only guess at...

Fighting with Bobby in the rain... The dead body of a female jogger... Children crying as he pointed a gun at them... The things of nightmares... Was this part of the world of horrors that he'd visited when he was forced to take the pills to help him sleep? If so then it was no wonder he'd always been so exhausted and distant the next morning. Sniffling, she wiped away a tear that she hadn't even realised she'd shed until it ran down her cheek. There was more, much more... a lot of it dark but interspersed with humorous moments the last of which made her laugh out loud. She remembered only too well the 'peach or cream' debate. . Feeling the need for a break, she returned her plate and glass to the kitchen and cleared up Levi's things.

Sliding into the bed this time, she picked up the larger book, opening it to discover that it was a diary or maybe journal would be a better way to describe it and a lot of the content was far more distressing than that she'd read previously. It revealed in great detail his day-to-day struggle to cope with the pain and his fears for the future. ...His life in Wisconsin with Allie and finding out about his mother's illness... She could still recall his face as he'd sat at her hospital bedside holding her hand, afraid that he was going to lose her before he could tell her how much he loved her and thank her for the sacrifices she'd made for him over the years. She'd wanted to cry for him then, was crying for him now, but it was just another memory she could never share.

Her emotions were all over the place and Levi picked up on it, pawing her anxiously. "It's okay Boy, I'm fine." She stroked him absently as she read on, not believing the things that Allie had put him through and blaming herself for not being there when he needed her but it had been impossible.

Things brightened a little with his return to D.C. but he'd still felt so ill and exhausted, worse she suspected than any of the Team had realised and then the infection and his wishing that it would all just end, wanting to give up the fight and let nature take its course.

She smiled when he mentioned Sarah's granddaughter. That chance meeting had started a new phase in his life and the complete turnaround when she and Levi had arrived to take care of him. The gradual shift from despair to hope and the connection he'd felt to her even though he didn't remember anything tangible about their time together and then there was the day he'd reached rock bottom...She was learning so many things that she hadn't been aware of even though they were sharing the same apartment.

She'd had no idea just how dependent he'd become on his medication, almost to the point of addiction or how hard it had been for him to cut back on the painkillers and discard the sleeping pills altogether. Nor had she been aware of how many times he'd woken in the night with cramp but not called for her so that she could sleep and only succumbed when either the pain had been too much to bear or the craving for his pills had become so strong that he thought he'd go insane. How grateful he was that she'd come to him that night despite everything and the sheer relief he'd felt when she'd taken him in her arms and held him.

His reaction to her smile, her kiss, her touch... His new goals in life... A wife, children... She smiled softly... If there was one man destined to be a wonderful father, it was Jack. She'd seen it in him so many times with Billy and Danny... If only.

She read on to the end and then put it to one side, closing her eyes as the last few sentences played over and over in her head...

'_I'm alone again. She walked out of the door and out of my life. I don't understand why and it hurts._'

She must have dozed off because feeling Levi move beside her she opened her eyes and rubbed them to clear away the dried tears before taking out the final part of the letter.

_ Sue, I hope you know now just how much you've come to mean to me and how much I care for you. I miss you and Levi from the moment I get up in the morning until I close me eyes at night and sometimes even in my dreams but I think I understand now why you did what you did. Believe it or not, it was Crash who worked it out for me I guess I was too upset to see it for myself._

_ I say I understand but I wish with all my heart that you'd spoken to me first because then I could have told you that nothing in this world is more important to me than you and that includes my job with the Bureau. There's something else... Something I've come to realise has been true for a long, long time but I'm not going to write it here. The first time shouldn't be in a letter. I want to be able to look in your eyes and see your reaction so I'll know if you feel the same way. After all, they say that the eyes are the mirror to the soul._

_ Please come home, there's no problem we can't figure out if we do it together. We're the best, remember?_

_ I'll be waiting,_

_ Jack_

She folded the pages carefully and slipped everything back into the envelope before turning to her faithful companion and burying her face in his fur. "Oh Levi..." He'd said everything she'd wanted to see. Had her convinced that it would all work out but it was too late. It had been written too long ago and by now he must have resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't coming back. Her anger with Anita resurfaced and she wasn't sure how she was going to be able to work with her in the future without betraying her feelings.

**Three Days Later:**

Returning from another meeting Sue stood in the doorway watching as Anita rummaged through a box on her desk eventually coughing to let her know she was there. The younger woman jumped and flushed guiltily.

"You're back! This came for you earlier. I thought I'd better open it in case it was important and make sure it was where you could see it, especially after what happened the last time." She reached inside and took out a sheet of paper. "Who's Jack?"

Sue was at her side in an instant practically snatching the note from her hand. "A friend..."

"More like an ex-friend, looking at this lot." She mimed parenthesis to emphasise the ex. "Who is he?"

"I just told you."

"Jack from..." Using one finger she flicked up the cardboard flap. "D.C." Anita pondered for a moment. "Oh, isn't he the guy you went to take care of? The Agent that got himself blown up..?"

"That's right." She confirmed through gritted teeth appalled at the younger woman's lack of sensitivity. "He's just returning the stuff I left behind."

"That's what the note said. He's dumping you, huh? Typical man, you put your life on hold to look after them and as soon as they're better it's adios and mind the door doesn't hit you in the a- on the way out."

Stung into defending him, Sue said something that she immediately regretted. "No, I left him."

"Oh, okay... Not that I blame you, I wouldn't be able to hack it either All that whining and complaining as though they're really hurt and waiting on them hand-and-foot. Not me. And can you imagine actually being married to someone like that? I mean all those scars and who knows what the long term damage could be? You'll never find me living with anyone who isn't in full working order. It's perfect or goodbye." She stopped abruptly colouring violently when she saw the look on her boss' face. "Of course, I didn't mean you. Being deaf doesn't count. It's not like it's something obvious that would make people stare at you in the street..."

Not sure how much longer she could keep silent, Sue turned away so that she wouldn't have to see what was coming out of the woman's mouth, trying to convince herself that she was just young and foolish and when she finally looked at her again, she would swear that she hadn't even come up for breath but at least she'd moved on to criticising her choice of make-up and perfume. Her mind flashed back to another Anita, Lucy's cousin, and she found herself wondering if they all shared the same trait of speaking without thinking.

"Could you go and get me a coffee from Starbucks?"

"Sure. I wouldn't mind one myself but..." She looked up at the taller woman hopefully.

Sue picked up her purse and took out her wallet, handing her a $10 bill. "Get two."

"Thanks, I won't be long."

"There's no hurry." She offered up a silent prayer that there would be a queue, a very long queue.

Taking advantage of her absence, Sue continued to sift through the items in the box, finding an envelope that had been hidden from view by her pink t-shirt. She'd hoped that there might be a letter just to update her on his progress but instead there was only a brief note scribbled on the outside.

_I'm including this because I know I'll never be able to finish it – too many memories – but I thought one of us should know how our story ended._

With trembling fingers she tipped out the contents, her eyes brimming with tears when she saw what it was... A dog-eared paperback book... 'Ice Station Zebra' by Alistair McLean...

Lovingly she caressed it with her fingertips before opening it and attached to the inside cover she found one of his infamous stickies with just four words written on it. '_God, I miss you_.'

o-xxx-o


	30. Chapter 30

He'd been out-of-sorts all day although, if he were being honest, the last couple of days, but it had gotten gradually worse as he began to believe the whole world was conspiring against him. He was already angry with himself for giving in to a moment of weakness and writing what he had on the stickie but then to accidentally include it in the parcel. His only reason for packing her things up in the first place had been the hope that not seeing them every day would help him move on but touching her clothes as he folded them and smelling her perfume had been his undoing and rather than spend the rest of the evening moping, he'd written his feelings down. It had become a habit that he couldn't seem to break and he made a mental note to thank Sarah for that particular suggestion if and when he saw her again and not in a nice way. Then Crash had come over unannounced and he'd hidden it in the book and forgotten about it until yesterday morning when he'd woken up.

In a half-awake, half-asleep state he'd tried to get up too quickly and his left leg had gone out from underneath him, depositing him unceremoniously back onto the bed and it had been aching like the devil ever since and to make matters even worse, when he'd at last made it to the kitchen and seen the empty table, he'd remembered that Bobby had taken the box with him to mail.

He'd called Aaron later that day to make sure that he hadn't done himself any permanent damage but his opinion had been it was a strain and would be okay in a few days provided he rested it and he should take a couple of painkillers and be more careful in future. Normally, he would have brushed off the Physio's sarcasm but this time it had rankled.

He'd been determined to go into the office today regardless, the thought of spending another twenty-four hours in his own company dwelling on what might have been the driving force behind his decision but now as he sat at his desk he was beginning to rue his stupidity.

Crash had given him a lift in and the entire Team were up to their ears in paperwork making the atmosphere gloomy and sombre. D had asked if he wouldn't mind reviewing the statements and facts they'd collected on one of their lower priority cases which needed to be signed off for putting into 'cold storage' and he'd readily agreed. At least if he threw himself into that he wouldn't have the chance to think about more personal matters.

As he was thumbing through one of the files, a piece of paper had slipped out floating to the floor and without thinking he'd reached down to pick it up. The response from his leg had been immediate and vicious and he'd gasped out loud causing everyone to stare in his direction. It had taken him a good ten minutes to reassure them that he was okay and when they'd finally gone back to their work, he'd escaped to the restroom, locking himself in and standing in front of the wash basin taking slow deep breaths before swallowing down a couple of painkillers and returning to his desk.

While he'd been gone Lucy had added a couple more folders to the ever-growing pile and he'd read through the printed pages trying to pick out the salient points but towards the end there were three or four sheets of handwritten notes which had thrown him completely. The writing was his but the content meant absolutely nothing to him. He couldn't remember the case or even being part of the investigation. It hadn't really hit him before... Well okay there had been times like when Bobby had mentioned Darcy, but to have it there in front of him in black and white. He closed his eyes and tried to re-focus but Myles' voice broke into his thoughts.

"Jack..." The Bostonian had been keeping a watchful eye on him since he'd come back from the bathroom. "Perhaps you should call it a day. Go and see Arlene and ask her to take a look at that leg."

"Who..?"

"Arlene our ex... Thank God... temporary rotor and now full-time nurse."

He closed his eyes again, suddenly wishing that he was anywhere but in the bullpen. A wish that only strengthened when he opened them to find he was the centre of attention once more. "What? So I can't remember a temporary rotor or writing this damn report! Maybe you should try going through what I have for the past year and see how well you all come out of it!" He slammed the folder down on the desk making them all jump.

"Jack mate, I'm sure Harvard didn't mean anything by it, we're just concerned about you."

"I know. I know," he shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry Myles, I..."

"It's my fault," D interjected. "I should never have asked you to work on that case."

"No, its mine" Lucy sighed. "I should have checked inside before putting it on your desk."

"It's nobody's fault. Don't worry about it, it's been a bad few days, that's all."

"You want me to run you home?"

Jack mulled over Bobby's offer for a moment. Perhaps it would be easier all-round if he just went home and slept through the entire weekend. He was sure that if he asked this Arlene woman, she'd be able to get a prescription for sleeping tablets filled and then... What the hell was he thinking? He'd vowed to himself that he'd never go that route again and yet here he was seriously considering it. And not only that, if he fell at the first hurdle, how could he ever expect them to have him back in the job full-time?

"Sparks?"

Giving himself a mental shake, he looked at his watch. "I'll give it another half-hour."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I am. Luce would you be a sweetheart and get me a cup of coffee?"

She exchanged worried glances with D who just nodded. "My pleasure..."

"Thanks."

In the end he'd managed closer to an hour before fatigue had set in and he'd drifted off to sleep on the way home, only waking when Bobby put his foot on the brake to stop the car.

"You're sure you're okay, Mate?"

"I'm fine."

"If you say so," he hesitated for a moment. "Look Sparky, about Sue..."

"Forget it."

"How can I? If I hadn't built your hopes up, pushed you into writing that bloody letter..."

"Bobby, you didn't _push_ me into anything."

"But..."

"No buts and no more guilt trips, okay? Like you said, at least I gave it my best shot, it just wasn't good enough..." He tried to open the door, grimacing as he moved.

"Here, let me." The Aussie walked round and opened it for him, helping him out and supporting him while he slipped his arms into his crutches. "Maybe Myles was right for once. Perhaps you should have gone to see Arlene."

Jack sighed. Why was it, that name kept conjuring up images of teddy bears in baskets? "I told you Crash, I'm fine."

"You want me to come up with you?"

"I'm not your date. You don't have to see me to my door."

Bobby grinned. "Don't flatter yourself Sparks, you're not my type. Too butch and far too ugly..."

"Thank the Lord for that."

"I could come back after work. Pick up some takeout and a few beers."

"No, that's okay. Go out and enjoy your Friday night."

"What about you?"

"Me? I'm gonna rest my leg for a while, have a shower, watch TV and get an early night."

"Geez mate, I hope I never get as old as you."

Jack had already started to walk towards the building entrance but he stopped and turned slightly calling back over his shoulder "Not old Crash, just knackered."

Bobby watched helplessly until he'd gone inside, a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach that his friend was on the verge of going under for the third time and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop him from drowning.

As soon as Jack reached the sanctuary of his own apartment he tossed his jacket onto the chair and walked into the bedroom, discarding his crutches and slipping off his shoes before lying down on the bed and closing his eyes. He didn't remember ever suffering from depression in the past but since the 'accident' it seemed to wash over him in waves. He'd made a total idiot of himself today and he wouldn't blame D for an instant if he never let him near the bullpen again. First there was Sue's leaving and the lost stickie, then hurting his leg and that damned file had been the last straw. He was barely clinging on and now the whole Team knew it.

He must have fallen asleep because when he looked at the clock, three-and-a-half hours had evaporated from his life. Surprisingly though, the rest seemed to have done him some good... The niggling headache he'd been vaguely aware of on the journey home had disappeared and so thankfully, had the pain in his leg; not completely but enough that he could put up with it. Realising that he was still wearing the suit he'd put on for work, he eased himself off the bed and searched through the wardrobe, picking out a pair of casual pants and an old, comfortable, baggy sweater before heading for the shower in the hope that it would wash away any lingering malaise.

By the time he emerged his stomach was growling so after he'd caught the news headlines, he made his way to the kitchen stopping halfway when the bell rang and shaking his head in exasperation. "Bobby," he sighed loudly wondering if he could get away with not answering, but when it rang a second time he knew he'd lost. "...So much for a quiet night in. Okay, okay I'm coming!" He crossed the room and yanked open the door. "I thought we agreed that..." The words died on his lips and he stood frozen as he came face-to-face with the last person in the world he'd expected to see...

o-xxx-o


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** Thank you once again for all your wonderful reviews, I'm trying to repress the comment about my deliberately 'dragging out' the story! 'em shorty' I'm not going to reply to you here and I can't pm you so you'll just have to be more patient. Enjoy!

o-xxx-o

She stood outside her hands shaking, unsure of whether she'd be welcome after everything she'd done. So many mistakes... so many wrong decisions... Her apprehension mounted as he continued to stare at her, a myriad of emotions chasing across his face and she wanted to run but she couldn't do that to him, not again. This time he had to be the one to send her away so she gritted her teeth and waited for some sort of sign.

He couldn't move, could barely breathe... didn't dare blink in case she disappeared. He tried to say her name, but the word wouldn't come and as the silence hung between them, her eyes started to tear up, a lone drop escaping to run down her cheek. Something inside him stirred, his hand reaching out of its own volition to brush it away, the brief contact convincing him that she was real and not just the delusion of a desperate man.

"Sue..." His voice was choked and, afraid that he might actually collapse, he leaned heavily on one crutch and pulled her to him.

She'd been hanging on to Levi's leash for dear life, partly to prevent him from rushing into the apartment uninvited but mainly out of sheer panic but as soon as she felt his arm go around her, she let it slip through her fingers so that she could return his embrace, her hands clutching at the fabric of his sweater as a wave of relief swept through her turning her insides to jello.

Moving her away, Jack's eyes bore into hers as though he were searching for something, a watery smile telling her he'd found it and with trembling fingers he brushed the silky, blonde hair back from her face which was as wet with tears as his own.

"You came..." He whispered, kissing the teardrops away, his lips eventually finding hers and settling there, their touch gentle yet still managing to convey his desperation and gratitude then he pulled her into his arms again and held on tightly until sounds from the elevator reminded him that they were still in the hallway. Guiding her inside, he closed the door and gave her an apologetic smile. "I think I need to sit down."

"Are you alright?" Any doubts as to whether she'd made the right decision faded, concern taking over as he made his way to the nearest armchair and lowered himself into it. She was in front of him in a flash, kneeling so that she could see his face. "You're as white as a sheet."

"I'm fine, truly." He did his best to reassure her. "It's just been a rough day."

"Can I get you anything?" She tried to stand but he grabbed her arm to keep her where she was.

"No, please... Just let me hold you for a while."

Nodding, she moved into his arms, sliding hers around him and stroking his back soothingly, all the while mentally chastising herself for not calling first. She'd been so afraid that if she did he'd tell her not to come that it hadn't even occurred to her that her sudden appearance might be too much for him.

He relaxed his grip and drew in a steadying breath before letting her go. Wanting to give him some space, she walked back to the door and picked up her discarded bags and seizing his opportunity, Levi trotted over to Jack's side and rested his head on his knee.

"Hey, Knucklehead..." He made a fuss of the dog for a while keeping one eye on his owner as she took off her jacket and unzipped the leather holdall.

"I have something that belongs to you." She took out the envelope that contained his notepad and journal.

"Thank you. Did you read them?"

"Yes... Do you want to talk?"

"Not now."

Putting the package to one side, she settled in front of him again, reaching up to tenderly stroke along the line of his jaw. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Really..?"

"No." He shook his head, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "I've missed you so much. There were times I didn't think I'd be able to make it through the day."

"I'm so sorry... I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that if..."

He touched a fingertip to her lips. "Not tonight." Their eyes met but before either of them could speak Levi pushed in between them.

"Sorry Buddy, I missed you too."

"Actually, I think he's more hungry than upset. Is it okay if I use the kitchen?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Of course, you didn't need to ask."

"I wasn't sure if..."

"Sue," he took hold of her hand. "I told you before, there's always a place for you here. Nothing has happened to change that."

Not trusting her voice she signed a '**thank you**' and stood up again. "I have to get his things from the car, I won't be long."

As soon as she'd gone, he leaned back exhaling a shuddering breath as he tried to calm the turmoil inside him. He had no clear idea why she'd come. Hopes, yes... Wishes, yes... and he was praying that the visit wasn't simply to return his journal. He'd barely survived her leaving and he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it again. He felt Levi's paw against his leg and gave him a scratch. "I wish you could tell me what to say to make her stay."

Levi just whimpered and Jack closed his eyes again stroking the dog's coat until his mistress returned.

o-xxx-o

"Okay Boy, here you go." Sue bent down and put his bowl on the floor, jumping when she turned to find Jack sitting at the table behind her. "You startled me."

"I didn't mean to. You drove down?"

"Yes."

"Couldn't you get a flight?"

She finished drying her hands, hung up the towel and sat on one of the vacant chairs. "I didn't try. Levi's been a nervous wreck since our mishap in New York and now he has to be lightly sedated to get him anywhere near an aeroplane. I hate doing that so I either leave him with friends or I drive."

"And you manage without him?"

Receiving only a **so-so **sign, he quickly moved on not wanting to upset her. "What about you?"

She shrugged. "As Anita's always telling me... It's part of my job."

"Anita?"

"My persistent Assistant." She explained rolling her eyes and Jack smiled.

"Were you hurt?"

"Just a few bruises and a sprained wrist, there were others worse off than me."

"Thank God."

"Excuse me?"

Realising that she'd misinterpreted, he hastily clarified his statement. ""I didn't mean I was glad that other people were hurt... I'm just happy you're okay." The conversation lapsed into an awkward silence.

"Would you like some coffee?"

The way he was feeling at that moment, one of Levi's sedatives seemed like a better option. "Not just now thanks. Have you eaten?"

"Not since lunchtime."

"Want me to order take-out?"

"That'd be great."

"No problem." He slipped his arms back into his crutches. "...Anything particular you fancy?"

"Surprise me."

o-xxx-o

When they finished and under Sue's instructions, Jack returned to the lounge, sitting on the couch and half-heartedly flicking through the television channels to occupy himself while she cleared away but as soon as she came to join him, he turned it off again and tugged her down beside him. "Hi."

"Hi," she smiled and nestled into his side, her hand automatically going to its customary spot on his stomach. They sat quietly for a time and then she stirred and looked up at him. "Jack..?"

He lowered his head, kissing her tenderly before taking a deep breath. It was now or never and he couldn't recall ever being quite so nervous in his life. He adjusted his position so that she could see his face.

"Do you remember in my letter that I said I had something else I needed to tell you but I wanted to do it face-to-face?"

"I remember." She watched his lips intently as his tongue snaked out to moisten them and he took another steadying breath, brushing her hair back and tucking it behind her ear.

"I love you, Sue... I have for a very long time. I never told you because I was afraid that if you didn't feel the same way, I'd ruin what we already had and I couldn't risk losing your friendship, it means too much to me and I needed it so badly, but I can't hide any longer..." He fell silent, his heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest as he waited for her to speak.

Sue was stunned, not so much by his confession but the insecurities they both shared. She'd always been afraid to reach out, Lucy had helped her with that, but she'd never considered that Jack of all people could be the same way. She'd always thought of him as strong, sure-footed and not afraid of anything but looking at him now she could see that it was just a front, underneath he was as vulnerable and uncertain as she was. Why had she never noticed it before, even when he'd...? Realising that she was being cruel in making him wait she filed away her thoughts and discoveries to be mulled over later. "I love you too." It came out breathlessly and when he didn't react, she wondered if she'd actually said the words aloud, so she tried again. "I love you too."

He was lost in her eyes, drowning in what he saw there and it wasn't until she caressed his cheek, the skin suddenly super-sensitive to her touch, that he tore himself away and finally exhaled.

"Jack..."

Pulling her back into his arms he held her against him, momentarily closing his eyes as the warmth she'd taken with her when she left began to seep back from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. "Say it again, please."

"I love you Jackson Samuel Hudson. I've always loved you." She confessed shyly, leaning in so he could kiss her and unlike all the others, this one was full of passion and desire. His tongue ran the length of her lips which she parted to allow him inside and as the kiss deepened she slid her hands up under his sweater to caress the bare skin of his back. At that moment she would willingly have given herself over to him completely if only to make up for all the hurt and heartache she'd caused. His hands roamed her body, the clothes she wore no barrier to the heat of his touch. He broke away from her lips to plant small, desperate kisses down the side of her neck, his hand sliding her blouse off her shoulder so that his mouth could continue its journey and then suddenly he stopped and pulled away.

"Jack..?" She looked mortified, terrified that she'd inadvertently hurt him or done something wrong. "I'm sorry, I thought you..." She tried to extricate herself from his grasp but he held her firmly.

"Sue... Sue, its okay, I..." He was sucking in huge gasps of air to try and calm himself down.

"I thought you wanted... I mean, I've never... I..." Again she tried to escape, her eyes filling with tears.

"Sue..." He freed one hand, covering her shoulder again before turning her to face him. "I do Sweetheart, believe me I do. I want you more than you can possibly imagine but I want to do this right. I've had girlfriends before, I'm sure you know that, and some of them I've slept with but I don't want it to be that way with us. I never felt about any of them the way I do you and that includes Allie. What we have is special and I don't want to spoil it." Sliding carefully off the seat he managed to get down on one knee, holding her hand and stroking the back of it with his thumb.

"Sue, I'm so sorry I can't remember us from before, it's something I'll always regret but I know that you were my life-line when I needed one and you gave me a reason and the courage to fight when all I wanted to do was give up. You gave me back my life but without you in it, it's a cold, desolate and sometimes frightening place. You are my sunshine, my hope, my strength and my heart and I love you more than anything else in the world. Will you marry me?"

Her hand flew to her mouth and the tears began to fall again as she ran over in her mind everything her eyes had read to make sure she'd got it right.

"I know I'm not every young woman's dream. I'm damaged and broken but I hope..."

This time it was her turn to silence him. "Jack, none of that matters. Don't forget, I'm not exactly in perfect condition either..." She made the sign for deaf. "You are the most courageous, the gentlest and the kindest man I've ever known and I'd be proud to be your wife."

"You would?"

She nodded waiting patiently while his brain played catch-up.

"You're saying 'yes'?" He stared at her with a mixture of uncertainty and excitement, feeling like a child whose birthdays and Christmases had all come along at once.

"**I'm saying, yes**."

Swallowing hard he reached into his pocket and took out a red velvet jewellery box, flipping it open to reveal a gold ring with a heart-shaped pink diamond in the centre surrounded by tiny clear ones. "I know it's not a traditional engagement ring but the moment I saw it in the window while I was waiting for Crash to order food for the Team, I knew it had been created especially for you. I even persuaded Aaron to give me a lift back to the shop after physio so that I could pick it up, although he didn't know what I was buying. May I..?"

She nodded unable to find her voice, splaying out the fingers of her left hand so that he could slip it on and then holding it up to the light, mesmerised as the stones sparkled in a rainbow of colours. "It's beautiful," she whispered reverently. "But how did you know I'd come back?"

"I didn't," he admitted sadly. "I just hoped. I convinced myself that if I bought it then somehow you'd have to come back. Crazy huh..?"

"Mmm hmm... but it worked."

"Yeah I guess it did, didn't it?" He guided her head down so that he could capture her mouth again, the contact tender and loving, their tongues engaging in a slow and gentle dance. When they finally separated he looked up at her a little embarrassed.

"Jack..?"

Shaking his head, he sighed self-consciously. "Can I ask one more favour?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Do you think you could help me up?"

The emotions of the last month bubbled over inside them, turning into laughter as she pulled him to his feet and waited for him to get comfortable beside her again.

"I'm sorry, that didn't end quite the way I planned."

"It was **perfect**." She reassured him, speaking and signing at the same time and then a thought struck her and her laughter faded. "Jack, what are we going to do now?"

He didn't need her to explain. "Don't even think about it Sweetheart, not tonight. I'll call D in the morning and ask him to come over. We can talk to him together." He was struck by a sobering thought of his own. "You can stay the weekend?"

She nodded. "But I have to leave early Sunday evening."

"Then we'll worry about it tomorrow. Tonight I just want to be with you."

"Okay."

He kissed her again. "I love you, Sue Thomas." He marvelled to himself at the way the words he'd found so difficult to say, now rolled easily and naturally off his tongue.

"I love you." She cuddled closer, her head resting on his chest as he held her.

Hours later he was woken by a cramp in his right shoulder, the rest of his arm numb where her body pressed against it. He hated waking her, under different circumstances he would have scooped her up and carried her but for now that was impossible so he gently stroked her cheek until she stirred. "I think we should go to bed."

"Okay." The look in her eyes sent a shiver of desire through his body and the love he saw there practically turned him inside out. He sighed wistfully.

"Come on, Sleepyhead. I'll help you make up the spare room."

"Oh," she pouted. "Can't we just stay here?"

"No, not tonight..."

"Why not..?"

"Because... I'm not sure I can trust myself not to..." He left the sentence hanging but she got the drift.

"Alright"

Standing she stretched languorously sending more ripples through him and when she reached down to help him up it took all of his willpower not to pull her back and kiss her until he couldn't think straight. A nagging ache in his left leg brought him back to earth with a crash and he grimaced, groaning loudly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he gave her an apologetic smile. "Like I said earlier, it's been a difficult day."

"Tell you what... Why don't you get into bed and after I've sorted out the sleeping arrangements, I'll make some hot chocolate and you can tell me what happened while we drink it."

D-E-A-L

o-xxx-o


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** I know I asked you to be patient but I didn't mean to make you wait this long, sorry. First I caught some bug that left me so dizzy I couldn't stand, let alone type. Then I had to attend a conference where I managed to catch something else. Anyhow back now, just hope it was worth the wait. Thank you so much for all the reviews!

o-xxx-o

**New York City, One Month Later:**

"Levi, tell her I'm back." The dog dutifully did as he was asked, trotting into the kitchen with Lucy hot on his heels.

"What is it, Boy?" Sue looked up from the notepad she'd been scribbling on, tore off several sheets of paper screwing them up and tossing them into the waste bin to join the many others. "Oh hi, you're back…" She frowned when she saw the amount of bags her friend was carrying. "Luce, you promised!"

"I know," she confessed guiltily. "But this is New York and who knows when I'll get back here again, especially after you and Jack are married."

"If, we're ever married..." Sue sighed miserably.

"I'm sorry…"

"What for..? It's not your fault."

"I came here to help and instead I've been doing nothing but thinking of myself. Tell you what… Let me put these away, then I'll make us some tea and you can tell me what the problem is."

"Problems…"

"Oh," she turned to leave but Sue called her back.

"I think you'd better hide those behind the sofa. If you put any more in my bedroom, Levi and I will have to move out."

"It's not that bad, is it?"

Sue nodded and the dog let out a soft bark.

"Okay, okay I get the message. No more shopping trips." She walked out of the room and Sue looked down at her canine companion.

"Do you believe her, Buddy?" Levi huffed. "Me either."

o-xxx-o

Sitting at the kitchen table, mug in hand, Lucy eyed her friend with concern. "So, what's up?"

Sue shrugged. "Everything..."

"You're not having second thoughts, are you? It would break Jack's heart."

"No nothing like that… Marrying Jack is the one thing I'm certain of but I'm beginning to realise now why so many people choose to elope."

"What's wrong? Jack has already booked the church and the hall for the reception. The caterers are just waiting on final numbers and Myles has the flowers well in hand. You have your bridesmaids and Bobby is Jack's best man and helping him out in any way he can with transport etc…"

"We haven't heard anything from Dimitrius about my transfer back to D.C. We don't know if it will even be possible for us both to work in the Unit together and I don't want to spend my married life with Jack there and me stuck here in New York, only meeting up at weekends and holidays."

"Sue," she took her hand reassuringly. "I'm sure it will work out and I know D is still trying but we're due a new Special Agent-in-Charge and he can't really do anything until the appointment is announced."

"I know," Sue sighed again.

"There's more, isn't there? Come on, out with it. As my grandma always says… 'A trouble shared is a trouble halved.'"

"Remember, you asked... My parents… My Mom," she corrected. "Then there's the guest list and I'm worried about Jack. I've only seen him once since he proposed and he seemed really tired and when I've spoken to him on the phone… I don't know maybe he's the one having second thoughts."

"Sue," Lucy smiled. "You couldn't be more wrong. He loves you more than anything and not seeing you, is driving him nuts. I'll be honest, he has been looking kind-of tired and I know he's frustrated as hell that he can't help you more but I'm sure he's okay and Bobby is keeping an eye on him. He's fine."

"If you say so…"

"I do. **True friends, always honest**, remember?"

"I remember." She gave the other woman a small smile.

"Now what about your Mom..? I thought she'd be happy you were marrying someone like Jack?"

"The old Jack, maybe…"

"What? Perhaps you'd better start at the beginning, just let me top up our mugs first."

"When I got back I called my parents to tell them the good news and Mom was thrilled, said she'd always liked Jack. She went into overdrive planning the wedding over the phone, said she'd book our local church the next morning and organise everything so that we could be married in six months. She called it the appropriate amount of time for an engagement. I told her that we didn't want to wait and had set the date for two. After I'd convinced her that I wasn't in 'the family way' as she put it, I said we were getting married in D.C. and she went into one of her huffs. I tried to explain that I wanted to make it as easy as possible for Jack, she asked why and it all went downhill from there."

"Surely she understood?"

"You really _don't_ know my Mom. She spent the next hour trying to talk me out of it. She's kind-of old-fashioned, you know? The man is supposed to take care of the woman, provide for her. Have a secure future and not an uncertain one."

"But Jack should be able to get back to full-time work eventually, if only behind a desk."

"I told her that and she suggested we wait until then."

"I'm guessing you said 'no'."

"I'm afraid I said more than that." Sue grimaced. "I told her that I loved him and we were getting married in two months whether she approved or not."

"Ouch. What did she say to that?"

"That I was being ridiculous and I needed to think about what I was doing from a practical point-of-view and not a starry-eyed one."

"And..?"

"She threatened to call Jack, talk some sense into him. I said if she did then she wouldn't be welcome at the church."

"Wow." Lucy stared at her incredulously. "Whatever happened to the shy, nervous young woman who almost flattened me in the corridor all those years ago?"

"She finally grew up."

"Or found something important to fight for. Would it be so bad if she did phone him? It's not like he won't know what to expect, he has met her before."

"But he doesn't know that."

"I don't understand."

"It's one of the many memories he's lost." She explained patiently.

"I'm sorry." She stroked a hand over her forehead and through her hair. "I completely forgot, no pun intended."

"That's okay."

"So, is she coming?"

"Oh yes and that brings me to my next problem… The guest list…"

"I thought you'd decided to keep it small? Twenty to thirty guests each max."

"I had but Mom's insisting on certain people being invited and I don't want to upset her even more than I already have. She may be annoying but she is my Mom and Dad won't come if she doesn't and I want him to give me away."

She looked as though she was about to cry so Lucy tore off a fresh sheet of paper and divided it into two columns. "Who have we got so far?"

"On my side there's you and Tara. My parents and my brothers… That's six."

"Whoa, hold on. I thought you had three brothers?"

"I do but Billy, the eldest, won't be coming."

"You've asked him?"

"No point. I already know what his answer will be."

Lucy wanted to question her further but the look on her face said it was a closed subject. "Okay six, who else?"

"Stanley of course and Amanda and Kevin... Then there's the six I told my Mom she could invite."

"Six?"

"Yes. Her original list was thirty-seven including people I haven't seen since I was a child and some I'd never met."

"That's fifteen."

"You'd better add another three or four. She's bound to invite more."

"Okay, let's call it twenty."

"Then there's Jennifer and four others from Deaf Club. Charlie, Troy and Howie…"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. He was one of my first friends when I came to D.C. I can't leave him out."

"Did you say friends?"

"Luce."

"Sorry, sorry. What about Otis? They seem to be joined at the hip these days."

Sue blew out a breath. "I guess so."

"That makes…" She tapped each line with her pencil as she added them up. "…Twenty-nine. You're not inviting anyone from New York?"

"No."

"O-kay… Moving on… That still leaves at least one spare seat for anyone you've overlooked."

"Yes, but now look at Jack's side…" She slid a piece of paper towards her friend.

"Bobby, Myles, D, Donna and the kids… What about his parents?"

"They're not coming."

"You're joking, right?"

"I wish I was. His father rang a few days ago to say they wouldn't be able to make it."

"What? Why?"

"His Mom is afraid of flying and his Dad won't come without her. They don't like using trains in case they get mugged or something and it's too far for Sam to drive."

Lucy was almost as upset as Sue. "How did Jack take it?"

"He says he's okay with it but I know he isn't. It really upset him."

"I don't understand them at all. They didn't come when he had his heart attack even though he could have died or when he was in the coma and now this. I always got the impression they were a happy, close-knit family but now I'm beginning to wonder."

"They are but the distances involved are just too great."

"Sue… Don't take this the wrong way but they're not suffering from the same misgivings as your parents, are they? Your being deaf isn't a problem for them?"

"No, it's nothing like that. They've always been very nice to me."

"You've met them?"

Sue turned away for a moment, busying herself scribbling on her notepad. "I meant when Jack told them about me and I spoke to them on the phone. Anyway, now you can see the problem… I have thirty on my side and he only has… one, two… six. I can't leave it like that."

"You love him a lot, don't you?"

"Yes." She admitted shyly. "And I want it to be a special day for him too, but…" She waved the piece of paper in the air.

"You could always ask Allie."

Sue crossed her eyes and Lucy laughed.

"Okay, we work for the F.B.I. solving problems every day, I'm sure that if we put our heads together we can work this out. He has no other close family, right?"

"Only Aunts and Uncles he hasn't seen for years, seems the Hudsons are a nomadic lot, apart from his parents."

"Well then why don't we just move some of the people from your side to his? Charlie, Troy, Howie..? I'm sure they wouldn't mind under the circumstances."

"Luce…" The suggestion earned her an exasperated stare.

"What? Oh gosh… He won't know them, will he?"

Sue shook her head.

"Then we'll have to think of people he will remember."

"And that lets out five years of his life and I didn't know him before that."

"He has a couple of friends in Counter-Terrorism and S.O.G. I'll ask Bobby about them."

"That makes eight."

"And I'm sure Stanley will be willing to change sides, so to speak."

"Nine."

They fell silent, each lost in thought and then Lucy tapped her arm. "What about his nurse from the hospital? Sarah, wasn't it?"

"Luce, that's brilliant." Her face lit up "…And her granddaughter."

"You were looking for a flower girl…"

"Great idea and there's the surgeon who saved his life, Dr Jardine, he might be available."

"And you could ask Aaron."

Sue smiled. "Would that be for Jack or you?"

"So, how many is that?" Lucy queried, deftly avoiding the question.

"Thirteen."

"Yikes, we can't have that! Poor Jack's had enough bad luck to last a lifetime."

"I'd forgotten you were superstitious. Who else..?"

"I think we've covered his recent acquaintances."

"And that leaves us back in Wisconsin," Sue sighed.

"There was that guy whose identity he borrowed when you did the undercover at Callahan & Merced. Jack said he was a friend."

"I wouldn't know where to find him."

"No, but his parents would."

"Billy!"

"Excuse me?"

"We can ask Billy."

"Of course, why didn't I think of that? You could add Judge Kendall to the list as well."

"One problem… Jack said that Billy left D.C. soon after the 'incident' but not where he went. I wouldn't know how to find him."

"Me either, but I know a woman who could." She took her cell from her purse. "Tara, it's Luce, we need your help."

The call was returned an hour or so later while they prepared the vegetables for dinner, Lucy relaying the information as it was given.

"As you said, he moved away from D.C. and did some travelling around the states."

Sue looked crestfallen.

"But… he returned to Wisconsin three weeks ago."

"Does she have a contact number for him?"

Lucy grabbed a pen and paper. "Thanks Tara you're a lifesaver but don't mention this to Jack, okay? We want it to be a surprise. I'll see you next week. Bye."

After she finished the call, Sue jumped up from her seat and gave her a hug. "You've just given me an idea" she declared, snatching the information from her hand. "I have some calls to make, would you mind finishing this?" Picking up her blackberry, she disappeared into the bedroom and shut the door, not emerging until Lucy sent Levi to fetch her for dinner.

"Judging by that smile on your face, I'm guessing you managed to get in touch with Billy."

"I did." She signed a 'yes' at the same time.

"And the rest of your little scheme panned out?"

"I hope so," she crossed her fingers for added luck.

"You're not going to tell me what it is, are you?"

"Sorry Luce, I don't want to jinx it by saying it out loud."

"Okay." She looked slightly put-out but this was the happiest she'd seen her friend since she'd arrived and she didn't want to spoil it.

"And now I can relax and enjoy the rest of your visit. I've taken tomorrow off so where would you like to go?"

"Shopping"

"Luce, you promised."

"Not for me, for you."

"But I don't need anything."

"Really..? Then can I assume you're going to walk down the aisle in jeans and sneakers?"

Sue's hand shot to her mouth. "I completely forgot."

"Why am I not surprised? You've been too busy trying to make things easier for Jack but now it's the chief bridesmaid's turn to help you. Although, I don't think it would bother him if you did wear jeans as long as you showed up at the church."

o-xxx-o

A couple of days later, Lucy walked into Sue's office to find her studying a report while her assistant appeared to be searching through the filing cabinet behind her, although she was spending most of the time trying to read over her boss' shoulder and only acknowledged her when she saw Levi stir.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Sue."

She gave her a nudge. "You have a visitor."

"Oh hi, I'll just be a minute. It's been one of those mornings." Her eyes narrowed accusingly when she caught a glimpse of the bags Lucy was trying to hide. "Luce…"

"I know. I know I promised but those shoes we saw the other day kept calling to me and I finally gave in."

"You have two packages not one."

"You can blame the shop assistant for that. I went in to buy the silver ones and then she brought out a gold pair and I knew I had just the right outfit to go with them. It was getting late and I couldn't decide so… I bought them both." She finished in a rush.

Sue shook her head. "Rather your credit card than mine."

"Can I see them? You can never have too many pairs of shoes."

"You see." She gave her friend a questioning look.

"Sorry… Luce this is Anita, my assistant."

"Her long-suffering assistant," the young woman corrected.

"Anita, this is Lucy from the D.C. office. My best friend and chief bridesmaid..."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Sue, I…" The phone on the desk rang, interrupting her and Anita rushed to answer it.

"Sue Thomas' office… Yes, yes I'll tell her." She put down the receiver and half turned towards Sue. "That was the records office. They want the report on the Lebowski case returned. Apparently, someone else has requisitioned it."

"What, case?"

"Le-bow-ski." She spoke each syllable slowly and deliberately much to Lucy's annoyance.

L-E-B-O-W-S-K-I

"Oh, thanks. I'll take it down after lunch."

"They said it was urgent. If you take it now I could look at Lucy's shoes while you're gone."

The two older women exchanged glances.

"**Does** **she always speak to you that way?**"

"**Most of the time. **I'll be back as quickly as I can and then we'll go."

"No problem."

After she'd gone Anita hovered excitedly at Lucy's side while she extricated her purchases from their packaging.

"You can do the signing thing too?"

"Yes."

"But you're not deaf."

"No, I learned to make it easier for Sue."

"Aww, that's really sweet." She gasped when the shoes were finally revealed. "They're ace." Picking one up, she checked it out. "Wow, you've got really big feet."

"Thanks." A little miffed, Lucy rescued them and slipped them back into their boxes while Anita perched on the desk.

"You're Sue's friend, right?"

"I am."

"Have you tried to talk her out of marrying this guy?"

"Why would I?"

"Well because he's, you know, er… damaged."

"Excuse me?"

"I know Sue's deaf and all but she could still do better than that, maybe with one of her own kind?"

"One of her…" Lucy was so shocked she couldn't even string together a comeback. All she wanted to do was strangle the stupid child but she bit her tongue and tried to remain civil.

"Have you met him?"

"Yes, I've known him for years."

"Oh, okay. Sue says there's someone in your Unit that I should meet… a Myles something-or-other. She said we'd have a lot in common."

The older woman almost choked but before she could reply, Anita spoke up again. "There's a photograph in her desk drawer, maybe you could point him out to me." She quickly went to fetch it.

"Myles is the one on the end."

"He looks kinda old."

This time Lucy snorted but Anita continued on oblivious. "Who are the others? I know Sue and you, of course. By the way, what do you do?"

"I'm the rotor."

"You're not an Agent?"

"Afraid not, Tara is though." She pointed to the other woman who was making silly faces.

"What about this guy? He looks cute."

"That's Bobby Manning, he's Australian."

"I don't think my Mom would approve of me going out with a foreigner and anyway, the one I really want to know about is him. He looks dreamy."

"And spoken for, that's Jack."

"Sue's Jack..? Wow, I guess this was taken before the explosion then."

"It was." Lucy had reduced herself to monosyllabic words in case she said something that would come back to haunt Sue at a later date.

"Oh well… So is Myles an okay kind-of guy?"

Before she could reply Sue walked back into the office. "Ready?"

"Absolutely…" Anita grabbed her arm while Sue's back was turned.

"Don't forget, if you're as good a friend as you say, you really should try to talk her out of marrying him."

"And maybe you should…" She felt Levi nudge her leg and came to an abrupt halt.

"Oh, I already tried…" Anita stated totally misunderstanding.

"Tried what?" Sue asked, joining them for the tail-end of the conversation.

Lucy fumbled for an appropriate reply. "She tried on my shoes but they were too big." Grabbing her friend's arm, she led her to the door before her assistant could contradict the statement. "So, where are we going for lunch?"

"Actually there's been a change of plan. We need to go back to the store where we saw that dress the other day."

"The one with the lacework and the tiny teardrop pearls?"

Sue signed a 'yes'.

"But you said it was too expensive." They stepped into the empty elevator and continued the conversation.

"That was on Tuesday but I spoke to my Mom, this morning."

"Oh," Lucy shuffled nervously from foot-to-foot.

"Apparently, she had a phone-call from a certain someone…"

"And..?"

"That someone managed to talk her round. She's still not thrilled with the idea but…"

"She's going along with it?" The rotor squealed.

"She is. **Thank you.**"

"That's what chief bridesmaids are for. The dress..?"

"Dad has transferred some money into my bank account, enough to cover the dresses and maybe something for the flower-girl."

"That's great." The elevator door opened and Lucy practically dragged her into the street. "Come on then, what are we waiting for?"

When they finally made it home that evening, they both flopped down onto the sofa.

"I'm worn out."

"Me too and hungry," Sue added. "Shall we order take-out?"

"That sounds good."

"The usual..?"

Lucy nodded.

"I'll phone it in and then I'm going to change."

When she returned Lucy was just putting away her cell, she smiled apologetically. "Looks like I'm going to have to leave tomorrow instead of Sunday. There's a flap on at work and they need me, **sorry**."

"That's okay."

"Now all I need to do is get a flight, not going to be easy on a Friday."

"I've got a better idea. Why don't I drive you back?"

"I can't let you do that."

"It's not a problem. I'll finish a couple of hours early. We'll pack up the car and get on the road. We can stop for something to eat on the way."

"Sue…" Her friend looked at her doubtfully.

"That way you get back in plenty of time and save the price of an airline ticket and the excess baggage charge for all of your shopping and Levi and I get to surprise Jack."

Lucy still wasn't convinced.

"It means I can update him in person and see for myself that he's okay." Her smile faded when she thought again about how tired he'd been of late.

D-E-A-L.

o-xxx-o


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Felt a little guilty about making you wait so long for an update, so here's another. There didn't seem to be much interest in the last chapter though, so I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know you're still reading this, otherwise I might just abandon it and start something new instead.

o-xxx-o

She'd arrived at Jack's apartment building much later than she'd intended. The journey itself had gone smoothly, that was until they'd left the interstate and hit the downtown traffic where it had turned into a crawl and then unloading Lucy's many purchases and running them up the stairs had caused a further delay. Parking up, she made her way to the entrance almost colliding with Aaron who was on his way out.

"Oh, hi!" she jumped back startled.

"Hi yourself." Taking hold of her arm to steady her, he seemed a little nonplussed which immediately put her on edge.

"Is everything okay?"

"Fine"

"Is Jack okay?"

"He's good."

"Then why are you here?"

"He's been having a few problems with cramp lately. I just stopped by to check on him." Seeing the look on her face, he quickly added "It's not serious, nothing for you to worry about. Oh and congratulations by the way."

"Thank you," she still wasn't totally convinced. "You're sure he's alright?"

"I'm positive. You'll see for yourself when you go up."

"Okay... While I've got you here I want to invite you to the wedding, unless Jack already has, that is?"

"He mentioned it but nothing in writing. Will your friend Lucy be there?"

Sue smiled. "Yes, she's my chief bridesmaid."

"Then you can count me in."

"Good. I'll send you an official invitation in a few days."

"**Thank**** you**." He checked his watch. "Now, I'm afraid I have to run."

"Is there anything that I should do for him?"

"I have a feeling that the moment he sees your pretty face, all the discomfort will vanish."

This time she treated him to one of her more dazzling smiles. "**Good ****night**."

"Night," he bent down to give the dog at her side a scratch. "You too, Levi…"

o-xxx-o

Opening the front door, she was surprised to see Jack lying full-length on the couch, his eyes closed and his lack of response to her arrival, telling her that he was asleep. Levi trotted over to him and then looked back at his mistress who signed to the dog to leave him be and sit down on the rug.

Slipping off her shoes, she took her bag into the spare room depositing it on the bed before returning to the lounge, crossing to his side, kneeling down on the floor and smiling softly. She took a moment to study the man she was due to marry in less than a month.

His brown hair was slightly longer than it used to be and tousled in just the way she liked it. His face at peace and free from the lines of pain that had marred his handsome features for so long. He was wearing the dark brown sweater she'd bought him, which was pulled tight against his torso by the way he was lying. The muscles underneath were taut from the workouts that he did almost daily. Her gaze strayed lower and she felt her cheeks flush as she took in the way his jeans clung to his lower body and legs leading down to bare feet and toes and her breath caught when she remembered how close he'd come to losing the right one. Again she offered up a silent prayer of thanks to God for allowing him to keep it.

Feeling an overwhelming need to look into his beautiful eyes and see him speak to reassure herself that he was alright, she leaned down, brushing her lips over his softly and tenderly. Despite the time they'd spent together, she sometimes still felt shy about initiating the contact between them.

A small smile played at the corners of his mouth but he didn't stir, so she tried again only this time, the touch was firmer and after a few seconds she felt him respond although his eyes remained closed, she pulled away and stared down at him.

"I didn't say you could stop." Reaching up, he groped around until he made contact with the back of her head, guiding her down so their lips could meet once more, his tongue slipping between them to dance with her own. "Mmm… that's more like it."

"Aren't you going to open your eyes?"

He shook his head 'no'.

"Why not..?"

"Because… if this is a dream, I don't want it to end."

She smiled tenderly, tearing up. "It isn't a dream."

"Prove it."

"I thought I just did."

"No. I've had this one before, many times, but when I wake up I'm always alone." He lay unmoving, waiting for something to convince him that what was happening was real and then his eyes flew open and he looked at her accusingly. "Ow... What was that for?"

"You asked me to prove it."

"Yes, but… Ow." He whined again.

"Sorry, but you know the old saying about pinching someone."

"Did you have to do it that hard?"

"I thought you were supposed to be tough. You want me to kiss it better?"

"Please."

Lifting up the edge of his sweater, she caressed the bare skin of his side and stomach with her lips. "There…" She looked up at him again, the expression on his face holding her captive. His eyes had darkened to almost coal-black and they gazed at her with a burning intensity. The rest of his body was perfectly still, almost as though he'd ceased to even breathe and a long moan escaped his lips. They stayed that way for the longest time and then he inhaled deeply.

"That's much better, thank you." Carefully swinging his legs off the couch so he wouldn't kick her, he called Levi over to give him a scratch, breaking the tension between them. "Hi Buddy, it's good to see you."

The dog barked, wagging his tail furiously.

Having regained her composure, Sue translated for him. "He says it's good to see you too."

"So, why the surprise, visit..? Not that I'm complaining."

"Lucy was called back early so I offered to drive her."

He pouted. "And there I was thinking you'd come because you missed me."

"Levi, missed you."

"Aww thanks Boy." He gave him another scratch and received a doggie kiss in return. "It's nice to know that someone loves me."

"You really want me to say it, don't you?"

He gave her his best puppy dog expression.

"Okay, okay… I've missed you, too."

"I know the feeling." He brushed her hair away from her face then took her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I ran into Aaron on my way in."

"Oh?" He tried to feign indifference.

"Yes, he said he'd been to check on you because you've been getting a lot of cramp."

Jack tried to hide the relief that flooded through him. "It comes and goes."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're okay, right?"

"I'm fine, Sweetheart, honestly."

"Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart." He used his index finger to reinforce his statement.

"Okay, I… Oh," Jack looked at her quizzically and she took her blackberry out of her pocket. "This is Sue… D, hi… That's right I'm here for the weekend. Tomorrow..? But, I'm… Okay, if it's that important… Bye." She finished the call and sighed miserably.

"**What****'****s**** up**?"

"Dimitrius wants me to go into the office tomorrow, something about a new terror threat."

All the happiness drained from his face. "How did he know you were here?"

"I guess Lucy must have told him."

"Remind me to thank her the next time I see her."

"Jack…" Turning away from her, he rested his arms on his legs and stared at the floor. Sue knelt in front of him again, sitting back on her heels so that she could see his face which was a mask of disappointment. She stroked his cheek lovingly. "You, okay?"

"Not really."

"Talk to me."

"I'm being selfish, sorry. It's just… I haven't seen you in weeks and now that you're here I don't want to share you with anyone."

His heartfelt confession gave her a warm feeling inside. "I know and I guess that makes me selfish too. There's nothing more that I want than to stay here with you but it is my job and if I go in on my day off, it might go some way to persuading him to have me back."

"I suppose so."

"Jack," she used a single finger to tilt his chin so that she could kiss him. "I promise I won't stay any longer than necessary."

He kissed her again, "Okay. I love you Sue Thomas."

"And I love you too, Jackson Samuel Hudson."

They remained where they were, his forehead resting against hers, until Levi butted in, carrying his food dish.

"Levi!"

Jack chuckled to himself and Sue gave him a scathing look.

"That was some trick you taught him."

"Technically it wasn't a trick. There were times when I just couldn't…"

She stopped him with a touch on his arm. "I know. Come on then Buddy." She got to her feet and followed the dog to the kitchen, Jack's hand remaining in contact with hers until she was out of reach.

A few minutes later she popped her head back around the door. "Are you hungry? I was thinking about making myself an omelette or something."

Jack looked appalled. "Haven't you eaten?"

"Not since we stopped six hours ago and that was only for a quick sandwich."

"You should have said."

"I didn't realise I was hungry till just now. So, would you like one?"

"If it isn't too much trouble then I'd love one."

"It's not too much trouble." She returned to the kitchen and Jack followed to see if he could be of any help.

o-xxx-o

The sound of gunfire on the TV woke him with a start and for a moment he was left wondering just how an old black and white romantic comedy had suddenly turned into a full-blown war film. Rubbing his eyes tiredly with his free hand, he looked down at the woman resting on his chest. Reluctantly, he stroked her cheek to waken her and when she looked up at him with loving, sleepy, hazel eyes his stomach knotted with emotion.

"Sweetheart, it's getting very late."

"You woke me up to tell me that?" She tried to snuggle into him again but he held her back.

"I'm sorry but I think we should call it a night. You have to be bright-eyed and wide-awake for work in the morning, remember."

Sue groaned. "I could call in sick."

"Somehow, I don't think they'd believe you."

"You could call in for me."

"Sadly, I don't think they'd believe me either."

"I guess not." She finally sat up and stretched.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who said I'd go in and I'll definitely pass on your message to Lucy."

He pulled her back when she moved to get up, kissing her tenderly. "A few more weeks Sweetheart and we'll be able to wake up in each other's arms every morning."

"Mmm… I can't wait."

"Me either." He kissed her again, more passionately this time. "Good night."

"**Good ****night**. If you get cramp during the night, promise you'll send Levi to get me."

"I promise." Again, he kept contact with her until the last possible second.

o-xxx-o

**Monday morning, Jack's Apartment:**

Jack looked at the clock and frowned. "Levi, go get Sue."

She appeared about five minutes later looking tired and a little disgruntled.

"**Sorry**, but we don't want to be late."

"I know." She picked up her bag and attached Levi's leash. "Ready."

The journey to the office was made in silence, partly because Sue was trying to concentrate on negotiating the morning traffic but mainly because they were both deep in thought, worried about what was to come. D had called the afternoon before to say that he needed to see them in his office first thing and although he hadn't gone into specifics, they could guess what it was about. Pulling into the parking area of the Hoover Building, they got out of the car and Sue helped him with his crutches but as she turned away he caught hold of her arm.

"It'll be okay, you'll see. Whatever happens we'll find a way to work things out."

She signed the letter 'K' and they walked together to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor.

Jack tapped on the door of the Supervisor's office and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before opening it when D called out for them to enter.

"Good morning, you two and you Levi." He got up to greet them, shaking Jack's hand and giving Sue a hug. "I want to thank you again for helping out on Saturday and for staying in D.C. for an extra day."

"I was happy to help."

"Sit, please." He returned to his former position behind the desk. "I'm sure you both know why I asked you to come in this morning."

"We think so," Jack's voice was extremely quiet and he quickly cleared his throat, taking Sue's hand in his again and holding it tightly.

"That was quite some problem you handed me and I want you to know that I tried my best for you."

The couple exchanged uneasy glances but remained silent.

"The newly-appointed Special-Agent-in-Charge and I went through the rule book from cover-to-cover, several times in fact, but that no fraternization policy… It seems no allowance was ever made for two people serving in the same Unit wanting to marry. I don't think they even considered the possibility that it might come up."

"So you're saying that if we get married, Sue won't be able to come back here? Because if you are then I'll hand in my resignation right now and find some other line of work. I still have my law degree to fall back on and…"

D held up a hand to quiet him. "I said they hadn't even considered that it might happen and therefore there are no actual guidelines as such. I'm sure you remember Sue that when you first joined us, Lucy and Myles were a couple if only briefly?"

"I remember."

"I don't." Jack sighed.

"Well, they were even though they were to all-intents-and-purposes, a part of the same Unit."

"I'm not sure where this is headed." Jack commented.

"Bear with me. Although Lucy is part of our Team, she's actually employed by a different department and just attached to us. Of course, she's not an Agent either which means she works under a different rule book."

"You mean Arlene was right?" Sue laughed.

"Don't even go there. Now we come to your predicament. The 'no frat' rule applies to all Agents working in the same Team, there's no way around that. However, there is an opening in D.C. for a senior post in S.S.G." He signed the letters as he spoke. "They're the Special Surveillance Group and their remit is pretty much what you were doing here before. You would still be an Agent but your job description would be Investigative Specialist. You'd have your own credentials and badge and your mandate would be to assist the Special Agents with investigations and interviews but you won't be able to make arrests or carry a weapon."

"That's not a problem. I'd be more likely to shoot myself anyway. You honestly think they'd give someone like me the job?"

"I don't see why not. You've had experience with surveillance and your record speaks for itself. Your recent foray into counter-terrorism is a definite plus and of course, there's your special skill set… You'll probably have to go on a refresher course at Quantico but that should be a breeze."

She looked at him doubtfully.

"The SAiC and I have already broached the subject of your transferring and to my knowledge, no one has opposed it."

"Where does that leave me?" Jack queried.

"I understand by the reports from your doctor and physio that you're coming on in leaps and bounds and provided you pass the F.B.I psyche and minimum fitness exams, they'll be clearing you to return to work in about a month, albeit on light duties, which means you'll be inside the bullpen. You'll retain your position as Team Leader but purely from behind a desk until such time as you're deemed fit for outside work. Either Bobby or Myles will take the lead in the field."

"What about the gaps in my memory, won't that be a problem?"

"It could be but you should have someone working with you who can help with those."

"Who..?"

"Now comes the tricky part and your over-all behaviour will determine the outcome. As you are no doubt aware, S.S.G. personnel have no real department of their own and are usually attached to, though not a part of, the various Units as and when they need them. The SAiC is willing to sanction my putting in a request for Sue to be based with us although she will always be available to other Teams and Agencies. You'll both be on trial and monitored closely. You'll be expected to be professional at all times and leave the personal stuff at the door. Luckily, Sue's last promotion put her on virtually the same clearance level as you, so there should be no security issues. If, however, either of you work on need-to-know cases, I'll expect you to obey the rules and not discuss them with each other. Is that all understood?"

"Yes. Yes, sir…"

"Then all that's left is for you to put in your transfer request and fill out these application forms for S.S.G." He handed her several sheets of paper. "I'll be more than willing to give you a glowing recommendation as will the new Special-Agent-in-Charge."

"Dimitrius, why would he be willing to do that..?"

He didn't reply and Jack signed D-O-O-R

"You can ask him yourself."

They both turned and Sue's face lit up but Jack's remained impassive. He was surprised when she stood and walked over to the new arrival greeting him warmly.

"Mr Garrett…"

"Thomas, it's good to see you again."

"And you, Sir."

The tall man turned his attention to the Agent propped up on crutches beside her. "Special Agent Hudson," he held out his hand and Jack shook it. "Ted Garrett, I know you probably don't remember me but I was your Unit Supervisor for a while."

"Sorry, I… At least I think I know we've met but…"

"Don't worry about it, I understand perfectly. I'm just pleased you're still with us. Congratulations to you both by the way."

"Thank you, Sir. And thank you for everything you've done for us." Sue quickly jumped in sensing that Jack was feeling a little uncomfortable.

"You're very welcome. I hope this means I'll get an invitation to the wedding?"

"Of course, I'll put you at the top of the list."

"Thank you. And now I have to go, Agent Gans, a word outside please."

Jack and Sue stared at each other incredulously. "Did I read all that right?"

"I hope so. You are going to put in for the job, aren't you?"

"I'll fill in the forms as soon as I get home. I just hope that I'm good enough."

"Sue, from what I've seen you're more than good enough." He could tell from her expression she was still uncertain. "And I promise to help in any way I can. You can do this, Sweetheart, I know you can." Pulling her into his arms he held her close, only separating when D returned, his face grim.

"D?"

Without speaking, he took back the papers that Sue was holding and deposited them in the bin.

"What…" Jack felt sick and he swallowed hard before trying again. "What happened?"

"Sue won't be needing those application forms, after all."

Jack leaned heavily on his crutches, his legs feeling like jelly.

"Why not..?"

The Supervisor's face broke into a grin. "It seems that your past record and Ted's recommendation were enough, Ms Thomas. The job is yours as soon as your transfer is approved."

"Are you serious?"

"Do you think I'd joke about something like this? Congratulations, Sue and welcome back…" He gave her another quick hug. "I'll leave you two alone for a minute."

The door had barely closed before she threw herself into his waiting arms and they hugged each other tightly.

"I don't believe it! You're sure I'm not dreaming?"

"You want me to pinch you so that you can find out?"

"Don't even think about it, Hudson!"

"I owe you, remember?"

"Yes but now isn't a good time."

"Why? Could it be that you don't want the entire building to hear the new Senior Investigative Specialist screaming for mercy?"

"No… because you won't be able to kiss it better afterwards." She wriggled out of his embrace before he could react and laughed at the stunned expression on his face. "You want to pop in and see the guys before we go? Just don't tell them about the job yet, I want to get everything settled first."

o-xxx-o

**A/N2: **Okay, technical details... There is an S.S.G branch to the F.B.I but I have no idea of the rules governing inter-departmental relationships although no one said anything when Sue dated Scott Mundeen or the revolting Tony, so I'm assuming it's allowed.;-D


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. It's been a rough few weeks and I was feeling a little down but you've cheered me up no end. My only problem now is the battle going on in my brain between this story and an idea forming for a Christmas one! o_O

**P.O.I:** I know that sometimes when writing stories, peoples' names can be a stumbling block so I hope these will be of use to other authors. Sue's parents are Carla and William (Bill) Thomas. Her brothers are William Jr. (Billy - half-brother), Paul and Bobby. All information gleaned from Sue Thomas' autobiography, 'Silent Night'.

o-xxx-o

**The Day of the Wedding, pt.1:**

On the stool in front of the dressing-table, Sue sat patiently while her mother fiddled with her hair, adding the final touches as she put it. They were all in a suite of one of the best hotels in the city, the original idea of getting ready at the apartment she'd shared with Lucy discarded at her parents' request. Staring at her reflection, she couldn't believe that in less than two hours she'd be Mrs Jackson Hudson; still half expecting to wake up at any second and find out it had all been a dream.

"Sue, Sue honey…" Carla waved a hand in front of her daughter's face.

"Sorry Mom, did you need me to do something?"

"No, I asked if you were alright. You were miles away."

"I was just thinking."

"Happy thoughts, I hope."

"Oh yes." Her mother's complete turnaround was a worry and part of her was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Mom…"

"Yes dear?"

"I'm really glad you decided to come."

"Yes, well… How could I not?" She tucked another stray strand of gold into the clip. "I think you're about done."

"Okay."

"Just need to check… Something old..?"

"Grandma's necklace," she replied softly, fingering it lovingly.

"Something new..?"

"Everything else I'm wearing."

"Something borrowed..?"

Taking a pair of earrings out of their velvet box, she slipped them through her ears. "These are Tara's. They belonged to her Nan but they go with the necklace." She stroked it again.

"You miss her a lot, don't you?"

"I just wish she could have been here."

Her mother patted her shoulder. "I'm sure she is, darling. I'm sure she is." Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she finished the list. "Something blue..?"

"I couldn't think of a way to get it to match so Myles has promised to include some blue ribbon in the bouquet."

Carla shook her head. "Who would have thought that Agent Leland, of all people, would have such a gift with flowers?"

"He's fond of all forms of art, I guess it's just an extension of that."

"Maybe so… Now put on your veil and let me look at you."

She did as she was asked and the older woman's eyes filled with tears. "Mom, don't. You'll have me crying and then we'll have to do my make-up all over again."

"I'm sorry." She sniffled and turned away for a moment. "I'll fetch your father… Bill, you can come in now."

He walked in through the door and stopped dead, staring with pride at the vision in front of him. "Sweetheart, you look wonderful."

"**Thank**** you**," Her tears were threatening to spill over and she fought hard to curb them.

Bill smiled and held out his arms to give her a hug but his wife stepped between them. "William Thomas, don't you dare! You'll wrinkle her gown." Father and daughter exchanged knowing looks. "And don't you two gang up on me, or…" She stopped when there was a tap on the door. "I think your friends want to see you, shall we?"

Sue stole one more glance in the mirror and nodded, feeling the need for their moral support.

"Wow… You look, wow…" was the best Tara could manage.

"That dress was made for you, I knew it the first minute I saw it." Lucy stated smugly, grinning from ear-to-ear. "Jack's going to be blown away and you know what, that Fairy Godmother still has nothing on us."

"Darling," Carla tapped her arm. "Didn't you say you had a flower-girl? Surely she should be here by now?"

"No Mom, she's deaf like me and very young. We thought it would be better if her grandmother took her straight to the church."

"Very well, then we should get ready to leave." She picked up the long white cape which was spread out over the sofa and draped it around her daughter's shoulders. "You're going to need this. There's definitely a chill in the air despite the sunshine."

"Thanks."

Tara and Lucy both put their shorter ones over their dresses which were knee-length and silver to compliment the threads woven into Sue's gown.

"Right you two, stand either side of the bride." Mr Thomas produced a camera and took a couple of shots. "Now Carla, you and Sue…"

"Bill…"

"I insist. I want a photograph of my two special ladies."

When he'd finished, Lucy took it from him. "Your turn… Now all three of you… And finally, the proud parents... Perfect." She handed the camera back to its owner.

"Now can we please go or I'll be late."

"It's part of the wedding tradition, putting the groom through the wringer. Just ask your mother, she kept me waiting for half-an-hour."

"Mom, you didn't!"

"Bill, why did you have to tell her that? Are you ready, Sweetheart?"

Sue took a deep breath. "I think so."

"Then let's get this show on the road." Her father took her arm and led her outside.

o-xxx-o

At Bobby's insistence, he and Jack had left the apartment far too early and now they were idling the minutes away inside the church, and it was giving the groom time to think. The trouble with that was, the more he thought the more nervous he got.

"I think I need some air."

"Come on Sparky, you know she'll be here so quit your worrying."

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one getting married." He ran a finger round the inside of his shirt collar to loosen the strangle-hold it seemed to have on him.

"Too true, I need my freedom. There are so many sheilas out there just queuing up to date the one and only Bobby Manning, esquire and I wouldn't want to disappoint them." It was a lie but he wasn't prepared to admit even to himself, how much he envied his friend at that moment. "Anyway it's too late to run now the guests are starting to arrive."

Jack looked at the faces as they came in, some of whom seemed to know him but he didn't recognise most of them. "I'll just be a minute."

"Mate, you should…"

"I need to…" Standing, he slipped his arms back into his crutches and headed for the restroom.

When he returned, one side of the church was filling up quite steadily while Stanley, D and his family were the only people on the other. He sighed inwardly and swallowed, missing his mother and father more than he let on. A ruckus near the doorway drew his attention and he watched bemused as a tall man who could have been a basketball player and his much shorter companion got into an argument about who should enter the row first. The latter was wearing a garish yellow jacket and talking a mile-a-minute.

"Who are those two?"

"Er…" Bobby debated with himself whether he should tell him but it seemed pointless not to. Very few of his friend's memories had come back but since he'd be returning to work one day he was bound to run into them sooner or later. "Otis and Howie, they've helped us out with information on a few cases."

"They're snitches?"

"More like an F.B.I Agent wannabe and his very tall sidekick."

"Why would Sue invite _them_?"

"Beats me, mate… You'll have to ask her that one." Another group entered and Bobby checked them over. "Now, these I don't know."

Jack turned, a smile of delighted surprise lighting up his face when he recognised his lawyer friend and some of his mates from Uni. "What on earth? How did you..?"

One of them stepped forward and shook his hand. "Your future wife and her accomplice are very persuasive. You remember Becky."

"Of course," he leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek apologising when Bobby cleared his throat. "Sorry, this is my best friend, Bobby Manning." He turned back to the group. "Accomplice?"

"That would be me."

"Billy." He pulled his almost-brother into a hug.

"Sorry I haven't visited before but I only heard about what happened a couple of weeks ago."

"That's okay. I'm just glad you're here now."

The next arrivals were total strangers to him, so he looked to the Aussie for help but only received a shrug. One appeared to be quite a lot older than himself, while the other probably only had a few years on him. They seemed to be sizing him up which made him feel uncomfortable and it must have shown on his face.

"Don't worry we've never met. We just wanted to get here early to check you out."

The younger one grinned and held out his hand. "I'm Bobby and this is Paul, we're Sue's brothers."

Jack finally smiled and shook each hand in turn. "I thought she had three brothers?"

"She does but Billy, the eldest, won't be coming."

"Why not..?"

Paul spoke up. "Long story… Maybe Sue will tell it to you sometime."

Jack exchanged quizzical glances with the man at his side but didn't pursue it.

"And speaking of our sister, she asked us to give you this." Bobby put his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a slip of paper but before it reached its intended recipient, the other Bobby took it from him.

"Oh no, you don't… No communication with the bride before the wedding. As Best Man, I get to read it for you."

"Is something wrong?" Jack asked impatiently, chilling visions of being stood up at the altar filling his mind.

"It says," he cleared his throat and it took all of his friend's self-control not to beat it out of him. "Look behind you."

"What? Give me that!" He snatched it away but before he could read it for himself, Bobby spoke again.

"You really should do as you're asked, Sparky."

Filled with apprehension he did an about-face and immediately grabbed the back of one of the pews to steady himself, "Mom..! Dad! What..? I thought you…" He'd been so shocked by their unexpected appearance that stringing together a complete sentence was totally beyond him, so he held out his arms and pulled them both into an embrace.

"You know something, Son… You're marrying a very persuasive young lady."

"So I've been told. When and how did you get here?"

"Yesterday evening. We did it in stages. Stayed with Bill and Carla overnight and then these two young men, took it in turns to act as chauffeur." He pointed to Sue's brothers.

"Thank you both. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"You should thank our baby sister too. It was her idea." Bobby confessed.

"I will, later."

The younger man grinned but Paul grimaced. "Too much information there, Sparky, wasn't it?"

"All will be revealed when I make my speech."

"Thanks. Don't forget, turnabout is fair play, Crash."

"We'll talk later honey. I think we should find our seats."

"Okay, Mom." He waited for her to move on then took a breath. "I need to sit down."

Bobby helped him back to his seat. "You feelin' okay?"

"Fine, I just need a minute." Leaning back he closed his eyes, opening them again when he heard a familiar voice.

"Is everything alright?"

"Sarah, it's good to see you. Thank you for coming."

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away. You're looking so much better. Being in love must agree with you."

"At the moment it's all a bit overwhelming."

"I'm sure. You just take it slowly, you hear." She waved a finger at Bobby. "And you make sure that he does."

"Yes ma'am."

"Aaron and Dr Jardine are here as well, by the way."

He slid round in his seat so he could give them a welcoming nod and when they were alone again he whispered. "She thought of everyone, didn't she?"

"That she did. Jack Hudson, you are a very lucky man."

"I know." He finally straightened up.

"Better?"

"Mm…" He nodded. "This really is going to happen, isn't it? There were so many times I thought it never would."

"You'd better believe it, mate."

Right on cue, the organ started up and Jack immediately got to his feet, keeping his eyes to the front but the Best Man couldn't resist taking a peek and chuckled to himself. He nudged his friend's arm. "I think you'd better turn round for a minute, Sparky."

"You told me it wasn't allowed. Make up your mind."

"I think he's right." The Minister agreed.

He spun round, unable to keep the amusement from his face when he spotted the little girl standing fidgeting in the doorway and clutching a single rose which he guessed to be the infamous 'Crimson Myles'. She looked absolutely terrified until an anonymous pair of arms pointed her in his direction.

As soon as she saw him her face broke out into a smile and he signed for her to come forward. The congregation 'oohed and aahed' adoringly when, instead of walking sedately down the aisle as she'd been told, Sally ran towards him and threw herself into his arms.

"**Hi**, **S-W-E-E-T-I-E**."

"**Not**** S-W-E-E-T-I-E**, **S-A-L-L-Y**. **I****'****m ****F-L-O-W-E-R ****G-I-R-L**"

"**So ****I ****see.****You ****look ****very ****pretty**."

"**So**** do ****you**."

"**Thank**** you**," He took her hand and led her to her grandmother but she wouldn't let him go. "**Talk ****later**."

"**Promise**"

"**Promise**."

"**O-K**"

He made his way back to Bobby's side and a spontaneous round of applause filled the church. The music started up again and he heard his best friend gasp. "You just wait until you see this. I've said it before and I'll say it again… You have to be the luckiest guy on the planet, mate."

o-xxx-o

"…I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride…"

The joy Jack felt at hearing those words was all-consuming and he could barely keep the grin from his face. Leaning forward he kissed her, reverently at first, but the passion inside him soon gained the upper hand.

"Don't forget you have an audience, Sparky." Bobby reminded him and he reluctantly let her go, turning to face the congregation who were once again clapping enthusiastically.

"Since it's getting late and you'll need the light for photographs, we'll leave the signing of the register until later." The Minister offered.

"Thank you."

The church bells rang out to announce their marriage and Sue took a step or two but Jack held her back.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

She frowned when he beckoned Aaron forward, worried that standing for so long might have been too much for him, but Jack just handed over his crutches, exchanging them for a single cane.

"Now, we can go." Slipping his arm through hers, he took her hand holding it tightly and she gave him a watery smile.

"No tears, not today."

"Is this why you've been so tired?"

"Yes." He confessed sheepishly, relieved he could finally be honest with her. "Extra physio sessions and ASL classes so that I could sign my vows for all your friends as well as saying them aloud. I hope I didn't make too many mistakes."

"You didn't." She leaned closer her breath warm against his ear. "Thank you."

"No, thank you. You look so beautiful." They gazed at each other lovingly, momentarily oblivious to everything going on around them.

"You need to start moving, dear." Her mother cautioned and Jack winked at his bride to show he wasn't upset by the untimely interruption.

They smiled at their guests as they made their way to the door, taking in all the tearful gazes and Sue stopped to talk to Sally while Sarah stood and gave Jack a hug.

"I'm so thrilled for you. You've earned this with your courage and determination and I'm sure every moment you spend together will be filled with magic. God bless you, both."

"Thank you, for everything. I'm not sure I'd even be here without your help."

"Nonsense... You're a fighter Jack Hudson and that's why I know you're going to be okay."

He wiped a hand over his mouth to hide the emotion he was feeling but when Dr Jardine came forward to shake his hand, he almost lost it.

"Congratulations my boy, you're a very lucky young man."

"Judge Kendall, thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't have missed it."

"Jack mate, your mother-in-law is getting impatient," Bobby whispered, laughing at his friend's horrified expression. "You need to get a move on or they'll be taking the photographs at midnight."

"Somehow, I think he'll have far more important things on his mind by then." Myles interjected.

Taking his Best Man's advice, Jack crossed to Sue who was talking with her friends from deaf club.

"Photos, Sweetheart."

They walked out into the late afternoon sunlight, through a shower of confetti and rice, and round to the small garden at the back of the church, posing under the trees which were ablaze with autumn colour. Carla touched her husband lightly on the arm.

"I was wrong."

"…About what, honey?"

"Everything… They look so happy and the setting is perfect."

"It is, isn't it? Are you going to tell her?"

"I'll tell her."

"Good." He gave her an affectionate squeeze. "Now come on, I think we're wanted. You too, Levi."

o-xxx-o


	35. Chapter 35

**The Day of the Wedding, pt.2:**

All the photographs having been taken and the register signed, the guests and the bride and groom made their way to the waiting cars. Jack lifted the bottom of Sue's dress so she didn't trip on it as she slid into the back seat of the white limousine, then took his place beside her and waited for their chauffeur to close the door.

"Alone at last..."

"Not for long."

"I know," he sighed wistfully. "…Long enough for me to do this, though." He pulled her closer, kissing her tenderly. "And to thank you for everything you've done."

"You mean like not standing you up at the altar?"

Jack winced and slipped his fingers under his collar to remove a particularly sharp grain of rice. "That too… But I was thinking of my parents, Billy and all the others, I don't know how you did it but **thank**** you**."

"Hey, you married Wonder Woman, remember?" She reminded him. "I could see how upset you were when they said they couldn't come, even though you did a pretty good job of trying to hide it. I just wanted to make it right."

"You always do. You know, you looked like an Angel when you came down the aisle. My Angel…"

She blushed at the compliment. "I thought I was a witch?"

"Maybe a little of both, since I feel bewitched and blessed, at this moment… I love you, Mrs Hudson."

"Say that again."

"I love you."

"No not that, the last part."

He looked confused for a moment and then grinned. "Mrs Hudson." He leaned across to give her another kiss just as they reached their destination but before the driver could get out he tapped on the glass partition and opened it. "Can you drive round again?"

"Why Sir, did you forget something?"

"No but I'd like the chance to kiss my wife without an audience."

The driver shook his head and started the engine. "Round the block it is."

When they arrived for the second time Jack turned to her. "Are you ready to re-join our guests?"

"I suppose so. I just wish I had a mirror, I don't want to walk through the door with lipstick smeared all over my face." She pinned him with an accusing glare.

"Ma'am…"

Jack nudged his wife and nodded towards the chauffeur who was trying to pass one to her.

"We believe in being prepared for every eventuality and since there are traditionally no pockets in a bridal gown…"

"What else do you carry?" Jack inquired while Sue inspected her make-up.

"All kinds of things, from safety pins to contraception…"

"Why would..? On second thoughts, don't answer that. There are times when even an F.B.I Agent can get too much information. Ready now..?"

"Almost," She turned to the driver again. "I don't suppose you…" Before she could finish, he pulled a fresh Kleenex from the box and handed it to her. "Thank you. What else do you have in there?"

Jack quickly stepped in to avoid any embarrassment. "Trust me sweetheart, you don't want to know. I think we're okay now."

"Not quite. I'm not the only one wearing lipstick, here." She used a clean piece of the tissue to wipe Jack's lips. "Now we're ready."

The man immediately jumped out to open the door, helping Jack and handing him his cane. "Congratulations to both of you, by the way. Have a great time and I'll see you later."

"Why will he see us later?"

"No idea." He shrugged and then turned when his Best Man came bounding over.

"Geez Sparks, take your time why don't you? Mrs T was all set to send out a search party but I told her not to worry, you'd probably decided to skip the reception and go straight home to be alone with your bride."

Sue stared at him. "You didn't!"

Bobby had the decency to look apologetic. "Actually I did but I don't think she saw the funny side. You might have warned me your mother doesn't have a sense of humour. I'm not sure she's going to be too thrilled with some of my speech either." He winked at the horrified woman.

"At last, where were you?" Lucy asked as she guided her inside. "Is everything okay?"

o-xxx-o

The first part of the celebration had gone very well for the most part, Jack thought. Their guests had been fed, toasts had been made and he'd survived Bobby's speech with his reputation relatively intact. The only discernible glitch had come when the telegrams had been read out and they'd included one from Sue's absentee brother and his wife. She'd been both happy and sad at the same time, grabbing his hand under the table while her father's reaction had puzzled him and her mother had sat with a face like thunder. He'd got the impression that if her escape route hadn't been blocked by chairs and bodies she would have stormed out there and then, regardless of the occasion but the incident was quickly forgotten when Howie insisted on making a speech of his own. Secretly, he hoped that one day Sue would trust him enough to confide in him what had happened to make things so bad he felt he couldn't attend the wedding of his only sister but he would never ask her.

While the tables were being moved to the edges of the room, and the seating rearranged, he took the opportunity to spend a few minutes with Amanda and Sue's friends from Deaf Club. Lucy hovered close by to help with introductions and explanations as he couldn't recall having met any of them before. Sue tried to join the group but her mother took her to one side.

"Can we talk for a moment?" They made their way over to a couple of vacant chairs which were set apart from the others.

"What is it Mom?" She studied her warily, thinking that she might be blaming her for what had happened earlier. "If it's about the telegram, I…"

"No, it isn't that."

"Then what..?"

"This isn't easy for me. I've never been very good at admitting when I'm wrong."

"Mom..?"

"Honey, I know that when you first told me you were going to marry Jack I wasn't very supportive, especially after I found out about all his problems…"

That's an understatement. Sue thought but remained silent.

"I had a long chat with his parents when they stayed over and they told me a lot of things I never knew."

"Mom, I…"

"I won't say I wasn't hurt but I do realise that sometimes I can be a little unapproachable and intransigent…"

Another inappropriate reply sprang into Sue's mind but again she chose not to voice it.

"Anyway, I just want you to know that I understand now and I'm very impressed by the way you've handled everything."

"I had a good teacher. It couldn't have been easy bringing up three boys and a deaf and stubborn little girl but you never gave up. I'm the person I am today because of you."

"And Jack," Carla added sniffing back tears.

"Yes, and Jack…"

"Sam told me he didn't think his son would have survived if it hadn't been for you. I can tell by the way he looks at you that he loves you very much and when you're with him, you positively glow. I just wanted…" Her gaze suddenly softened. "Look…"

Turning, Sue saw the topic of their conversation sitting at one of the tables with Sally on his lap watching intently as she signed to him and then she gave him a cuddle and a kiss.

Carla tapped her daughter's arm to regain her attention. "He does have quite a way with the ladies, doesn't he? …Must be those incredible brown eyes."

Sue looked at her mother in surprise.

"Don't look so shocked dear, I might be old but I still notice these things. You'll have to keep a close watch on him."

"No Mom, he's not like that. I'd trust him in a roomful of beautiful women."

The older woman laughed. "…Seems like he's pretty good with dogs, too."

Sue joined in with her mother's laughter as she watched both Sally and Levi vying for his attention. She started to get up but her mother held her back.

"While I'm making up for past sins, you were right about the church as well. The setting was perfect."

"Thanks Mom." She gave her a hug.

"I love you, darling."

"I love you, too."

"And I'm sure the two of you are going to be very happy together."

The lights lowered a fraction but not so much that she couldn't see everyone's faces as they walked over to their husbands and partners. "Mom..?"

"Music, honey... They're waiting for the bride and groom."

"Everything, okay?" Jack asked with concern when she appeared at his side.

"Fine," she nodded a little tearfully.

"Then would you care to join me on the dance floor?"

"You're sure it's alright? I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I'm sure. Just don't expect me to do anything but slow dances."

"I have no problem with that." They took the first few steps alone then D, Donna and several other couples came out to join them, Lucy and Aaron among them.

"Is something going on there that I should know about?" Jack asked curiously.

"I hope so." She crossed her fingers and looked Heavenward.

When the song ended he led her back to the table and her father immediately stood up. "I believe this dance is ours."

Carla glanced at Jack but Sam cut in to save any awkwardness. "These youngsters have absolutely no idea of how to dance properly. May I have the pleasure? We can show them how it's really done."

"I'd be honoured, kind Sir."

Sam winked at his son over her shoulder and Jack took advantage of their absence to speak to his mother.

"Thank you for coming. It's made today really special."

"I'm only sorry that we disappointed you in the first place."

"That's okay, I understood. You look so much better than the last time I saw you."

"So do you, honey. I couldn't believe it when I first saw you in the church."

"I feel better, almost back to normal." He took in his mother's dubious look. "Okay well not completely, I try to take it one day at a time. Some are great, virtually pain free and others… Everything seems to ache and it can be a challenge just getting out of bed but I'm getting there."

"And your memory..?"

"No…" He shook his head sadly.

"It'll be alright, you'll see. When God wants you to remember, you will. And in the meantime, this is a new beginning for you, a time to look forward not back. Start a family of your own. Give me those grandchildren to dote over in my old age."

"Mom..!"

"Don't 'Mom' me. I saw the way you were with little Sally, you'll be a wonderful father and I'll be an even better grandmother. In fact, Carla and I will be the perfect combination… She can be the disciplinarian and I'll spoil them rotten."

"Them?"

"You can't blame a woman for hoping."

They both glanced towards Sue who was still dancing with her father. "Like I said, I want to take it one day at a time. I'd never have made it this far without her and I'm not going to rush into anything. I want to savour every moment we have together."

"She is a truly remarkable, young woman."

"Yes, she is."

"And you are a brave and determined young man. I'm so proud of you."

He wiped a hand over his nose and mouth to hide the emotions welling up inside him. "Thank you."

o-xxx-o

The first part of the evening had been spent catching up with friends and relatives that neither had seen in a while. Several of the guests, including Sarah and Sally, Dr Jardine and Judge Kendall had taken their leave early and the remainder were beginning to splinter into smaller groups, the older contingent moving to the more secluded areas so that they could chat and watch; the rest occupying the dance floor and the bar. Jack was busily scanning the room for his wife.

"Don't worry Sparks, she's still here somewhere. Want me to find her for you?"

"No, that's okay." He continued his search finally locating her just as his Best Man arrived at her side and after a few seconds conversation she turned and walked towards him, sitting down on the vacant chair.

"Sorry, I asked him not to do that."

"That's okay. Did you need something?"

"No, I just missed you. Dance with me?"

She nodded and they walked out into an empty space.

Jack pulled her close. "Happy?"

"Mm… You..?"

"I know it sounds like a bit of a cliché but this really is the happiest day of my life." He held her more tightly against him as they swayed to the music.

Carla had been dropping hints that the bride and groom should leave at least half-an-hour before the rest of the guests and when it got close to that time, Bobby stood up and grabbed a microphone.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have your attention. We've reached that moment in the evening we've all been looking forward to." He nodded to Tara who had managed to smuggle in a laptop which she placed next to the sound system. "I invite you all to do the chicken dance."

"Crash, no!"

"What exactly is the chicken dance?" Sue's mother asked curiously but all Jack could do was cover his face in embarrassment and watch through his fingers as his three colleagues stood together and demonstrated the moves before inviting everyone to join in and with the exception of Carla, Bill and Jack's mother, they all did; his father dancing with Tara and making a complete idiot of himself. After four encores the room was filled with laughter and tears.

"I think it's time, dear."

"Not yet, Mom," she waved a hand in the air. "I have a request."

"And what might that be?" The Aussie asked curiously.

"A song from Elvis…"

Bobby looked a little uncertain.

"Come on Crash, you can't disappoint the lady on her wedding day."

"Well, if you put it that way." He flicked up his collar and immediately morphed into his Elvis persona. "And what would the beautiful little lady like me to sing for her?"

"I don't mind, they all sound the same to me."

He turned to Tara, whispering something in her ear as everyone laughed. She grinned, tapped a few computer keys and the strains of 'The Wonder of You' filled the room. "I'll sing under one condition. Sparky has to dance with his lady and tell her the words of the song."

Jack did as he was asked, every syllable coming from his heart and when it ended he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss that threatened to spiral out of control until his mother whispered in his ear. They returned to their table to collect their things amid loud cheers, applause and whistles both for them and the 'King' but Sue dropped back into her seat, a worried frown on her face.

"Is something wrong?"

"I have to throw the bouquet."

"What's the problem?"

"Who to throw it to..."

"I thought the idea was, toss it over your shoulder and may the most desperate woman win."

Sue rolled her eyes. "You are so naïve. I bet you believe in Santa Claus as well."

"Sorry?"

"There are at least five single women out there who are going to want me to throw it in their direction, Lucy and Tara included, and four of them are going to be very disappointed."

"Oh, you mean there could be blood on the dance floor."

"Something like that, I just hope it isn't mine."

"Good luck."

"Thanks." She was still reluctant to move.

"Your Mom's getting impatient."

"No change there, I think she was born that way." She coloured slightly. "Did I say that out loud?"

"You did." He confirmed, smiling when she cringed. "Don't worry, I'll never tell. Would you like some company?"

"Please."

She took her time getting ready while surreptitiously looking to see where everyone was. The women had been ushered to one side while the men stood around chatting and drinking as they tried to avoid eye contact with their various partners. A sudden flash of inspiration had her smiling to herself.

Making it look completely unintentional, she turned and threw it over her shoulder and off at an angle. Bobby Manning, who was deep in conversation with his namesake, caught sight of something flying towards him out of corner of his eye and instinctively put out a hand to grab it, not realising what he'd done until everyone cheered and Sue's brother started to laugh hysterically.

"Whoa, what the..?" He immediately threw it in the direction of the group of women, staring at his hand as though it'd been burned. They all scrambled for it and eventually Tara came out the winner, causing Stanley to turn a bright shade of scarlet.

"Sorry Crash, you don't escape that easily, although you won't be the prettiest of brides."

"More like a drag queen." Myles corrected.

"Thanks Sparky and as for you, Ms Thomas…"

"That's Mrs Hudson to you, Koala Boy."

"Sorry, sorry… Mrs Sparky… That reminds me, I believe it's my turn to kiss the bride and I promise not to get carried away, unlike some people I could mention. I swear three of the guests needed medical attention after _that _little performance."

While all the playful banter was going on Bill Thomas approached Jack and tapped him on the shoulder. "You're going to need this."

"What is it?"

"The key-card for the hotel suite. You have the room for four nights, including tonight. Everything's paid for and the bill for any extras will be sent to me."

"It's very kind of you, Sir but I can't let you do this."

"You don't have a choice and anyway, we're splitting the cost with your parents. Welcome to the family, Son, from what I've seen today, I know I'm leaving my daughter in good hands. Take care of her she's very special to me."

"She's very special to me too and thank you," Jack shook his father-in-law's hand.

"Come along you two, there are people waiting to say goodbye."

"Yes, dear…" Bill sighed.

After another round of congratulations and a third shower of seemingly never-ending confetti, Jack took a moment to say goodbye to his work family as well as his parents, promising to visit as soon as possible, while Sue spent some time with Lucy and Levi.

"You behave yourself Buddy and I'll see you soon."

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" Jack asked, sliding an arm around her waist.

She took a deep breath. "I'm ready." They slipped back into the limo and waved to everyone through the windows.

"Now I know what a goldfish feels like." He started to do his best impression of one.

Sue slapped him playfully. "Behave. Where are we going?"

"Back to the hotel you used this morning." He quickly explained what their parents had done.

"That was nice of them." She sighed, snuggling into his side but he moved so she could see his face.

"You're not going to fall asleep on me now that I finally have you to myself, I hope." He gently caressed her cheek, his expression leaving her in no doubt as to what he was thinking.

"Of course not..." She turned to look out of the window so he wouldn't see just how nervous she was.

o-xxx-o


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **Christmas present has become Christmas past and the New Year is well underway so I thought it was high-time for an update but there is a WARNING with this one. It is a little more adult but no graphic descriptions or naughty words. After all, what did you expect them to do on their wedding night, play Scrabble? For anyone who prefers not to read, I suggest you jump towards the end of the chapter or you might miss something. I'll double break at the appropriate point so you'll know where to come in. Enjoy and please take a moment to review so I know you're still there!

o-xxx-o

**Wedding Night:**

Taking one last look in the mirror, Sue left the bathroom and made her way across the bedroom floor, giving the oversized bed an anxious glance. It wasn't so much the unknown that was making her nervous, she trusted Jack implicitly, but it was more the fear that she'd disappoint him in some way and he'd realise too late the mistake he'd made in marrying her in the first place. Having made it to the doorway, she leaned against the frame to support herself and silently studied her new husband.

He was sitting on the very edge of one of the plush armchairs tucking his socks into his shoes. His brown hair was still damp from the quick shower he'd taken. The crisp white shirt he'd worn all day untucked and the cuffs, now free of the links that bound them together, hung loose partly obscuring his hands. He moved a little and she could see that the top three or four buttons were undone, revealing glimpses of his muscular chest and washboard stomach. Following the line of his dark-grey suit-pants, she smiled when she reached his bare feet.

Sensing he was being watched, Jack turned to look in her direction, drawing in a breath which was never exhaled. His body still as his eyes raked her from head-to-toe and back again, taking in the vision in white silk and lace that hugged each curve perfectly; the spaghetti straps drawing his attention back along the line of her shoulder and up to her face. She was nibbling on her bottom lip, her cheeks flushing under his scrutiny.

Jack smiled in understanding and got to his feet, pausing momentarily to gain his balance then surprising her by walking away. He crossed the room to what appeared to be some kind of control panel, tapping a few buttons before facing her again and holding out his arms.

Not sure of his intentions, she hesitated… One part of her wanting to run to him and throw herself into his open arms while the other, seemed determined to flee in the opposite direction.

"**Dance with me**?" He spoke and signed at the same time.

A wave of relief washed through her and she nodded, feeling a little more confident as a snatch of the conversation she'd had with Lucy a few days earlier replayed itself in her head. ~ It's like dancing. Let him lead and you'll soon pick up the steps. ~

She started towards him and he met her halfway, taking her into the traditional hold. They moved together to the music that only he could hear and he kept a slight distance between them so she could see his lips.

"Are you okay?" His smile was gentle and loving.

"Mmm hmm…"

"I'd never do anything to hurt you, Sue. Never…" He pulled her closer, his right hand sliding up her back, a shiver of desire shooting through him when his fingers made contact with her soft skin. Running the tips down her spine, he felt her clutching his shirt as her body responded and then let his hand return to the small of her back, just above her waist.

Blowing out a steadying breath he held her tightly for a few seconds then drew back again so that he could kiss her, his hands moving to rest either side of her face as he brushed his lips over her mouth in a long, lingering caress, opening his eyes and gazing into hers before bringing her close once more and enfolding her in his arms, sighing with longing when she reciprocated, her hands sliding up his back.

Her innocence was intoxicating, her perfume heady and their closeness was starting an ache inside him that was only going to be assuaged in one way. Allowing his body's needs to begin to take over, his hand slid down her back and lower, pressing her against him as he traced the line of her neck and shoulder with his mouth then repeated the journey with his tongue. His hand snaked up to remove the clip from her hair, fingers tangling in the silky tresses as they tumbled down and he captured her mouth again, kissing her passionately; his tongue slipping inside to find its partner and taking up the dance their feet had all-but forgotten.

Moving away to breathe, he rested his cheek against hers, moaning when he felt her hands slide under his shirt and start to stroke the sensitive skin of his back. Mimicking his actions, she kissed her way along his shoulder, nuzzling his neck and he groaned loudly when she found a sensitive spot that he'd had no idea he had until that moment.

Sensing by the way his arms tightened their hold that he liked what she'd done, she allowed herself a triumphant little smile while filing away the piece of newly-gained knowledge for future reference. Just knowing that she'd found a way to please him had given her confidence a boost and she shyly initiated the next kiss which grew more intense as it progressed.

Forced apart to take in much needed oxygen, Jack's eyes locked with hers, holding a question that was plain to read. She saw her name on his lips, the desire in his gaze and feeling as though she was drowning in their dark depths, she melted into him.

He kissed her again, his lips never leaving hers as he guided her backwards into the bedroom and leaned against the door to close it.

o-xxx-o

o-xxx-o

Hours later, he lay in bed looking up at the ceiling with Sue snuggled against him, her left hand resting on his chest just over his heart; a heart that belonged to her completely. He was exhausted and yet sleep wouldn't come, so he spent the time going over the events of the day in his mind. It had been wonderful, everything he'd hoped and much more, but still there was a tinge of sadness inside him for the people he didn't recognise but who obviously knew him and then there was Sue herself… He just wished he could remember her from before, the times they'd shared… He would have willingly traded all of his other lost memories just to get those back. She moved against him and he tightened his hold, smiling when he heard her sigh contentedly in her sleep.

Closing his eyes he tried to relax, his thoughts drifting back to the reception and the ridiculous Chicken Dance… Bobby, Myles and Tara demonstrating the moves and his dad…

In the other room the music was still playing softly, it was a song he'd heard that evening and he could imagine the guests dancing, the sounds of hushed voices and flash guns… This was one memory he knew he'd never be able to lose… He had no clue how many times they'd been photographed either together or separately but he could still see spots before his eyes…

The memory drifted and the camera flashes became lights from torches. The guests and furniture had all disappeared and he was inside some kind of derelict building wearing protective gear and holding an assault rifle as he scanned the interior. Voices of others around him were talking in whispers, although he had no idea who they were. And then he was alone, making his way in the direction of a red flashing light that blinked rhythmically. His breathing sped up as he recognised it for what it was and he was running towards someone, trying to warn them but they didn't seem to be able to hear him. He shoulder-charged them, knocking them out of the way and was trying to get up when there was a deafening roar and his world exploded in a ball of light throwing him across the ground.

His eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright, temporarily oblivious to the woman beside him, his heart pounding and as he tried to adjust his position, his left leg throbbed in protest and the muscles tensed. He was suddenly aware of a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice repeating his name over and over. He turned to look at her, her face white and eyes as wide as saucers.

"Jack, Jack what is it? What's wrong?"

Unable to speak he gathered her into his arms and held her, the contact having an immediate soothing effect. "It's okay… I'm okay… It was just a dream…"

"You scared me."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head but when he tried to turn and comfort her, his leg seized completely, the pain bringing tears to his eyes **C-R-A-M-P**.

"Why didn't you say?" Still shy about showing her body, she reached down the side of the bed and retrieved her discarded nightgown, slipping it over her head before moving across to straddle him. "Left leg or right?"

"I forget." He joked, enjoying the view he was being treated to.

"Jack…"

Oh Lord, she sounded like his Mom again. "Left..."

Bending his leg at the knee she placed the heel on her palm, flexing his toes. "Better?"

"A little…"

She massaged his calf and up his thigh and when she looked up she noticed a look in his eye which she recognised from many a nightmare. "It was a bad dream, wasn't it?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Although I'm not really sure it was a dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not now. Do you know if there's any notepaper anywhere? I'd like to write it down."

"I'll go and see." She started to get up but he held her arm

"I can go."

"No, you rest your leg. You're sure all the exercise hasn't strained it?" She coloured at the look on his face. "I meant the dancing!"

He had the urge to tease her further but the worry on her face stopped him. "I think it's just the injection wearing off, that's all."

"What injection?".

"Aaron gave me something to get me through the day. It's nothing to concern yourself about sweetheart, truly."

She looked at him doubtfully.

"**Pen and paper**"

"**O-K**" Clambering off him, she disappeared into the lounge area, returning with some headed writing paper and a biro. After handing it to him, she carried on to the bathroom and came back with a glass of water and a couple of painkillers.

"**Thank you**."

She slipped under the covers again and he caressed the side of her face with the back of his hand. "I'm really okay, I promise."

Studying his face she decided that he was telling the truth. "You need to sleep."

"I will, soon, but right now there's something I need more."

"What's that?"

"You," sliding his hand behind her head he guided her face to his.

o-xxx-o

The next time she opened her eyes it was past 10am and seeing he was still asleep, she slipped quietly out of bed and gathered up his notes, taking them into the other room to read so that she could find out what had upset him. When she finished, she took her BlackBerry from her purse to call Bobby.

"Sue? I certainly didn't expect to hear from you today."

"Jack remembered something last night."

"Glad to hear it. Your wedding night would have been pretty disappointing otherwise."

Her cheeks burned and she sighed in exasperation. She really seemed to be taking the 'Blushing Bride' concept to the extreme. "Not that!"

"Aww, sorry darlin'..."

"Would you please be serious for a minute?"

"Anything for you…" The tone of her voice sobered him.

"Do you remember the scene in the warehouse on the day of the explosion?"

"Not something I'm likely to forget."

"Sorry. Was anyone else hurt apart from Jack?"

"Not that I can recall… Oh, wait a sec… The S.O.G guy who found him was a bit banged up, had bruising to his chest and arm. Said he was hit by a piece of flying debris… although it must have been pretty big, to cause that sort of damage."

"I don't think it _was_ debris."

"Why?"

She quickly filled him in on Jack's dream.

"That lying mongrel, you wait till I get my hands on him. Letting Sparky take the fall for his mistake, is he okay?"

"I think so."

"Good. I'll let you know what I find out."

"Thanks but make sure you text me, don't call."

"Wouldn't dream of it darlin'. Never know what I might be interrupting."

Breaking the contact, she called the reception desk on the number they'd given her and ordered a very late breakfast for 11:30 before returning to Jack's side, snuggling up against his back and closing her eyes.

o-xxx-o


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N:** Apologies for the very long delay. Thought I'd better post something to let you know that I'm still here... I hope you are too. Not a very long chapter but I'm hoping to have another ready in the next couple of days. Meanwhile, enjoy!

o-xxx-o

The few days they'd spent in the hotel being waited on hand-and-foot, had been wonderful and a welcome relief after the stresses and excitement of the wedding and then they'd shared a week at home before Sue had returned to New York to officially hand over her case-load and thankfully her assistant, to her successor and vacate her apartment. The single flash of memory Jack had experienced remained but like many others, unable to put it into context, he'd pushed it temporarily to the back of his mind to concentrate on the future. There had been one very odd moment while they'd been together though and he found that it still bothered him even now...

They'd been rearranging his belongings to create much-needed space and decided that for the time being, it would be easier if she used the spare room for her clothes. Something had been stuck on the top of the wardrobe, right at the back which he hadn't been able to reach and she'd walked in from the shower, in search of her hairdryer, to find him about to climb onto the wicker hamper to give himself more height. She'd scolded him for being reckless and insisted on doing it in case he slipped and injured himself again but as she'd stretched up on tiptoe, she'd lost her balance, teetering precariously as she fought against falling. Instinctively, he'd grabbed hold of her at the waist to steady her, his body reacting to her warmth immediately but instead of going with it as he normally would, he'd felt guilty, embarrassed and a little ashamed and when she'd looked down at him, he'd let her go and hastily backed away to put more distance between them.

"Jack?"

"Mmm..?"

"You want to take this so I can get down?" She offered him a dusty shoebox.

"What?"

"Take this for me, please?" Sue frowned, noticing his flushed face and obvious discomfort.

"Sorry," stepping forward, he put it to one side before reaching to help her down.

"Your hands are shaking."

"They are..?" At a loss to explain, he smiled softly covering his confusion with a witty remark. "You see the effect you have on me? One touch and I go to pieces."

"Really..?" She wheedled, hoping for more.

"Really…" Pulling her closer, he held her for a few seconds and then his lips sought hers, the kiss growing more and more passionate as his hands roamed restlessly up and down her back.

"I'm still damp."

"I know. I can feel it."

"Maybe I should…" She tried unsuccessfully to disentangle herself from his grasp.

"I have a better idea."

"And what's that?"

Taking her hand he led her towards the bathroom.

"I've just had a shower, remember?"

"Yes but I think you might have missed a few spots."

"You do?"

"…Definitely." Undoing the belt of her pale blue robe, he'd slipped his hands inside and flipped it off her shoulders allowing it to pool unheeded onto the carpet…

Hastily refocusing his thoughts, he turned his attention back to the task at hand and brought up the web browser on the laptop Sue had left for him. He was pretty sure he had to have one of his own somewhere but, as yet, hadn't managed to locate it. Connecting to his bank, he stared at the screen totally perplexed as another unanticipated problem reared its head when he realised that he could remember his account number but not his password and when he clicked on the help button, he was asked for the answer to his secret question, which he couldn't recall either. Frustrated, he carried it into the lounge, setting it down on the coffee table and dialling the suggested landline number. He went through the rigmarole of pressing this number or that in the hopes of reaching another human being and when he did the first things they wanted to know were… his password and the answer to his secret question.

He tried to explain the situation as best he could but while they passed him from one person to another, all of whom appeared sympathetic to his plight, no one was actually prepared to help him. They'd mentioned something about having to cancel all his cards once before and that the best thing he could do was come in person to discuss it with the manager and make sure he brought some form of identification.

Sighing, he put down the receiver, leaned back and closed his eyes wishing that he could start the day all over again or better still, go back to bed and wake up tomorrow but he needed to get his finances sorted and see how much money he had left after his enforced lay-off and of course, arrange a joint account. Then there was the lease on the apartment etc. etc. He picked up the phone again and hit one of the speed-dial numbers. Two more days… Just two more days and maybe, if he was really lucky…

o-xxx-o

Later that evening, he was back on the couch waiting for the ping to let him know that Sue was online and when it came he felt the trials of the day begin to melt away as he looked at her face on the screen.

"Hi…" He smiled wearily.

"Hi, yourself… You look tired."

"I am, a little. Good day?"

She signed a **so-so. "**I spent most of it trying to change my name on bank cards, ID cards and the rest. I had no idea just how many there were."

"I know the feeling."

"You didn't have to change _your_ name," she teased.

"No, just my status with work, the bank and the apartment management and I still have to sort out the beneficiaries of my insurance, my next-of-kin…"

"That doesn't sound too difficult."

"Not for you, maybe,"

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't have had the added complication of not being able to remember your passwords or trick questions."

"Didn't you write them down when you got them?"

"Probably…"

"Then I don't understand the problem."

"I said, I'd probably written them down... I didn't say I knew where." He sighed miserably, running his fingers through his hair and earning himself a sympathetic smile.

"**Sorry**. Did you get it all sorted?"

"Only the bank... I had to call Bobby to give me a ride and vouch for my honesty but even then, they insisted on calling D for corroboration. Something about my computer being hacked and my cards maxed out."

"Oh, of course…"

"You knew about that?"

"Yes." She decided not to go into detail about his informant's death or anything else that had happened that day. "Someone hacked your computer to get information on a case and they helped themselves to all your personal details at the same time."

Jack's eyes widened in alarm, "You mean I shouldn't be doing all this stuff online?"

"It's okay now. Tara put one of her firewalls on all our home computers and laptops including that one. I don't think anyone could break through that."

"Thank God…" he blew out a relieved breath.

They chatted for a while longer but he could barely keep his eyes open.

"You should go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

He let out another unhappy sigh. "I know but I don't want to say 'goodbye'."

Sue shook her head. "Then I suppose I'll have to do it… again."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too but, hopefully, it'll only be a couple more weeks and I'll be back to stay."

"Promise..?"

"You know I can't do that."

"I know." Reaching out, he traced the outline of her cheek on the screen but it was cold to the touch, leaving him feeling dejected and a little disconsolate. "Take care of yourself, sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you too. Good night."

"**Good night**."

o-xxx-o


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Here's the second chapter as promised but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be what you were exepecting!

o-xxx-o

For the past couple of days, all they'd managed was a few brief moments on the phone as the powers-that-be had asked Sue to accompany the new Head of Counter-terrorism to one of the other Field Offices and after suffering through one of the most rigorous, and thankfully almost last, of his physio sessions, Jack had taken a shower and retired early but his sleep had been plagued with dreams, and none of them happy. He woke in the middle of the night feeling utterly desolate and close to tears. Fragments remained in his head and sitting up, he knew immediately that the scenes had been real…

Getting out of bed he walked to the bathroom, turned on the light and stared at his reflection in the mirror, not at all surprised when he saw the sheen of spent tears on his cheeks. Sighing, he splashed cold water on his face and made his way into the lounge, grabbing a notepad and sinking down into the armchair.

Ever since the explosion, he'd prayed for the missing five years of his life back but now… The phrase, 'be careful what you wish for' crept into his thoughts and whoever had coined it, had definitely known what they were talking about.

Sue had left him, he was sure of that now… He'd touched on the idea from time-to-time before but always discarded it. He'd loved her and had the impression he'd begged her to stay but she'd gone away without a word to anyone, and they'd all blamed him… He had no idea of the timeline of these events and wondered briefly if that had been what had, had him so distracted that day. Closing his eyes he took slow deep breaths to calm himself, so that he could think rationally and put together the fractured pieces of insight with what he'd been told or had overheard.

No, that couldn't have been it… According to Bobby, she'd left months beforehand and he hadn't had any contact with her… But why had she left? What could have been so terrible she felt she couldn't stay in DC? And what had clouded his judgement so badly, that he'd made a catastrophic mistake which had almost cost someone else's life as well as his own? Questions… Too many damned questions and they were giving him a headache but he needed to concentrate, try and make some sense of it all for the sake of his sanity if nothing else.

He'd been going somewhere that day but his plans had been scuppered. The consensus of opinion was that he'd been flying to Wisconsin to see his parents, which felt sort-of right since his mother had been so ill, but again it didn't quite fit as, by then, she was almost well enough to be discharged from hospital and missing the trip wouldn't have affected him as badly as it obviously had. What else would have taken him home?

His Uni friends..? No, that didn't make sense and anyway they would have mentioned it at the wedding and the only other ties he had to the place were Allie and her parents, but why would he want..? The pen he was holding fell onto the table with a clatter and without giving any thought to the time, he reached over and dialled a number he thought he'd never use again. After an interminable amount of rings, the line crackled into life.

"What?"

If he hadn't been so upset, Jack would have laughed. He'd forgotten just how tetchy she got when she was woken up. "Allie, its Jack… Are you alone?"

"What kind of question is that? And why are you calling me at…" There was a momentary pause and a scraping sound. "4:20 in the morning? Come to that, why are you calling me at all?"

He felt aggrieved by her attitude, especially considering that she was the one who'd dumped him but he swallowed it down. There were things he had to know… Things only she could tell him. "Sorry to wake you but there's something I need to ask you."

"And it couldn't wait until morning? Go on then…"

"When did I propose?" There was a strange spluttering sound from the other end of the line.

"Excuse me?"

"I keep having these weird flashes of memory and they're driving me nuts. Allie, I need your help."

The pleading tone in his voice had the guilt she'd managed to suppress since she'd returned home resurfacing along with her feelings for him and she sighed. "Am I allowed to tell you that?"

"Please…"

"You came to New York a couple of months before that day… You were upset about some woman dumping you. Said you'd messed around long enough… That I was the only one you could truly rely on and maybe we should finally do what everyone expected of us and get together permanently."

"Not very romantic..."

"No it wasn't and as much as I wanted to say yes, I had no intention of agreeing. You booked a table at an expensive restaurant… Wined, dined and sweet-talked me then took me home to bed. We had a great night and the next day we went out to look at rings and I found one I really wanted, gold with a solitaire diamond. It was far too expensive but you bought it anyway."

"Did I give it to you?" He was getting more and more depressed as all his fanciful notions of it belonging to Sue faded away and he had to admit he'd never thought it was her style, definitely more that of the woman he was talking to now.

"No. You said you wanted to do things properly and ask my father's permission first, much to my annoyance. We arranged a date to meet in Wisconsin and you were going to make a formal proposal and give it to me in the place where we had our first kiss."

Jack practically gagged at the sickly sweetness of it all, wondering what the hell had gotten into him. Had he really been that desperate? "So, it was you I was going to see that day."

"Don't sound so disappointed." He could imagine the flecks of anger lighting her eyes.

"I'm not disappointed," he lied. "I just needed to know."

"And now you do. Goodbye Jack." Before he could question her further, she put the phone down, leaving him totally shell-shocked.

It all made some kind of nightmarish sense at last… He'd obviously cared for Sue a lot but the rules at work must have made it impossible for them or, more likely, she hadn't returned those feelings and decided it would be impossible for them to work together any longer, so she'd left. He knew from recent experience that she had a way of making unilateral choices; he'd gravitated back to Allie, hopefully not on the rebound, and asked her to marry him… well, sort-of and they'd made plans to meet in Wisconsin but Bobby's informant had put pay to that. He must have called her to tell her and knowing her fiery temper, they'd probably argued and…

Oh God, it really had been all his fault as the reports suggested and up until now, what had saved him was he couldn't remember any of it and they'd given him the benefit of the doubt but if he did the honest thing and fessed up, he could kiss goodbye to his career with the F.B.I. and if Sue found out he'd asked Allie to marry him, he dreaded to think what her reaction would be… Burying his head in his hands, he tried to come to terms with the fact that he could be about to lose everything he'd fought so hard for..

o-xxx-o

The next thirty-odd hours passed in a blur and he'd spent most of them sitting on the couch staring into space. Getting up wearily, he walked to the front door to open it, knowing that it was Bobby outside by the way the knocking kept getting progressively louder.

"You're still with us then." He observed sarcastically, practically brushing Jack aside as he entered the apartment.

~ Unfortunately. ~ "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I wasn't sure… You're not answering your landline or cell and you didn't show up for your chat with Sue last night so… She's worried sick, by the way."

"I forgot…"

For the first time, the Aussie took in his friend's unkempt, unshaven appearance. "Geez Sparky, you look like hell."

"I feel it," he limped back to his seat and slumped into it.

"You're not crook again, are you? You want me to call someone?"

"No, I'm okay… I just need…"

"A shot of the infamous, Bobby Manning, high octane brew to get you going, back in a tick..." He disappeared into the kitchen, returning several minutes later carrying two mugs which he set on the table before sitting down. "Okay mate, let's have it."

"I remembered some stuff I wish I hadn't, that's all."

"Like what?" He sipped his coffee and flinched at the taste before taking another.

"The day of the explosion…"

"Sue already told me. I started to look into it but we've been swamped."

"Not just that…" He rubbed his face, feeling the stubble scratching his palms. "I know now where I was going and why."

"To Wisconsin to visit your Mom because she was sick, no mystery there."

"Wisconsin, yes… To visit my parents, yes… but not for the reason you think."

"Then why?"

Jack took a deep breath. "To tell them that Allie and I were engaged, at last."

Taken by complete surprise, Bobby choked on his coffee sending it in all directions. "Geez Sparks, a little warning would have been appreciated."

"Now you know how I felt when I figured it out."

"You're sure about this? I mean, you hadn't seen her in forever."

"I called her the night before last and she confirmed it… even described the ring."

The Aussie gave him a look of disbelief so he went into the bedroom to fetch the box, tossing it in the other man's direction.

"Holy smokes! Well I guess that would explain how she came to be hanging around the hospital. How are you going to tell Sue?"

"I wish I knew…" He shrugged helplessly, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "There's more…" He went on to tell him his theory about how everything had gone wrong that day and although Bobby was loath to admit it, it sounded more than plausible.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"That's what I've been sitting here trying to figure out."

"If you turn in a report to OPR, it'll probably cost you your badge or you'll be demoted and sent to Nebraska which is probably worse."

"I'm aware of that."

"And if you tell Sue about Allie, it'll break her heart."

"I know that, too."

Bobby got to his feet. "My advice, for what it's worth… Keep it all to yourself mate, some things are best left alone and you can be sure no one will hear a word from me."

Jack managed a half-smile of gratitude for his friend's loyalty. "And live a lie for the rest of my life? You know me better than that."

"Yeah, unfortunately I do. Look, don't do anything stupid just yet, you hear? Leave this with me for a few days. Let me do some digging around."

"Bobby…"

"Just a few days Sparks, that's all I'm asking."

"Okay, what difference does it make?" He shook his head sadly. "…And Sue..?"

"Call her… Tell her you love her and let her know you're okay and leave it at that. This deffo isn't something you should be discussing over the phone." He walked towards the door and opened it. "Oh and you might want to think about having a shower while you're at it." He wrinkled his nose, grinned and disappeared hurriedly into the hallway before whatever it was that had come flying in his direction, had the chance to find its mark.

o-xxx-o


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for your reviews on the last two chapters - really appreciated, although I notice there weren't too many for the last one but it wouldn't be me if there wasn't an unexpected twist! Coming to the end of the story now, maybe two or three more after this one... Enjoy!

o-xxx-o

Jack didn't need to check to know that he looked as bad as he felt and in a perverse way, it was a comforting thought. After all, he wouldn't want to feel this awful and look okay. Where would be the fairness of that? It was proving more and more difficult however, to pull himself together enough to talk to Sue via the webcam in the evenings and taking more energy than he could actually spare but he was pretty sure that despite his best efforts and confident façade, she could see straight through him. The quirk of an eyebrow here, a frown there… Asking him if he was taking all his meds regularly… He hated lying to her, even by omission, but Bobby had been right… he needed to talk with her face-to-face about this but God help him, after three days he still had no idea where to begin and it was keeping him awake at night.

As a cover for his general malaise, he'd confessed to her that he was almost certain that he _had_ been responsible for the screw-up that day but, like Bobby, she'd asked him to wait before putting in his report which made him wonder if they were cooking up something between them. If they did manage to come up with a plausible explanation, it would definitely be a plus but the greater and seemingly insurmountable problem still remained.

A knock disturbed his melancholic introspection and looking at his watch, he assumed it was Bobby checking up on him during his lunch break but when he pulled open the door he froze, staring at his visitor in sheer disbelief.

"Allie, what on earth..?"

"Can I come in?" She gave him a bright but obviously strained smile.

Figuring it was probably better than talking in the hallway where everyone could see and hear them, he grudgingly agreed. "I suppose so."

"Thanks." Looking around the apartment, she took in the little feminine touches that had always been absent before. Jack indicated one of the chairs.

"Sit down, please."

Although she acknowledged the offer Allie remained standing, making him feel decidedly uncomfortable as he sat and waited to find out what she wanted or what she expected of him. Eventually, she broke the silence between them.

"You look much better than when I last saw you."

"I am."

"That's good." Crossing to one of the side-tables, she picked up a silver photo frame. "I see congratulations are in order."

"Allie, what are you doing here?"

"I don't suppose there's any chance of a coffee?"

Exasperated, Jack started to get up but she motioned for him to stay put. "It's okay, I know where it is." She disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him a little disgruntled. Although she'd been there many times before, things had changed and she should have respected that. It wasn't just his place anymore, it belonged to Sue as well and she was intruding. She no longer had the right to wander where she pleased or, maybe she did..? He had no idea if there were any rules for the situation they found themselves in… He was married to Sue and, technically, still engaged to Allie but if he hadn't officially given her the ring, then… His head was beginning to ache again and all he wanted was for her to say what she had to and leave. Perhaps she'd decided to sue him for 'breach of promise' or something? If so, she was going to be sorely disappointed by what she received. When she returned, he tried to push her to get to the point.

"Allie…"

"Your wife, not here..?"

"No, she's in New York." 'Where you should be', he added mentally.

"At the New York Field Office..? Maybe I'll pop in and congratulate her some time."

"If you came all this way just to make snide comments, you wasted a journey."

"No." She finally sat down and her air of calm indifference evaporated to leave a nervous and uncertain Allie that he'd rarely seen since they were teenagers. "There are things I need to tell you. Things I've done that I'm not proud of but I want to set the record straight so that I can move on." Picking up her mug she brought it to her lips but didn't drink. "I don't suppose you have anything stronger, do you?"

Despite his best efforts, his concern for her won through and he stood up. "No Campari but there's scotch and I think brandy…"

"Brandy would be good."

"You want anything in it?"

"No." He raised an eyebrow but didn't comment, fetching a glass and the bottle.

"Thanks." She poured herself a generous measure and took a sip, allowing the liquid to burn its way down.

Studying her, he realised that he might already know what she was about to confess. "Look, if this is about Wisconsin… What you did to me…"

Her head shot up and she stared at him aghast. "How..?"

"I figured it out. It's what I'm trained for, remember?"

Her eyes were wide and bright like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. "It only happened a couple of times and I always regretted it afterwards."

"That's okay, then." His tone was harsh, probably more so than he'd intended, bringing tears to her eyes.

"I thought I could handle it Jack but I just couldn't. I tried, truly I did."

Blowing out a calming breath, he sighed. "Forget it, Allie. There was no harm done." Again he tried to stand wanting her to leave. Everything he'd felt for her over the years was gradually dying and it surprised him that it actually hurt.

"There's something else."

"What?"

She took another gulp of her drink. "When you called the other night, I wasn't alone."

"I guessed that."

"You want to know who, I was with?"

"Not particularly."

"Andrew Trent."

Jack stared at her, completely dumbfounded. It was a name he hadn't heard since he'd moved to DC.

"We met up when I was taking care of you and we went out, a lot… mainly with friends. When I told you I was staying with my parents, I was really at his place… In the spare room…" she added hastily.

"Allie, I really don't need to hear this."

She went on oblivious to his last statement. "He always had a thing for me, remember?"

"…And hated me because of it. I can't count the number of times he tried to get me into trouble."

"He proposed to me."

"Allie, no… You can do so much better."

"I used to think so…" She gave him a pointed look and Jack stared down at his feet at a loss for what to say.

"Anyway, he was with me. He said he was visiting the city on business but I think he really came to tell me that you'd got married and rub my nose in it, since I'd already turned him down once. He'd heard it from a mutual acquaintance and I was upset that you hadn't told me yourself. I shouldn't have been, but I was. We got drunk, very drunk and ended up in bed together. Lord, if my mother ever found out what her little girl had turned into… I can hear her now… 'Morals of an Allie cat'…"

Jack laughed in spite of everything. He'd been on the receiving end of many a lecture about making an honest woman of her sweet and innocent daughter.

"He hogs the bedcovers and he snores like a buzz saw. I'd only just fallen asleep when you called and he was listening and I…"

Instinctively, he took hold of her hand to comfort her but hastily let go again. "Allie, what is it you're trying so hard not to say?"

She finished her drink in one swallow and poured herself another.

"You drink too much."

"Dutch courage… I didn't tell you the whole truth that night."

"What?"

"God Jack, I'm so sorry. I don't know what it is that gets into me where you're concerned but…"

"Tell me."

"You never asked me to marry you." She let it out in a rush.

"What? But you said that I flew to New York and we…"

"You did… To celebrate my birthday the way we always have, with a meal in our favourite restaurant, but all you talked about was some woman from work and how she'd left suddenly without a word. I got annoyed and you apologised, said it was over and that maybe it was time we got together. We went back to my place but you were very drunk. You kissed me and we started to… then you passed out."

At that moment he didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or relieved so he settled for a little of each. "Then we didn't..?"

"No."

"But you were at the hospital…"

"A friend called and when I found out you'd lost your memory, I took advantage of it to try and get what I thought I'd always wanted." She shrugged apologetically.

Jack still wasn't convinced. "You described the ring perfectly."

"I found it when I was unpacking your things it fell out of your jacket pocket. And as to the rest, I made it up… a simple childhood fantasy brought to life."

Leaning back, he closed his eyes in the hope that it would all sink in but the relief he felt was quickly overtaken by anger. "Damn it Allie, do you have any idea what your little charade could have cost me?"

"Her?" She picked up the photograph again.

"Yes."

"I don't think so… I met her, a couple of times; saw the way you looked at each other even then."

"Was this before the explosion because I don't remember?"

Now that she'd gotten past the worst part, she decided to be completely honest with him. She knew him and how much he was capable of handling, far better than his doctors had. "I saw you together in your hospital room after your heart attack. You introduced her as a work colleague but I could see there was more to it. You were so engrossed in your conversation with her when I arrived that you never even noticed me standing in the doorway."

"Why was she there?"

"Visiting… She was the one who was with you that night when it happened that was why I didn't want you to call her. I knew she was the same woman you were upset about and I didn't want to risk… Are you okay?"

He'd experienced another sudden flash of memory. "There was a storm and it was raining… I walked to my car and there was a pain like I'd never felt before. I was scared and she held my hand…"

"She stayed with you all the way to the hospital."

Jack blew out a shuddering breath. "Thank you for telling me all this, I know you didn't have to."

"You don't owe me any thanks. What I did was wrong and I'll have to live with that but, like I said, I wanted to set the record straight so that we can both move on."

"I'll call it even if you promise me something."

"What's that?"

"You won't marry randy Andy Trent. He's a moron."

"I wish I could say you were wrong. Okay, I promise." She stood up and put her empty glass on the table. "Goodbye, Jack."

"Goodbye, Allie. Take care of yourself."

"I always do." She admitted wistfully. "That's the problem." Reaching the door, she turned to face him again. "You know it's been a long time coming but there's something I've finally realised… It never would have worked out between us, Jack, because we were never really in love, at least not in _that_ way, we were more like…"

"Brother and sister," he finished for her.

"Yes… Oh," she picked up a bag from where she'd left it. "Somehow, this got separated from the rest of your stuff. I have no idea what's in it."

"Could you slip it somewhere out of the way for me? I'll look later."

"Sure."

"Thank you."

With a last rueful smile she stepped out into the hallway again, pulling the door to behind her but before the lock clicked into place, Bobby pushed it open and walked inside.

"What was _she_ doing here?" Worried for his friend, the question came out a little too viciously.

"She came to talk. You've never really liked her, have you?"

"I used to think she was okay…I hope you told her that her boat had well and truly sailed."

"What boat?" His brain wasn't quite up to dealing with Bobby's cryptic vernacular.

"The 'Love' boat…"

Jack shook his head. "We never had a reservation."

"But I thought…"

"It was a… 'miscommunication', that's all."

"You're kidding, right?" Looking at Jack's face he knew that was all the explanation he was going to get. "You must be rapt."

"I, what..? Oh, yeah, I guess."

"You don't look particularly happy about it. Don't tell me you still have warm and fuzzy feelings for her."

"I think I always will but not in the way you mean."

"Okay mate, enough said. I'll bet you're glad you followed my advice now and didn't say anything to Sue. You didn't, did you?"

"No and you're right… For once, I am glad I listened."

"I'm not sure I deserved that comment. Would I ever steer you wrong?"

"You don't seriously expect me to answer that?"

"Maybe, not…" He grinned cheekily.

"Have you had any luck with the other problem?"

"Not yet but I'm still working on it. You just hang tough, okay."

"I'm afraid I'm not feeling particularly tough at the moment, more knackered."

"Then I prescribe a nice hot shower and a long lie down. I'll come back later with a few beers and a pizza and we can celebrate."

"Celebrate?"

"Yeah, why not..? We've got over one hurdle and now it's on to the next."

Jack was about to query the word 'we' but for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun, he realised that his friend had been living every minute of it right along with him.

"Okay, if you make it tomorrow night, you're on. I need to devote this evening to Sue. I haven't been exactly chatty of late."

"Tomorrow, it is then. Give my love to Mrs Sparky and tell her it's about time she came home to stay."

o-xxx-o


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **Oh my Gosh, 380 reviews! Thank you so much everyone. You know it would be really something if I could make 400 by the end of the story - my first ever! This chapter is slightly risqué in places.

o-xxx-o

Even though it had been much colder outside than he'd expected, the chill in the air heralding the onset of winter, Jack was glowing inside, smiling and greeting everyone he met with a cheery 'good afternoon'. Finally, something had turned out the way he'd hoped and he'd been passed fit to drive. Okay, it would probably take him a while to get back to the standard he'd been at before but what the heck? He was mobile again and no longer dependent on others to chauffeur him around and that was all that counted. Walking into the apartment, his mood deflated a little. There was one thing missing from his small victory… a certain someone to share it with, but she wasn't due back in DC for at least another week.

After fixing a late lunch, he was at a bit of a loose-end so rather than spending the rest of the day feeling sorry for himself, he looked around for something useful to do. Noticing the sports' bag-holdall that Allie had brought with her, he decided it would be an ideal time to sort through it.

Allie… now there was something that rankled… There was a question he should have asked her but it hadn't even occurred to him until it was too late. The ring kept bothering him. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced it hadn't been meant for Sue, it really wasn't 'her' and that left him wondering if he really had bought it for Allie. After all, he'd gone to New York for her birthday and it appeared, from what she'd said that he was considering proposing to her so maybe, he'd bought it as a surprise? Then again, if that were the case, she wouldn't have been able to help him, anyway. With a sigh he pushed the thought to the back of his mind, hauled the bag up onto the couch beside him, unzipped it and peered inside. Taking out a sweater and t-shirt, he uncovered a seemingly well-used laptop.

"So that's where you've been hiding. I knew I had to have one." Shaking his head, he snorted derisively. ~ Geez Hudson, would you get a grip! Now you're talking to inanimate objects! ~

He was surprised to find that, even after all this time, it still held a small charge but when he flipped the lid and hit the button, he let out a frustrated growl and closed it down again immediately, shoving it unceremoniously back where it had come from and pushing the bag back where he'd found it. If there was one thing he didn't need today, it was another trip to password hell. He made a mental note to give the thing to Tara at the first opportunity and let her figure it out. He was trying to decide whether he wanted a drink or not when the front door opened and Levi came trotting over to say hello.

"Hey Buddy, this is a lovely surprise. What are you doing here?"

"We live here, remember?"

Jack petted the animal and got to his feet. "You do? I'd almost forgotten."

Sue scowled and he hastily closed the gap between them, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly, leaving them both breathless.

"I wasn't expecting to see you this weekend."

"I know but I had to drop off some paperwork and there was nothing much for me in New York, so here we are. I hope we're not interrupting anything."

"Nothing earth-shattering… I was just trying to decide if I was thirsty or not."

"Well, Levi and I are." Dropping her shoulder-bag onto the chair, she made her way into the kitchen with Jack following close behind. As she reached up to take something out of the cupboard, she felt his arms envelope her, his soft lips caressing the back of her neck but when his fingers strayed under her jumper she disentangled herself and moved away. "We need to talk."

His expression reminded her of a little boy who had had all of his toys taken away. "And I was having such a good day, too. One of the best I've had in a while."

"I won't spoil it, I **promise**."

He looked at her doubtfully but said nothing.

"So, what happened today to put you in such a good mood?"

"You came home."

She rolled her eyes at his slightly self-satisfied grin. "Apart from that..?"

"Oh, nothing much…" Returning to the lounge momentarily, he came back waving a piece of paper and handed it to her.

"You passed?"

"…With flying colours."

"That's great news!" She gave him a congratulatory hug and he didn't want to let her go.

"I suppose there's no chance we could postpone the 'talk' until later, is there?"

"Why? What else did you have in mind?" She teased, her eyes sparkling.

"Well, I have this problem that I hoped we could work on together."

"What sort of problem?"

"An urgent case... It'll probably involve an awful lot of 'undercover' work." He explained wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I see. And just how urgent, is it?"

"I think I'll let you judge that for yourself." Trapping her between his body and the counter-top, he pressed himself tightly against her, his face barely inches away and looking into his eyes, she found herself drowning in dark pools of desire.

"We'll talk later."

"Good, I've missed you so much." Before she could respond his mouth covered hers, the pressure betraying his need as his tongue slid between her slightly parted lips to tangle with its mate.

o-xxx-o

Sunset had come and gone and Jack was half-sitting, half-lying, propped up against the pillows; his fingers absently stroking the soft skin of her arm as she lay with her head on his chest. He tapped her gently to get her attention.

"Mmm…"

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"We should get up first."

"Why? I'm comfortable here."

"Too many distractions..."

He smiled broadly. "That wasn't _all, _my fault as I recall. And anyway, I think you're quite safe for a while."

"That's what you said an hour ago. I have to feed Levi before he starts gnawing on the furniture."

Reluctantly, he let her go and she snatched up his t-shirt, slipping it over her head as she walked to the bathroom, reappearing ten minutes later wearing a pair of jeans and an over-sized shirt.

"How did you..?"

"I used the other door."

"I'm going to have to do something about that."

Sue rolled her eyes. "Would you please get up, and put this on." She tossed him his now surplus-to-requirements tee.

"Why?"

"Because you're not the only one who gets **D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-E-D**."

His smile grew even wider at her unexpected compliment.

o-xxx-o

"Okay, you have my undivided attention."

She looked him up and down, relieved that he was fully-clothed apart from his customary bare feet. "Thank you."

Pulling out a chair he sat at the table, feeling unaccountably nervous and giving her a forced smile when she slid a mug of hot chocolate in his general direction before joining him there.

"You remember the dream you had about the day of the explosion?"

"Yes." It was no wonder she hadn't wanted to discuss this is the bedroom, the kitchen was a far better place for bad news. "I thought you weren't going to spoil my day."

"Jack…"

"Alright, go on."

"I told Bobby, I hope you don't mind?"

"He mentioned it."

"Well, Tara managed to track down the S.O.G. guy…"

"I didn't say he was S.O.G."

"I know but Bobby remembered one of them being treated by the other team of paramedics."

"Sue, you know if it's proven I was the one responsible, I'll lose my job. Maybe, it would be better left alone."

She interrupted him. "It's too late for that, sorry, Bobby and I went to see him at lunchtime."

Feelings of guilt at his lack of concern for his fellow agent welled up inside him. "Was he badly hurt?"

"No… just bruising and two fractured ribs where your shoulder made contact with his chest."

"My shoulder..?"

"Your right one, that's how you dislocated it."

"Go on…" he prompted; still not sure he really wanted to know.

"You were right, you did wander off alone."

"Oh God…"

"But…" she reached across the wooden surface and took hold of his hand. "Nothing that happened after that was your fault."

He stared at her, his eyes begging for some kind of confirmation.

"We don't know where you were going or why, but you were about halfway across the warehouse when you saw him pick something up, so you changed direction and headed towards him. You reamed him out for breaking one of the major crime scene rules and told him to put it back where he'd found it so that the C.S.I.s could do their job and to make sure he told them he'd touched it, so they could eliminate his fingerprints from any they might find. It turned out to be a cell-phone but as he went to replace it, he thinks he must have accidentally touched one of the speed-dial buttons. You were walking away when…"

"I saw a red light flashing high up on one of the concrete pillars…"

"That's right. You ran towards him, yelling at him to get out of the way but he didn't move so you shoulder-charged him and the impact knocked him across the floor but you couldn't get back on your feet."

"I was winded and there was a really excruciating pain in my arm and neck."

"Before you could scramble to safety…"

"There was a flash of light and a loud roaring sound." He stared at her, his breathing shallow and rapid. "It wasn't my fault." The words came out haltingly and choked with emotion.

"No, Jack you saved his life."

"Oh, thank God." The relief he felt was almost overwhelming. "Why didn't he come forward at the time?"

"He was scared of losing his job. He knew it was wrong not to but his wife was expecting their first child, he had a mortgage he could barely afford and he'd been in trouble a few times before. He didn't say what kind but we got the impression he'd run out of chances."

"Damn." He cursed softly.

"What's wrong?"

"If that's the case then he's hardly likely to front up now."

"He already has. He made a formal statement and D passed it on to OPR."

"Then he's stuffed up his career with the Bureau to save mine."

"No, he left months ago. He's gone into business with his father-in-law." She paused for a moment to let him take it all in. "Bobby was furious. I've never seen him like that before and it was kind-of scary. I'm glad now that Levi and I went with him."

"Me, too" he whispered, wiping a hand over his face. "I don't believe this… I can't… I really thought I'd screwed everything up."

Sue gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I know sweetheart, it's been a nightmare for you but it's over now. The only thing you're guilty of is going off on your own and I think you've already been punished enough for that. I'm sure Dimitrius will let it slide."

"I just wish I could remember what it was I'd planned to do that day that had me so messed up."

She moved to his side. "Don't worry about it now, it's not important."

Kissing the hand that was still lodged in his, Jack looked up tearfully. "Thank you for all of this and thank you for believing in me."

"I never doubted you for a second."

His arms slipped round her waist and he bent forward, resting his cheek on the flat of her stomach and when he didn't move she slid one hand down his back, stroking it soothingly while the other cradled his head against her. She jumped in surprise when he suddenly let her go and got to his feet.

"I need a minute."

Wanting to give him some space, Sue washed up the dirty mugs and then phoned in an order to the local Chinese take-out asking them to deliver in about an hour.

o-xxx-o

"I'm sorry about that." He dragged a hand over his face from forehead to chin.

"There's no need to apologise, it's something you've always done." His questioning look had her explaining further. "At the end of a long or stressful case, you always used to leave the bullpen for some quiet time alone… Either that or you'd go running, sometimes both."

Retaking his seat he shook his head sadly. "You know, that's one of the things I miss the most."

"Then maybe you should get back into it… slowly…" She admonished. "You could start by taking Levi to the park from time to time. Drive to the one by the river to avoid crossing the major roads and then walk him to see how it goes. There are plenty of places to sit down and rest and I know he won't object to the extra exercise. Why don't you speak to Aaron about it when you see him next?"

"I might just do that." He gave her a loving smile. "You realise I only have a couple of sessions left and then I'm on quarterly check-ups?"

"That's great."

Taking her hand he tugged her down onto his lap. "So, do I have you all to myself for the entire weekend?"

"Not, exactly."

His face fell. "I knew today was going too well. How long can you stay this time?"

"That's up to you. A **weekend**… a **month**… a **year**… a **lifetime**…"

"**What**?"

"I've officially handed over my job and my apartment's been re-let, so unless you'd rather we moved back in with Lucy..?"

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Mmm mmm…" She cleared her throat and breathed deeply, caught up in the happiness that radiated from him. "The rest of my stuff is in the car and the furniture I want to keep is on its way to a storage facility in Georgetown."

Jack swallowed hard, his eyes shining with joyful tears. "No regrets about leaving New York?"

"None…"

"Then welcome home, Mrs Hudson." He guided her head down to his, kissing her passionately until he felt a wet, leathery tongue on the back of his hand and a paw on his knee. "And you too, Levi. Welcome home, Buddy."

o-xxx-o


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** Not sure if the next chapter will be the last but we are very close to the end. Please don't think Jack will suddenly have an epiphany and all his memories will return, that would be completely unbelievable and too far-fetched. However, it is time for me to answer some of those burning questions, so what would you like to know? And don't say everything - not gonna happen! :-D

o-xxx-o

Grounded! He'd been stuck indoors for three days so far, with no possibility of escape for at least another two, and he was going stir-crazy. How he'd survived all those months without even a glimpse of the outside world and his sanity intact was a complete mystery to him, although thinking back now he had come perilously close to losing it on a few occasions. This time, however, there was no one to blame but himself even though he'd tried.

It had been a crisp, sunny day and he'd taken Levi to the park while Sue visited friends. The walking had been going well and he was definitely a lot fitter so he'd decided to kick it up a notch and jog slowly to the next bench to see how it felt. Four benches later his right foot had hit the ground a little too hard, a vicious pain had shot through the leg and it had given way underneath him. Luckily, there had been a trash bin close by and he'd grabbed it to stop himself from falling but the damage had already been done. With the aid of an elderly couple he'd managed to sit down and get his breath and they'd helped him back to his car.

He'd gotten away with it at first. She'd noticed his limp wasn't on the usual leg but he'd brushed it off, putting it down to the cold weather affecting his 'war wounds' until he'd woken in the middle of the night, when things always seemed to be at their lowest ebb, started to turn over and barely managed to stifle an agonised cry. Taking slow deep breaths, he'd waited unmoving in the hope that the intense burning would subside and praying his stupidity hadn't caused any serious damage but the level of pain had remained high… too high. Gritting his teeth he'd somehow managed to get up and to the bathroom without disturbing the woman sleeping at his side, taken a couple of maximum strength painkillers and afraid of waking her, he'd hobbled his way to the couch. Unfortunately, he hadn't factored Levi into the equation and knowing instinctively that there was something wrong the dog had trotted off to fetch his mistress.

She'd come in looking sleepy, dishevelled and adorable but as soon as she saw him her smile had faded, lines of concern he hadn't seen in a while marring her pretty face. That had made him feel guilty… and combined with the pain and worry, had done little to improve his mood. Kneeling in front of him, she'd eased the leg of his pyjama bottoms up and they could both see that his thigh and knee were badly swollen. Jardine's words had echoed in his brain '…_you mustn't be tempted into pushing yourself too hard or too fast. Actions like that will hinder rather than aid your recovery and could cause permanent damage_.' And then had come, the inevitable question…

"How did you do it?"

A million excuses had popped into his head… Uneven footpaths, potholes… Braking too hard when someone had stepped out in front of him… Hell, he'd even thought about blaming Levi for tripping him but when he'd looked at the canine, he'd had the distinct impression he could read his thoughts. Was that reproach in his doggie eyes? In the end he'd come clean and could pinpoint the exact second he'd lost her sympathy, her expression changing to one of incredulity and exasperation. A lecture on running before he could walk had followed and had hit home even harder because of its deadly accuracy. He hadn't needed her on his case, he'd been doing a pretty passable job of haranguing himself, so he'd made some trite comment and suddenly they'd been caught up in their first real fight. As often happened when she was upset, Sue hadn't been able to process the words in her head so she could say them aloud and had turned to sign to get her point across but it had been much too fast for him to follow. Unable to cope with both the pain and the argument he'd turned away for a few seconds to regroup not realising that to a deaf person, the action was tantamount to walking out and slamming the door.

By first light the throbbing, burning sensation had become unbearable and he'd found himself gripping the cushions until his knuckles turned white to stop himself from crying, it had hurt so badly. Her mood had softened as concern took over once more. Sitting down beside him, she'd rubbed his back soothingly but when she'd tried to take his hand he'd pulled away, scared that he might accidentally squeeze too hard and break it. She'd gone to fetch her BlackBerry and called Aaron to ask him if he could come over, wanting to leave the hospital as the last resort, knowing how much he hated them. The physio had arrived within the hour and checked him over, pronouncing that he had been damned lucky and giving him an injection slightly stronger than the one he'd had on the day of his wedding, accompanied by another lecture, but this one hadn't been as polite or politically correct as Sue's, and then confined him to bed for twenty-four hours leaving him feeling like a naughty child who'd been sent to his room without any supper. Bored out of his mind he'd practically begged her to come and talk to him but instead she'd returned with a pile of books, dumped them beside him and walked out again but, on the plus side, she had left the door ajar so he could call out if he needed anything… He hadn't called.

When Aaron had come back the next day, he'd been allowed up but only to sit on the couch and thankfully things had thawed a little. He'd hated that it was all wrong between them. It hurt… a lot, probably more than the humiliation of having to be helped by a pair of octogenarians and even the leg itself at that moment. Just to make his misery complete, Bobby had stopped by during his lunch break to add his two cents worth, calling him stupid, irresponsible, selfish and a few other choice Aussie adjectives he could only guess at the meaning of, but he'd got the message loud and clear nonetheless. Later that day he'd swallowed his pride and apologised to Sue, promising to be more careful in future and had been shocked when she'd walked away without a word. Slipping his arms into the crutches he'd been forced to use again, he'd followed her into the kitchen and found her sitting at the table looking as though she was about to cry. He'd apologised again but she'd said he had nothing to be sorry for… that it had been all her fault for suggesting the idea in the first place.

He'd noticed she had a tendency to do that… When he'd been shot, she'd blamed herself and... Whoa, back up… He'd been shot? Where had that come from? Retrieving his crutches, he walked into the bathroom, stood in front of the mirror and slid his sweater off his left shoulder and sure enough, there was a small scar that could only have been left by a bullet wound. No wonder she always seemed worried when he came in late. He'd had a heart attack, been blown up and shot. Maybe it would be more prudent for her to let Levi run loose and keep him on the leash? The dog obviously had far more sense than he did.

Picking up the mail from the side-table by the door, he thumbed through it and pulled out the letter he'd been waiting for, opening it and spreading the contents over the coffee table but after half-an-hour of pouring over the bank records that he'd hoped would shed some light on his activities he was still non-the-wiser. Apart from the relief at finding his account wasn't as depleted as he'd feared he'd only been left with more questions… Why had the cost of the airline ticket he'd bought for that weekend been much higher than normal and why could he only find the debits for the second engagement ring and not the first? There wasn't even an entry to suggest that he'd purchased it outright. Lord, if he didn't find some answers soon it was going to drive him crazy! Stuffing the papers back into their envelope, he threw them towards the end of the couch in disgust but they overshot the mark and disappeared down the side and when he reach over to retrieve them his hand came into contact with the holdall that had lain neglected since he'd first opened it. Determined to achieve something that day, he resolved to sort all the way through it this time so he hauled it up onto the empty seat beside him and unzipped it.

Sweater, t-shirt, the dreaded laptop… Putting that to one side, he made a mental note to give it to Sue so she could take it into the bullpen for Tara to look at. He'd meant to do it last time but it had completely slipped his mind. He delved deeper… More upmarket sweater, black pants, socks, underwear… This wasn't just a random collection of stuff he'd left behind in Wisconsin, it had been methodically packed. Right at the bottom in their own bag, he found a pair of smart leather shoes and the side-pockets were filled with toiletries in clear plastic bottles, a travel shaver with charger, his heart medication and when he accidentally flipped the flap over, there was a clear plastic pouch with all his 'property of' details. Name, address, phone number… It had to be an overnight bag. He couldn't recall having it with him on any of his hospital stays, so it must be the one he'd packed for… With trembling fingers he opened the front compartment, slipped his hand inside, pulling out a clear A4-sized sleeve and carefully tipping out the contents. An envelope, another smaller one, a wallet with around $100, an ID card and a couple of receipts inside… He opened the bigger one first, staring at the contents which answered one of the questions his bank statements had raised and then avidly studied the other items…

Images began flashing in his head, all of them too fleeting to take on board. It was like being on a carousel with the brass ring right in front of him yet stubbornly remaining just out of reach and then there were hundreds of them fading in and out like stars being covered by clouds. The 'carousel' started to spin faster and faster, the scenes blurring into one and giving him a blinding headache in the process. He desperately wanted to get off but it wouldn't stop, he felt dizzy, disoriented and… Struggling to his feet he stumbled blindly towards the bathroom, barely making it before he threw up, retching over and over until there was nothing left inside him. He remained on the tiled floor fighting for some sort of control but his head was pounding so badly he thought it might actually explode. He needed to call Sue but she was out of the office with Myles all day and for the life of him he couldn't remember her number or even where to look for it. His thoughts were in total chaos, all reason gone but thankfully, after about ten minutes, the room finally stopped spinning and it was as though a switch had flipped in his brain, leaving him dazed and confused.

He'd been watching a programme a few days earlier and terrified he might have had a stroke or something, he ran through all the tests they'd recommended, relief flooding through him when they all turned out negative. The overhead light was hurting his eyes and making his headache even worse so he gingerly got to his feet using the hand basin to steady himself and made his way into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed and rummaging through the drawer until he found a bottle of Tylenol. Swallowing down two, he managed to shut the curtains and then lay down and closed his eyes, praying that if he fell asleep, he'd wake up again.

o-xxx-o

He had no idea how long he'd been out of it but when he stretched he felt the blanket that had been covering him slip to one side. He was vaguely aware of a movement near the door and assumed that it was Levi going to fetch Sue. His suspicions were confirmed a few minutes later when she walked in carrying a glass of milk which she put down beside him. Turning on the lamp, he let out a relieved sigh when it had no effect on his head.

"You're awake."

"I think so." He rubbed his eyes tiredly and gave her an apologetic smile. "I'll bet this wasn't exactly the greeting you were expecting when you got home."

Sue sat on the bed beside him and he turned onto his left side to face her, she brought her legs up mirroring his position and propped herself up on one elbow. "We've been back about an hour. Feeling better?"

"Mmm… I'm okay."

"Your leg..?"

"No… Headache..."

For the first time she noticed the medicine bottle on his bedside table. "A bad one, by the looks of it…"

"Understatement..."

Reaching over she caressed the side of his face tenderly. "Is that what made you sick?"

"How did..?" His face coloured with embarrassment. "I am so sorry. I meant to clean that up before you got home."

"I'll forgive you, this time. For better, for worse, remember?"

"I know but I was kinda hoping we'd put the 'worse' part behind us."

"Me, too… Do you know what caused it?"

He had an idea that it was a reaction to the injection that Aaron had given him. He'd had one on their wedding night, although not nearly so dramatic, then again this dose had been much stronger, but he had no intention of going into detail especially about what had happened to him. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her, he'd been scared enough for both of them. "Just one of those things, I guess." He shrugged noncommittally.

"Oh," if he didn't want to talk about it she wasn't going to push, he still looked very pale and a little fragile. "I haven't started dinner yet, I wasn't sure if you'd feel up to eating."

"Later, maybe, right now I need a shower."

"No problem." She got up and walked round to help him.

"Thanks. I've got it from here."

"Then we'll leave you to it. There's a glass of milk on the bedside table, it should help settle your stomach and I'll leave your crutches by the door. Send Levi if you need any help."

"Will do..."

Standing beneath the cascading water, the residual fear and tension began to dissipate and all that remained of his headache was a dull pain which could easily be alleviated with a simple aspirin. In an effort to make sense of the day, he decided to look at it from an investigative standpoint and not a personal one, creating an evidence board in his mind. The contents of the holdall… The things he'd been told or overheard… and eventually, he came up with a complete story of what had led up to that fateful morning. The only problem was, he'd tried this particular exercise before and drawn all the wrong conclusions. He needed to talk it through with Sue to see if it made any sense but that meant making a confession first and after what had happened the last time he was dreading it.

The one thing that had hit home today was just how much he needed her. He'd been quite literally terrified when he'd lain down that afternoon but when he'd woken and realised she'd been in to check on him and cover him over, it had given him a warm feeling inside which had soothed away most of his fears and reassured him that as long as she was with him, everything would be okay and now he couldn't bear even the thought that he might get the silent treatment from her again, or maybe worse…

o-xxx-o


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in posting, seems I'm having as much luck as Jack lately. This time its flu, bronchitis and an ear infection - nothing a strategically placed stick of dynamite won't cure. :-D

I've decided that there will be two more chapters after this one - an epic and a sort of epilogue.

For those of you who thought Jack was going to New York on that fateful day - wrong! And for those who thought he was going to Wisconsin - wrong again!

Enjoy

o-xxx-o

Levi touched Sue's leg to let her know they had company and as she turned, Jack took her into his arms. "Now I can say hello properly." Kissing her on the lips, he held her a little too tightly and for a little too long so that when he let her go, she scanned his face worriedly.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine sweetheart, honestly."

"Hungry?"

He shrugged noncommittally. **So, so**.

"Something light..?"

"Sounds good…"

After a plate of salad with scrambled egg and a glass of orange juice, he felt somewhat stronger and he knew that it was time. "Sue, can we talk?"

"Just let me clean up first."

He grabbed her arm. "No, leave it."

"Jack?"

"Please."

"Okay." She put the plates and cutlery to one side. "Here or in the lounge?"

"Here."

Sitting down again, Sue regarded him nervously… Chats in the kitchen were always a serious affair.

"There's something I need to tell you." His expression was guarded making her even more apprehensive.

"Something bad..?"

Blowing out a breath he sighed, not really knowing how to answer her.

"You're not ill, are you?" The quiver in her voice betrayed her fear and he immediately sought to reassure her, chastising himself for his clumsiness.

"No, sweetheart," he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. "It's nothing like that."

"Then, why so serious..?"

Inhaling deeply, he braced himself for his moment of truth. "You remember that holdall?"

"Excuse me?" Sue found herself at a bit of a loss, the conversation not going in the direction she'd expected. "You mean the one from Wisconsin?"

"Yes… Did you ever wonder how it got here?"

"I thought your parents sent it."

Jack shook his head. "Allie brought it." He paused to let his confession sink in.

"She was here?"

"Yes."

"While I was in New York..?"

He nodded.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Sue, I..." She tried to pull away but he held her firmly. "I should have but I wanted to wait until we could talk face-to-face and then… I'm sorry but what with thinking I was to blame for what happened and you coming home earlier than expected… There just never seemed to be a right time."

Sue stared at him doubtfully, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "What did she want… apart from returning the bag?"

"To talk..."

"About what..?"

"…Things that happened in Wisconsin."

"Such as..?"

"She came to apologise for what happened between us."

"She could have done that over the phone and Fedex-ed the bag."

"There was other stuff, personal stuff."

"Between you and her," She could feel the tears pricking at the backs of her eyes but fought them off. "Do you… **want to be with her**?"

"God, sweetheart… No… Don't ever think… I love you and only you. You have to believe that."

She wanted to, more than anything else in the world but he was being uncharacteristically evasive and all the old insecurities from years gone by were fighting their way back to the surface.

"Nothing happened between us either here or in Wisconsin, you have my word."

"I've already read what you put in your journal so…"

"That wasn't all of it… Sue, if you ask me then I will tell you but I'm hoping you won't ask. There are things I didn't put in there… Things I couldn't write down because if they came out, they could hurt people… Not just Allie but innocent people as well."

"Your parents..?"

"Indirectly, yes…"

"Us..?"

"No sweetheart, not us. Sue, I'm asking you to trust me."

Lowering her gaze she concentrated on her hands which had been unconsciously pulling at a table napkin she hadn't even realised she was holding. She knew only too well how, when some secrets were revealed, they could devastate lives and this seemed like something really bad. There had been a hidden truth in her family for years and when it finally came to light it had almost blown their household apart. She could still see her brother Bobby's face when she'd told him. The anger, the hurt, the way he'd looked at her when he'd accused her of lying… Still feel the pain where he'd punched her and because of it the Thomas family had never really been whole again…

Jack was asking her to trust him and not to ask questions but in a way that annoyed her because it meant he was still trying to protect Allie but if the truth could hurt his parents as well then what choice did he have? She looked up to find him staring at her anxiously, the torment on his face telling her that he was as conflicted as she was.

"You promise that whatever this is, it has nothing to do with **us**?"

"Yes."

"And that it won't ever come back to haunt us or our family?"

"I swear it, on my life."

"Then, I trust you." She gave him a watery smile.

"Thank you." Raising her hand to his lips, he kissed it tenderly and finally released the breath he seemed to have been holding since Allie's unwelcome visit, vowing to draw the line under both their friendship and the felony she'd committed by drugging him as she had. Now he could move on…

"Was that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Partly," he surprised her by standing suddenly and walking into the lounge, returning with some papers in his hand. "I have something that belongs to you."

"You have a lot of things that belong to me."

A smile creased his face and the sparkle that had been absent for so long lit his eyes. "This is something I should have given you a long time ago." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the red velvet jewellery box and snapped it open to reveal the gold solitaire diamond ring.

Sue stared at it in sheer surprise and for an awful moment he thought he might have made a terrible mistake. "What makes you think it's mine?" Her voice cracked a little.

With trembling fingers he opened the large envelope and pushed the contents across the table towards her. "This… and this..." He handed her another smaller piece of paper which she took with equally shaky hands. "…An unused airline ticket to Ohio and a jeweller's receipt for alterations to a ring. I was going to meet you that day, wasn't I? We were going to see your parents."

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "You remember?"

He hated to disappoint her but after so many misunderstandings he needed to be honest. "Sort-of… I mean, I know I'm right but I can't recall the details, just vague impressions. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"That's okay." She tried hard to put a brave face on it.

"Tell me, please."

"I'm not sure that…"

He took her hand again. "Sue, I need to know. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I know we were apart for a while but that's not important to me right now. I want to know about us, together. There are so many images in my mind that I can't pin down and so many questions, it's driving me nuts. I need to be able to fit them into place and lay the past to rest so that I can concentrate on the future… our future. Please help me, sweetheart."

Sue thought about it for a few moments but the earnestness of his expression and the pleading in his brown eyes swayed her. During a quiet moment at their wedding reception, she'd taken Dr Jardine to one side to ask him what she should do if a situation like this ever arose and he'd told her to follow her instincts, she'd know if the time was right but to be cautious and not give him more than he could handle.

"Sue..?" He stroked her cheek to regain her attention and she looked over and smiled at him.

"What is it you want to know?"

o-xxx-o


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: **Thank you for all your good wishes - not quite 100% yet but I'm getting there. I hope this answers a few of those peskie questions and lives up to expectations. Please review and let me know. For those of you asking why Sue left in the first place, I did touch on it in ch.27 but reading it again, it was slightly ambiguous so I've gone back and tidied it up a little. One chapter left after this one, which will be set a few years in the future. Enjoy. Oh, warning... it gets a little spicy towards the end!

o-xxx-o

Jack just stared, her reply leaving him floundering; somewhere in his head he'd convinced himself her answer would be the same as always and not the exact opposite. There were so many things… all the notes in his book, how they'd met and why he'd been chosen as her Training Agent. Why she'd rushed off to New York… but they all paled into insignificance as the one that had been driving him crazy stared at him from the safety of its protective box.

"The ring…"

"What about it?"

"Which one did I get wrong?"

"Excuse me?"

Taking her left hand in his right, he stroked the one she was wearing with his thumb. "I bought this because I thought it matched you perfectly, slightly unconventional yet unique. The pink reminded me of the way you blush so prettily, and the colours reflected in the others seem to represent the many facets of your character, just when I think I've seen them all another comes to light… And then there's this one… Traditional, safe and don't take this the wrong way but it seems a little old-fashioned." He was concerned his last comment may have offended her but she just laughed. "So, why did you choose this one?" He asked, turning it over in his fingers as he had so long ago.

"I didn't."

"I chose it?" His surprise was clearly visible.

"No."

Scratching his head he screwed up his face. "Then I'm confused. It is yours though, right?"

"Yes, it's mine."

"And I gave it to you?"

"You did, sort-of… Why don't we go and make ourselves more comfortable, I have a feeling this could take a while." Leading him by the hand she walked to the couch and they sat down so that they were facing each other. "We need to go back a bit further."

"I'm listening."

"You obviously know I took a job in New York."

"Yes, but I'm not sure why."

"That's not important right now. Let's just say things between us got a little complicated. I'd been there for a couple of months when one day I was working in the office alone and you walked in through the door."

"You weren't expecting me?"

"No, not after… No." She took a sip from the mug of hot chocolate she'd brought in with her.

"What did I say?"

"Nothing... I was sorting through files and had my back turned. I saw your reflection in the metal cabinet and the next thing I knew I was in your arms and you were kissing me."

"A man of few words…" he commented, flushing at his own audacity.

"**Never a**…"

"…**dull moment**." He finished for her, signing and speaking at the same time and making her smile.

"You took me out to dinner and we went back to my apartment to talk."

~ And a creature of habit ~ he thought to himself remembering what Allie had told him. "Fourth floor, no lift, peach door..."

"You remember that?" He nodded and her smile became even brighter. "And it's not peach, it's cream."

"Peach..."

"It was a trick of the light."

"_Right_…"

She narrowed her eyes. "Do you want to hear this or not?"

Throwing up his hands in an appeasing gesture, Jack's face turned serious again. "Please."

"Okay. We told each other how we felt and we talked about the no-frat rule and then you pointed out that since we weren't in the same unit anymore it didn't apply. You said you didn't want to lose 'us' and that you'd been miserable since I left and I told you I had too. Then you asked if I'd be willing to have a go at a long distance relationship until you could figure something out for both of us."

"Sounds familiar…"

"Mmm it does, doesn't it? After a lot of talking and even more kissing, we decided to give it a try."

"And it worked?"

"Yes but the longer it went on, the harder it got to say goodbye."

"That's what you meant."

"Mmm…"

"And we never told anyone else?"

"No, we agreed it would be better that way at least for the time being."

"How long was it before I proposed? Where did I do it? How..?"

P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E

"**Sorry**."

"We'd been seeing each other for a while and one Friday night you'd just arrived at my place when you got a call to say your Mom was really sick and you didn't know what to do for the best. You had your overnight bag with you so I packed one for myself, left Levi with a friend and we flew to Wisconsin."

Jack's expression was pained as he tried to remember and Sue took his hand.

"You want me to stop?"

"No, I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure." He gave her a faint reassuring smile.

"We stayed all weekend and…"

"That's how my parents knew you," he interrupted her. "I had the feeling at the wedding that they did but I thought maybe you'd met when they arrived in D.C. I even saw my Mom sign a 'thank you' when you passed her something but with everything that was going on, I forgot to ask you about it." He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment. "We sat at her bedside. I was holding her hand and you were holding mine."

"That's right." Her eyes glistened with tears. "We visited at weekends and I took a couple of personal days to go on my own when you couldn't make it."

"Thank you."

"Anytime… One week I got caught up at work and couldn't make it until late Saturday but since she was doing a little better we took a break on the Sunday and had a picnic down by the river."

"Is that why you took me on one the day before you left D.C.?"

"I hoped it might mean something to you."

"I'm sorry."

"That's okay."

"No, no it isn't. How could I have forgotten?" He sounded angry but she knew it was just pure frustration.

"Jack, it isn't your fault. You were so terribly injured… We talked a lot, maybe more than ever before and then sat together and watched the sun set. You told me again how much you loved me and that the scare you'd had with your Mom had made you realise a few things and then you asked if we could get engaged. I gave you all the reasons I could think of why we shouldn't but you shot them down one by one so I finally said yes."

Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on her shoulder for a few seconds before getting up and when he returned their eyes met and he could see that she understood his hasty departure but she felt compelled to say something.

"You don't have to walk away every time things get too much for you."

"I know but being an only child, I got used to dealing with things on my own and now it's hard for me to share, its habit."

"Then it's one you need to break. You're not alone anymore."

"I'll try, I promise." Sitting down he made himself comfortable again. "The ring..?" He prompted and Sue shook her head but carried on.

"We went back to the hospital before we flew home that night and you asked if it would be alright to share the news with your parents, you thought it might give your mother an extra boost, which it did." She added before he could ask. "She wanted to know if you'd bought the ring but you explained how it had been a spur of the moment thing and she sent your father home to fetch something. He came back with the one you have, which had belonged to your grandmother."

"I never saw her wear it."

"You wouldn't have. Apparently, she was engaged to someone else before your grandfather but he died and she never got the chance to wear it. She'd requested it be passed on to you at the appropriate time."

"And that's why it needed altering."

"Yes. You took it back with you to D.C. to give to a jeweller friend."

"Did we discuss it at all?"

"Sort-of… You knew even then it wasn't something I'd have chosen for myself. You commented at the time that it was more Allie's style…"

She choked over the name and Jack cleared his throat but didn't comment further. "You accepted it anyway."

"You'd told me how close you and your grandmother were. It was something I could relate to and I didn't want to disappoint either you or my future in-laws." She punctuated the statement with a cheeky wink. "And besides, I knew my Mom would approve of it, so…"

"And the one you're wearing now?"

"I love it. I wouldn't take it off for the world."

"You may have to when we go back to Wisconsin."

"No. After what happened your mother is convinced your grandmother's is cursed or something and that I shouldn't wear it. I confessed I had no idea what had happened to it and she said it would be better if it remained lost but if I ever found it I should send it back to her."

"I'll do that first thing. You stayed in touch with her?"

"Yes."

"And _that_ day..?"

Sue shuddered involuntarily, dreading the thought of reliving it and Jack took her hand noticing how cold it suddenly seemed to be, even in the warm room. "If you don't want to talk about it I'll understand."

"Just let me get another drink. Would you like one?"

"Please."

She held on to the mug tightly drawing warmth from it. "We'd arranged to meet in Ohio so we could tell my Mom and Dad about the engagement and you wanted to do the honourable thing and ask his permission to marry me."

"No one else knew, even then?"

"Only your parents... We were going to tell the rest of the team the next time I was in D.C. for a visit and that would give me a chance to say sorry for deserting them, although I think if they'd seen us together they would have understood."

"Okay."

"You called me very early in the morning to say you wouldn't be able to make your flight because something had come up at work. You were really upset about letting me down and I don't think I made it any easier for you but my parents weren't expecting us – it was going to be a surprise visit – so there was no harm done and we agreed to arrange another date. You said you had to go and promised to call me later. I was at a bit of a loose-end and a little let down because I'd spent all week preparing myself, so I took Levi into the office and occupied myself with a backlog of paperwork and that's when the news came through." She sniffled and took a tissue from her pocket to wipe her eyes. "The first reports said you'd died at the scene and I… I…"

"It's okay Sweetheart, I'm here." He rubbed her leg soothingly.

"I know but…" She took a moment to compose herself and then pressed on. "Sam called me after he'd spoken to D. He said you were alive but critical and asked if I could go to D.C. I got a flight that night but I couldn't face meeting up with everyone so I went to see Dr Jardine and that's when he arranged for me to come in outside of normal visiting hours. I did almost get caught a couple of times though but then when you woke up and your memories were gone…"

She was crying softly and he felt the tears welling in his own eyes as it really hit home just what she'd had to go through all alone.

"Why did you leave?" His voice was husky with emotion.

"Dr Jardine said it would be for the best. That you were in a fragile state both physically and mentally and he didn't want you put under any unnecessary stress, and having a strange woman at your bedside claiming to be your fiancée when you couldn't remember her face let alone loving her might push you over the edge. I couldn't risk that happening so I did as he asked."

"I missed you. I didn't know it was you but I waited every night in the hope you'd come back and read to me some more. I don't know now, how I could have confused you with…"

"You didn't know me. It was only natural you'd think it was her. I kept your parents up-to-date with everything that was happening right up until I left and then they passed on what information they could get from Allie, which wasn't a lot. Levi and I even visited them a few times but it had to stop when you went back home."

He sighed unhappily. "I just wish someone had told me."

"They couldn't, any more than I could. We were all too afraid for you."

"At least now I understand why my Mom was so upset and why she didn't want me to move out." He leaned back again and closed his eyes.

"Tired?"

"Mmm…" he nodded.

"It's been a long day. I think we should stop so you can get some rest."

"'kay."

o-xxx-o

Turning over in the night, Sue reached out for him but found herself alone. She looked at the clock and then checked to see if there was any light showing under the bathroom door but there wasn't. He'd been very quiet while they got ready for bed and that worried her, so she switched on the lamp, slipped on her robe and went to find him to make sure he was alright.

He was in the same place he'd occupied during their talk with Levi sleeping at his feet as he stared into the darkness. Turning on the small table lamp she sat beside him and waited for him to speak. He wiped a hand over his face and let out a shaky breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I turned over and you were gone."

"Bobby was right."

"About what..?"

"He said I needed to remember things for myself or they'd just be like a story I'd read or a movie I'd watched on TV."

"I don't understand."

"All the things you told me… I know they happened because you said they did and there are tiny fragments that I can remember. I can imagine them in my head but I can't make a connection between here…" He touched his temple. "…And here…" Moving his hand he placed it over his heart. "I can't feel it. I want to so badly but I can't." His eyes filled with tears and she took him into her arms holding him close to comfort him and then an idea struck her. Letting him go she got to her feet.

"Sue?"

"Stay there, I'll be back in a moment."

"Okay."

She returned carrying a small leather case which she handed to him.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

He did as he was asked being ultra-careful with the clasp that seemed to have been well used and took out a small stack of envelopes, all addressed to her New York apartment and in his handwriting. He looked up at her expectantly.

"They're the letters you wrote to me between visits."

"I wrote you letters?"

"Yes."

"Love letters?" He queried a little self-consciously.

"Uh-huh."

"Why/"

"It started out as a bit of a joke. You said you'd text me and I told you I didn't think that was very romantic but since you were a macho Special Agent I should have expected it. Once you'd come down from your ego trip at being called macho…" She rolled her eyes and he laughed, albeit a little sadly. "…you insisted that tough guys could be romantic too and somehow we got on to the subject of love letters and I admitted that ever since I was a teenager I'd always wanted someone to send me one but nobody ever had and you promised to fix that the moment you got home. They were a little stilted at first until I told you what my grandmother used to say about writing from the heart. After that they were really lovely."

"That's where I heard it."

"Sorry?"

"When I wrote asking you to come back…" Again the colour rose in his cheeks. "…I almost tore it up until I remembered that piece of advice but I couldn't recall where I'd heard it."

She smiled. "You said everything I'd wanted to see in that letter but it was the stickie that had me running back to you. Read them, they might help."

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"I'm sure. There are some photographs in the drawer at the bottom as well." She started to turn away but he held her back.

"Didn't you ever answer them? Even macho guys like to receive love letters."

"Of course I did… every one of them."

"Then where are they? I went through this place from top to bottom before you moved in and I never found anything."

"That's because they weren't here."

He looked distressed. "Please don't tell me I've lost them."

"No. I have them."

"Why?"

She sat down again. "I was upset after my talk with Dr Jardine and I didn't want to leave you but he was the expert not me, so I came back here and collected up everything that related to us, including the letters, and took them home with me."

"You've been through hell, haven't you?"

She nodded. "We both have but thank God we've come through it all and we're still together."

"I don't know how you've done it. I can't even imagine what it must have been like. If it had been the other way around, I don't think I could have handled it… **Thank you**."

"For what..?"

…For sticking by him? …For being his friend even when he didn't deserve it? …For putting up with all his moods? So many reasons sprung to mind but he settled for a simple "for everything."

"When I said yes to getting engaged the first time, I made a commitment to you and I had no intention of breaking it no matter how tough things got. I'm just so thankful you fell in love with me for a second time."

"How could I not?"

Standing up, she gave him a watery smile. "I'll get the other letters."

o-xxx-o

He'd been sitting in the armchair watching her sleep for some time but as the first light of dawn broke over the city he crossed to her side, perching on the very edge of the bed. His hand trembled as it hovered just above her, at war with himself as to whether he should wake her or not, but in the end need won out and he gently stroked along the line of her jaw, his heart skipping a beat when he heard her sigh. Although the memories still remained shrouded in his mind, the words he'd read over and over again along with the photographs, obviously taken by his father, had been enough to bridge the gap between past and present, marrying them together in a way that felt so real it almost hurt..

His touch strayed to her lips, tracing their outline and she opened her eyes, searching his face and knowing without being told that he'd found the answers he so desperately needed. She tried to speak but he silenced her, plying her mouth with soft, quick, butterfly kisses from one corner to the other and back again until she began to stroke his cheek and he captured her hand, kissing each fingertip in turn.

"Jack…"

His body shivered at the sound of his name and his mouth covered hers again but this time the contact was longer and more fervent, his tongue begging for entry which she willingly granted so that it could tangle with its mate. Her hands slid under his top and he grudgingly broke away so she could slip it over his head, groaning with pleasure as she caressed the bare skin of his back. Returning to his tender ministrations, he nibbled her earlobe then brushed his lips down her neck and lower…

Sue inched her way slowly towards the middle of the bed to give him room to join her and he accepted the invitation immediately, his body pressed firmly against hers. Raising himself up on his elbows, he gazed into her eyes.

"I love you, sweetheart. I've always loved you."

"I know and I love you, too."

He sat up for a moment to remove her nightdress and then reached over to turn out the light.

o-xxx-o


End file.
